grocery store pet peeves

girls constantly flirting with me while i'm shopping

that 15 year old working the register that keeps flashing me cleavage. bitch i don't want to go to jail

PLEASE REMOVE LAST ITEM. PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE

The grocery jester.

Probably the deli meat manlet.

People at self checkout with more than 10 items when I only need to get a few things

Kids running around and yelling while their parents don't give a shit.

Mentally handicapped (literally) baggers who work agonizingly slow. Look, it's nice that this downy guy has a job, but could he do something different?

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>>9307805

>>9307805
The worst part is when they try to start up a conversation with you and have zero volume control.

I fucking hate it when I accidentally go there on penis inspection day. They wont even let me leave till its done.

>>9307817
Dohoho yet another example of razor wit from Anon

>>9307779
>sho[ppng for food
>go to take a shit
>jester hid the turd scissors again

>>9307774
self-checkout.
I fucking hate self-checkout.

On the flip side I prefer to bag my own stuff.

The fact that Walmarts don't have McDonalds anymore so I can't get a delicious McChicken while I shop

i h8 when somebody shat on the floor and then staff cones it off with like 8 cones so theres no way to get past it and you have to turn back and go through another aisle and then back around the other end to get to your purchase

>>9307843
Why is self-checkout so glitchy? Anything, ANYTHING causes it to screw up. And then you have to wait for an attendant who doesnt bother investigating they just hit some button.

Black families hollering and blocking off the aisle till it's permeated with the old cocobutter stench

>>9307851
Because dipshit parents let their lard ass kids crawl on the scale and break the machines.

>>9307801
As someone who used to work at a Walmart (Neighborhood Market at least,) anyone who came through a self-check lane with a huge basket was usually trying to steal. At least it was mostly white trash who would try it.

>>9307774
People standing in my aisle while I'm trying to steal shit.

>>9307837
I hate when that happens.

>>9307891
They just fucking stand there doing nothing, usually with their kids who screech and scream. Sometimes they investigate like they're gonna do something about it, niggas need to stop making me nervous.

>>9307891
Don't you hate that?
Notice how the employees always end up in the next isle over when you move?
It's so coincidental, almost like we are following you.

>>9307779
>grab an egg carton
>open it and check if the eggs are intact
>didn't notice the jester bells...
>satisfied to see them all whole, close it again and want to put it in cart
>grocery store jester slaps the carton out of my hand, laughs annoyingly and fucks off while doing cartwheels
>everyone laughed at me AND I had to pay for those eggs

I don't understand what drove stores to adopt the jesters. By now I'm close to having PTSD from these encounters

>>9308002
They get annoying as fuck around Easter.
Last time I got eggs the motherfucker replaced half of them with the confetti ones when I wasn't looking.
I swear he must have done it while walking to my car.

>>9307810
it piss

Kids riding their Razor scooters through the aisles.
Kids having a shit fit and shrieking while their parents look on adoringly.
This one trashy bitch in my neighborhood who ties her old blind Beagle up outside the store for an hour while she shops, causing it to get scared and confused and howl at earsplitting volumes the whole time. I don't even like dogs, and I know that shit's incredibly cruel.

>>9307774
Mine is fatasses riding scooters. Fatfucks should have to park at the very back and walk all the way in and out

>>9308137
I'm glad that's not a common thing around here. Maybe an old person or once in a blue moon a clinically obese person uses one of these.

People who conversate with the cashier and it just backs up the line. Ok, who cares if Fluffy had to go to the vet. WHY ARE YOU SHARING THAT TYPE OF INFORMATION TO A CASHIER WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOW YOU. REEEEEEEE

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>>9307774
>try to enter store
>old fucks blocking the doorway with their conversation
>try to exit store
>old fucks blocking the doorway while checking their receipt

>>9308131
If a kid is having a shit fit, and parent is just chilling, it means the parent is doing the right thing and not giving the little tyrants what they want. They should be commended.

>>9308131
>I don't even like dogs, and I know that shit's incredibly cruel.
Muslim detected.

>>9308131
If you don't like dogs (and dogs don't like you) you are scum.
It's a fact.

when the shopper-docket doesn't have a maccas or kfc voucher on it.

>>9308334
I'm a different guy, non muslim, dogs are legitimately kind of annoying, they require constant attention and are very high maintenance pets

>>9308340
>actually arguing with "everyone I don't like is a muslim" guy
I once got screeched at by that guy for saying flyovers have stupid alcohol laws

Bigots aren't really known for their high caliber minds

>>9308336
I like dogs but I hate when people bring their little foo-foo surrogate children into the store with them. It's always some old lady with a Pomeranian or similar yappy rat bastard. Stores are too cowardly to stop this shit too.

>>9308344
I don't really give a shit who they are or whether they are a "bigot" in anyone's eyes, dogs are legitimately kinda shit pets and I want people to know that

>>9308349
Yeah, I'm talking real dogs man.
Those little mutant dogs were not meant to be.

>>9308352
>going this far out of your way to prove you're an edgy independent thinker who don't need no safe space
I get it, you're a kewl member of the anonymous hacker club. The fact that you had to type out that huge justification for why your opinions about dogs have nothing to do with an extremely specific religion and can therefore be taken seriously just proves my point. You do care. You just want to make it seem like you don't because that would undermine your kewl 4chan street cred. You wouldn't want anyone to think you were from the reddit would you? That would be bad.

>>9308358
You're a bit of a fag, dogs are pretty shit, stop typing out full paragraphs for things that dont need them

>>9308362
I'm more of a cat person myself. I imagine that probably makes me a muslim feminazi jew reptoid but I'm not going to be pulled down to your level.

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>>9308364
Liking cats makes you a regular person in fact I like cats, I have one (pic related) and I'm whiter than snow with no Jew blood, no feminazi ideology and also not muslim at all, liking cats is pretty normal, you just post like a fag is all man

>>9308352
Why do you want people to "know" that. Its an opinion you fucking spastic

>>9307774
Oh ho ho ho. I have the biggest peeve right here:

>That person who has a trolley full of shopping, lays it all out on the belt, asks how much everything is because they are on a budget and then dump half of their shopping because they can't afford it all.

This person. Right here. Is an absolute time wasting cunt. To both people who work at the store, and those who shop at the store.

He bogs the till down with useless crap that the staff has to put back when they could be helping other customers. He's wasted all that time loading stuff he never knew he could buy onto the till, delaying the customers. He comes in and does this shit every week.
So much stuff he affects down the line.

Fuck this guy who can't even basic math. Lazy dumb prick.

>>9308386
It's not an opinion, it's a fucking fact, dogs do require a lot of attention and can be insanely annoying, ever been woken up in the middle of the night by a bored/still hungry after eating its own food and the cats food border collie x kelpie? Or any dog for that matter? It's not fucking fun, had to look after that dog for a few months cause my brother had other shit to do that meant he couldn't look after the dog, fucking thing never shuts up, neither does pretty much every other dog I've ever met, I still haven't found a single one that stays quiet and isn't an overly demanding fuck

>>9308362
Stop shitting on dogs and go back to praying to Allah.

>>9308398
Dogs are almost people, so why wouldn't they require proper treatment?

>>9308400
I'll shit on any dog I want, in fact I'm gonna get a chihuahua and that'll be the designated shitting dog

Fuck allah, fuck muhammad, fuck your dog niggga

>>9308406
Do they really need my fucking attention even though I've already sorted out everything it needs in the middle of the night when I'm trying to sleep, do they really need attention when I'm trying to take a shit, do they really need that attention when I'm trying to eat my fucking dinner?

>>9308413
Think of it this way, your dog will literally die to protect you

>>9308417
No, they wouldn't, trust me, pretty much every dog apart from cop dogs are pansy pieces of shit and will run away from the nearest loud noise with their tail between their legs

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>>9308398
Its like that because you do not discipline it and treat it with love. Ive 4 dogs in my family since I was born. I actually have 1 kelpie, 1 kelpie cross hunterway, 2 cats and a bird. Now the dogs sometimes do eat the cats food but they have learned how to open the door because we taught them to. The dogs aren't loud and annoying - they can be at times but the joy they bring is worth it. Nothing better than chasing down kangaroos with your dog.
Its little dogs that I fucking hate and people that hate dogs.

You sound like a very mean person

>>9308419
If you don't treat it properly, sure.

>>9308413
Fuck your cat, which doesn't give a fuck about you & keep around for fuck knows why.

Have fun cleaning up that cat litter that makes your whole house smell like cat ass.

>>9308423
Wasn't even my dog, it was a border collie x kelpie, was my brothers, he trained it and treated it with love, when we had to look after her she was treated with love too, fucker is louder than my loud ass sports car, it is annoying when you're actually doing shit, not doing shit etc, she generally got in the way of everything and was a massive nuisance, my house back then wasn't even small so she had tons of room to be a spaz in and she was walked and played with daily so it's not like she wasn't getting enough excersize. Also yeah, fuck little dogs, fuck them fuck them fuck them, I hate them so fucking much

Also why the fuck are you chasing a roo, shoot it you mongrel

>>9308424
Even dogs that are properly treated can be fucking wimps, brothers border collie x kelpie was scared of my cat and he's the friendliest little shit ever

>>9308429
My cat literally chooses me over food, will run up to me if I come in the house, shits outside and is the cleanest fucker ever, barely ever find his hair on anything

Go suck a dogs dick

>>9308441
Your example doesn't prove me wrong man. I think your brother might have handling his dog wrong, because that doesn't sound right
Or the dog is clever enough to know that a cat isn't a threat to your herd.

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>>9308441
That's literally your opinion as I noted before you retard. Its your fault for being a sperg and not being able to handle dogs. Can't imaging you having children if you can't handle dogs bahahhaha

>>9308448
Nah, this dog was taken well of and handled really well and was just a fucking wimp like most other dogs I've met

>>9308449
It's not that I can't handle them it's just that I find it a pain in the fucking ass, they are high maintenance and they require a lot of attention and effort which you could be using on something else that won't die in 12 or so years and won't amount to anything apart from being a dog that blindly loves pretty much anything in front of them, work dogs are fine in that regard since they actually do something apart from sit around for the whole day and lick you and bark at you for more food in the afternoon when you come back

I bet the only reason why you're shilling so hard for dogs is cause you like their knot

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>Only have 5 items
>Go to Express Lane
>Lane is full of huge orders because the cashier is too passive to say anything or the people in there are just straight up assholes and refuse to leave

Why has this thread derailed into cat vs dogs?

Look. Dogs are higher maintenance, but you can teach them to do shit a cat wouldnt want to do. They make great pets for active people since they will go pretty much anywhere you go and they like being kept busy.

Cats are lower maintenance but less dependent. That doesn't mean cats are incapable of showing affection to their owners. They actually have been proven to watch their owners behaviours and adapt their own to mutual benefit. Better pets for people that like to chill out more, or dont want to feel too guilty about leaving the house for a few hours.
(Dogs stress levels immediately go through the roof if they are left alone whereas cats usually would just go nap somewhere, learn what time you would be back and wait for you then next time)

Different floats for different boats.

I want to get back to shitting on Shop floor shitters.

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>>9308461
Nice projecting spastic I hope your children die at 12 years of age

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>>9308468
Its turned into 1 guy that cant handle dogs because they bark. 1 guy that cant get a job because when it gets too loud or work gets hard he quits

>>9308475
Of course Americans are scared of dogs because they are shit people and dogs don't like them

>>9308472
Fag

>>9308475
I can handle dogs, I just find them fucking annoying, go adopt a sheepdog and see how insane their appetite is, how loud their bark is, how much attention they require and how much they get in the way of shit, looking after one for a few months is one thing, owning them is a whole new thing, dunno how my brother puts up with the nightbarking

Times that by 10 for small dogs, dunno how those small yappy dogs get so fucking insanely annoying

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>>9308486
Thanks for your opinion SENPAI!

>>9308488
Ok fag, also ABBA is extremely gay

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>>9308491
Says the cat lover lmao

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>>9308494
Yeah, says the man with a cat, what of it fag

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CATS RULE DOGS DROOL
KISS MY ASS DOG LOVERSSSS!!!

>>9308270
I disagree. If you're in private, sure. If you're in public, you threat to strip them and pin them against the bathroom wall by their neck under the cold shower for 5 minutes that way they have no proof that you traumatized their asses for being embarrassing fucktards in public. They HAVE to learn that behavior rules change when you're in public.

>>9308137
most of those fatfucks have legitimate joint problems because they're fatfucks. they couldn't walk upright if the store was on fire because 30 years of supporting 400+ pounds wreaks havoc on your knees.

>>9308232
really, in this day and age, most people under 40 hate it when strangers get chatty. unless the chatty one is a cute girl with flexible morals.

>>9308622
Too bad, they can walk, I don't give a fuck about their joints, they did it to themselves, I have a completely fucked knee and I still walk without even a walking cane

>>9308352
I bet you have 3 cats and a befriend named Powder.

>>9308379
>Liking cats makes you a regular person

Liking cats makes you a child. Statistically, 86% of cats are adopted while the owner is 18-25. Dogs lead all other age ranges.

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>>9308638
One male cat, called Felix

>>9308641
Dogs are more coveted by children, cats aren't, also 18 is legally an adult, dumb nigger

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>bringing your dog into the store
>the store not kicking you out for it

>pet peeve thread

Reddit: cats
4chan: dogs

Enjoy your zombie parasites.

>>9308685
Other way around mate

>>9308687
Fuck em both.

>t. Nomadic ferret owner

>>9308685
Reddit: dogs + cats
4chan: koi

>>9308691
>Nomadic
Gypsy.

>>9307774
Do you rely have mobility scooters in stores, always though it was a joke?
But the wors is when they change the ails so you have to search every time everywhere. Haven't seen it in a few years but still.

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birb eat sketti with tomatoe

>>9307774
where do you live jesus

>>9308232
I do this since I actually know some of the cashiers. But I limit the chattering to the actual time needed for checkout and payment so I don't clog the line.
Also, old people. Fuck old people.

>>9308002
what country you live in... never seen any jesters around here..

>>9309220
Hi, you must be new here.

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>>9308483

>>9307774
>grocery day
>really tired after work
>might as well use the grocery store sauna to relax a little before shopping
>it's packed with boomers
>annoyed proceed to shop
>store is out of falcon munch and imitation crab legs
>guard flags me for penis inspection on check out
>didn't pass
>now banned from the store

At least I didn't get grocery jester forced labor as a penalty.

>>9309295
Mine has a no singles policy so I was rejected at the door, didn't even make it to penis inspection.

People who don't even try to put things back where they got it. Like putting steak with chicken in the chilled isle is no big deal, but putting raw chicken on a shelf next to bread? Die.

>>9309311
B-but you got dubs...

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>>9307776
>girls constantly flirting with me while i'm shopping
>that 15 year old working the register that keeps flashing me cleavage. bitch i don't want to go to jail
Things that never happened: the post.

>>9307843
I always use self checkout, as I like to go to the register with the cutest person

>>9309376
Self-checkout means obligatory penis inspection in my town's Tesco, I rather chance it with the cashiers.

Could just be my area, but my grocery store will sometimes have snakes hiding in the aisles. Most are pythons so they're harmless but they like to hang around the pre-made meal lamps and it's startling to have one dangle down at you. At least the alligators are easy to spot.

I don't mind the grocery store in itself, but somehow it becomes unbearable if I have to shop *with* someone.

>>9307779
>at local food market
>browsing aisles of prepared meats and packaged dry goods
>hear laughter from cereal aisle
>poke head around the corner timidly
>grocery jester is putting his dick in a box
>looks up mischievously
>shhhhh he says
>trix are for kids
I tried reporting him to the manager but they said it kept obnoxious child incidents to a minimum...

>>9309311
I thought most stores had virgin entourage services for this very purpose.

>>9307774
>>9307920
>>9309325
>needing a canoe to do the weekly shop
My canoing license has lapsed, so I can't go until the renewal goes through. :(

>>9309415
>thought I had renewed my penis license
>go through self checkout
>show my licence to the grocery constable
>he notices it's expired
>fines me for 50 quid and mandatory penis lessons

>>9307853
>cocobutter

I always wondered what that nigger smell was. Old people are almost as bad. They all have the same smell, which i guess is the smell of death and mothballs

>>9309488
>Go to bulk food.
>All of the almonds are gone.
>Come back 10 minutes later and they are back.
>Notice something off about them when filling my bag.
>Each one has "ACTIVATED" scrawled on them in sharpie.
Look around and see the jester as he swaps someones tofu with I shit you not half a pig he must have found in the butchers freezer.

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>>9309365
Happens to me, but I'm attractive and not a pedo, so it isn't weird and kind of flattering. You can tell the anon you quoted is either lying or a pedo because he made it weird/is afraid of going to jail.

>>9309602
same

why make it awkward rather than accepting it

>>9307774
They treat the aisles like their arteries. And to the people pretending to be women on here, STOP CHECKING YOUR PURSE IN THE DOORWAY, fucking cunts.

>>9308685
wrong. dogs are needy especially the little inbred mutants that piss everyone off. cats are quiet, they take out pests, bugs, ect.. cats, if trained right, can be a really nice companion.

>>9307774
>refried beans
under international
>pinto beans
under canned vegetables
>peanuts
under chips

Jesus christ, just put all the legumes in one fucking spot.

>>9309820
Cats do whatever they want because they're assholes. They'll lay in their shitbox then rub their asses in your face or lay on your counter. They'll tear your couches and curtains and male cats will spray all over the fucking place. They only let you pet them when they want attention. Even the most annoying breeds of dog will want attention any time because they love you. Sure dogs will make messes sometimes too but at least a dog won't watch you clean the mess like you're it's bitch because well cat owners are the cat's pet not the other way around. There's a reason the expression is 'Dog is man's best friend'.

>>9309836
cats are on top of the food chain. they can survive if needed. you drop a little dog off in the woods, chances are it will die. I'd rather have a pet that is self sufficient rather than a needy mut that needs humans to survive. your 'dog is a man's best friend' quote is just showing how needy a dog is. set aside wolves and coyotes, that's the only exception.

>>9307774
>Waiting in line
>Cunt in front of me eats a cereal bar
>She gives the package to the cashier to scan
>It doesn't scan
>Store doesn't sell cereal bars individually only on 6 bar boxes
>She grabbed a box
>Ripped it open
>Took a single bar
>Opened it
>And ate it
>She doesn't want to admit it because she is too embarrassed
>Store can't charge one cereal bar to her
>Line of now 6 people has to wait twenty minutes for them to settle it
>They let her go without paying for the stolen cereal bar
What a fucking cunt

I hate it when members of the alt-right right overrun the store and chimp out when they see that all the Tiki torches are sold out.

Can someone tell me why the FUCK old people are always infesting grocery stores?
It doesn't matter when I go, those god damned shambling corpses are clogging up the aisles and counting pennies at the cash

>>9309893
because they are retired with nothing else to do but roam around

>>9307843
I love it. I print off bar code stickers for a pack of Koolaid and slap it on everything... ten cent Cholula, fuck yeah!

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>no singles policy is strictly enforced

>>9309898
Then go sit in a park and read a book or something
Why are you buying 100 cans of fucking beans and a single stalk of celery?

>>9308334
>>9308336
I'm ok with dogs but some people get really fucking psychotic around them
>Oh dogs are like babies, baby angels, they are pure and perfect unlike disgusting filthy humans with their little screeching rat-offspring, I would kill 10 people before watching a dog suffer

>>9309927
Cats attract more psychos imo

>>9308379
>>9308364
>I'm gay, I need a boyfriend but I can't get one people

>>9309893
It's how they socialize. Their families never visit, their friends are dead or in nursing homes and it's their only interaction with other people. Haven't you seen them corner the stockers or even other shoppers and babble away about all and sundry? I see the same old people at my grocery everytime I go. Sometimes I think they hang out there all day.

>>9309931
in reverse

>>9309944
not related, but same with casinos. they are loaded full of old people with nothing to do

>all registers have lines 3 deep
>one register just has Shaneeka with a cart of 10 items or so.
>allright! This will be quick!
>she has 4 different transactions for her cousin, daughter, daughter's 2nd child's child's father, and herself that have to be rung and paid for separately.

Every. Fucking. Time. Just shoot me.

>>9309985
I often split shit for me and my business

>>9307779
do not even remind me

>>9309995
Ok, Tyrone, you fucking asshole.

>>9310007
>niggers owning a business

>work at grocery store
>always find refrigerated/frozen items on the shelf a few feet away from where they are suppose to be

this shit pisses me off so much. is it really that fucking hard to turn around and put that shit back where you got them?
I dont care if you mix granny smith apples with fuji apples because you were too lazy to put them back but when I see people leave ice cream out a few feet away from the freezer door, thats when my almonds start activating.
lazy fat people.

>>9309955
>oldfucks and casinos

Yeah, I knew a down and out poker player who re-built his bankroll by just wandering the slot areas during the day and checking machines when decrepit, dementia riddled oldfucks left the machine. He was able to collect $100-$200 in 8 hours from money they just forgot they had in the machine.

Protip: If you try this, dress decently, look inconspicuous and make sure they leave the area before pouncing. Also, put some of your own money in and give it a couple of spins before cahing out.

>>9310035
I found a 100 dollar bill once at a casino. sat down, put my foot over it, reached and grabbed, then left the area. Fucking idiots that grab for their pockets and look to play their money ASAP, idiots.

>>9309893
Retirement homes have those tiny buses and they drop them off by the load at stores.
Stores are like old people babysitters.

>>9309995
Food stamps are not a business.

>>9308379
Your cat has Geass

>>9308685
>newfags don't even know about caturday

my brother once knocked down a whole display of cans. about 100 cans scattered on the floor during the night shift
I'm sure the employees didn't like that on the night shift but I'm sure it happens often at night.

another is sombody I knew grabbed 2 gallons of milk and intentionally crashed on the floor making a large mess when that stupid shit was trending.

>>9307810
Whats it like on your first 2 weeks, green bean?

>>9310114
You know you have to be 18 to post here, right?

>>9310132
this happened many years ago dum dum

>>9307843
Working at a self checkout is soul destroying. I did it for 3 months on the shittiest machines I've ever seen and quit

>>9307779
What is a grocery jester?

>>9310353
Like some sort of demon.

>>9310271
windows 95 type of acting machines at self-checkout sucks

>>9308002
>>9308008
Once I didn't realize the jester had replaced all 12 of my eggs with fucking ping-pong balls until the next morning when I went to make an omelette.

People who have problems with self checkout are retarded i use it to steal about $50 of food everytime. Scan a few things into the bag that are cheap then grab what u wanna steal but hold it where the barcode is and pretend to scan it and put it in bag then grab the bag and put in cart so weight sensor doesnt catch. The worker will never notice espessialy if others are scanning too mostly works with food as those doesnt beep at doors and if u ever got caught u just play it off as an accident theres even video of u trying to scan it. Never been caught doing this so much free food

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>>9310372
I'm serious.

>>9310390
Now some dipshit is going to try to steal a roast.
No, wait, everyone try this, those don't make the alarms go off, just ring it as bananas.

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>>9310401
And you think i'm not?
Jesters are no laughing matter.

>>9310415
In my entire life, I have never seen or heard of a grocery jester. I live in California so is this some sort of regional thing?

>>9308616
Oddly specific.

>>9310436
Target has them nationwide, I bet you only go to Walmart.

>>9310486
>target has jesters

Yeah, that's why whenever I go to that red tinted tampon dripping store it's after 10:00PM and the jesters are usually propped up against a shelf with an empty pint of rotgut vodka in their hands.

>>9310436
I think California banned them, didn't see any last time I went out to visit.
The Trader Joe ones were fucking gay, always trying to stick vegetables in your cart and laughing like it was actually funny, but one time at Vons...
>go to Vons so mom can pick up some store-brand shit to make our neighbors think we're fancy
>end up alone in the condiment aisle
>THEY ALL SPREAD DOWN HERE
>w-what?
>AND YOU WILL TOO!
>start running for my mom but the jester grabs my ankle
>he's covered in peanut butter and grape jelly
>HEY WHITE BREAD GRAB YOUR MUM LET'S MAKE A SANDWICH!
>start screaming
>the grocery jester lets me go
>run as fast as I can for my mom's cart
>HEY KID WHAT'S WRONG YOU DON'T WANNA JAM?
I shit you not, he started throwing jars of jam at me. Barely made it out alive that day. I forced my mom to promise that we'd only go to Ralph's from now on, which I guess was okay because the neighbors always went to Stater Trash anyways. I bet Great Value was fancy to them.

>>9310486
Actually, being the liberal cuckold Californian like me, I shop exclusively at Target unless I need some really cheap goldfish. Now, I am almost positive there's no such thing as a grocery jester and this is a 4chan psyop. You can all burn in hell.

>>9310401
might as well give up
no one is going to tell you about their one-off meme

>>9310587
>Actually, being the liberal cuckold Californian like me, I shop exclusively at Target unless I need some really cheap goldfish. Now, I am almost positive there's no such thing as a grocery jester and this is a 4chan psyop. You can all burn in hell.
buzzword buzzword buzzword mental illness
Keep denying the Jesters, they exist.
One night at Wal-Mart my sister got raped by a Jester in the electronics section. He rigged the whole thing up so that it was visible on the big flatscreen TVs, it was insane. Couldn't prosecute him because, you know, comedic immunity and all.

>>9308616
That one is going to come up during therapy.

>>9307774
>when asian people go to the cereal isle, grab a box of kelloggs, and take shits in the box
>toddlers constantly locking themselves in the frozen food doors so their dead putrid body roles out when you just want some ice cream
>when niggers mug the cashiers in the middle of the day then try to shoot the cashiers but end up blowing off their dick
>when fat people steal shopping carts and kamikaze into you

>>9310566
if someone tried that on me they will go down. I still don't belive jester shit. it must just be a thing here

>>9307779
>going grocery shopping
>bread, eggs, milk, the usual stuff
>grocery jester "accidentally" bumps into me on my way to the cashier, but I think nothing of it
>"that will be 15,35$"
>I reach into my pocket searching for my wallet, but to my dismay all I find is hot spaghetti bolognese
>it starts pouring out like a tidal wave and makes a horrible mess
>the jester starts laughing and chanting "knees week arms are heavy"
>all the people at the shop join in and I run away in shame
I never got that wallet back

>>9308616
This was a weird thing for you to type.

>>9310645
It's a 4chan psyop and someone's one off meme. If you Google search grocery jester you will find a listing for a store in Texas and a few links that take you to archives on this thread. All threads with posts pertaining to the grocery jester are all dated within the last few months meaning this"meme" is actually fairly new.

>>9308395
I've only ever seen niggers on EBT do this.

>>9310665
thanks anon

>when you reach for the fresh milk and the frost troll bites your hand

>>9310665
This is a jesters tricks and lies.
They date back to pre man.

>>9310726
>reach for the olive oil
>the miniature Italians who make it behind the shelves run out like Irish butter gnomes and start pissing on my head
It's the price I pay for always low prices

>>9309415
>>9309565

I never thought England would be this fucked up.

>>9309365
things like this do happen

>>9308334
Nah, mudslimes have no concept of good or evil

>>9309915
?

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>>9311011

>>9310608
I don't understand how is this funny? Did the jester forget the punchline?

The stand by. Elderly old white people are the worst. I love them to death, but when they are bad they expest the world.

>>9308616
did this happen to you by chance?

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>Please wait, help is required

>Grocery Store has its own butcher isle
>Need meat so I head to the butcher isle
>Butcher hands me a rifle and then walks me to a door and tells me to go in
>Have to kill my own cow in order to get the steak I want
>Shoot cow in head and then call the butcher
>Butcher takes cow into a room and tells me to go there too
>Hands me a bunch of tools and tells me that I need to prepare the cow so I can get the meat I want
>Wait almost a day for the cow to be ready
>Once it's ready a butcher the cow and finally get the meat I wanted.
>Have to sleep over at the grocery until it opens up next morning so I can finish my grocery shopping
I mean I don't hate going to the grocery store but I wish getting meat from the meat section was quicker.

>>9307837
just use the shells

>>9307779
Where do the grocery jesters go when store closes?
d..do they live in the store?

>>9312190
yup, they lurk there all night waiting for the store to open.

>>9312201
Where do they come from? they don't look like real people and i don't even think they have any non-malevolent emotions.
I saw one trip up a very pregnant woman with a few grapes and she fell on her stomach, she was crying and in very obvious pain and all that little jester did was shake about and laugh like a maniac, i hear the jingling of his bells in my nightmares.

>>9307843
Look at Mr. Normie here able to handle human interaction to buy his groceries huh

>>9312213
a small devil lair hidden in the store that nobody can never find

>>9312224
They hide in those parabolic mirrors up in the ceiling.
They make nests in those.

>>9309220
yugoslavia

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>>9307774
>Work at blue vest
>Big guy and his wife on scooters
>Stops me by grabbing my inner elbow and says "My cart's at full charge but it won't move!!"
>Go to the front of the store and get him a new one
>Immediately get up and transfer his groceries
>Stand behind him waiting for him to make the switch
>He's just rumbling from side to side
>His wife says "I'm sorry, his thyroid's real bad... Could you line up the carts so he can just scoot into the other seat?"
>Oblige
>He struggles and as he makes the switch I see his entire ass come up
>His shorts are well below the bottom of his ass and his ass was in full contact with the seat
>They drive off and thank me
>Hesitate for a moment
>Get on the cart and ride it up front because they don't go without significant pressure on the seat

>>9312570
>"It's glandular"
No, your husband is just a sack of lard.

I fucking hate those people too.

>>9312578
I'm not mad that he was fat, I am mad that I had to sit in his ass juice.

>>9308267
Smile and wish them a good day, because life is good and you just reeled in a ton of delicious foodstuffs.

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>>9307774
>not shopping at 6-8 am when it's quiet and line-free

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Baby boomers trying to use the self-checkout, they can use a computer all day at their job yet their hand hangs hesitantly over the touchscreen like it's the most confusing thing in the world. Then, when they go back to the normal line they think it's still okay to have a 10 minute fucking conversation with the checker and if the checker is a boomer they'll join in and the line will literally not move until someone tells them to fucking stop.

>>9312668
when there's only one check-out open and the line is half the store long.

>>9310673
>Does a football touchdown

The store employee who is so stoned out of his mind that asking him for help turns into helping him find what you are looking for.
I fucking hate these idiots, they forget what they are doing, or stare at a box for ten minutes.
And I shit you not when you ask them for help the response usually is "...Wut?"

>>9307774
that nigger woman who has 10 kids all from different fathers running around the whole store it was time to stop fucking long ago lady

>>9312841
She needs them kids for them programs!

>ITT: a bunch of rich motherfuckers whose grocery stores stock islands
You lucky sumbitches.

>>9312727
what is self-checkout

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>>9313274
A shit.

>>9310665
I think it's an offshoot of /tv/'s crablegs and cinema showers.

>>9313254
>his grocery store only carries islets
Lol poorfag btfo

>>9308641

>18
>child

Fucking retard

>>9309365
>girl comes from hick family
>gonna be stuck working at Kroger her whole life
>flash smile and breasts to guy that looks like he has a good job
>doesnt matter what he looks like
>profit
I worked at a grocery store in high school and this happens more than you think. Bitches will do anything for a sugar daddy.

>>9307774
Closely related: shoppers who leave their carts in the middle of the aisle while they walk around and browse

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>>9309415
yfw the its the obligatory tesco mong doing the inspection

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>>9313694
>mfw

>>9307774
>working around the house and garage all day so Im wearing crappy jeans and either a Team X baseball jersey or Team Y football jersey
>go to grocery store after finishing home improvement
>bagger notices Jersey
>bagger is obviously not into sports
>bagger tries to engage conversation about Team X or Y
Yeah. Fuck right off

>>9307843
>for years never had self check out and mong baggers always put bread in whith heaviest items
>bread and spirits crushed
>self checkout arrives and no more crushed bread
>thank the Gods I worship you
>Last year local unions scared grocery stores into removing self checkout
>crushed bread again
>Fuck God he doesnt exist
>also fuck unions

>have to tip baggers
>people who are indecisive when ordering from the deli but won't let anybody go infront of them while they're still thinking about what they wanna get
>people who take up entire rows
>empty rows that when you decide to go in suddenly the entire store decides its a good time to go into that row as well
>people who call shopping carts "shopping trolleys"
>mexicans who don't speak english working at the counter at a non mexcian grocery store
>stores that don't open up more cashier lanes despite the store being packed
>people who generally don't know what they're shopping for

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>Would you like me to help you take these outside?

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>>9307779
I fucking hate those new jesters.
>going to store for milk
>jester running around near the cheese
>he sees me watch him moving all the wet floor signs and runs away
>grab my milk and gtfo before he fucks with me
>get home, pour milk into cereal
>wtf it's thick as hell
>mfw it's white paint

>>9313726
>local baggers union on strike
>fire all the baggers
>nobody gives a shit as everyone bags their own shit anyway

>>9307843
the self-checkout at my vons rarely breaks down. i use it all the time not sure where you are going

>>9313726
Anti-union fags do go very deep, don't they...

>>9307779
>Late night stocking at Wal-Mart
>Jesters are supposed to fuck with customers and leave employees alone
>One night following a major holiday the truck is smaller than usual, fewer employees scheduled, almost no customers all night
>lifers all called out
>just us young dumb labor monkeys in grocery
>manager cracks whip to get the truck thrown by 5 so we can zone
>almost finished in frozen, head to dairy to see what's left in the cooler
>everything has been removed - EVERYTHING - completely bare shelves, no pallets, no milk in cooler doors
>ask the smoked meat guy to go tell the manager while I search the store for my goddamn freight
>find the fat girl who was supposed to start dairy tied up in sporting goods
>a few of the store jesters are spreading cream cheese all over her, others are filling an inflatable pool with milk
>some are actually building a statue of her out of cheese
>DAIRY QUEEN, DAIRY QUEEN, DAIRY QUEEN! they shout when I arrive and survey the scene
>hands in my belt loops, I walk backwards slowly and get the fuck out of dodge
>Manager tells me that the slowest ones get eaten first and it's a lesson we all learn sooner or later, better hurry up and start zoning
I quit shortly after but the dairy queen ended up staying a few more years and running the department.

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>meat for grilling
>meat for stewing
>boneless chicken thighs
>sausage with no flavor in mind. just "hot" or "sausage"

fuck you, i need names and cuts. hence why i go to a butcher for meats

that jester "meme" is not fun at all

>>9314051
>stop having fun guys!
You have no friends and will die a lonely virgin.

>>9314060
what makes you think there's anything "fun" about it?

>>9314064
Sharing stories about the mischievous, sometimes malicious grocery jesters with others is fun.

I lived in a heavily hispanic neighborhood and I swear they and their 6 kids all moved at a snail's pace while taking up a whole aisle.

Or the black guy that spends 15 minutes asking inane questions to the cashier that has no idea what the fuck he's talking about.

Or the white chick who fumbles through her wallet looking for A) exact change B) the right credit card C) the right credit card after the first didn't work D) oh I accidentally put that on my corporate card can I re-do the transaction E) pauses the transaction to answer her phone or send a text F) forgot something and will be right back G)talks to the clerk for 30 seconds instead of completing the transaction H)can't remember her pin number I) insists on calling her bank j) has coupons for everything but they're all in a wad and need to be scanned individually and half of them are expired k) pays in a 100 dollar bill for a pack of gum L) asks you questions about where something is when there's 30 people walking the floor

>>9307774
>arrive at store
>2 sad girlscouts outside with their fat "can I speak to the manager-esque mothers sitting behind them"
"e-excuse me sir would you l-like-"
>cut off by enormous mother mid sentence
"SPEAK LOUDER AMY"
>girl is almost in tears
>hear mom mumble something about her being useless to the other mom
>both kids look distraught and tired of doing this
"Here, I'll take two boxes"
>end up spending $40 on cookies I don't fucking need
>leave the store
>they ask me again if I would like to buy
>giggling and running around
>having a great time
Fuck off you little Jews I know the act you pull why do mothers manipulate their children to sell cookies for some Jew corporation damn it I hate going shopping.

>>9307779
>stop at grocery store early in the morning last super bowl sunday to stock up on party supplies
>moving quickly through the aisles so I can leave before the daily "darkening", 8:30am at my grocery store
>taking too long to get all of the things on my wife's list
>only two checkout lines open
>there's no way I'll make it out of the store before the darkening
>cashier starts ringing up my shit
>the store's countdown alarm starts and the lights dim, doors lock
>can't see shit
>something wet hits my face and there's hands on my belt
>lights go back on and there is a whipped cream in my eyes, stinging, and my pants are at my ankles
>police arrest me for IE
Our fucking jester is out of control. I just get food delivered, now.

>>9314109
Lol, you beta puss. I look look at them sternly and say in a deep, loud voice, "No!" Then I smirk and go on my way. They remember too because the little monsters don't approach me again on my way out.

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>Check writers
You lost the format war.

I hate it when I go to use the bathroom at safeway and when Im halfway through a shit a girl scout comes in and tries to sell me cookies, under the stall door.

And when I tell her I dont want any cookies she asks if I want a blowjob for $20 instead. I mean I always go for it, but cmon, Im taking a shit. Its just so awkward you know?

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>>9314252

>>9307774
>>9307774
As an employee
>the people who wait until it's time to pay to check their EBT balance instead of before they go to the store
>Those people who crawl slowly through aisles while I'm trying to stock
>the people who park their carts in an aisle and walk around browsing
>those people who search the store for something but when asked if they need help they say no
>the old people who crawl through the store early morning like it's the goddamn walking dead
>the people who HAVE TO HAVE EXACT CHANGE
>the people who spend 3/4 of their EBT on junk food
>the people who clearly prioritize beer over food
>the people who clearly prioritize beer over their kids
>the kids who run around screaming
>the parents who make a scene screaming back at them instead of disciplining them properly
>the teenagers who act like it's shocking for them to shout PENIS in the middle of the store
>the crusty druggies and bums who steal so painfully obviously
>the co-workers who act like they're the goddamn FBI when it comes to shoplifters
>the co-workers who just kill time instead of getting shit done
>the co-worker who talks shit on everyone but everything she says is shit she does
>the manager's kid you have to carry
>the young, pretty little cunt of a co-worker who gives everyone she doesn't like dirty looks
>the dipshit stoner co-worker who comes in high all the time
>the lazy co-workers
>the people who pick up shit and then drop it all over the store
>the customers who literally drip all over the store that I have to mop later
>the co-workers who don't do closing shift duties that I have to pick up on opening
>the manager that makes bad jokes you have to laugh at and generally suck up to in order to get hours
>mind-numbing tedium
I guess that's about it. On the other hand, it's a relatively easy job and one of my managers keeps up pretty good bantz.
Oh, and the jesters can be a pain in the ass, they tend to be fairly messy and people are always bitching about them.

>>9314285
>>the people who HAVE TO HAVE EXACT CHANGE
My wife ffs. Please tell me if this is legal grounds for a divorce.

>>9314302
In anglo-saxon england if your wife attempted to shave off the precise amount of golden pennywaifers on the scale from a farthingshire dollar you were legally allowed to request the market jester's right of execution.

>>9314285
As a customer
>The workers who stack boxes right in front of the display
>The yogurt cart guy restocking during lunch rush
>The retards who just mark sale items, instead of changing the price in the system
>The retards who don't see the fuckhuge sale sticker
>The employees that pretend to not see the grocery jesters
Oh, and fuck HEB.

>>9314311
Wow really?

>>9314313
To be honest family I see the customers as the enemy and the jesters as a necessary evil
I don't get paid enough to make shit convenient for them.

>>9314366
Yes. Eventually the role of the jester became ceremonial, but retained to deter shoplifters and loiterers. Some stores got all SJW and started banning them though.

>>9310035
Used to work casino surveillance. This technique does not work. We can easily tell when someone does this, just based on the stats recorded by the cash machine. Don't be a dumbass, if anyone ever actually misses the money that you try to buffalo hunt, it will be found out.

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>>9308616

>>9314400
I know you fucks record every square inch, but unless you detect suspicious behavior you don't fucking watch realtime. A normal looking guy wandering around and occasionally sitting at slot machines isn't going to bring you strong arm gorillas down on them. That broke poker player built a $5000.00 bankroll in a couple months.

t. Counter who was finally Griffin'd by you morons after taking $150,000 off your tables in a 2 year period.

>>9309311
I'm not single but I am a virgem. Would I not pass inspection?

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>>9314473
>I'm not single, but I'm a virgin
So you're single.

>>9314482
It's the first relationship for both of us. She also has her v-card. What's the big dilly?

>>9314503
Normally I'd tell underage to gtfo but you might learn something from /ck/...unless you're a /v/immigrant here for the /sip/ generals and fast food shitposts...

>>9308423

I think you dream catcher is broken.

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>>9314503
>Big dilly

>>9314529
>underage
We're both in our 20s

>>9314548
What are you, mormons?

>>9314548
Fuck her before she leaves you.

Worst is trying to shop in walmart when a convoy of ameriblubbers pass by

>store is suddenly busy
>not enough lanes are open and the lines are long as fuck
>it takes them until almost everyone's finally been checked out to decide to open another register

>>9314455
...you act like you're trying to insult me. However, knowing how much money people spend in these places, someone taking $150,000 in two year period off a poker table (which is other people's money, not ours) has most likely spent more than a million there.

I used to see people like this all the time, they do good for a month straight, make a few dozen thousand, think they're big shots. Look back on their record, they've lost millions. You always lose to casinos if you continuously go back.

>>9314557
No, we were just both absurdly picky. We've known each other for several years but I never had the nerve to ask her out before so nothing happened.
>>9314567
Working on it.

>>9314616
This is sad, and I'm pretty sure she's fat. Both of you are going to regret this is the long run.

>>9307851
I've never had a problem with self checkout. Where are you shopping?

>>9314609
>blackjack loser that didn't rape you fucks for $150,000 over a 2 year period

LMAO. If I lost more than I won then why was I Griffin'd, dumbshit. In point of fact, I can't play blackjack w/o being identified by facial recognition uploads you incompetent fucks pay Griffin for. Fwiw, in that 2 year period I buttblasted you fucks travelling around the country, I saw only @ 5 legitimately profitable counters. Of course everyone "thinks" they're counting. Stop barring people if you're so confident people aren't bending you over.

>>9314653
She was maybe like ten pounds overweight out of high school. I actually never thought of her as being overweight but she says she was, so I guess I have to believe her. She's probably right around 100 or 105 lbs now. And neither of us are close to ugly, if that's your next thought.

>>9309836
>By what right has the dog come to be regarded as a "noble" animal? The more brutal and cruel and unjust you are to him the more your fawning and adoring slave he becomes; whereas, if you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward--you will never get her full confidence again. - Mark Twain, a Biography

Maybe you like them because their slobbering sycophantic ways remind you of your life as a wagecuck?

>>9314668
Man, you've got some hate going on there. I never "barred" anyone except for people who were permanently banned for dumbass shit. How'd this go from buffalo hunting to card counting anyways? Completely different. One is theft and one isn't illegal (in my state at least.) I really didn't give a damn about card counters, just did it because table game yaps were all against it. However we had the stats that showed no one ever fucking dented us with card counting. Most of my other coworkers didn't give a damn, just counted down and informed table games of people when they requested it.

Hell, we all went to other casinos (couldn't gamble at our own) and counted ourselves. I employed the red 7 counting strategy, because it was unique. Gets boring doing normal plus and minus when it was your job to do it.

>>9314672
Nope, next thought was manlet.

>>9314807
I'm 6'3". She's more than a foot shorter, though

>>9314761
>surveillance monkey pretends he can count with Red 7.
>thinks someone that busted their ass for $150,000 over a 2 year period used the same ID for tracking and wasn't only nailed by Griffin facial recognition.

You're pathetic. As I said, I saw 5 people in 2 years that were capable of beating the game and surveillance monkeys were not one of those 5. Good luck with your Red 7, I've moved on to other things anyway (which you troglodytes know nothing about) since you fucks in your fear are running shitass games and barred me. It isn't even worth using disguises anymore.

>>9314916
>waaahhh I can't support my degenerate 4chan lifestyle by gambling anymore

Professional degenerates are still degenerates. I hope you get banned from every casino - then you'll get a real job.

>>9307779
W-what is this meme

>>9307779
oh my fucking god
>just want to duck into IGA real quick, get some heavy cream for squash-apple soup
>get over the vaults into the dairy section first try (did track in high school)
>get to the fridge with creamer
>no heavy cream
>hear bells jingling
>jester is sitting on a shelf next aisle over with the last carton
>he's pretending to jerk off with it
>"Hey do you know if there's--"
>pretends to "finish", squeezes carton and sprays cream all over my work clothes
>settle for light cream
>even have to pay extra tax for falling for the jester's tricks
The soup was okay though

People who pay via check
People who get into arguments with the cashier over what they can pay for with EBT and the balance on their EBT card

>>9314967
>his store doesn't have a machine that processes the check without it even being filled out

>>9314987
His store probably isn't in the fucking ghetto.

Do americools have the kind of self checkout system where you pick up a scanner when you enter the store and just scan everything you put in your bags and pay when you're done? They're infinitely superior to the shitty stationary self checkout system that takes like 3 times longer than going to a regular cashier.

>>9314916
Man like I said, you've got a lot of hate. Sour even, must be a pretty poor showing in life for you to be hurting because you were barred from a place for doing things against the rules. Let me tell ya something, we didn't use Griffin. We didn't use "image recognition software" we used our eyes. The two systems we had showed up pictures of idiots who got caught constantly. We would just look at them, and be like "Yup, that's the guy, tell M.O.D. and let them figure it out." Then I would go back to playing solitaire on my phone.

>>9315010
We would just steal them

>>9310353
>he doesn't know what a grocery jester is
how's it feel being a flyover?

>>9315243
>we used our eyes

Let me guess, you work Henderson, one of the tiny off strip casinos, Laughlin, Tunica or Biloxi. Who do you think I raped for that $150,000? It was you and your ilk. Go practice your Snyder's Red 7, lol!

>>9308641
Citation needed you dog fucking fucknigger

>>9315442
Nope, a casino in Iowa mate. Man you try hard.

>cat vs dog battles
>jesterposting
>meme police trying to denounce jesterposting
>some petty argument about casino security
and
>this fucking guy >>9308616
You stay classy, /ck/

>>9315821
/ck/ has been in a bit of a slump, this was a nice thread. Reminds me a bit of night /k/.

>>9314051
fuck off

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>use ebt to buy very expensive roast
>say "i thought it was something else, i got the wrong cut"
>return it
>get 50bux back and purchase weed

I dislike cashiers that complain about their job while ringing my stuff out, it's always the same ones at a store I go to that also does not have a self-chekcout. Just bag my shit up.

>>9314987
Those don't always work, especially if the check is not standard size.

>fat mexican goblin and her gangbanger husband ignoring their screaming brood blocking the entire isle
>backed up lines because of slow chip readers and retarded customers who take thirty seconds to get their cards out.

>>9315821
I wore myself out with my tales as a meat department clerk in the last one of these threads where someone bitched at me for refusing to operate equipment after the department closing time. I have the right to be petty about my casino surveillance experience!

>>9314088
>>9314051
I don't hate it, but I do not get it.

>>9316276
It's like the outrageous stories on /k/ about peoples experiences with soccer moms.
You know half of them are fake, but they are worth a chuckle to read.

>>9316247
I remember you. The other guy was a penis. As far as pet peeves go, mostly people just having NO fucking sense of the space around them just wandering, stopping, changing direction unexpectedly with their cart. How fucking hard is it to look where you're going?

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>>9316276

>>9313726
>he buys bread

>>9314313
Woah there buckaroo you speak ill of HEB, you speak ill of the greatest country on earth, Texas.

>>9316503
ok mr. hank hill

>>9308340
>cat person detected
literally worse than a muslim

>>9308379
bro i can smell the toxoplasmosis coming off your posts

>>9307774
>some organization/charity are packing bags to raise funds
It's fine in its self but I hate the looks I get for telling them I'm pack my own bags or when I don't need bags.

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>>9308616

>>9315366
I live in California retard.

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That clown who hides from gay people in the parking lot. Any of you guys seen him before?

>>9316134
You dumb fuck, they put it back on your card to prevent this sort of shit from happening. I know, I've cashiered before.
And if you're getting away with it anyways, kys you NEET fuck
>>9316165
>especially if the check is not standard size.
Why the fuck wouldn't it be standard size?
>>9316711
Most of California is flyover country. All the important cities are on the coasts, nobody really goes to Barstow or Bakersfield and brags about going to California.

>>9317104
>Why the fuck wouldn't it be standard size?

Business checks are often much larger than a normal personal check. Those get encountered when someone is out shopping for an office party, church or school bake sale, etc.

>>9317128
We only take personal checks at my store.

>>9308336
I like dogs, but only as food

>>9316503
Fuck Whataburger too.

>>9314041
Worth the read

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>>9310566

>>9308685
This.

>>9317104
Either way grocery jesters don't exist.

>>9308685
Didn't lol cats come from 4chan?

>>9317928
and caturday

>>9317922
t. jester

>>9317922
Oh you silly jester, whose phone did you steal to post that?

>>9307847
They do here in Texas. Right next to the hair salon and the de-gay wizard booth

>>9318043
walmart I know has a subway

>>9317922
Fake news.

>>9307779
>Jester 3rd rank
>Get up at 3am
>Do my pre-open work
>pissing in the orange juice. Crushing drywall into powder and putting into milk jugs and resealing them.
>rubbing my dick on everything in my sections. Sometimes i have to do it twice because another jester touched my sections.
>store is open
>mark a target
>Make sure to follow the introverts and mess with them the most. If they leave their buggy make sure to touch my anus to the handle.
>Bongo drum some boobies
>pee in the employee coffee pot
>Smear unflushed shit all over bathroom
>capture target
>store closes
>leave target in specified location
>Jester 4th rank
>repeat

>>9308008
Not being able to buy alcohol at the self checkout station. I'm ashamed of my habit and I'd rather not be humiliated and have my fun drunk night turn into a manic attempt to escape from the judgmental faces and voices in my head. Fuck

>>9318563
I know how you feel anon. Walmart lets you use self checkout and they just walk over and look at your id without eye contact or verbal acknowledgement. It's really the best way. Except the liquor store near my apartment that's what I usually do. Liquor store clerks don't give a fuck

>>9318043
Can confirm. Also, the obligatory optometrist and the depressing room that has like 12 arcade/claw game cabinets where there's always one small fat mexican kid aimlessly pulling on the joysticks even though his parents are shopping and he doesn't have any money.

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>>9314311

>>9307774
what's wrong with droid cosplay?

>>9314045
What is confusing about deboned chicken thighs?

>>9316301
Yup, spacial awareness seems to be a rare commodity these days. My own mother is absolutely horrible at it, and when I take her any place I will from time to time have to remind her to quit standing in the way of people when she can clearly take less space.

>>9309565
>grocery constable
kek

>>9314313
>fuck HEB
I've been to grocery stores all over the US and in many other countries.

HEB is literally the best grocery store chain I can think of. It regularly has its shit together, with way less card bullshit like with stores like Kroger.

>>9317104
>You dumb fuck, they put it back on your card to prevent this sort of shit from happening. I know, I've cashiered before.
I used SNAP when I was single putting myself through college. I accidentally found out that you could very easily get cash from a SNAP return. I can see how some would abuse this.