>go to TGI Fridays >on a Monday

you monster

>>9302999
Those are some kind of trips mate

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>>9302999
>directions say to bring water to boil before adding pasta
>add pasta to simmering water
ONE NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

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>directions say preheat oven to 350
>just slide the pizza rolls into a cold oven and turn it on
HEADSTRONG TO TAKE ON ANYONE

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>order sashimi to go
>stick it in the oven

>>9303285
>says to bring water back to a boil and start the timer
>start the timer as soon as the pasta goes in without waiting for it to boil again
TWO, SOMETHING'S GOT TO GIVE.

(this is actually how you should do it though, it's still going to start cooking in 200F water even if it's not boiling)

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>says to beat eggs to soft peaks
>beat them to regular peaks

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>go to golden corral
>stick my hand in the chocolate wonderfall when the penis inspectors aren't watching

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>>9303310
FIEND
I
E
N
D

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>directions say "bake at 325 for xyz minutes"
>bake at 350 for slightly less time
DU HAST MICH

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>go to Ruby Tuesday on a Wednesday

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>go to steak and shake
>get tendies and fries

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>go to In-n-Out
>stay all day

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>mother tells me not to touch hot stove top
>do it anyway get second degree burns on my hand
DESPITE ALL MY RAGE I AM STILL JUST RAT IN A CAGE.

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>go to Chipotle
>perfectly healthy the next day

>>9303376
underrated post

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>go to McDonalds
>don't make animal sounds

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>Have breakfast.
>For dinner.

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>go to Waffle House
>order pancakes

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>go to America
>eat Mexican food

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>>9302999
>Post about actual food and cooking
>On /ck/!

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>Go to Mexican restaurant.
>Get warned the plate is hot.
>Touch it anyway.

>"pan nice and hot!"
>make pan mean and cold

>>9303712
I've actually done and had Waffle House pancakes. Told the guy I could save him 40$ on glasses because I worked for an ophthalmologist at the time. Never went to that Waffle House again.

>>9302999
last one around here shut down
shithole anyway

>Cook pizza rolls.
>Unroll them before eating them.

>>9302999
>noodles done in 7 minuites!
>cook for 7:01

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>>9302999
>go to Popeyes for rippin chicken
>don't rip the chicken

>be gay
>suck dick

haha

>recipe calls for lemon
>use lime

>chicken broth
>use beef stock instead

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>Recipe says to brown tenderloin in skillet then transfer to oven at 425 for 15 minutes
>I bake it at 420

>>9302999
>Go to T.G.I Fridays
>On any other day than Friday.

>>9303819
Jesus Christ there go my sides.

>>9302999
>cook a steak on rare
>microwave says to 1 1/2 hours
>only enter it for 8-10 on medium

>>9303383
kek

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>order diet soda
>mix it with regular soda

I'M THE MAN NOW

>born into this world
>grt crippling depression, hate life, and constanty thibking bout sucking my own dick
heyoo

>>9304004
>go to meme bread
>try to make it all about your depression

Ashamed for the (You) desu

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>go to McDonalds
>don't order the McChicken, the best fast food sandwich

I CRY WHEN ANGELS DESERVE TO DIE

>make eggs sunny side up
>flip it anyway

>order fries by asking for Freedom fries
>actually don't have any problem with the French
ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE

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>>9302999
>Ketchup bottle says to refrigerate after opening
>Leave on the counter for two hours

>Open bread bag
>Shove the plastic underneath and leave
BUT IN THE END NOTHING EVEN MATTERS

>Get string cheese
>Bite straight into it

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>>9304403
>Go to McDonalds
>They say they're not selling the McChicken anymore

What the fuck were they thinking?

>>9303024
Can't tell if Aaron Paul or David Arquette.

>>9303767
kek

>Push tab to open
>Pull it

>>9306465
>buy kit kat
>bite straight into it

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>never go to 7/11 at 7 or 11

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>go to 10 items or less aisle with 11 items

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>bring a 12 pack of sody pop home
>don't put it in the fridge and drink them warm

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>go to chinese food place
>order chicken fingers and fries

>>9303320
>snake eyes makes a hard read
poster likes fighting games and cooking... anon, can i marry you?

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>>9307343
>not buying a cold 12 pack and leaving it in your garage in the middle of the summer.

>bottle says shake well
>don't shake it at all

>>9306511
That FUCKING tree

>Go to chinese buffet
>Eat the shitty pizza and wings they leave out
[spoiler]My dad does this and I hate him for it. Always goes to the chinese buffet but then only eats the pizza and wings.[/spoiler]

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>>9303806
>Not cooking for 6:99

>order lunch
>ids only bregferst DDDD--

>>9303772
This is a lovely little vignette

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>Bottle says refrigerate after opening
>Refrigerate before opening instead

FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR

>>9307495
>:99
Bruh

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>carton of juice says shake well before serving
>doesnt

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>Buy box of Snake N Bake
>Roll the meat in the coating.

>>9303321
I want to see someone puke into one and watch the wonderful colors mix.

>>9307537
how do you convert seconds to microwave time?

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>says serve chilled
>serve cold
THIS IS WHAT ITS LIKE WGEN WORLDS COLLIDE!

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>>9303762
underrated post

>>9302999
Im funny thread
Im that kinda funny that jacksoff nightly because those are the perks with being funny right

Go die in a fire sad fags

>>9308184
Do you want to talk about it?

>>9308184
How mad are you LOL

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>store in cool dry place
>touch my balls

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>>9302999
>go to dinner with friends
>pretend to "go to the washroom"
>pay for the entire thing

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>recipe tells me to "Enjoy!"
>genuinely enjoy my meal
LOCK ME UP I CANT STOP

>posting reddit tier humor
>on 4chan

>>9303330
My best friend moved to flyover country and bartends at one of those. I came to visit and just helped out/sat at the bar all day when she had to work. Let me tell you about this fucking clientele:
>strongfat farmhands drinking Bud Lite
>creepy Vincent D'Onofrio looking dude who constantly hits on servers and licks his lips a lot
>bald inbred with a moon-shaped head wearing Beats headphones and ordering several orders of wings for hours
>drunk guy missing several teeth showing off his bird calls (was actually pretty talented desu)
>middle aged motorcycle couple passing through and horrified by all this
Fuck's sake, how does she even work there?

>Shake well before drinking
>Fill the well in with dirt

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>order pizza for four
>its just for one

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>splurge 100s of dollars on ingredients
>to learn to cook
>guess whos back
>crippling depression

>Pour Conka cola into Bepis can

>>9307325
This anon is why we can't have nice things

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>>9309969
>Ask for two spoons for ice cream
>Eat ice cream alone

>>9302999
joke's on you

>>9310011
I thought Shady was back...

back again. Tell a frie.....oh....

>>9309796
only someone who regularly browses reddit would say this

off yourself faggot

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>Go to papa john's
>ask them for directions to pizza hut

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>go to bbq joint
>eat nothing but coleslaw

>Go to McDonalds.
>Just use the bathroom.

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>>9310385
>tfw I've actually done this before but with Taco Bell
>tfw one of the Mexican servers tried to stop and force me to buy something when I was leaving
>literally powerwalked and plowed through her
>mfw

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>>9310385
>go to mcdonalds
>just order coffee
>shoot up in the bathroom
>overdose
clean it up, wagie

>>9310369
I know this whole thread is a shitpost but this actually happened to me once
>work at bowling alley (with bar)
>there's another bar next door
>get call
>good afternoon, anons bowling alley
>Hey can I get the name to next-door bar?
>"No"
>hang up
Boss said I did good

>>9306511
They told you that because you aren't 25 years or older.

>Nandos
>Not even feeling cheeky

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>go to Panda Express
>the Panda shipping takes several days

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>>9310408
kek, i did this before i became sober

>>9309802
Flyover country can be a truly scary but fascinating place.

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>Recipe calls for ingredients to be blended.
>Pulse them.

>>9310468
B-but i have a computer

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>100g of flour
>adds 101

ABSOLUTE MADMAN

>>9310763
Kek'd

> salt to taste
> I add black pepper
> It's not even fresh ground

INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE

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>go to ihop
>walk normally
Some people just want to watch the world burn

>>9310405
>one of the Mexican servers tried to stop and force me to buy something when I was leaving
Bullshit

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I add grill seasoning to a soup.

>1 cup rice
>2 cups water
>use 2 cups of chicken broth instead
Like a fucking wizard

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>>9313107
Is this guy for real?!

>>9303941
My nigga. Half 'n half's the best

The Chinese were a mistake

>Cookie dough contains raw ingredients. Bake before consuming.
>Eat some straight out of the package

WHEN PEOPLE RUN IN CIRCLES IT'S A VERY VERY, MAAAAD WOOORLD

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>>9302999
>go to Taco Bell
>order a burrito

MEMORIES BROKEN
THE TRUTH GOES UNSPOKEN
I’VE EVEN FORGOTTEN MY NAME

>>9313583
>Go to Taco Bell
>Order soft taco
>Ask them to roll it
I'M SO FRESH YOU CAN SUCK MY NUTS
SWAG!

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>>9307568
>tfw stirred it instead

>>9310490
Absolute madman

>>9306465
>>9307325
>pull wrap off of Dunkaroos package
>bite straight into it

Why did I read this entire shit thread?

>>9313806
4chan.jpg

go to hometown buffet
only use the salad bar
only 1 plate

>>9313791
>Open pack of dunkaroos
>Eat all the dip in one bite with a spoon
>Eat the dipping sticks dry

>inmate on death sentence orders SpaghettiOs for his hangman meal
>make regular spaghetti

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>>9314546
>Not giving him alphabet SpaghettiOs

>go to iHop
>iSit instead

>>9314573
>that image
I'm intrigued

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milk, then cereal

>>9307449
ck seems to have a ton of fighting game players lurking about

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>>9303652

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>buy instant noodles
>cook them for hours in a slow cooker

ONE NOTHING WRONG WITH ME

>>9314905
it looks like i've found my home

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>>9303298
>mfw I do the exact same thing with the exact same food

>>9314783
suicide helmet, each point holds a shotgun shell

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>>9310763
>go to Panda Express
>the small sign above the napkins say "save some for me!"
>take 2 handfuls

>>9309690
>>9309690
shut the front door you adorable cunt

>Use Herbs de Provence
>They were all grown in another province
SOMETHINGS GOT TO GIVE