I want to poop so baaaaaaddd

Prunes
Or a laxative pill

>>9235368
Ripe organic fruit. Prunes seem to work.

>>9235368
Coffee, and fresh fruit. Fucktons of it.

OATS

Subway Arbys or black coffee or hot sauce

blueberries

Sugar free gummy bears.
Like, a lot.

Drink olive oil. You will have a messy shit in no time.

>>9235368
Celery.

>>9235368
a bullet

fuck off shitposter

>>9235457
you don't even need that many

>>9235368
Chug a cup of black coffee. Or boil some cabbage and sprinkle some lime juice, black pepper, and salt.

>>9235500
Don't be a fucking pussy!

File: bristol_stool_chart.gif (51KB, 475x618px) Image search: [Google]

51KB, 475x618px

>tfw drink a large black coffee in the morning and then unload a huge type 5

For me, it's raisin bran, the best pipe cleaning cereal

Drink pickle juice; your colon will thank you.

>>9235368
senna in vegetable tablets

step 1, eat a bunch of muhfuggin dates, chew more than you normally do
step 2, drink a fuggin dickload of water
step 3, go to sleep
step 4, wake up, have a cigarette and some coffee
step 5, enjoy your evacuation

taco bell

File: ab-complete-wheat-flakes.png (62KB, 405x540px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 405x540px

>>9235368
All Bran
Congratulations anon! You are officially an adult the day you start needing this shit to get your own shit moving!

>>9235368
Eat a lot of gum.

Food grade oils:

Mineral oil
Flaxseed oil.

Hell, take a swig of olive oil.

It's not going to soften the stool, it'll lube the way.

A big bowl of cheesy rice

>>9235457
Brend aneil.

>>9235368
Try squatting. The problem with sitting toilets is that it normalized constipation. "civilized" countries have a higher rate of colon-rectal cancer than developing countries. Doctors don't want to cure chronic problems they just want to sell you a relief or surgery.

>>9235368
eat whole plant foods dummy, with lots of greens, cruciferous, and lettuce. They're yummy.

>>9236994
I squat. Works great. I will not live unassisted if I ever get too weak to squat poop.

>>9236994
>sitting toilets causes colon cancer
whew lads

>>9236039
POOP ULTRA!

>>9237016
2012 colorectal cancer for men
36 per 100,000(developed) vs 13 per 100,000(less developed)

>>9237029
possibly linked to prostate cancer as well
2012 prostate cancer stats
69.5 per 100k (developed) vs 14.5 per 100k (less)

>>9237016
It increases the risk.
Work on your reading comprehension, retard.

>>9235368
>What should I eat when I can't poop that's not some kind of medicine or nasty "health" food?
Fuck off
Your mind is diseased

>>9237029
>>9237036

People.

The only influential factor on people's asses within society is not the toilet.

If I were to blame rectal cancer on one single thing in the developed world it would be the diet. Food. The thing that starts constipation. The main subject of this board.

File: b84c1cea-1d83-4e85-bc3f-e3abe2725f35.jpg.w960.jpg (86KB, 960x960px) Image search: [Google]

86KB, 960x960px

Metamucil. Or just buy generic psyllium fiber powder. Drink it before bed with a lot of water and you'll take a monster shit in the morning.

>>9237053
I'd blame lifestyle as well. People spend most of their time sitting down at work or in front of a computer/tv all day and when it's time to poop they're straining and grunting because sitting puts a kink in the colon with the puborectalis muscle. Squatting is natural there's nothing to be ashamed of. Try it and you'll realize you've been doing it wrong your whole life.

>>9235495
>fuck off shitposter
heh

I find that yawning helps me when I can't shit.

>>9235368
Russian Kvass. The live yeast will give you TREMENDOUS shits. Taste might be an issue though, it's basically sour fermented bread water.

>>9237217
This, or deep breathing.

>>9237086
Will do India

File: 1498468433542.jpg (51KB, 500x430px) Image search: [Google]

51KB, 500x430px

>>9237086

>read on /b/ that sitting on the backwords puts you in a more natural postion
>try it
>realize ive been doing it wrong my whole life
>tfw when no one wants to listen cause they think your just memeing
>tfw your just trying to help

black beans, vegetables, fruit (especially prunes), raisin bran, prune juice, etc. just don't go over 30g fiber per day

>>9237086
>puborectalis muscle

I think you mean the pyloric valve.

>>9237036
No it doesn't you fucking moron

>>9235368
Dose some food in olive oil or eat a bunch of pumpkin.

>>9235368
Eat some dried figs and take 400 mg of chelated magnesium (my favorite is magnesium taurate) at night before bed.

File: 1375919327115.png (207KB, 1160x978px) Image search: [Google]

207KB, 1160x978px

cosmoline spaghetti

Get you a jar of chili peppers. Eat you 10 of those bad boys.

>>9235368
food with fibre, and water. if you can't figure this outthen i don't see how this info is going to help

Sugar free gummy bears. Read the reviews on Amazon for some laughs.

Black coffee and a cigarette

What are some good foods for snacking on while you're trying to force out a really stubborn turd?

>>9235368
Use a poop stool

>>9237029
And how did you deduce sitting toilets had to be the culprit for the increased rate of colon cancer may I ask?

>>9241049
milk of magnesia

try squatting when you poop, the shit will just slip outta your ass. just make sure dont fall off and bang your head

>>9241089
The truth is that colon cancer, like other kinds of cancer, is a complex disease. The exact cause is not very clear. Yet, the underlying cause is stagnation of waste (fecal stagnation) in the colon.

What had protected the developing world from colon cancer is the natural cleanliness of the colon as a result of using the squatting position for waste evacuation.

By forcing users to sit instead of squat, the sitting toilet makes it physically impossible to evacuate waste effectively and causes fecal stagnation -- the primary cause of colon cancer and inflammatory bowel diseases.

I used to suffer from constipation and took fiber which helped but didn't solve the underlying issue. I discovered a youtube video years ago before squatty potty came about and every time I poop I feel completely empty afterwards. My whole life I was doing it wrong: shitting myself in diapers as a baby and then straining on the toilet as a kid. Doctors telling you they don't know the cause but take these meds for the rest of your life. Do I know that sitting toilet causes cancer? fuck no, but I do know that squatting feels good.

>>9238978
Add a fat source for maximum absorption of the magnesium, e.g. a teaspoon of butter.

>>9241134
Ever since using squat toilets in China, I lean completely forward when using Western style toilets. My chest is almost against my knees. I get the impression that it straightens the lower intestinal tract.

File: anorectalangle_1.jpg (71KB, 1055x652px) Image search: [Google]

71KB, 1055x652px

>>9237086
>puborectalis
That's the keyword I was looking for.

>>9241134
That was a very roundabout way of admitting you were full of shit, lad.

>Yet, the underlying cause is stagnation of waste (fecal stagnation) in the colon.
Yeah. Those 5 extra measly minutes spent on the toilet are the biggest factor contributing to stagnation, and not the shitty western diet of garbage processed foods and excessive animal products that makes people poop only once over several days. Sounds about right.

>>9236994
>"civilized" countries have a higher rate of colon-rectal cancer than developing countries
You have to live to the age when you can get the cancer bro

I haven't shit at my own house in over a year.
I only manage to go once a week, so when I do it's like unloading 5lb of peanut butter into the toilet.
My home toilet just can't handle that so I have to use the strong commercial toilets at Walmart.

File: puborectalis.png (45KB, 534x355px) Image search: [Google]

45KB, 534x355px

>>9237647
pyloric valve is in the stomach

>>9241252
>full of shit
Not when I completely evacuate my bowels by squatting. Do you unwillingly pinch your shit off or can you make one complete coil? Why don't you try squatting the next time you poop? It takes some building up to or if you're too heavy you can use a step ladder or something (I don't think a squatty potty is worth 20 bucks when you can squat for free).

>>9235368
Celery. A whole pack of celery.

File: mrZWRo_eHyXA5ICFQVqrFlQ.jpg (10KB, 225x225px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 225x225px

Take a shower head with a hose and place an anal friendly probe on the end of it. Use warm water to get your ass in order. Hopefully your toilet and shower are close enough.

>>9235368
Sushi. About half the time after I binge at Sushi Express, I get a bad case of the runs.

>>9241330

You don't understand opium addiction.

>>9235368
can't go wrong with any dried fruit. prunes are the best for the effect but if you can't stand the taste dried apricots work well too. eat a lot of them.

>>9241397

Do you know what happens with a dried colon? The shit you put in after it just backs up. Are you new at this?

Do what I do:

Drink a large black coffee in the morning, eat something fatty and carby for breakfast, add hot sauce/peppers to whatever your lunch is, and after work buy one of the spicy pickles in a pouch and make sure to drink the juice.

You WILL shit by the end of the day.

Drink Dr. Pooper

>>9235368

Drink a beer and have a smoke, you will shit after 5 minutes

File: 1498488579050.jpg (53KB, 369x375px) Image search: [Google]

53KB, 369x375px

Drink lots of water, have a large black coffee, eat lots of fresh fruit and vegetables like oranges or carrots until you feel full. If all else fails make and drink a wickedly spicy soup broth.

Spicy Thai food

>>9235368
chug as much prune juice as you can

File: canadianleaf.jpg (24KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 500x500px

>>9235368
Chug one of these and call me in the afternoon

m8 i have the opposite problem

full blown diarrhea for 4 days now, already on ORS

should i kill myself?

>>9243774
Just stay hydrated

>>9235384
brother

nicotine and coffee.

i just took a huge dump with the help of general snus and instant coffee.

File: taco_bell.webm (831KB, 854x480px) Image search: [Google]

831KB, 854x480px

>>9236023
>taco bell

>>9235368
coffee and a steady diet of bourbon. You'll be wrecking toilet bowls in no time.

>>9241276
I have literal wipeless shits since I went on a whole-foods, plant-based diet. I don't really need any advice regarding shits.

>>9235457
These are sweetened with a sugar alcohol called sorbitol which is actually used as a laxative in medicine. Same thing with many sugar free candies/gum

Get a box of fiber one bars, eat two of them, then brace for impact.

>>9246832
Why stop at 2?

File: 1419015131473.jpg (597KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

597KB, 1920x1080px

>>9235368
cigarette and coffee

Eat a clove of garlic, give it an hour and the shit will be running out of you.

>>9236019
>>9241028
>>9247144

This. Drink a cup of coffee, smoke a cigarette and try NOT to shit.

>>9247477
>>9247144
Is this why hipsters fucks are always wasting their money on coffee and cigarettes? Because they're constipated 24/7? I thought my old friends were just pretentious fucks.

>>9235368
Not going to lie, I thought I came up with OP's pic independently. Let's you know "you made it big" sort of thing.
>i have a mansion!
>i have a private jet!
>i have a solid gold toilet. I win.
I can't tell you how pissed I am.

File: owl.webm (820KB, 720x404px) Image search: [Google]

820KB, 720x404px

>>9235380
Coffee and orange juice always do it for me when I want to empty the tank.

I don't even know why I came in this thread but I sure ended up more educated about pooping.

>>9235368
Flax seed and oats are great and they have a lot of fiber. Look for things that are high in dietary fiber. If you're having trouble pooping you should really make sure you are getting enough leafy greens in your diet. A lot of meat can make you constipated as well.

>>9235544
>tfw an alcoholic and it's a 5 6 or 7 every time

Actually it's only ever a 7 if I eat a lot of fried food on the night.

Good quality jam on extra fiber wheat toast
They are high in pectin, which can help you poop.

>>9247488
>wasting their money on coffee
It's pretty cheap for the quality of life/morale boost.

>>9247495
>I thought I came up with OP's pic independently
You jackass, this idea is so old that Vladimir Lenin bragged about the USSR's prowess by saying he'd put gold toilets in every public restroom.

>>9235368
OP. Don't listen to anyone else, listen to me.

I have had worse constipation than you can imagine. 2 weeks with no shit and also straight up blood.

You can't poop because you are dehydrated. Drink more water. Like, waaaaaaaaaaaay more.

Prunes and laxatives will help but they won't do the trick with the stuff that is already far along. It's all about water, man.

Take stool softerners and then drink a shit load of water if you're constipated cuz it's gonna be unpleasant

Then have a couple cups of coffee

Godspeed and good luck, and may god have mercy on your ravaged butthole.

>>9235368
Prune juice

I was constipated for like five days last month, chugged a ton of prune juice, half an hour later felt some action, expelled a waterfall from my ass, felt so amazing

>>9248125
not when they go to the local snazzy up the ass coffee joint 3-5 times a week and spend 15 bucks.

It got old after my 2nd time. How they keep going hundreds of times over? I don't know I'm not friends with them anymore.

prunes and mineral oil, my man