ITT: The worst thing your mom cooked for you as a child

>>9273740
Do white people really eat this?

>>9273740
https://goodfood.uktv.co.uk/recipe/pork-chops-with-caramelised-bananas-and-honey/

Not yours but similar. I think it's supposed to be like adding caramelized apples to pork chops to have some sweetness

>>9273783
OP here, yes. They do

Fruit definitely goes with pork, but I've never tried bananas. I also don't think I've ever put paprika on bananas. Is it good?

>>9273811
Hmm not even close. We don't put sugar or honey on our bananas, just a lot of paprika to take out the sweetness. Don't ask why for I do not know.

>>9273821
In my honest opinion one should never put paprika on anything

>>9273740
My mom was a decent cook, but she had a couple Depression Era dishes she would bust out every now and then that were truly awful The worst was probably this:

Salmon Casserole

Mix together 8 slices of white bread, milk, a couple eggs, a can of salmon, chopped onion, chopped celery, salt and pepper until it's an even consistency. Transfer to greased baking dish and top with bread crumbs. bake until cooked through.

My brother and sister refused to eat that one, so mom let them have hot dogs when she made it. I never thought it was all that better or worse than hot dogs, but it's certainly not something I would ever make.

>>9273864
That's just sad

She made a lot of bland food or variations of what should be good food. The one that sticks out most is her noodle surprise, as I will name it...

Mac n cheese noodles
I think it was cheese spread or American cheese slices...
Tomato soup...
And a little itty bit of ground beef (barely enough for flavor)

Apparently my older brother used to love it. It was pretty much just like eating soggy noodles. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and appreciate all the homecooked meals we had. They just were mostly flavorless lol.

>>9273829
pleb

>>9273872
The saddest part was that she really could cook - her pot roast and her chicken stew are among the best I've ever tasted. It was when she was trying to be frugal, or got taken in by one of those awful recipes published in 1970's women's magazines that her cooking got really grim. Here's another awful one that I'm sure came from a 70's women's magazine:

Spam and Seashells

Overcook one pound of small shell shaped pasta. In a frying pan brown cubed Spam with chopped onion. Add one jar Ragu sauce. Toss cooked pasta in to coat evenly, then pour into a baking dish. Top with a thick layer of grated cheese from a green can. Cover and bake for 1/2 hour at 350.

My father wouldn't eat that one, so she made for us kids when he went on business trips. When I was five years old I thought it was amazing. Tried making it as an adult and realized I had terrible taste as a kid.

>>9273740
My mother would make "pot roast" in the crockpot. Not so bad right? But she would have that shit swimming in cream of mushroom soup. To this day the thought of eating that slop...

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>>9273740
She would cook these and make them a """"""""""salad""""""""" by smothering them in mayo and sugar. Absolutely vile.
It makes me mad because I grew up thinking I hated the vegetables, but it turns out they're delicious with a simple dash of salt and pepper

>>9273878
>Mac n cheese noodles

>>9274087
Those frozen mixed vegetables were a real fucking foodcrime, but there was no escaping them in the second half of the 20th Century in America. Pretty sure my mother still keeps them in her freezer.

"Hamburger steaks"
>shitty ground beef crudely formed into patties so that it still has a stringy texture
>bake in an oven until they're "extra well-done" (mom was/is completely paranoid about any undercooked food)
>that's literally it
I think she got it from some Salisbury steak recipe but kept cutting unnecessary ingredients until all that remained was baked meat pucks
I learned to appreciate ketchup's masking powers, plus if you ate them on their own they'd be too dry to swallow since they'd turn into gravel after a few seconds of chewing

>>9273740
I could eat anything execpt boiled brussel sprouts. I just can't eat them, they make me puke.

>>9274140
With modern freezing methods, they are ok veggies when your mind is asleep and you need sustenance.

>>9273821
Sometimes, when the stars align, you can go to a pizza place where they serve pork filet-banana-bearnaise pizza. (on top of cheese and tomato sauce ofc.)

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>>9274180
pussy

>>9273740
>Liver
>Gravy
>Taters

That texture combo. Just wrong. Only thing I can think of (except licorice) that I refused to eat.

>>9274172
>I learned to appreciate ketchup's masking powers
I think that's why the stuff was so popular back in the day. Meals of well done meat and potatoes were much more standard in the last Century than they are today. And if these meals were served without any kind of sauce or gravy ketchup was used to choke them down. I don't think people really loved ketchup so much back then, I think it was just necessary given the way so many people cooked.

>>9274193
idk, man. When I think about vegetable dishes I never think, "a mix of carrots, peas, corn and green beans would really do the trick." Really, what's that supposed to be beyond a vehicle for butter?

>>9274258
Those are goat for a quick fried rice or enhancing an instant noodle.

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My mother grew up poor, and as a result, she absolutely WOULD.
NOT.
LET. ANYTHING.
go to waste.

Any time something in the fridge was about to turn bad, she would sneak it into a dish to make sure it got eaten.

>come home from college for a nice home cooked meal
>macaroni and cheese
>oh boy
>*take bite*
>mom what in the fuck is this
>elbow macaroni and cheddar cheese
>oh yeah, also a tub of cream cheese and cottage cheese
>WHATS THE DIFFERENCE ANON ITS ALL CHEESE RIGHT???

>>9274258
It's not for when you can think. It's for when you can't think.

>>9274282
When I see them in a rice all I can think is "cheap and lazy." They're really not bringing much in the way of flavor or texture to it, just color and the illusion that it's healthy because there's some visible vegetable matter. Really, if you're doing fried rice wouldn't onion, garlic, ginger, scallion and maybe a little bell pepper be a much better combination of vegetables in it?

>>9274301
Agree with you 100%, which is why I never buy that shit. I have no interest in mindless food. It's never good.

>>9274311
Wrong, bell pepper sucks. Baby peas that go "pop" in your mouth are the best part of fried rice and you know it.
Texture > taste

>>9274311
Fried rice and instant noodle are kind of lazy meals to begin with, and FWIW, frozen vegetables are more nutritious than fresh ones, so it makes me feel better I'm getting something instead of pure sodium and carbs.

Frozen mixed vegetables are the absolute worst.

Just buy broccoli.

>>9274331
>Fried rice and instant noodle are kind of lazy meals to begin with
I'm ignoring the instant noodles. Fried rice can be really fucking good as long as you don't get super lazy about it, and frozen mixed vegetables are lazier than I can go.
>frozen vegetables are more nutritious than fresh ones
Radically untrue as a sweeping general statement. Frozen vegetables are more nutritious than out of season vegetables trucked in from California that sat in your supermarket's walk in fridge for a week before being put on the shelves. They are not more nutritious than local, fresh, in season vegetables from your garden or farmer's market. It's the height of summer if you live in the Northern Hemisphere, which means there's fresh stuff in season near most major population centers. No reason to bother with frozen veggies this time of the year.

>>9273740
lunchables

My mother actually loves me so I never had to deal with this shit.

chicken soup made from unseasoned chicken breast, potatoes and carrots in store bought carton chicken broth with a lethal amount of salt added

I think the only reason she could eat it was because she used a slotted spoon and didn't take any broth

>>9273740
My mom did the same thing, but with apple instead of banana. I'm certain it was one of those 50's horror foods that was allegedly special.

One time we had the pork chops with boiled lima beans as a side. My brother and I waited until my mom went to the bathroom to run into yard and dump dinner down the ground hog's hole

>>9273740
she decided to humor my sister's new found vegetarianism by serving the rest of the family for dinner just pan fried tofu. to spice things up every condiment in the fridge was placed on the dinner table. this was the last attempt at vegetarian cooking.

Shake and Bake chicken...awful.

>>9273783
White people don't eat that shit! That sounds like some ghetto ass Puerto Rican stuff.

>>9274298
>vomit.gif
I ain't clicking that shit

>>9274539
>Shake and Bake
Aw, man. I'd completely repressed the memory of that. My mom used to do Shake and Bake pork chops.

>>9274544
OP here, I'm German. My family is white as it gets and I'm 99% sure they invented this unholy shit. Maybe Germans just went wild with bananas after they got access to them post-WWII but had no actual idea what to use them for.

>>9274626
>Maybe Germans just went wild with bananas after they got access to them post-WWII but had no actual idea what to use them for.
Judging from 1960's recipe collections I've seen it appears much of the Western world did this to some extent.

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I ate this exact meal far, far too often.
The shit-on-a-shingle didn't really bother me, it was the goddamn insta-cold pile of peas and fucking retched fruit cocktail in heavy syrup. These two were on regular rotation for dinner time. That and canned pears in syrup. Vile.

>>9273988
The is nothing wrong with cream of mushroom soup as a base in pot roast.

>>9274665
Holy shit, there are actually people who think this?! Is your name Cleetus and are your parents first cousins?

>>9273740
creamed tuna on toast

it was toast, peas, canned tuna, and some sort of cream. She knew I hated it, but never tried anything else other than spaghetti. I'm going to drown her when she becomes more expensive to keep alive than what her retirement check brings in, and I'm going to tell her all the reasons why I hate her right before the event

>>9274810
Idk, but they're definitely evangelicals who home schooled him.

>>9275006
Shit, I forget these people exist. Why do they exist?

>>9273878
Lucky motherfucker. At least you got some meat in it. I grew up extremely poor. Walmart brand hamburger helper without the meat. The milk cut in half with water.

>>9273829
If you can get fresher quality paprika it's supposed to be pretty good. Low quality stuff is just like bland and slightly bitter dust.

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>>9275013
I guarantee you won't forget about them if you live amongst them. Pay a visit to the fucking south.

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>>9273939
>Overcook one pound of small shell shaped pasta

I actually kek'd.

My dear dear granny took care of us 3-4 days a week during the summer. My mom was a nurse and my dad was often out of town on business, so we would watch taped episodes of Zubilee Zoo (which I hated but my faggot little brother loved) and Rugrats (God tier).

She would cook the Kraft mac+cheese before picking us up, then leave it in the fridge to cool down, and then when reheated in the microwave it would take on this weird granular texture that wasn't good but we ate it anyway and didn't complain because we were usually hungry as fuck after a long day at summer camp. For dessert was margarine and grape jelly on white bread (which I actually fucking loved). This was our meal EVERY SINGLE TIME. She was a child of the depression. She died earlier this year at 92. Fuck she was a good woman and I was a terrible grandson. Now I'm fucking sad.

>>9275296
>Zubilee Zoo (which I hated
Fuck you, buddy.

>>9275296
She loved you, regardless. Don't worry about it.

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>>9273740
My mom tired to make me a breakfast sandwich once when I was in 1st or 2nd grade.
It tasted decent,but...
It made me sick.
Anything my mom made was shit.

>>9274653
>fruit in heavy syrup as a dinner item

AMERICA THE BRAVE

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My mother couldn't cook the most basic dishes. She put sugar in her spaghetti sauce and overcooked the pasta, her chicken breasts would be as dry as sand and about as flavorful too, even scrambled eggs would either be undercooked or bland. But she could fucking murder some smoked ribs, she could win a competition with them I'm sure. It was really weird, the more complex the cooking process the better she was.

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>tfw reading this thread
>tfw I am mom
Those little cunts are getting soylent from now on if this is how I'll be remembered.
Fuck 'em.

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My bio mom would always cook the frozen turkey gravey dinners with mashed potatoes or similarly the smoked sausage packages same side dish but this time loaded with mrs.butterworths syrup.

My step mom loves frozen veggies which are god awful and every time she cooks a steak its to tough to eat my jaw practically goes numb while chewing

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>>9275343
She loved me more than I deserved. I wish I could have told her that. She wouldn't have remembered anyways. She went downhill hard in her last year and didn't remember anyone except my mom. Fuckkk.

>>9275498
Or just stop feeding them Great Depression era tier food

>>9275226
Look at Scrooge McDuck over here with his Walmart brand hamburger helper and milk with water. If we could've been so lucky. We didn't have anything except our own spit to moisten the noodles up

>>9274888
My mom used to make it, I make it now for my family, and they actually love it. My husband requests it, and my 5yo eats like nothing, but she had two servings of it last time I made it.

I think it helped that I renamed it Killer Whale Food.

>>9275415
A lot of Pepe put sugar on spaghetti. I don't know if it's a Midwestern thing, but there's no excuse for that shit.

>>9275759
Sorry to hear that my dude. Losing family sucks.

>>9274626
maybe it's some kind of Ossi craving for bananas thing?

>>9273740
Worst thing my mom ever made was a cherry pie but she didnt bother to take the seeds out of them.
Almost broke my goddamn teeth because of it and she tried to argue that i dont do anything around the house to help her so she couldnt bother taking the fucking rock hard seeds out of the fucking cherries she put in a fucking pie.
Nobody ate it and it went to waste, she tried her best to show everyone how its easy to chew the fucking PIE and spit out seeds. But she broke her tooth

>>9273829
Smoked paprika makes things better, plus your poop smells nice the next day.

>>9274331
>frozen vegetables are more nutritious than fresh ones
Hold on a minute, where do you get that notion?

my mom is a decent cook, but she really doesn't like to and only ever makes minimal effort things. Growing up it was always pan fried chicken breasts, or pb & js. Also lumpy kraft mac n cheese. After draining she would throw everything in a pot instead of making the sauce first. I got kinda butthurt about it until i realized she doesn't even cook for herself.

>Mfw I now prefer lumpy mac n cheese because of her lazy habit.

My step mother made instant mashed potatoes, boiled frozen vegetables, and shake and bake pork chops for dinner, every night for the decade her and my father were married before he died. If he hadn't been riddled with cancer i would have blamed her cooking.

>>9275296
That's the perfect description of the texture of reheated mac and cheese. I think that was the only thing my parents would make me eat that I would hate.
Also sorry about your grandma anon

My mom is a pretty good cook, so I don't really have anything to contribute. Even stuff I didn't like when I was younger I now look back and realize I was probably just being picky. There were a few times she made something that just came out poorly because of a mistake she made, but none of her recipes are inherently flawed, I don't think. I use a few of them myself, nowadays.

Pretty much all of my friends had lazy moms that couldn't cook. A lot of my friends grew up thinking they inherently hated certain foods like meat loaf or pork chops, just because their mother couldn't make it to save her life. I had one friend who thought all soups were trash, just because his mom would never use salt in anything. This same kid, actually, has come to think that spicy=flavorful, specifically because his mom only ever made mild, tasteless shit. The first time he had buffalo sauce, he equated burning his mouth with being tasty.

My mom and dad were both fantastic cooks, and she would make great chicken cutlets, but then my dad (a fat fuck) liked to have her make it chicken cordon bleu which was just that same cutlet but baked with a slice of ham and swiss cheese on top.

It was insanely dense and heavy and wouldn't always mesh well so the ham and cheese would slide off and pull up the breading sometimes.

It could be a mess.

>>9276269
Frozen veg is frozen at the peak of ripeness, it's separated out because it will go bad before it gets sold otherwise. This means that it's packaged and shipped out while the fresh stuff is treated. While the fresh stuff has a chance to let nutrients decay, frozen does not. This obviously only applies to veg that doesn't totally get fucked by ice crystals when frozen, and there isn't that much of a difference. Frozen is much better than canned.

>>9276788
>My mom is a pretty good cook, so I don't really have anything to contribute. Even stuff I didn't like when I was younger I now look back and realize I was probably just being picky. There were a few times she made something that just came out poorly because of a mistake she made, but none of her recipes are inherently flawed, I don't think. I use a few of them myself, nowadays.
Same.
>There were a few times she made something that just came out poorly because of a mistake she made
One time my mom dropped a whole can of grape faygo into spaghetti sauce. It was pretty awful but we kind of suffered through it because it was late.

My mom wasn't a bad cook (My dad was way better desu) but for some reason she thought adding a shitton of cream to normal recipes made them tastier or whatever, sometimes food like chicken pot pie ended up like soup due to the sheer levels of cream they had on them

>>9275816
>four_yorkshiremen.wmv

>>9277361
>dropped a whole can of grape faygo into spaghetti sauce
That's... actually impressive. I feel like a small amount might actually be one of their weird-but-good flavor combos.

>>9275759
>She loved me more than I deserved. I wish I could have told her that.
Very few people get that chance. Just accept that her indulging you was its own reward for her. You were a kid. Of course you took that indulgence for granted. She didn't expect anything beyond that. The fact that she got to do it was enough.

>>9275498
If you feed them soylent they'll hate you just as much. Just learn how to cook anon, they'll feel better and so will you.

My parents are both good cooks. If there were ever dishes I disliked, it's because I was a bit picky as a kid.

My grandma, on the other hand. She's not a bad person but she has lots of bad habits that annoy me so let's shit on her a bit anyway.

>cooks generally tasty stuff, but uses way too much fat, oil, butter
>adds extra oil where it doesn't fucking belong, e.g. to chicken soup
>when she was living with us we went through a huge jug of vegetable oil in two weeks
>everyone gains weight, she then comments on how fat everyone has gotten
>melodramatic Jehova's witness, cries about everything (literally)
>my mother once compared her to an octopus that gradually takes everything over by putting her tentacles in it
>takes over all the cooking, then the laundry, then the cleaning
>does it without giving anyone else a chance to do so, then bitches that she's overworked
>numerous times, I had it worked out with my parents that I would clean my room immediately after hanging out with friends, they didn't object
>get home to find my grandma has cleaned it for me
>later hear her bitching on the phone to my uncle that I'm so lazy she has to do everything for me

Goddamn, I care about her, just couldn't stand living with her. A few years and an ocean in between is a decent amount of separation for the stupid gossipy bullshit my family likes to participate in.

>>9275799
>10$ a day for two kids, myself, and a dad that demands second helpings
>sweeping bread crumbs into a bag I keep in the freezer, looking forward to the day it fills so I can make schnitzel
I live a great depression era life.

Very over cooked or undercooked breaded pork chop with soggy crust
Apple sauce
Microwaved dollar store frozen stingbeans with onions and butter and breadcrumbs mixed in cooked extra soggy
Mashed sweet potato disks from the dollar store cooked in the microwave till the texture of the top is leather and the in side is nice and soft

And for dessert a dollar store off brand hand pie microwaved for 1 minute I would get cherry my brother would get apple

Not that's didn't love us or didn't know how to cook but she's cheap and very lazy

I attribute this as the reason I became a chef she would wait for hours to cook dinner because she was to lazy I would ask at 4 what's for dinner
Idk yet anon
5 what's for dinner
Idk yet anon
6 what's for dinner idk yet anon
7 dad gets home what's for dinner honey
Oh I'll defrost pork chops
8 are you gunna start cooking now mom
There still defrosting anon
9 are you gunna cook now mom
Ok anon
Starts cooking
Puts in over
Goes away for an hour
Microwaves every thing
Takes pork out of oven
10:30 dinner is ready everybody

Many my mom does hate me

>>9275816
>he had enough water to generate spit

richfags please go

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>>9273740
>The worst thing your mom cooked for you as a child

My mom was a post-WWII Polish immigrant and never really got the hang of “American food” as I called it when I was a kid (stuff like meatloaf, mac & cheese, etc.) but she could hit it out of the park with her Polish food, all of which I loved except for… flaczki (beef tripe soup).

http://www.tastingpoland.com/food/flaki.html

But my Polish immigrant dad love it and mom would cook up a huge witch kettle of stuff and freeze single servings in Tupperware containers for him and and the entire house would reek of it and my dad would tease me every time he ate it; “Ha ha! You want flaczki?! Mmm is good, sonofabitch!”

>>9273740
>Frying bananas
If it was plantains, this meal would make much more sense and might even have historical relevance

>>9277950
OP here. It was normal bananas. My mom isn't a good cook and I don't think she is even aware plantains exist.

>>9277986
Educate her

>>9278018
She doesn't want to learn. Luckily since my dad got promoted we can afford to eat out 4/7 days a week so it's no biggie.

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my stepmom would and still does go to an expensive upscale supermarket where she overpays for everything at my father's expense and would make a meal out of unseasoned expensive cuts of meat she'd throw in the slow cooker for 6 hours on the high setting until they were grey mush, a box of uncle Ben's that she'd somehow magically burn, those microwave mushy frozen vegetables that'd be unseasoned, and stale bread she'd have frozen to "keep it fresh"
and my father made us sit down and tell her it was delicious so her feelings wouldn't get hurt every time

>>9274203
>Liver
>Gravy
>Taters
and it is damn heaven when done right...
I feel bad for you, liver and gravy (with buckwheat) is a big part of my childhood, none that I loved, but now I now miss dearly. I loved my grandmas cooking

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>>9278047
okay I'm gonna blog more about her
there was one time she attempted cooking something because I'd always cook for the family and people would love it and I think she felt she had to step it up
she made lasagna that was the noodles with huge chunks of broccoli, a runny store bought sauce, and the part that really made it inedible was instead of ricotta she used cottage cheese as the only cheese
it was a watery soupy mess of cheese chunks that sat in the fridge until it got old enough to get thrown out

>>9274534
>vegetarianism
>tofu
why do people always do that shit? I'm a meat-eater and there are dozens of vegetarian (and even some vegan) dishes that are fine as is, yet uni cafeterias and some mums still think "Well, its a perfectly fine vegetarian dish, let's add some fucking tofu to it!"
Shit pisses me off.

>>9275226
>milk cut in half with water
are you black? only people I've ever even heard of of dilluting milk with water are negroes.

>>9275415
>She put sugar in her spaghetti sauce
>>9275844
>A lot of Pepe put sugar on spaghetti
>there's no excuse for that shit

I mean not on plain noodles but fuck, you're supposed to add a bit of sweet to a tomato sauce, you tongueless bastards. Honey or a bit of sugar to a sauce, and the tiniest bit of unsweetened cocoa powder is what makes the difference between a meh and an awesome tomato sauce/soup/chili.

>>9277330
>chicken cordon bleu
>slice of ham and swiss cheese on top
Does he know its supposed to go in the middle, nevermind it's supposed to be beef? Or is it like "thing hawaii" without pineapple for him?

>>9277347
>Frozen is much better than canned.
That is the part that makes sence. The rest of it...

>>9278103
Nope. White as the day is long.

>>9277923
shit's tasty, desu, what are you on about? next thing you'll try to tell me barshtsh isn't any good...

>>9273740
My mom made beef stew once. It smelled good, but the broth was so bland and oily.

I was 8 at the time, so my grasp on words wasn't so good. I assumed "spoiled" referenced something was covered in oil, so I said it tasted "spoiled."

Actually my mom's a pretty effective cook otherwise, but I'm still mad she flubbed beef stew that day. It's like she forgot what salt was good for at the time.

My dad used to love making kraft dinner, with no milk or butter (just don't drain the water all the way so you can still make the cheese sauce!), and add canned peas and canned tuna.

we were never quite poor enough to not have milk or margarine in the house, and i had no idea why he did that

My mom was the laziest cook I have ever known. Unseasoned, unbreaded boneless breasts thrown into a dish with a can of plain tomato sauce thrown over it, baked until shoe leather then green can parm sprinkled over the top. Bam, her version of chicken parm.

>>9273740
My mom just cannot into noodles of any kind. She thinks you can boil them forever and be unaffected. She occasionally makes ramen once or twice a year when I'm around and always assumes I'll be eating it since she knows I like it (when I cook it) but she will boil it for literally an hour in a half gallon of water and only add half of the seasoning packet. Then take it off of the heat and let it sit in that water for another half hour or longer and still wondering why no one will partake.
>"I thought you liked ray-men noodles"

>>9276259
Bull.

>>9273864
That was the poors man`s fish cake just like the chrysler 300 was the poor man's bentley

>>9279003
My mom did this same shit, sans using just the water. She added lethal amounts of butter too. Called it tuna surprise.

My mom was a terrible cook and only knew how to make a handful of dishes, most always from boxes or cans. She hated cooking though, so we mostly had TV dinners.
Also would cook meat for way too long. Porkchops got pan-fried for 10-15 minutes on each side, until they were tough as bricks.

>>9274203
That's not liver its just a bad pork chop...

>>9273740
Pork with rice and some kind of shitty mushroom sauce; it tastes as bland as it sounds
Mac and Cheese, tastes good but unhealthy as fuck
hotdogs, also tastes good, also unhealthy as fuck

Those three things alone made up about 80% of what she could manage to cook without, usually, burning something. Which really is to say, my mom has no clue how to cook. She's almost 60 and all she can do even now is make salad and toast bread in a toaster. When it comes to spices, plain old salt is too spicy, and she absolutely cannot stand onion. Unless it's granulated onion, then it's okay and 'doesn't make her sick'.

I would almost kill for a mom who actually did mom things when I was growing up.

I'm making a point of never marrying a girl who can't fucking cook.

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I am from Quebec, Canada, my mother used to always cook right and looking at this thread I am glad for it haha , although I have a best friend whose mom is a teacher at one of our best culinary schools here, but she came from nothing, poor rural area, so christmas was always innsaannnee, but on a usual weekday it was bologna steak, I understand her mindset but damnnn....

>>9278145
Never once have I seen chicken cordon bleu with beef. It's alway some form of cured pork. Ham is cheapest, so seen the most.

The two I remember the most. My parents can't cook for shit.

Spaghetti but then put the sauce from the jar in a pan to warm it then fill up the jar with water and add it to the sauce like it was condensed soup or some shit. Had spaghetti soup a many a night.

Boiled chicken then dumped out the broth then added chicken and biscuits to make chicken and dumplings. Everything tasted like boiled water.


We had an entire cabinet full of unopened spices and shit. My parents refused to use any of it.

id say anything my mother has ever made. not only does she cook like shit but she cant take any criticism or help nicely. the worst of recent has to be the "sweet and sour chicken" she made. it was boiled in a thermomix using thigh to a point where rubber is softer. instead of rice she grated up a cauliflower instead and didn't even drain the liquid from it before plating it. the sauce was some weird premix which was just sugar.

however thinking back almost everything shes made was garbage. because of her i hated t bone steak for quite some time and still have a slight aversion. i gotta say, years of built up frustration led me to becoming a pretty good cook because of it. I made my own lunches since year 1 and still do.

>>9280081
this with the spices, it was either so fucking awful (hot as fuck chilli with this "curry" powder) or so bland and overcooked

>>9279445
>Never once have I seen chicken cordon bleu with beef.
Me neither; *cordon bleu* normally is veil or beef. *Chicken cordon bleu* is what you get around here as frozen pre-made shit, and in shitty restaraunts too. In a proper place, you'd get veil.
(pardon my english, I'm not exactly sober and I wasn't yesterday, either)

My mom was pretty safe with "just add milk" boxes to bland Portuguese food. My dad however made some nasty ass pasta he picked up from working with a bunch of rich people.
>multi color pasta
>had some black stuff and some garlic
>smells and taste exactly like vomit
>me and my sisters are gagging
>broke my dad's heart

my mother's oatmeal is another thing I thought I didn't like because I never had it the right way
>cook quick oats to death in very small amount of water, until it forms a nice mushy blob
>oops that looks a little thick. better throw 2 cups of milk over the top and make it a soup
>also throw in a few chunks of old hard brown sugar on top, stirring optional
>no spices or fruits were harmed in the making of this nice healthy brekkie for the kiddos

>>9273740
My mother's always been a pretty good cook, taught me a good bit of what I know but there was one period of time after my stepdad died that her cooking suffered a bit, partially due to the heavy drinking cause y'know, stepdad died, partially because she was just so sad that she was putting less effort in to things in general.

Some of the meals were ok (before my stepdad died they were always pretty good), one or two were even pretty good but there was a good few times that it was legitimately bad, the one that sticks out the most is the time she irreparably burned bolognese sauce cause she passed out drunk and didn't wake up for a while, like the bottom of the sauce got burnt but the burnt flavour managed to permeate throughout the whole sauce, still ate it though cause I was hungry as fuck and cause it's my mother, I love her too much to reject her food unless I'm sick or just not hungry at all or if it's something I really fucking hate

>>9278025
>my dad got promoted we can afford to eat out 4/7 days a week
How old are you?

>>9279299
From what I understand back in the Depression a can of salmon was seen as a luxury - if you lived on a mostly self-sufficient farm it would be one of the exotic products you'd pick up every now and then when you brought eggs to the market to trade for coffee, sugar and flour. Stretching that can to feel 6-8 people just made sense if that was the size of your family. Half of my mother's people were farm people, so I'm guessing that was where that recipe came from.

>>9280533
25

My mother is a very impatient woman, bless her heart. She'd always have the oven set to 500 degrees because he logic was
>if it's hotter then it'll cook faster
She's improved bit by bit over the past 22 years, but thankfully she started dating a real chef and he's taken over most of the legwork.

My dad was pretty damn good, but refused to cook because he was afraid he'd burn something. Once a year he'd make this quiche that I swear to god nobody else could make. Ham, cheddar, onions, the usual stuff. But he'd cook it on low and would butter it every ten minutes and it would come out the perfect golden-brown.

I wish I had gotten the recipe from him before he passed last year. Don't think I'd be able to bring myself to eat another quiche when they'll never compare.

>>9280600
Damn man, that sucks, what was the cause of it.

>>9280600
Jesus, the old man is in the ground for like a year and your mom is already getting taken to the bone zone by some stranger? She really is impatient..

>>9280612
We don't know. He was found behind our local firehouse on a small trail four months after he went missing.

>>9280625
He's technically my step-father.
>Age 2 my mom leaves my heroine addicted biological father for my step father and has a kid with him
>Age 12 my mom divorces my step-father (the one who made the really good quiche) and leaves him for a younger guy
>Age 21 she has three kids leaves the younger guy for the chef I mentioned
She's 40 now with 5 kids and will probably just continue this trend every 8 or so years until she gives up

>>9280640
Damn man, that's pretty sad, I had a stepdad who used to cook some crazy shit too, one day he was feeling sick and stayed home from work, went to bed and died out of nowhere and mum only found out when she got home and found his body, I didn't find out for a week or so cause parents had joint custody, I knew something was up when mum picked me up from school on the Friday when I change houses with her friend driving the car and a big box of Brunetti's pastries was on the back seat, got home, had some of the pastries and she told me while I was munching on a pretty good custard tart thing, news didn't really register until Monday while I was in class and we were doing journal writing or some shit, that shit hit me real fucking hard when it finally registered man.

Mum became a massive alcoholic for a while and didn't start dating again for about 4-5 years

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>>9280667
I feel your pain m8. Best we can do is just move on and become the men our fathers would have wanted.

>>9280683
Yeah, I guess so man, truly moving on is hard as fuck though, sometimes the pain never really stops, it only gets less severe, back then it was like I got stabbed but now it's more like a phantom pain, there's been plenty more deaths in the family that I moved on from just fine but this one hit me harder than anything because we were so close.

>>9273740
I don't know about the absolute worst, but one thing I really hated was pasta and tomato sauce.

Don't get me wrong, I love tomato sauce, but my mom makes it so fucking watery it's disgusting.

It's like she doesn't even reduce it at all, there's always water at the bottom of the plate.
Told her a million times, but to this day she still makes it watery.

Luckily the few times I'm at hers she doesn't make it anymore or has me making it.

delicious childhood here. everything was great. it's amazing that so many meals still taste the same when I go back.

in fact I remember (britfag) sometimes my mum couldn't be bothered to cook and would offer to pay for a takeaway or fish and chips and I would refuse them. inferior to a proper meal.

>>9273740
My mum made oatmeal gruel sometimes. She tried to make me eat it by adding gummi bears. didn't work, I still can't eat that shit.
It just tastes like nothing and has this strange consistency. Hated it back then, hating it now, will be hating it in the future and will be have haten it

>>9274323
> Texture > Taste
>I would eat shit if it'd feel nice

I think I got a little sick. Taste is THE most important thing in food. Second is nutrition

>>9274374
Basically true, but most vegetables you can get in grocery stores are either imported from Spain, Kenya or some other shithole, or they lay around in the store for like 2 weeks. There the frozen veggies are in fact better.
ofc it's something different if you get them fresh from the farmer.

We have some farmers here who just have a small hut at the entrance to their fields, when you go there you can harvest stuff yourself, like potatos, salad, everything that's native here, then you wheigh that shit at the end and pay accordingly.
That's the freshest way you can actually buy vegetables I know of

>>9274626
I think the only reason this tasted bad was the paprika.
In my experince this stuff is in terms of flavour extremely dangerous.
It does not go well with many foods
You need to add exact the right amount because if you add a bit too little it tastes like nothing, but if you add a tad too much it will only be dry, spicy powder for dinner.

Try to substitute the paprica with honey and put it into the oven.

Fünf minuten unter den Grill, dazu dann kartoffeln.

>>9278129
cocoa powder? Gotta try this the next time.

My grandfather always puts sugar to the sauce, but not just "a bit" or "not much", no, one fucking handfull.
At least he has no problem with me making my own sauce

>>9281472
espresso's supposedly good too, though I only have a regular coffe maschine, and let me tell you, coffee isn't "just as good, try it!". And although I can see how some'd like suble coffee taste in a tomato sauce, I still wouldn't recommend trying with regular.

>>9278129
Why not just caramelize your fucking onions properly?

>>9274581
If it makes you feel any better it's fake

>>9280485
I make oatmeal every day for myself that I know is gross to anyone else. Half the bowl is steel cut oats, the other half filled up almost to the brim with water. Put it in the microwave for 99 seconds, then take it out, drain out any excess water, and pour cold milk on top so I can eat it quickly. I wouldn't serve it to my future kids, as I don't want it to be one of their food horror stories. I myself love it though.

Beets. Also, imitation crab meat sushi rolls with chockfull mayonnaise.
Other than that, I generally liked most of the stuff my mom cooked, not that I quite remember most of it, since she died when I was about 10 years old.

Her 'risotto' which was just a bland, grey sludge made of ground beef, rice and chopped onions cooked in wine

>>9280533
21 and still living at home, you got a problem with that?

>>9274626
>Germans ruin something again
I'm not surprised.

>>9274319
Ding ding ding.

I think instant poor cheap food that I can create much better food combos for the same price with. That combo doesn't even go together.

>>9274323
>texture > taste

This sounds like a good argument for those fucking weirdos on "my freaky addiction" who eat cigarette ashes for the "texture".

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>>9273740
When I was 10, my mom taught me how to cook a grilled cheese sandwich in an attempt to make me more independent as a kid and to make my own food so I could stop bothering her for food as much.

She made me grilled cheese sandwiches and taught me to do it by taking 2 slices of wheat bread and 1 slice of kraft american cheese and microwave it for 30 seconds.

I just now recently (3 years ago) found out that you're supposed to actually cook it.

I ate this for a decade or longer since that's how she cooked for me.

My mom used to make these portobello things for my brother and I because were were vegetarians as teens... I was basically just a large portobello cap with some mozzarella cheese toasted in a toaster oven. the things were EXTREMELY soggy, and covered in cheese grease. you could wring the thing out like a rag, and this semi-opaque grayish mushroom spore juice would come out She'd serve it with pesto, so I'd douse the things in that to try and block out the taste and swallow it as fast as possible. I feel bad saying this because she was tying to cater for our dumb needs, but it was so hard to eat those.

My mom was sometimes doing soups which were bland, I don't remember what were the ingredients though.

For someone else's mom, I was once invited by my landlord when I was doing an internship in Germany, the dinner consisted in 1) boiled sausages (from the freezer) and 2) raw bell peppers.

>>9282285
>boiled sausages
was there at least any mustard?

>>9276216
This is HILARIOUS BAHAHAHA. I swear to goodness this sounds exactly like something my mom would say

>>9282321
I think so yeah.

Paradoxically, even if German food does not have the best reputation, I found the food at the university canteen quite good during this internship.

>>9273740
Frozen cauliflower cheese that she'd throw into a pot with frozen spinach and chopped onion and cheddar cheese.

Simmered onion is not a phrase i want to hear anywhere outside of vegetable stock.

Also a pasta dish that consisted of beef mince, grated carrot, tinned sweetcorn, tinned kidney beans, onions, garlic, tinned tomato, frozen peas topped with pasta and cheese and baked. It doesn't sound bad but that was the base and she would chuck in whatever was going off or if she felt like adding other ingredients. Including, frozen spinach, green beans, broccoli, kale, spring onions, parsnip etc.

>>9282267
Serves you right for being a picky little shit and making it harder on your mother, you and your stupid brother deserved those soggy cheese mushrooms

>>9273783
No

>>9273811
caramelized apples, dried cranberries and sage goes pretty nice with a porkchop.

>all these stories about moms that can't cook

I feel for you anons. My mom when I was younger worked a LOT and she didn't get to cook often but she was Caribbean so she was resourceful as hell you could give her a shoe,rusty pot,meat,a bag of rice and a spice rack and she would have a crazy good meal. She would come home after a 12 hr shift whip up something amazing like fried fish and plantain with homemade juice prep a meal so my dad could throw it on the stove or in the oven and basically pass out.

Much older now but she is still a great cook.

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>>9282440
>getting this upset about someone not eating meat and mushrooms

>>9282632
I'm upset that they made it harder on their mother and that they have the balls to complain when the mother tried her best to make food for them and cater to their stupid diet.

They were being stupid fucking teens, you should not humour teens attempts to be vegetarian, it's always just bullshit attention seeking

My dad was a lazy cook and when he was left alone to feed us it would always be
>pasta bake
1-3 times a week.
A fuckhuge casserole dish filled with a two pounds of pasta.
A jar of spaghetti sauce
And topped with 1-2pounds of shredded cheese.

Baked until slightly burnt.

I cannot stomach that much cheese and sauce. Damn yall for making me remember that.

>>9282671
t.attention seeker

>>9282725
t.stupid fucking teen

>>9282727
t.rude

>>9282746
t.makes their mother overwork themselves

>>9282755
t.gender neutral mother

>>9282763
t.vegetarian, communist, anarchoqueer, polydemiamourous, chimerakin 9th grader

>>9282769
t.vegetarian, communist, anarchoqueer, polydemiamourous, chimerakin 7th grader

>>9282780
t.can't come up with an original comeback

I hope your mother chokes you to death in your sleep faggot

>>9282790
t.projects his incestual fantasies on others

>>9282796
t.doesn't know what incest is

Are you high?

>>9282800
t.alexithymic

>>9282829
t.literal retard

>>9282833
t.nice projector

>>9282836
t.stupid fucking teen

>>9282845
t.parrot

>>9282848
t.budgerigar

>>9282850
t.jealous of my plumage

>>9282855
t.jealous of my superior ability to speak

parrotlets btfo

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>>9282860
t.speechcuck

>>9282867
t.peabrain

You're the one that's cucked out of speaking well parrotlet

>>9273740

I can't handle spicy stuff or onions, so anything my mom would do that had these ingredients, i would hate

On top of that, one of the worst thing she had the family eat was meatballs with a shitty gravy sauce that somehow ended up giving everyone a headache. Mom ignored it for a few meals until everyone bitched about it

POT ROASSSTT

>>9276259
>plus your poop smells nice the next day
Please tell me you dont pick your spices by this criteria

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>>9273740
This is something estonians do. This is horrible and never try this. What you do is you take potatoes, carrots, pork and other vegetables of your choice, and put them all in a giant basically stone pot. Then if you want to be really real with this shit you put that pot in a literal fireplace to cook when there are hot ashes and no fire left. Then at the end of the day you have this thing that could be some succulent pork, some nice cooked vegetables etc. But it always invariably turns out as mushy vegetables and overcooked pork and it's disgusting. Estonians in my experience don't know how to cook for shit.

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>>9273740
My mum is a brilliant cook and never served up something inedible or foul. Only thing I could think of if i'm being nitpicky, is when she tried getting the sauce for mitarashi dangos right. It took a couple attempts before it tasted delicious but I remember tasting her first attempt when she used chinese soy sauce and it was incredibly salty.

>>9284056
Paprika is the gift that keeps on giving.

For me, i was glad to have storebought food... neither of my parents had time to cook and if they did, overly done spaghetti with sweet sugary sauce, and desert every meal..

No wonder I was a miserable fat child with no friends... but I shouldnt blame my parents for the bad diet, right?
Nickelodeon and cereal was a norm when back from school, I was never unhappy.

>>9277632
Why did you have 2 kids then you dumb cunt

>>9281472
Cocoa powder is only good for chili

>>9282373
What do people have against german food?

My mom makes a really incredible meatloaf. It's perfectly cooked every time, has the exact consistency and taste you want, incredible glaze, all of it.
From like.. 2006-2007 she has this one year period where every meatloaf she cooked tasted like dogshit. After the first time it happened, we were all like "woahhhhh what'd you do different" and her response was "absolutely nothing." It was so bad we ordered in. Except this happened 4 more times that year. By the 5th meatloaf, we all sat down, took a bite, and she burst into hysterical tears because it was that awful.
She didn't make another meatloaf for three years.
Came out completely fine.

My mom's a pretty good cook, born in 46 in a rural place she is also quite frugal. I still remember fetching preserved fruit for dessert and the paper bag of stale bread from which breadcrumbs were made.
After two strokes and a heart attack she doesn't cook that much anymore... also because there is no one left to cook for, although this will change very soon.

I guess my worst memory is her making a pot of chili for a few friends and me when I had a small birthday party and letting it burn because she was having neighbors over. My friends still loved it but I tasted the burn and was pretty upset.
Luckily I grew out of being a faggot and appreciate all she did and still does so I'll move back in with her. It's quite worrying when you have to throw out lots of spoilt stuff you know she would have eaten everytime you're there.

>>9280420
idk bro my dad is just a fat fuck and wanted extra ham and cheese with his chicken cutlet.

>>9284061
Sound like a stew as eaten anywhere in Europe. The trick is to cut in big pieces and throw in softer vegetables later.

>>9284409
All the salty heavy meats.

Good for pulling plow and not starving in winter.

Not good for shitposting/computer desk lifestyle.

>>9284714
Stews are liquidy though. This isn't.

>>9275296
Cold Kraft Mac N Cheese is unironically one of my favorites put some hotsauce pepper and salt into that and it's fucking great don't worry about your grandmother she loves you and you most likely gave her enough good memories. I don't even get to see my grandparents except my mother's mom who's going senile. They're too busy making money and working with kikes.

>>9275498
>has children
>too fucked to learn how to cook
It's not even hard nowadays you can make some pretty good food within an hour tops

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When I was a kid my mom would make a big pot of mac and cheese (like 4 quarts worth), and add canned tuna, diced onion, and chopped green olives (the kind from a jar with pimento). It was so bad she had to force us to eat it.

The worst part is, after it had sat in the fridge untouched for 4-5 days, she would bake it in a pyrex dish as a sort of casserole, adding mayo to it and topping it with bread crumbs.

That shit haunts me to this day.

>>9273783
>does x race really do this?
idk m8

>>9280533
31

>>9273783
>Do white people
there are no white people on the internet

>>9281416
That's just sad.

>>9275844
i think it's a southern thing actually. lived in the midwest my whole life and i've never heard of sugar in spaghetti sauce

>>9273864
That... Doesn't sound too bad.

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My whole childhood my mom cooked mondongo (cow guts) in the pressure cooker. This thing has a horrible smell and the weirdest texture. But the taste isn't so bad. It's quite the experience to eat it. And it's fairly common food for poor families in the south of Brazil.

So much bland food. Parents grew up poor so maybe it was nostalgic or maybe just habit but it was all so flavorless.

Ground beef and off-brand cream of mushroom soup served over mealy mashed potatoes and called it "stroganoff."

Spaghetti sauce made with a dry powder packet that tasted like salty water with a hint of tomato.

Microwave cheese sandwiches.

My dad would hunt in the fall so we often had deer or elk which was a treat but my mom didn't understand the concept of slow cooking so lots and lots of tough meat.

I don't even know if she can cook anything good.

>Overcooked pork chops, steak, or chicken. Just by itself
>Doesn't use salt to "make it healthier"
>Doesn't debone/scale fish or devein shrimp
>Tried to make spaghetti and meatballs out of hot dogs
>Tried to make curry with mozzarella cheese, guess she wanted a sub for paneer
>Once had sour tasting oatmeal because it turned out the milk was long past its sell-by date ("sell-by doesn't mean it expired!")
>Can't follow directions on a recipe without skipping steps or adding extra shit, baking is a disaster
>NEVER EVER CLEANS UP AFTER HERSELF

No wonder I grew up into a person who comes here to shitpost the night away

>>9285443
Uma delicia

>2017
>Not having a chef for a mom

>>9274140
They're good in ramen if you're being lazy

>>9278129
Fresh herbs and garlic added in are what make the sauce good, you monster

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>mfw me mum was one of those traditional housewives during my childhood and was fucking ace at the kitchen

>>9282285
that actually sounds pretty good to me but i'm a weirdo that likes to eat raw bell peppers

>>9278129
When I say she put sugar in the sauce, I mean SHE PUT SUGAR IN THE FUCKING SAUCE. Not a little, like 1/4th a cup.

>>9277834
>Had enough water to survive and not die only to shitpost eternally as a ghost

fucking normal richfags get off my board

>>9284748
Sounds like every germanic country's food, England included.

My dad could bake bread and make steamed meatbuns. My mom was an alco who managed to die from poisoning being away from the family for just one month and that broke his heart and in 4 years he died from a stroke. Female alcoholism is a hell of a thing it's like they don't have any will at all. Don't drink girls, keep to your sweet cocktails even if someone ridicules you.

>>9287421
>implying I don't add those
nigga, please.