Ok how the fuck do I chop these up without ending up looking

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50KB, 450x300px

>>9423378
1.) Try pic related
or
2.) Stop being a little baby

>>9423378
Sharpen your knife.

Seriously, it'll help immensely. The sharper your knife is, the cleaner and easier it cuts. The cleaner and easier it cuts, the less damage it causes to the onion, and the less of those nasty volatile chemicals get out into the air.

>>9423378

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwGBt3V0yvc

>>9423378
I just cut the onions away from my face.

>>9423378
Sharp knife
Slice cleanly, don't force it

>>9423400
I use this nethod, with a sharp knife as pointed out above. It works.

>>9423378
Stop using old onions.

>>9423378
Don't cut off the root. Do this:
>>9423400

>>9423378
>being an onionlet
are you shorter than 6'?

light a candle next to it

>>9423533
I'm 6'2

good tips ITT

>have a cunt landlord
>ew ew ew omg what is that smell?!
>it's so pungent!
>ew ew ew!
>WHAT IS THAT?!?

>...i-i-it's onions and butter sauteeing
>It's smells awful

And that's why I moved

Wet the knife

>>9423378
Cut them underwater.

>>9423558
Yeah, this actually works really well, I'd almost say 100% but someone else would give me an edge case where it didn't work 100%

You need a big bowl or square dish, trying to do it in a cereal bowl is awful

>>9423378
I use red and don't get this problem, i think it's a white thing.

>>9423566
get a long cutting board, lay it over your sink, and have a little water stream over the onion

Wait for it to rain and then go cut your onions outside.
Pretend you're filming an episode of Almazan Kitchen.

>>9423566
Probably won't work if your eyes are underwater.

>>9423622
God cries so you don't have to.

>>9423536
came to say this

even striking a match seems to help me quite a bit

Swimming goggles. I don't give a fuck how I look. In fact, I think I look pretty cool.

>>9423378
>Not only does it make me cry an uncontrollable waterfall but it fucking burns too.
Never once have you taken a knife to an onion, OP. Why do you crave approval with shitposts? Are you afraid of being shot down in the reddit community?

>>9423378
Buy Vidalia Onions desu. The soil near Vidalia, GA has basically no sulfur in it so the onions can not form sulfide compounds. When those sulfide mix with the moisture in you eyes they form sulfuric acid which is what burns and makes you cry.
Also, as other said, use as sharp knife and cut them properly and quickly.

>>9423378
Don't chop them. Onions don't give a reasonable reason to cry. Sitting on 4chan cooking forum instead of actually cooking is your reason to cry. A better thread would be, "Hey /ck/, how do I post on here without weeping for being a miserable failure that can only think of onions when I want attention?"

have a lit candle nearby
or
have a cup of streaming hot water nearby

>>9423550
he sounds like he subsided on tendies and well done meat