What are your secrets to cooking a perfect turkey?

Brine first.

Then deep fry or smoke it.

>>8899419
>rub generously with salt
>be sure to get salt inside all cracks
>roast in oven on 74 degrees Celsius for four days

Pee in its butt

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Sage, onion and garlic powder, stick o butter, and roast it in a bottle of sprite.

>>8899442
How on earth do you fit a turkey into a bottle of sprite?

>>8899453
I'm laughing way too hard

>>8899453
Put a baby turkey in the sprite bottle and let it grow in there.

>>8899453
Thats what the butter is for.

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Cut it apart so each piece gets adequate time to cook properly. Serve together in simmering stock.

>>8899460
This, dumbass.

>how do I wah wah wah wah wah
Seriously.

Brining is a PITA but it does help. Don't stuff the turkey with stuffing (loosely stuff w onions/celery/shallots). Use a real roasting pan with a real rack. Don't bother basting. It's hard to screw up a roast turkey. Rub it with olive oil, sprinkle it with kosher salt, cook it @ maybe 325 until it's done... that's about it.

>>8899473

This makes far too much sense.

>>8899419
Buy fresh turkey, brine it, cut out the back and breast bone, season, then smoke and grill it to finish.

Frying is also accessable, but a bit bland.

Himitsu da

>>8899419
Brine it for as long as you possibly can, up to 3 days (changing the brining water every day).

Also, herbed butter.
>Melt down a fuckton of butter, like 2 sticks, in a saucepan with all your herbs and spices that you will use on your turkey, excluding salt and black pepper (I use thyme, rosemary, sage, smoked paprika, and garlic)
>cook melted butter with herbs/spices for about 5-10 minutes on very low heat, don't boil it or brown it, stir constantly
>pour the melted herby butter into a plastic zip bag and put in the fridge, it will harden into a stick of butter again
>when you're ready with the turkey, push pats of herbed butter up under the skin all over the turkey - especially loads of it under the skin of the breasts

After all this
>rub turkey in salt + black pepper, generously
>roast turkey breast side down and covered in foil for the first 1/3 of the roasting time
>flip turkey over and roast breast side up and covered in foil for the middle 1/3 of roasting time
>remove foil and roast turkey last 1/3 of time uncovered

Crispy skin, juicy flavorful meat. I make cranberry whole grain mustard stuffing with red wine and mushrooms and stuff the turkey with that, carrots, onions, and celery.

>>8899419
Butter under the skin, cover the breast in bacon.
>>8899490
Sounds dry

>>8900287
>Butter under the skin, cover the breast in bacon.
M-Mom????? Is that y-y-you????

YOu've got to debone that son of a bitch and then tie it up. Extra points for brining beforehand.

I remember Gordon Ramsey saying you should always rest the turkey for the same amount of time you cook it

>>8899419
Spatchcock that bitch.

Brine it.

Smoke it.

>>8899460
>a baby turkey
you mean an egg?
do turkeys lay eggs?

>>8900467
Turkey's are mammals.

>>8900417
So... 6+ hours?

>>8899432
No! Put it in a clay pot and put it in the sun for 8 hours. Pour salt in the pot and leave it covered with damp towels I'm your cellar for minimum 1 month. Open the pot, pour out any liquid. Lay out the turkey in the sun uncovered and out of the pot for 2 hours.

>>8900287
>Butter under the skin, cover the breast in bacon

This. I ain't no cook, but I watched a Gordon Ramsay video where he does this. Made my turkeys like this ever since. Usually do a bacon lattice over the top of the bird. Ends up beautiful. A lemon inside the cavity is good too, steams it inside.

>>8900417
i ate at one of ramseys joints. once.
will never ever go back. he is a total fraud

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brine, inject with cajun butter and cover in chachere's cajun bullshit and deep fry in peanut oil
Pic related

>>8900963
That looks like a headless dog begging for a treat.

>>8899419
Barding it.

>>8900287
The butter just fucks off fairly early, imo. Bacon (or lardon) under the skin of the breast stays put, and gives the most reliable slow-release fat baste.

>>8901158
You know, it really does

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Turkey going in.

>>8900473
What? No way

>>8900417
>tfw fell for his meme