Help me roast a chicken

>>9000290
youtube 'foodwishes under a brick chicken'

that's a really good recipe

Heat your rectum to 250F
Place chicken fully in rectum
Sit 6 hours
Take chicken out of rectum, let it rest for 30 minutes before cutting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWLt6G85zC4
it's simple.

>>9000292
The only bricks I have are currently holding my house up
>>9000295
Could work, seems like it would be bland though
>>9000310
Thank you anon, this looks like a good method. I'm going to cover the outside in butter and at least 4x as much seasoning.

Side note, this bird is 10lbs.

>>9000322
jacques pepin quick roast chicken, its a great way to make a mediocre bird tender and delicious

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It's easy as shit

>salt and pepper that fuck
>maybe butter under the skin if you're feeling sassy
>shove some salt and pepper in its ass (remove bag of guts) first and maybe some rosemary and cloves or a lemon
>truss it if you feel like it
>400/ 425 convection for however large that bird is I'm not doing math
>wa la

>>9000330
>jacques pepin quick roast chicken

Is this what you're referring to? Seems like a meme
http://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/quick-roasted-chicken-mustard-and-garlic

>>9000341
Shit thanks anon. This is what I was looking for. What do you feel about some sweet hungarian paprika on the skin too?

>>9000290
Aren't there instructions on the back

>>9000348
Holy shit there are! It even has one of these little red pin things to stick in it.

It says:
>remove giblets
>Season as desired - No salt needed (pre salted)
>Place in roasting pan breast side up
>Cover in foil and cook until done

I think I'm ready to try and tackle this. Will update with progress pics

>>9000342
>seems like meme
>seems like an element of a culture or system of behaviour passed from one individual to another by imitation or other non-genetic means.
Doubt it.

>>9000341
>>truss it if you feel like it
If you don't then you'll have dry breasts. Gotta plug that cavity, bro.

>>9000381
I'm just thinking soy sauce and tabasco doesn't sound good on roasted chicken

Easy. Toss it in the trash. Go vegan.

>>9000342
yes it is, ommit the tabsco and the herbs, it doesnt matter.
The secret is the removing of the backbone and the cutting of joint to make for equal cooking time.
The sauce is delicious after cooking and tenderizes the chicken, i know it sounds weird at first.

>>9000393
He was asking how to cook a whole chicken, not how your mother got rid of you

>>9000393
>Go vegan
there's little meat on a vegan, and cannibalism is illegal

>>9000651
Vegans aren't human so it's fine

>>9000651
They're made of tofu. It's cool

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>>9000346
I do that too - in fact I dust it with baking powder (not soda) and paprika or chili powder to try and make the skin crisp up after I brine it and air dry it but if you're just throwing it in the oven just spicing the skin is fine - be creative

>>9000384
Fair dos, I know I do, but some people are satisfied with placing a big needle through the skin and ass rather than using cooking twine