Storytime of Pain: The Kick-Ass Saga

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And here we go...
Two things.
1. I have NO idea what that cover is all about.
2. Get ready for the most amazing dialogue anyone's ever given 11 year olds.

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This takes place right between Kick-Ass and Kick-Ass 2.
And this is, honestly, a pretty nice cold open.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hh5ZdQrz4Qk

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You all have painted quite the picture, I'm sure.

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Oh Thurman Rice, also known as the Silver Beetle...

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Just not your lucky night.
Also, could have been more polite with your passing. Ruined that man's shoes.

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Well put Marcus

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Big Daddy was not... the sanest of men.

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This is probably the first time I've ever seen "whore" and "Dora the Explorer" ever put so close to each other.

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It's all been "deep end", Kick-Ass.
Always has been.

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This has transcended normal bitchiness at this point.

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Do what Big Daddy did.
Run away and start a new life.

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You can see the family resemblance.
Also, the second panel has one of the most salient lines of the series.

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All in a hero's day of work, Kick-Ass.

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I'm pretty sure he's had a winter hat on at least once.

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That's just messed up right there,

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Read about in medical journals perhaps.

>>64391750
I do not know any 11 year olds so can some-one tell me just how coherent they are or are not?

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Red Mist has not taken the death of his father all that well.

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>>64392297
They're definitely not alpha high school class bitchy I'll say that.

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SUPA CRIME!

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Part 2:
wherein Kick-Ass is out of his weight class.

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Kick-Ass is the nerdiest pimp in town

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It's a two-in-one cane.
Fancy.

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Smash where exactly?

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How about...
"Window Cleaning!"
or
"The weather's fine!"

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Well, I was sorta jokin' last night, but I guess Big Daddy actually did hold "quip lectures"

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I think there's an app for that Hit-Girl

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She was pretty blunt, Debbie.

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Kick-Ass on his down time may be the most boring secret identity ever.

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As Azoth the Avenger once said, comics always skip the good parts.
Also, don't worry Mr. Lizewski.

I can't remember what happens in Kick-Ass 2, and I'm worried Hit-Girl's stepdad is going to die.

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He's still doing some real stupid stuff.

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Did all of their assistants not catch this error?

>>64392732
Let's just get through this one and worry about the terrors of Kick-Ass 2 for tomorrow.

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Kick-Ass you complete ass, how could you mess that up!

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Kick-Ass is flailing with style.

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And you'd have though he'd learned that his approach didn't quite work the last time around.

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Somehow I don't quite believe her.

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Let it be known:
Red Mist had Kick-Ass (and I quote) shouting his name, his favorite color, his crush on Leeza Gibbons... and he forgot.

What a guy.

>>64391689

Aw yeah round two, bro ass OP returns like a retconned Jesus.

>>64391930
I wish I'd had a dad like him. Someone really hard on me all the time, teaching me to rely on myself.
Maybe not 24/7 but at least once a week and a month out of the year.

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Part 3:
wherein fitting in isn't the issue

>>64392937
And two more nights to go!

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Alright, I can't lie, there's one thing I actually do like in this arc...

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How much of a complete and utter idiot Red Mist is in this.

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Well, well, look who it is!

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We'll get to know more of these two rad and happenin' dudes later on.

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Good luck with all that Red Mist.

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Speaks for itself.

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Alright, that was just... wooo that was just something.
Also, Marty (not Toddy anymore) has the better idea.

>>64391930

I still think Nic Cage was the perfect casting for Big Daddy.

He can really pull off that mix of crazy and caring at the same time.

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Daredevil also has mad skills. And Kick-Ass does not.

>>64393248
He really was the perfect actor. Just think that they made the character a bit too cozy at times.

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Portable for easy use!

>>64392215

But, you know, Frank can afford a hat since he is a war vet from WW2/Gulf war/Vietnam/Iraq

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>>64393359
Of course.

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What luck!

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Now that just requires unneeded effort.

>>64391830
>>64392472
I have mixed feelings about them giving those shock to gas to Insect Guy in the film.

>>64392696

What, I'd like to read his essay about how the development of America's culture developed in a lack of super hero mentality.

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>>64393551
Insect Guy I really only remember because of the film. I almost thought he was made for the film for a while before I remembered.

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That's just drug dealer 101, Hit-Girl.

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Wow, she totally missed her chance to say "Game over motherfuckers" like she told Kick-Ass.

>>64393298

I dunno, him being overly "cozy" just added to the fact that he was basically turning his daughter in a killing machine.

Like everything he did was out of pure fatherly love, and I'm pretty conviced that was the genuine reason, even more than revenge.

>>64393551
>tonfas

Sorry.

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Part 4:
wherein this cover is just the worst.

>>64393709
Yeah, no, I totally get it. Just personally would have liked a bit more gruffness. But that's just a personal thing.

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Might as well be a midget.

>>64393767
This whole book is the worst.

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>>64393843
This? Nah, not the worst. The worst is tomorrow.

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Front row seats.

I didn't know this existed. I guess it makes to read this too.

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His job, Hit-Girl.

>>64393037
Hitler was a vegetarian.

>>64391988
>This is probably the first time I've ever seen "whore" and "Dora the Explorer" ever put so close to each other.
This is /co/.
What more need be said?

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>>64393899
Well this is the direct sequel to the first mini, so I guess that makes this a necessary read.

>>64392428
Huh, and here i thought that the pimp scene in the second movie was made up.

>>64391689
Still can't believe they managed to organically fit this and Kick-Ass 2 in one movie.

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Ferris Bueller she is not.

>>64393938
You make quite the point.

>>64393960
Bet Dave wished it had gone as well as it did in the comic.

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>>64393960
Nope, ripped straight from the page.

>64393961
I would not say organically. The Marcus stuff? For sure. But the Hit-Girl stuff was done for the worse in the movie, and is my one main gripe about the movie.

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But you kinda knew that Marcus.

>>64393938
Whora the explorer has to be a thing somewhere.

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Weird times.

Meant the bottom half of this >>64394015 for >>64393961

>>64394015
They did manage to make Dave, Mindy, and Chris' stories parallel one another's really well. For example Dave joins a Justice Forever, Chris starts recruiting thugs, and Mindy joins the popular girl clique at roughly the same time.

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Hit-Girl runs that shit.

>>64394129
Structurally, oh yeah agreed. I just didn't see the need to conclude the popular girl subplot in that way. Too cheezy and not that funny.

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How caring.

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Vic's shoes should have had their own subplot.

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Best scene in the series, personally.

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Should have checked the "learn different languages" off first from your to do list, Red Mist.

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And they don't even know she's Hit-Girl!

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This... this ain't gonna end well.

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Final Part:
wherein that would just be too easy.

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And it begins.

>>64393068
Ah, good ol' Insect Man

>retconned from honest cop to some faggot who didn't wanted to wear a mask in the movie

Fuck the second movie, outside of Justice Forever.

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Right in the goddamn tunk

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>>64394538
Yeah, the retcon wasn't necessary, but it did give Jim Carrey a good line so it balanced out. And yeah, Justice Forever was great in the movie.

>>64394557
Goddamn it anon, I've been wanting to go to bed for the last hour but it's like a glorious train-wreck.

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Kinda weird place to ask for that dude.

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>>64394671
That's what SoPs are all about.

>>64391689
Hey OP, thanks a lot for the storytime.
How long till the end though? It's getting late, but I'd hate to see the thread 404'd tomorrow without finishing the comic.

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Again, weird thing to ask.

>>64394740
Last issue.

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Yeah, Hit-Girl is not all there.
What else is new?

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Oh boy.

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Busy busy busy

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Needed more precautions, Ralphie.

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Now these bullets are just going to go to waste.

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Goodbye Ralphie.

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Not sure that's exactly how that works.
But she probably learned everything from a textbook Big Daddy wrote.

>>64394984
>Like a fucked-up santa
Every time I think the writing can't get worse it surprises me in new, exciting ways.

>>64393948
Oh hey, another scene that i thought was made up. Guess they did their best to adapt this and KA2 into a movie. Just kidding, they did their worst. Even if the Evil Dick scene was just goofy.

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Safe is pushing it.

>>64395127
How much are you ST-ing tonight?

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Well who are those handsome devils.

>>64395150
I liked the KA2 movie a lot except for the HG scenes and outside making KA 3 unrecognizable. It was a good rendition of Kick-Ass

>>64395182
These are the last pages.

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At least he got ONE hit in.

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Nope. Three.
New record.

Maybe he can go up against Kick-Ass' sticks now.

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Took long enough.

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Maybe next time old man.

>>64395307
thanks again dave. I enjoyed this

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She has her work cut our for her.

>>64395367
No problem. You won't be thanking me after tomorrow.

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Oh... OH

>>64395381
>>64395422

Just fuck already.

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SHIT!

>>64394297
>>64394339
>trained like that
>still jobbed like a bitch

Man, that's just silly.

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TOMORROW:

THE REVENGE OF RED MIST!

See you then.

>>64395476
They weren't really training him. They were just making him do shit. Sort of wax on, wax off... but not actually beneficial.

thanks dave! this has been hilarious and also terrible but great and kinda shitty all at the same time.

>>64395606
That about covers it, doesn't it?
Tomorrow we're doing Kick-Ass 2... where the intensity is set to full levels.

So... remember to bring your top shelf brands.

>>64395153
>how would she react if she ever found out about all those kills?

I have to admit, a happiness hug and cheering her on was a reaction i didn't expect.

>>64396419
That was one of the many things that gave Kick-Ass 3 one over on the other arcs, I have to admit.

>>64392081
Wut. Their bangs are worse than Mindy's.

>>64395455
Just wait for the third movie.

>>64395443
>this huge russian bitch
Fuck yeah Mother Russia!

boop

>>64394015
>>64394015
I swear I saw this in the movie. Did Kick Ass 2 takes parts of this and incorporate it, or did this also happen in it's comic.

>>64397865
The movie mashed this mini and the KA2 comic together. I thought this was common knowledge.

>>64398128
Nah. I know know.

>>64397786

>>64400118

>>64400143

>>64392240
>/tv/meetsanactress.jpeg

>>64392586
>stop watching fox news

welp there's an explanation for some of mark millar's grades back in high school

>>64394370
>that advertisment for Mark Millar's OTHER book, Secret Service


SO CLEVER

>>64391750
At least they're acknowledging that JRJR was bored out of his mind and couldn't even draw full pages. Man, there's some panels where you can see it's all inks and colors over barely sketched pencils.

>>64401962
>Fox News in 1980s Scotland
Sure thing, anon.

>>64391689

Bump because it hurts

>>64394297
>>64394339
I'll admit I lol'd.

>>64394193

I think the popular girl shit was just thrown in in order to justify Hit-Girl being that much older, because Chloe can't pass the part anymore.

Not that it wasn't handled terrible, just that I understand why it's there.

>>64394914
>everything about this fucking page
Dildos/10

>>64406538
It was funny

>>64393861
Is part 3 tomorrow?

How is part 3 anyway?

>>64409438
Kick-Ass 2 is Part 3 and that's tomorrow.
It's... the darker and more serious sequel.

Which is saying something for this series.
Kick-Ass 3 (Part 4) is a return to basics.

>>64409483
Wait, I mean KA2 is tonight, and yes KA 3 is Saturday night.

>>64396419
Fuck I spoiled myself. I thought you were gonna make a joke.

I still can't believe this garbage got popular.

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>>64392793
>DID SOMEBODY ORDER A FUCKING SANDWICH?

I will now incorporate this is in my regular vocabulary.

>>64391689
Why are you implying these comics are bad?

They're not. They're great.

>>64410120
If you're 15 and wear a lot of black, sure.

>>64410691
Don't cut yourself on all that edge.

>>64391689
It was just as bad as it was enjoyable and I don't know why. Why?

>>64409686

It's got what the kids like. Who cares if the artwork is technically incompetent, or if the writing/premise is weak, loli-violence is so hot right now.

>>64410120
I'm saying that they're not for everyone. Doing a SoP banner keeps everything copasetic. I like bits of it, but there are a lot of parts where you just gotta laugh.

>>64411616
Because it's MST3K levels of enjoyable.

So, how long until the HQ ends?

>>64402598
There's also Superior