Worst Tourist Thread

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>be a leaf
>enjoying my meal at a fine leaf establishment, perhaps with friends or family
>suddenly hear a glass-shattering, ear-splitting guffaw from the table next to ours
>"A HYUCK HYUCK THIS HERE CANADER SURE IS WEIRD!!!!"
>turn my head, suddenly make eye contact with a 500 pound dough-creature and his equally fat wife, chortling hard as they slurp gravy from a bowl
>turn back, oh god, maybe he won't-
>"WELL A HOWDY THERE STRANGER"
>hamplanet comes up behind me wearing an American flag t-shirt that barely covers his immense girth, have to force a smile and greeting
>"HOW'S YER MEAL GOING, PARDNER? BOY, YER CUNTRY SURE IS A RIGHT FUNNY ONE, TOO MANY POLAR BEARS AROUND HERE, EH????"
>ha ha ha, yes sir, now if you wouldn't min-
>immediately get struck on the back with the force of tactical nuke, nearly catapulting my now-ruined meal out of my esophagus
>am forced to listen to this beast repeat his life story over the span of nearly an hour
>"WELL, I'LL CATCH YA ON THE FLIP SIDE, MUH LUMBERJACK PAL!! GOTTA GO SEE THAT NIGGERA FALLS!"
>never return to that restaurant again

They don't get sick because they're used to dirty conditions

>>9148668
Why are Anglos such bad tourists?

>>9148730
>be Hamburger Ambassador to Cucknada
>wife comes along because she wants to see the crazy Canucks in their natural habitat
>decide to stop at an old restaurant for a bite
>waiter doesn't come to seat us and apologizes profusely in Chinese
>ask for an all-beef hamburger, coke, and a side of freedom fries
>apologizes again and states that they only have beaver on hand, I have to explain to this socialist what "freedom fries" are too
>delivers the food and the buns are Tim Hortons donuts, they put cheese and gravy on my fries which I happily eat thinking this is my due for being such a good ambassador of my country
>quickly comment at the satisfying strangeness of such a backwards civilization, local hears me and mumbles an apology
>seeing as I upset this fellow somehow I walk up and give him a friendly pat, his frail figure almost tumbles out of his chair
>poor soul probably hasn't had his daily dose of HFCS and trans fats yet
>try to calm the poor soul with a good ol' country story and tales of a better life in Freedomland
>visibly shaken I cut my story short and realize I'm late for my trip to Niggera Falls

Was a pretty fun trip but the locals are too soft. They need a war or two to toughen 'm up I think.

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>>9148730
Fuck off leaf!
All you Canuck snow birds --or should I say, snow niggers-- come down to my island paradise on the southeast coast and shit the place up. With all the Chinese taking over your country, I can only assume their slant eyed women are teaching y'all how to drive. It's either that or your maple syrup soaked brain can't figure out how to convert your stupid kill-o-meters into our damn freedom miles!

DAY OF THE RAKE WHEN?

>>9148771
Inbreeding probably.

>>9148730
Shit that never happened

>>9148771
Bitterness after losing grip on all the countries they conquered.

>>9149444
Doesn't matter as long as I get (You)s.

>>9148730
>NIGGERA FALLS
I didn't laugh but at least I smiled.

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>>9148730
>be a leaf
>enjoying my meal at a fine leaf establishment, perhaps with friends or family
>"CANADAAAAAAAA"
>turn my head, suddenly spot a 85 pound midget and his even more diminutive wife screaming at the ground they stand on
>turn back, maybe he won't
>"CANADAAAAAAA"
>"TETSUOOOOO"

>>9148730
>amerifat who lived in Toronto for 2 years here
>average Toronto people talk just like Americans, no Canadian accent at all
>No culture except what the foreigners bring
>Several times I am accosted by militant Canadians telling me my country starts too many wars and arrests people for weed
>Remind them that Canada sends their military to help us but it never matters because their military is pathetic, and also weed is still illegal in Canada and hundreds of thousands of people are arrested every year for weed in Canada, while weed is legal in several US states currently
>get a job back in the US and get ready to move back
>the Canadians say it's too bad I'll lose that awesome Canadian healthcare
>I explain that my job comes with highly subsidized insurance that comes with dental and vision plan, unlike shitty basic public Canadian healthcare which does not include dental nor vision
poutine is OK though

>>9148730
>go to Canada
>It's like the USA but colder and Tim Horton's instead of Dunkin' Donuts
>Stay at a Comfort Inn rated 4.2
>Late at night hear commotion across the street
>Look out window
>Drunken, shirtless Canadians having fist fight in front of a bar
>It's like I never left the US

>>9148732
They're not really getting sick, the article implies that Brits are niggers trying to get free shit by faking illness.

https://youtu.be/z6LaDJYOTvg

Real Canadians.

>>9149499
>their military is pathetic
our training is actually quite good, the only problem is other government sectors overspending and being bailed out by taking money from the military

t. combat leaf

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>>9148787
>Recites pledge of allegiance through tears of patriotic joy

>>9149499
toronto is the asshole of canada, permanently butthurt because their ice puck team sucks dick

>>9149960
And they're called the "leafs", I shit you not. Not "leaves" (which would be a dumb enough mascot already) but "leafs".

I even had some fucking Toronto guy try to defend it by saying "each player is one leaf, so therefore several of them is called leafs". Wanted to punch this guy

>>9149883
To be fair, you don't need a military. The only threat is from the USA, which you wouldn't be tod o anything about regardless of spending.

>>9150060
We do actually need a military because we actually payed our taxes and stayed in the Commonwealth, and when Britain goes to war we usually follow suit (except for Iraq because that was retarded).

>>9150029
A fucking leaf

Come to think of it, people the UK usually are constantly bitching about getting sick from stuff.

>>9150029
>"each player is one leaf, so therefore several of them is called leafs"

Even without the grammar error I think the only response I could come up with would be "Are you mentally impaired?"

>>9149140
I'd love to hear the logic behind this particular comment.

>>9151570
Hypochondria is a national pastime

>>9148771
>pretending Asians don't travel in packs of 50 and scream over each other regardless of setting

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>>9151712
>implying brits are not the massively misshapen genetic dredge product of hundreds of years of massive inbreeding

el
oh
el

>>9151812
The bongs have been conquered and colonized three times in history.
They may be dumb but they aren't inbred.

>>9148668
All those rotten toothed burgersharts outside of Buckingham palace are absolutely the rudest tourists you'll ever meet.

>>9149480
>Try to enjoy my poutine and tim horton's
>have to make my way around flying debris and psychic blasts

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>>9151818
Yes Nigel, you are inbred

>>9151818
>Romans
>Vikings
>Normans
I never knew this.

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>>9151875
The Britard conveniently forgot the French

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>>9148668
pic related, every british tourist

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>>9151886
>the Normans were not French
Retard.

>>9151886
Where do you think Normandy is?

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>>9151892
>>9151896
You are both right actually. My bad.

You are still retarded

>>9151886
>normans

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>>9151823
kekek

>>9151946
What's, uh... what's going on in Japan?

>>9152226
japan can get away from not seeing the dentist often since they don't eat as much food that is loaded with sugar

>>9152372
Also, they think mildly crooked teeth is cute.