I have come in possession of a box of 1000 altar breads (don't

>>8774214
Make a Jesus. Use Google to find a recipe.

>>8774214
use it as a meat substitute for your favorite dish and tell us how it works out

>>8774214
>Can I use it for something

Set up a little booth or stand in a public area offering to sell them for $1 each.

Make Jesusloaf

Those Catholic feels

>>8774214
>return

you stole it?

time to make the saddest salsa you can come uo with

>>8774238
shit well then regurgitate it then use it as a meat substitute.

thanks for the religious lession.

>>8774214
Take that Catholic crap back to where it belongs and rob a Protestant church that uses real bread.

Hell, they're Protestants so they'll give it to you for free if you ask nicely. Come in on the right Sunday and they'll offer it to you without you having to even ask.

>>8774214

Rub your dick on every peice and then donate it to a church.

>>8774237
You can buy them pretty easily. They're just crackers.
>>8774238
Close. It becomes the body and blood during consecration, but retains the appearance of normal crackers and wine. That's called transubstantiation.

Is there a priest in the factory that blesses all of them individually?

>>8774270
Ex-protestant here. We got also got those bisquits and a sip of wine. No goddamn real bread.

>>8774270
>Protestant church that uses real bread
You're thinking Orthodox.

>>8774214
Sausage + cheese

Put them in a blender and you can have jesus breadcrumbs

>>8774333
I'm also an ex-Protestant. The church my parents took us to had loaves of nice homemade bread donated by a little old lady that was a part of the congregation. We had Welch's instead of wine though.

>tfw really like the taste of communion wafers but would feel weird eating them by themselves even though they're technically just crackers if they aren't blessed

>>8774214
I was thinking of ordering some on amazon and using them instead of table water at a party for the heck of it.

Dude you're going to become the 2nd coming

You should grind them up, toast them with some herbs, and then fry tendies coated with them.

>>8774251
Ketchup with onions

>>8774344
>grape juice in place of wine

Christ, protscum are weak.

>>8774376
Actually I agree with this

>>8774376
Actually I agree with this

>>8774214
I use them to soak in liquid LSD and then I distribute it to church attendants and perform all kinds of miracles. But I guess you could also soak all kinds of flavours in it or maybe fry them and use them in croutons as salad.

>>8774214

They're not blessed until a priest prays over them. It's not like kosher or halal food where that's done before packaging by a holy official. Just crackers.

>>8774447
The baking may only be performed by a believing Orthodox Christian in good standing—having preferably been recently to Confession, and is accompanied by prayer and fasting. Before baking, each loaf is formed by placing two disks of dough, one on top of the other, and stamping it with a special liturgical seal. The prosphora should be fresh and not stale or moldy when presented at the altar for use in the Divine Liturgy. Often several prosphora will be baked and offered by the faithful, and the priest chooses the best one for the Lamb (Host) that will be consecrated. The remaining loaves are blessed and offered back to the congregation after the end of the Divine Liturgy (Eucharist); this bread is called the antidoron (Greek: αντίδωρον, antídōron), i.e. a "gift returned", or "in place of the gifts".

>>8774405
It's more because it's a United Methodist church in the South East USA, half the population of which considers drinking alcohol a sin.

>>8774482

>orthodox Christian

Why do Catholics consume them?

Why do you have a box of a 1000 altar breads?

>>8774493
Well they say it's a sin but then they "secretly" drink. At least here in east TN.

>>8774513
I wouldn't know, I grew up in a 'drinking is okay in moderation' family. Good wines, good beers, and fine whiskey is the stuff I grew up around.

>>8774493
>It's more because it's a United Methodist church in the South East USA, half the population of which considers drinking alcohol a sin.

That always confused me. The bible never says that merely drinking alcohol is a sin. Jesus drank wine, and is credited with the miracle of turning water into wine. So where exactly does this "drinking is a sin" crap come from?

>>8774608
Prohibition coupled with the fire and brimstone preaching of the Great Awakening never really dying off down here. My parents talked about extreme Baptists that used to preach that fucking dancing is a sin.

>>8774608
Although there are some situations in which the Bible forbids alcohol, it never says that alcohol is always wrong. Since the Bible doesn’t absolutely forbid alcohol, whether or not you should drink as an adult becomes a personal decision you have to make for yourself.
..and..
Although the Bible never says that alcohol itself is sinful, it does say many times that drunkenness is a sin. God says, "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit."

No forbidding as such.

>>8774214
Pour into bowl
Add milk
Instant Christ Chex

Meatloaf.
Use goat for maximum heresy

>>8774620

Yeah, that was my point exactly. I can see how a Christian religion might preach against drunkenness, after all there is biblical support for that. But the idea of avoiding wine altogether? That sounds ridiculous when you consider that Jesus himself drank wine and encouraged others to behave like he did.

>>8774622

Dane Cook pls go.

>>8774315
The ones you can just buy aren't consecrated.

>>8774655
They are..

>>8774655
>aren't consecrated

So? Wave your fucking hand over it while holding a cross and chant some latin mumbo jumbo. Wala, fully consecrated, just like your friendly, neighborhood, robed and collared pedophile would do.

>>8774214
If you have them blessed by an authentic Catholic priest they become infinitely more valuable. Thinking you might be able to make some money off them.

>>8774655
I know. Look at who I'm replying to: They asked if they were stolen.

>>8774670
Just lie your ass off and sell them to some Satanists or something. They won't be able to tell the difference. Don't try and sell the whole box though, then they'll know it's not the real deal.
About the only way to steal actual consecrated Eucharist from a church is to break in and steal them out of the tabernacle, or go incognito, receive Communion, and then not eat it, but there's so many people watching it'd be hard to get away with.

If you believe in transubstantiation, stick some up your ass so you can say you had the flesh of Jesus in your butt.

>>8774214
Are they kosher?

>>8774214
ADD SOME FUCKING CARAMEL TO THAT SHIT AND IT TASTES SOO GOOD

>>8774608
They claim what Jesus drank wasn't really wine, it was all just some mistranslation. Nothing else was mistranslated at all, however.

>>8774214
Make matza, feed the Jews and then tell them they are the Messiah.

>>8774925
>are
Ate, or whatever, either works.

Make altar tacos and altar kebabs.

>>8774214
wafer au gratin

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>>8774214
"Come in possession."


Not yours, return it.

>>8774506
As an Orthodox,I can tell you I've never eaten any sorts of crackers in a church.

>>8774214
Just flour and water. They haven't been consecrated yet.

>>8774231
This but I would go a step further and rent a priest's outfit from the costume store then stand on the corner offering free sacrament to passerbys. Record it guerrilla style a la Tom Green and upload results to youtube.

>>8775309
That would be great. Bonus points if it's an obviously shitty costume as opposed to one that's really authentic.

Either that or go all-out over-the-top bible thumper. Think Johnny Cash in the "Devil comes back to Georgia" music video....the unkempt hair...the crazed facial expressions, finger-pointing....perfect for this.

Video recording is a must!

>>8774433
Do they disintegrate much? The brand my childhood church used would disintegrate within a few minutes if you didn't chew them and just left them in your mouth

>>8775347
>>8775309
Y'all should go back to R*ddit desu, it's where your type belong. And take all the ribbit and marty fags with you.
>muh saysjuan sauce xD

>>8774493
Always though that was a Baptist thing. My grandparents don't drink, but they used to partake in some "medicinal" Kentucky moonshine back in the 30's.

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You can use them as the base plate for all kinds of baked goods like Kokoskuppeln or Schaumküsse.

>>8774214
Fuck these tasted so good. My priest used to use those giant discs with the designed impressions and break them up.

>>8774214
Use them to either make a breading or a batter for a Good Friday fish fry.

>>8774214
How do they get them so thin and flavorless, anyhow? It honestly astonishes me. You'd think flour and water would result in a very basic cracker with the texture of a cracker, not a packing peanut.

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>>8776258
Best idea in this thread.

>>8774376
Actually I agree with this

>>8774447
They're not "blessed" at all, no matter what happens to them. Enjoy your fairy tales though.

as a kid i genuinely believed that when the priest raised the wafers up and the altar boys shook the bells, god made them tasty.

i remember praying for forgiveness because i wanted to eat eucharist like a snack.

it feels pretty bad knowing the truth, like when my brother and cousins tricked me into doing or saying stupid shit.

>>8775347
>johnny cash

Fucking, mah niggah. Believe it or not, I met him in a walmart parking lot in Branson, MO. I was going to pick up some equipment for trout fishing in the White River. Yes, he wore entirely black clothing. Yes, he talked to me in a walmart parking lot about fishing for trout in the White River. Yes when I went into the store, the flush faced women employees had wet spots between their thighs.

>>8775789
actually I'm from pintrest

>>8774214
>send money to universal life church
>get ordained as minister
>start church/cult/whatever in some cheap rented commercial space
>hand out crackers at service
>spout a bunch of shit about jesus or spiderman or something
>take up collection
>do faith healing
>place hands on people's boobs and junk to "draw the sin out of them" and make them holy
>spend money
>repeat weekly

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Interestingly enough, these are sold as regular food in some places, with added ingredients like caramel.

>>8774362
I don't know why either but I always loved the communion wafers. Haven't been to church in forever but I remember as a kid it was my favorite part.

>>8774376
Actually i agree with this

>>8774376

Actually I agree with this

Similar thread happened years ago
Use like theater pop-corn flavoring salt on them and eat them like 'tato chips

>>8774214
Come now. Have a priest Eucharize it and then make meatloaf.

>>8774233
Also Episcopal feels.

>>8774214
Have with cheese and fruit on them. Or cheese and jam. Maybe some meat too. It's a great snack.

>>8774214
Have the lads over get some boxed wine and wine coolers and go to town

>>8774376
Actually I agree with this

>>8774214
Get out satan

>>8774214
Give it back, ahmed.

>>8774376
actually i agree with this

>>8774214
fuck you, they taste delicious

>>8774429
>>8774431
>>8776297
>>8776420
>>8777558
>>8777572
>>8777855
>>8780659
No-one gets to make fun of reddit anymore. This place is indistinguishable from reddit.

>>8774376
I agree, actually, this with

>>8775789
what the fuck is with the hatred for reddit here recently? what about these posts indicate anything reddit related? what's so bad about reddit? do you realize that r/all pleb content does not reflect the rest of reddit? what's wrong with you?

>>8780705
Go back, roach

>>8780705
>defending the cancer

>>8780689
I often forget that I'm on /ck/. I honestly think I'm on /tv/ most of the time because of how bad it is. Fuck this board

>>8780689
Actually I agree with this

>>8780705
Namefag sites are automatically trash, gas yourself

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>>8780705

>>8780705
recently? how fucking new are you?

>>8774214
>Can I use it for something, or should I just return it to some church?
Well, you probrably should return it, not like you can't just get a bag of tortilhas.

It really is not worth using it.

>>8781252
those hands are too big

>>8774635
Small minded people seeing drunkenness and blaming the drink instead of the person. Therefore if some of us are too weak to handle drink none of us should have it! Collective responsibility, disregard the individual.

See also:
Blaming video games for shootings.
Banning drugs because a minority gets addicted.
"toxic masculinity"

>>8774376
Actually I agree with this

>>8774214
Hostia always makes me hungry whenever I choose to receive it during communions

>>8774376
For me, I actually agree.

With this.

>>8774376
For me, it is the McCommunion. The best fast food sandwich.

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>>8774214
Buy a priest outfit and a couple bottles of wine, then travel to Syria and convert ISIS to become Christian. World peace achieved

>>8774214
Go to a church and when the priest is about to hand you one you say you got your own and whip it out.

That one day at my christian church we had real wine fancy bread and FUCKING HUGE chunks of lamb perfectly prepared all for free. I thought they were poisoning us but didnt care it was so delicious best lamb I will probably ever eat.

God damn my mouth is watering.

>>8774376
with this, I actually agree

>>8774376
actually I agREEEEEEEEEEE with this

>>8775744
An effective does of LSD is measured in micrograms. They wouldn't dissolve.

>>8774214
Add tomato sauce and cheese and make the pizza of Christ.

>>8777611
and Lutheran feels, too.

>>8774214
>I have come in possession of a box of 1000 altar breads (don't ask).

They're on Amazon for $20. Go nuts.

>>8774214
make lunchables. buy deli meat and some cheese. pizza sauce and shredded cheese. w/e drink you want.

>>8780705
>t. Reddit

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>>8776463
make this, but with jizz

>>8781248
>reddit invented handles
child detected, go back to /b/

>>8774233
They may have been blessed already for whatever reason, but they don't transubstantiate unless it's communion.

>>8776315
edgy

>>8784775
>>8777611
Wannabe Catholics off my board REEEEEEEE

>>8774214
It's just wafers, technically it's still meaningless bread meant for sacrifice, It's only important after a priest 'converts it to the body of christ' you could probably pull a scam at an old folks home, remember a little latin and pull a passage or two, then keep whatever they dump in the collection basket.

>>8774696
This

Real Satanists love the idea of fucking with the eucharist, give them 4 and say you saved them in your mouth at mass over the last month. They may not do repeat business if they do something with them and surprise surprise nothing happens. But It'd be your best bet for good money