chopping onions

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>>9106138
Grilling kittens.

>>9106138
Just use a katana honed to a razor edge. The glorious Nipponese steel will cut through the onions so precisely that none of the juices will be released into the air.

>>9106166
I disagree, a claymore or long sword with give you a greater reach, allowing you to stay away from the juices while chopping or dicing.

>>9106138
Just use slap chop.

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Am I the only one who kinda enjoys chopping onions for the feeling it gives my eyes? It honestly just feels so nice and when tears start flowing down it makes me feel really comfy and content with life.

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>>9106252

>>9106252
You are a sad individual

I make onion dishes on nights where the depression is flaring so I can pretend the onions are the reason there are tears in my eyes.

All I do at work is make hundreds and hundreds of onion rings, cutting onions no longer bothers me, though now I stink like onions almost all the time.

>>9106392
Thank you for your sacrifice

Keeping your knife sharp cuts down on that a ton. I experienced no eye irritation the last time I diced a red onion. If your knife doesn't bite into the face of your thumbnail, it's way too dull.

>>9106252
That's interesting. I know some people, particularly women, enjoy sad music or movies because the sad feeling stimulates dopamine to compensate. I wonder if just crying from onions triggers the same.

>wear swimming goggles
>turn the faucet on
>light a candle
this is basic level /ck/

>>9106182
>not using a guillotine that's released using a lever in another room

>>9106138
Just hold your damn breath.

>>9106138
every kitchen should have a pair of onion goggles

>>9106517
Literally why? Cut them near the vent/hood that you damn well better have. Works much better than any goggles I've ever used for that application.

>>9106441
>looks ridiculous
>sounds like a wives' tale
>looks ridiculous

The actual answer is have a sharp knife. Of course if you're prepping an entire bag swimming goggles aren't a bad idea.

Are some onions worse than others? I've found I don't cry at all with red onions as opposed to white or yellow, but one time I was cooking with a friend who only rarely cooks with red onions and her eyes wouldn't stop watering.

get contact lenses i can chop onions all day long

Put the onions in the refrigerator for a bit before you start cutting them if possible. When they're cold they don't make your eyes tear as much.

>>9106138
Just use a fukn food processor on the pulse setting

Lads, I forgot to buy onions during my last trip to the store
Can I substitute them for garlic? I don't want to go out just to buy onions

>>9106138

Soak them in cold water first you nigger.

>>9106667
>The actual answer is have a sharp knife.

This.

>>9106392
I used to work part-time as a cook at an indian restaurant and gradually started to smell like them, funnily it was only after I smelled like the average indian(minus the poo) that they accepted me.

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squeezing lemons

>>9106252
I like chopping onions because when I do it every day my body becomes resistant to the acid and I can chop the just fine
It's always nice when I'm the one chopping but everyone else is crying

The secret is to breath through your mouth only.

>>9106424
Being sad can be a pleasant feeling. You can feel all 'woe is me', watch sad films, cry and think about how sad you are, imagining yourself as the protagonist of a sad film. It is really self indulging.

>>9107533
Why is he so popular here? Often I see people make jokes about the dishes he cooks. But for me, he cooks just fine, yes, maybe he has cooked several dishes in the wrong way, but in general, nothing is wrong with him his ribs and as seen on TV reviews

>>9107774
bait

>grow up with Mom cooking everything
>don't even attempt to cook until late teens
>use mom's cookware
>chopping onions is always a nightmare
>try the fancy chopping method from tv
>onion sliding on the counter top
>knife has to be forced through the onion's peeled surface
>picking out larger pieces of onion and chopping them separately
>eyes on fire every time

>eventually move out
>have to buy my own shit
>gotta chop onions...
>new knives slide through onions like butter
>uniform sizes
>no tears

It finally dawned on me that I'd never seen my mother sharpen a knife in the 20 years we'd lived together.
The fact that she made chopping anything with those things look so easy boggles my mind.

>eyes never start burning when chopping onions except if I have to cut over 10
Why is everyone so weak?

I wear contact lenses, and as an added benefit, they give total protection against the dreaded onion fumes.

>work at shitty sandwich shop
>coworkers use dicer to chop onions and still manage to tear up everytime
>cut up an onion in half the amount of time with a knife and 0 tears
>omg anon thats so unsafe

>>9107849
More like why are your onions so weak

>>9107350
Those are two different things anon. Wtf?

Use a sharp knife you fucking fag

>>9106601
wait, you've actually used onion goggles? I didn't even know they were a real thing outside of jack lore

>>9106392
This, it has to do with tolerance. Onions only irritate my eyes if I haven't cut them for a while.

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>>9107774

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>>9106138

>>9108384
Was he burned to death in a past life? He is so deathly afraid of any thing involving heat.

>>9106601
>Cut them near the vent/hood that you damn well better have.
Is that a health requirement? My shitty house doesn't have one.

>>9108384
How did he manage to undercook that thin piece of meat

The only reason to cry while chopping onions is because you're either a faggot, or using a dull knife. If you use a sharp knife you won't cry.

>>9107943
This

>work in pizza joint
>oh no we're out of diced onions!
>prep guy (nothing more than dishwasher, really) grabs slap chop, starts setting up his battle station
>takes forever since you can't diced an entire onion in one go, plus obnoxious noise
>can't wait any longer, it's like customers psychically know we're out so it's on every order
>grab knife, dice onions like ramsay does
>trying to show prep guy how i'm doing it so i can go back to making food
>"Anon wear a cutting glove!"
>"It takes precision away, besides if you use rocking cuts like this..."
>manager comes around corner
>ANON YOU WILL WEAR A CUTTING GLOVE OR YOU WILL STOP
>getting frustrated because I've never worn one, and not being used to it, no longer uniform dicing just like I was telling dish bitch
>Manager comes back
>"Anon these aren't uniform, why are you not using the slap chop like everyone else?! Stop trying to show off, practice your skills at home, not at work"
>"Sir, I *literally* work with onions on a daily basis, I don't need it and I perform the task better and faster this way."
>Manager looks me right in the eye and says "Take a 5 minute break to smoke your joint and get back to the fucking line you squash"
>no Idea what he meant to say instead of squash since he already said fucking and I know cursing isn't beneath him
>Go back to line since I don't have any drugs on me, waiting every other pizza for onions
>manager: "WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG BACK THERE"

Managers man, they have to follow the rules that are entirely counter-productive

And fuck people who don't know how to dice onions. it's so easy a retard could do it

>>9106138
How do other people here dice them?

>>9108472
Fuck you too you whiny prick, go start a thread if you want to write a bitchblog about your job since that's all you food industry faggots do on here.

>>9110049
This fag does not know how to chop onions. How does it feel to be a failure

>>9109436

I like to do what Ramsay does (See below) but I peel the shit after I cut it in half and I don't bother with the horizontal cuts that he does before his starts to actually dice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCGS067s0zo