Cooking with Satan

Better life choices

>>8956998
Do you use stainless steel or nonstick for those?

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>>8956998
like what?

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>>8956998

Make a turducken

Pots and pans ironman suit if dubz

Make your hand stay in disposal while running for 10 seconds if tripsies

Make no more random posts for all else

>>8957029
This
Preferably involving more than two animals

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>>8957029
i dont have any turds tho

>>8957039
Use different animals then.
Just make a dish that's one beast inside another, just like my run-in with your mother last night.

>>8956996
Southern tomato gravy and biscuits.

i shall make bread again

>>8957064
You imbecile. It isn't southern tomato gravy, it's sausage gravy pure and white.

>>8957143

This sounds like a good choice, oh wise one.

>>8957143
Why did you ask us what you should make if you're just gonna do your own idea any way?

Make raisin bread.

>>8957039
>i dont have any turds tho


I just got this. Lolololol ok ok llllolololl

>>8957161
maybe i will add rasins.

>>8957161
Cause NIN mixer dude says FUCK YOU that's why.

>>8957178
>NIN mixer
>Satan
Are you 15?

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>>8957178
damn right motherfuckers

>>8957183
Add hominid attacks for no reason? Lay off the roids and get back to /fit?

>>8957183
im a tad older

2017 and still listening to NIN

>>8956996
Well what are your options? I mean what can you work with?

>>8957209
his new stuff sucks, tru

>>8957215
im making bread faggot. try to keep up

>>8957220
>im making bread faggot. try to keep up

Lols. Yeah faglord! Get a fucking clue! Also, welcome to the thread.

I'm a complete cuck faggot currently in a sexual relationship with my wife's son.

>>8957186
Hey nin mixer dude (nmd), why are you making bread again? You eat that entire Pullman loaf already?

>>8957246
I take this back.

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>>8957246
holy FAGGGGGGEEEEEEET you are in a real faGAY situation Faggget lucky for you yyou can KYS FAGGGGGET if its really to FUCKIGN MUCH you facking cuck BOIIIIIIIIIIII FAGGGGGGGGGGGGETTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

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>>8957246
hahahah you forgot to not capitalize like i do

>>8957258
>tumbler.gif

Who's a gigantic fag? Go back to pinterest.

87% hydration????? Nmd is a fucking madman.

>>8957268
>>8957280

Lol. Forgot to remove name

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>>8957280
its whole wheat. needs more water

im the real op all you imposters can fuck off

>>8957268
Any image search can produce tumblr images. That means nothing.

>>8957280
and 360 / 480 = 75% faggot

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>>8957251
ya. wife and i go through a loaf quick

>>8957303
>I dont understand that sugar counts as a liquid when calculating hydration

What does sugar do when it heats up, friend?

>>8957323
>What does sugar do when it heats up, friend?

Also, what does sugar do when it contacts water?

>>8957323
it burns

>>8957329
It melts first, turns into liquid.

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>>8957339
then it caramelizes and then burns.

anyway imma make coffee while the bread rises.

and yes i roasted the beans myself

>>8957345
>roasted the beans myself

What I your method? Tools? I use a popcorn popper.

same
im working on a real roaster tho

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shit

>>8957288
POTS AND PANS IRONMAN SUIT NOW!!!!

You are, yet again, the biggest disappointment today.

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>>8957739
thank you

>>8957749
Its not awful. Its disappointing, but you can still be somewhat proud of that.

I look forward to crumb shots.

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>>8957757
no you dont :p

>>8957772
Oh god. Why would you make something like that?????

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>>8957825
grilled cheese. mmm

>>8956998
fpbp stan btfo

>>8958728

I would make a comment about how you obviously like a little bread with your butter. But since I'm a total fat ass too, ill just go with "muh nigga!"

>>8957877
Looks like a frying pan not a grill.

>>8958728
Heart disease

Jesus christ dude. First of all your camera is ass so everything you take a picture of suffers, but also your place looks like a mess, your handwriting looks like a toddler's, your bread looks disgusting and you burn everything. Just stop posting desu.

>>8959214
>desu
kys

>>8959232
gtfo newfag

>>8956996
Hate to say it senpai, excluding the cookware your interior looks like a rundown white trash single wide mobile home.

le funny cooking thread attempting to recreate something with tons of flavor ecks di

>>8959273
>>8959214

These posts were hateful and mean and not constructive in anyway.

>>8959145
>I like to repeat the same bullshit over and over again. I also have no friends.

Satan, that bread needs some work. Have you considered not doing whole wheat like that? A lot of whole wheat breads are still made with 50 to 75% unbleached white bread flour. Its got the glutens - and thats what plants crave.

You can also buy vital wheat gluten at the stores and add it to your dough.

In anycase, don't let the haters get you down. Your recent threads have been the only reason to be on /ck. A quick survey of the first page right now is basically just 3 alky threads, a peanut butter and pickles troll thread, an unveiled racist mosquito burger thread, a pizza rolls thread, a "how do I order a pizza" thread, a boiled meat troll thread.

Honestly, by comparison your thread looks like god damn thread of the year so far. This board is so full of shit heads, jerk offs, neet faggots, sperglords, and cuck fuckbois it's just fucking unbelievable.

Then someone fucking mills their own grain and makes bread and they get treated horrible.

Fuckbois need to go back to their mcchicken threads.

>>8957877
Did you also make the cheese yourself?

>>8959197
whole wheat does not cause heart disease. white bread does...

>>8959273

its a doublewide, thank you

>>8959979
im going to keep with the whole wheat since im grinding it.
next one will be more hydrated. i will barley mix by hand. i had a loaf rise really well before doing that. i just didnt really write down what i did

>>8956998
fpbp

>>8960363
how long do you let it rise?

>>8960363
>>doublewide
>spends fortune on le creuset meme cookware
>has all the gadgets and machinery
>literally lives alone in a trailer park
Dude, you've got your priorities all mixed up.

>>8960420
i live with my wife on 5 acres. thanks

no cooking today. im on a turpentine fast

>>8960556
>turpentine fast
Wtf

>>8960556
Is that one of those trailer park diets where you just huff all your meals?

>>8960590
pure turpentine. no more than 1 tsp

>>8960401
as long as it takes

>>8960438
Anon that thought it was a single wide, here. Good on ya! I've been in a number of double wides and those can be comfy. Being on 5 acres is big time cool as shit. You're living a life that these coastal fucks in a 500 sqft apt for $1500/month would salivate over. Recommend not huffing turpentine or petroleum based products, however.

t. lives in the state in the union that ranks lowest in every category on 3 acres.

>>8960939
>>8960438

What do you guys do with all that land?

I looked at a couple 4 acres wooded lots in georgia but just couldn't find one with a nice enough house on it, or that wasn't asking over half a million for just the land. (I wanted to be within 30 minutes of Atlanta)

I ended up on a half acre, its more than enough to keep me busy keeping things up. Fit a pool, out door fireplace, garden, fruit orchard, pond, and a 5800 square foot house on it. I'm next to a drainage pond so I only have neighbors on one side, and their house is at least 30 ft from my garage. The closest house is behind me, they are about 15 ft from my pool, but that side of their house has no windows and I put up evergreen bushy trees to block it out. If they ever list that house ill buy it and turn it into a pool house.

I dont really understand the need for land, though I can understand wanting to get away from other human beings.

>>8957286
Your spatula is mislabeled

>>8960939
im not huffing. im swallowing. the vapors are harmful. you could always google it.

>>8961028
>what do I do with 3 acres

In MS, which no one denies is a shithole, I was able to get 3 acres that backs up to a 3 acre pond so I don't have anyone in my backyard for $10,000. I built my 2100 sqft house myself by subcontracting like a builder and did the cleanup and flooring myself, so I saved @30% on the house.

We grow most of our own vegetables organically on 1 acre of it. It takes that much for proper crop rotation and maintenance of soil health. I setup my deer stand 300 yards from my house. I'm only about 40 miles from Memphis, lol, but it still has Whole Foods, large Asian markets, and a brew supply store. It doesn't really suck at all, if you can handle the fact there are very few rational people around you.

>>8957039
why did you make two bowls?

>>8961157
one for me. one for my wife.
this is /ck/ not /r9k/

>>8959145
grilled cheese is short for 'griddled cheese sandwich' get a fuckin clue.

>>8959979

/,,/,

>>8961172
diddled cheese, actually, where you use semen to fry it. they changed it so it wouldnt sound as gross, and use butter now. look it up.

>>8961153
>. It doesn't really suck at all, if you can handle the fact there are very few rational people around you.

2017... Everyone feels this way. Everywhere.

>>8961681
Yeah. That's what my friends and family spread out all over the country tell me when I bitch about it to them. So I just try to focus on the crumbs of enjoyment I can get out of living relatively isolated in my own house on a small plot of land. Could be worse.

>>8956996

I can't tell if this is the shittiest restaurant kitchen I've ever seen, or the home kitchen of a crack head line cook who's been stealing equipment over the past 20 years.

>>8962070
its my home. im not a poorass chef

>>8962106

I never said that you might be a chef...

>>8962110
cook. chef. same thing

>>8962325

>being a namefag on a board you don't know the basics about

>>8962336
>using Reddit spacing on the chans.

>>8962339
>Reddit spacing meme
Fuck off

most chefs are overrated
mesa grill is good
rao's is good when the lady is there
gordon ramsay is a meme

>>8962343
>meme
Lurk moar, newfag.

>>8962339

>fresh off of /b/ and using a /superepichardcore/ name

>>8962355
>name
Look again, fuckwit.

>>8962355
>>8962339
>>8962070
>>8962336
>>8962354

These posts were all cancer. But thanks for bumping the only good thread on /ck in the last 2 weeks. (its been that long since salmon dishwasher thread right?)

Op, what's goin on there, you visiting a local diner of sorts?

>>8962842
high end coffee

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>>8962842
>>8962842

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>>8961165
Yeah..

>>8956996
some space

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gotta love indian buffets

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>>8956996
>What should i make?
sweet, sweet love.

>>8956996
What a boring, shitty thread. Why is this still up?

>>8963955
Buffets truly are a great way to experience ethnic and exotic foods. One price, and you can try as little, or as much of all the different things to figure out what you like and what you dont.

Bonus at Indian buffets, unlimited naan and butter chicken/murg makani. (fuck yeah)

>>8964129
>I am a tremendous, dick sucking, fagatron 6000

Whatevs, this is objectively the most lit AF thread on /ck in the last 43 days.

I read the title of this thread wrong and was mighty disappoint when no one was making seitan dishes...

3/10

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>>8964455
>seitan
you mean Setian, right?

also CHECKED

>>8964197
i skipped the naan and rice

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100% hydration

>>8956998
Zing!

>>8962339
>>8962354
>haha guys do i fit in yet! don't use "reddit spacing", even though people have been using paragraphs in their posts for literal years on 4chan!

Please go back to R.e.d.d.i.t. and never, ever return

>>8966724

NIN Mixer Dude is a

MADMAN
A
D
M
A
N

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>>8966724
Well???????

>>8968179
well what?

>>8968187
Well fuck mang. How dat shit turn out playa playa for realz?

>>8968222
like shit

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>>8968222

>>8968887
You need MUCH BETTER gluten development.

>>8969040
Like, much, much better.

>>8969040
how so?

Jewish cuisine because I'm sure you are an expert on that.

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>>8969040
well thanks for the help, faggot. il figure it out myself

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https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://cpliz.com/books/CookBooks/BakingBreads/Whole%2520Grain%2520Breads.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwjZxorlhIjUAhUM3mMKHbAtBpAQFggkMAI&usg=AFQjCNHUxL7oxas67ZlLWwFNKoDamnaX6Q&sig2=Hqh-o_SnaPDd4RCtO4tLvw

>>8956996
Fetuses, or "clumps of cells" as liberals like to call them.

>>8962046
Where is this trail?

>>8957153
>he's never had tomato gravy and biscuits
NOT A REAL SOUTHERNER

>>8969283
>how so

Its simple, really.

You develop the gluten. You may have to start with a higher protein content flour.

>>8969840
its my backyard

>>8970045
im using hard red wheat. pay attention

>>8970143
Looks like eastern Montana tbqhfam, which would explain your use of hard red wheat.

>>8970443
do i look like some nigger that would pick wheat?

>>8970147
>im using hard red wheat. pay attention

Maybe you need to unlock the gluten better, if you think your "hard red wheat" has a high protein content.

No matter what you are doing, that's a rookie rise. You need to pump that rise up.

>>8970493
>lives in a decrepit trailer
>do I look like some kind of nigger?

Y-y-yes?

Quality thread guys.

>>8970839
i never said it has a high protein content. i wont be replying to your trolling anymore

>>8971036
its not decrepit. it has a concrete foundation

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>>8971036
should i put bubblegum vodka in my french toast?

>>8971273
>it has a concrete foundation

Well at least you've caught up with Roman technology from 100 BC.

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r8 bacon

>>8971524
0/10 looks like winco economy bacon. Would be good for rendering bacon fat I guess.

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>>8971563
its good

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>>8971573
yup that's the stuff. All the crap that couldnt get sold on its own.

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perfect french toast

>>8971524
Fuck, satan, why is the bacon grey and not red? Also, why are some slices nothing but fat? Do you even cure? You live in a broken down trailer and don't even cure your own bacon. You don't deserve to wear the mantle of satan.

>>8971584
What the fuck is this absolute shit? Did I misclick the thread and end up in cooking hell?

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>>8971596
its ends and pieces. i cook the more normal pieces then grind up the rest for bacon bits

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>>8971623
Is this a fucking joke

>>8971623
that looks fucking sad

>>8971661
tastes good

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gonna make a sourdough starter

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>>8971728

Good luck, Dark Lord.

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>>8971779

>>8957039
that looks pretty good desu

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making a meat sauce. i wanna make lasagna but only have a bit of cheddar cheese

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guess il use up this

>>8972161
Whaaaaaaaaaáaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaæ

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>>8972248
emergency cheese

>>8972161
Holy shit, I've never seen that anywhere! Is that the kind of garbage that they advertise on alt-right AM radio talk shows? Jesus, no wonder you guys got cucked so hard by billionaires when you buy into small time conmen because they advertise on Laura Ingram.

>>8972329
>>8972329
i bought it at winco. but thanks

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i have all this fresh basil and forgot to include it

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a bit sloppy