ADMIT TO YOUR SINS

I don't cook anything, ever. yet I posted on this forum as if I were an expert.

I poured spoiled milk in my coffee and still drank it.

>>8711326
I use a bit of velvita in cheese sauces

I swallowed a watermelon seed.

I buy WalMart meat

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>>8711357

This is actually just the proper way to cook a solid cheese sauce, especially one that 5 year olds will fucking love.


I use preshredded cheese and canned powdered paremsan because I am a lazy fuck up... I know I can never be forgiven for this sin and it makes me feel bad. I want to make america grate again, but i can't even start with myself.

>>8711326
i do that too
i also microwave things for a while, then fry them on extremely high heat for 10 seconds so they get that thin layer of crunch like they were baked or cooked for real

I once ate a raw steak, because I cooked it and was prideful.

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>Admit to your sins
>Not "Confess your sins"

>>8711374
>I want to make america grate again, but i can't even start with myself.
I'm fucking dying laughing and I'm sorry.

But yeah, my kid loves my homemade mac n cheese and the velvita helps a lot. Dont feel bad anon. Half assed cheese sauce is still better than canned cheese sauce. Not every meal can be a masterpiece when you have kids

>>8711391
>I once ate a raw steak
>Because I cooked it

>>8711371
Better than spilling it on the ground, I guess.

I unironically get a For Me™ once a week because of all the shilling.

>>8711326

I fell for the no gluten meme and I'm feeling better.

>>8711326
How long do you nuke them? mine always turns out under cooked. I usually uses the oven, but recently i don't have time for baking.

>>8711588
Depends on size of the potato and wattage of the microwave,or Micky as our British friends call them. A large potato can take up to and including 8 minutes.

>>8711412
I doubt he realizes the contradiction in his statement.

>>8711611
I keep getting stuck with low powered microwaves everywhere I go. Seven minutes one side, seven minutes on the other.

I eat instant rice.

>>8711326
I eat my boogers because I make them myself.

>>8711628
Ouch. May as well just bake them.

>>8711703
It's better than a lot of instant stuff

I'll occasionally microwave those square-shaped totinos party pizzas, fold them in half, and eat them like an adult sized hotpocket.

>>8711903
That's fucking disgusting.
And now I want to do it.

I fed my little sister rabbit poop telling her it was chocolate when I was a kid

I eat fried cheese
Just cheese that's fried

I used to eat instant oatmeal raw and really enjoyed the hunk of flavored sugary stuff that came in the packets. Maple brown sugar was my favorite but the Dino stuff was an acceptable alternative.

I eat match heads.

>>8711326
I ate curry dog once

>>8711393
I know right? Non-church goers.. baka

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>>8711401
>Half assed cheese sauce is still better than canned cheese sauce. Not every meal can be a masterpiece when you have kids

Amen, brother.

Sometimes I put a meal on a tray, and I look at it and I can't say "nice"

When I'm drunk and don't care I eat literal pounds of raw ground beef with a lot of salt on top and call it my "burger time."

>>8711981
I once had a pet chinchilla and my cousin was over for the summer. I would let it run around my room occasionally and it would leave little shit pellets here and there.
My little cousin would irritate the fuck out of me. One day he got a cup of soda with ice and went to the bathroom. I grabbed some chinchilla shit and put in in his drink.
I laughed for a minute but now my life seems empty.

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>>8712087

>>8712087
Holly fuck...


Is it at least quality ground beef? Do you need help? Seriously anon if you need help...

I had pony once.

>>8712129
... how was it?...


I've been wanting to try mountain lion

>>8711326
I frequently eat food well past it's best by date. I've never gotten sick from it, but I'm waiting for the day.

I also have sliced mold off of hard cheese and served it. Again, no one got sick.

>>8711357
Try buying some sodium citrate. Makes smooth cheese sauces out of just about anything. I make an awesome blue cheese sauce to go with wings.

>>8711391
I once ate a raw steak. I didn't cook it. It was pretty good, but I think I still like it better cooked, at least medium rare.

>>8712129
>>8712129
did it taste like apples?
sunny D, maybe?

>>8711326
Every time I cook beef chuck it comes out tasting like beef and nothing else.
I just can't get the seasoning to stick around for the 3+ hours it takes to get the beef really tender.

>>8712195
Toast your spices

Use herbs last minute

Bouquet garni

That's about all you really need to know.

Or just skim the stock, toast spices, add stock, throw in the garni, wait 30 mins.

I often urinate in my backyard when I am grilling.
I live in a suburban neighborhood.

>>8712125
truthfully it isn't. it usually gets brown because I open like a 4 pound package of it and after a few days it oxidizes.

I've never gotten sick though. I think I have an iron stomach.

>>8712273
I guess if uts working for you...

>>8712220
Nothing wrong with that. I have dogs that will (have) roll around in my piss though.

I microwave ramen. I also can't cook for shit,

I eat raw sausage.
Sometimes the Jimmy Dean kind but mostly the Owens Valley Hot kind.
On occasion I pay a very high price for doing this, a few hours screaming on the toilet, but only a few times a year.
Usually mix it in a small bowl with red pepper flakes, Tobasco Sauce and Worcestershire Sauce and eat it with my fingers.
This is a planned event usually while my wife is at church on Sunday morning.
Occasionally I will toast sourdough bread and spread the sausage on it.
Usually I wash this down with Strawberry Nesquick mixed into room temperature non-fat milk.
My worst food sin.

i eat my instant noodles dry

>>8712191
It was magical.

>>8712292
I do it to confuse my cats.

>>8711326
Speaking of potatoes, I always leave the skin on.

Not because of the taste or because of any nutrient bullshit, but because I just hate peeling potatoes.

If I take an aesthetically pleasing meal I'm always going to take a picture of it and show it to my other friends who also enjoy cooking

>>8713228

hope you fucking get hit by a bus

Not sure if this is a sin but I love coffee... but I can't for the life of me just drink it straight black. I have to have either cream or butter or ice cream and a sweetener of some kind.

>>8713230
Actually I've got a better one on myself: I occasionally sneak my roommates' food.

>>8713229
I don't post it on social media or anything, if that helps my case in any way

Gf thinks we both live the vegan-style. 2-3 times a week I frequent some fastfood joint ot hotdog stand. I just need my meat..not proud...

>>8713235
haaaaaaahahaha that is too funny I betcha your girls instagram quality

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>>8713231
They know... and every time it happens they're one inch closer to stabbing you to death in your sleep >:)

I unironically prefer canned green beans and corn to fresh.

>>8713235
Its normal, 2/3 of vegetarians secretly eat meat.Would be funny if both of you do it.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/11918091/A-third-of-vegetarians-eat-meat-when-drunk-on-a-night-out.html

>I use the premade minced garlic that comes in a jar because I am lazy
>I can't make an omelette without it falling apart and looking like shit
>I like kraft blue box more than homemade stuff

>>8713634
Noted. Will lock bedroom door from now on.

>>8711754
I'm not ashamed of it or anything, I don't really get why people look down on instant rice. It's just filler for my curry, so why dick around cooking proper rice?

>>8713664
>http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/11918091/A-third-of-vegetarians-eat-meat-when-drunk-on-a-night-out.html
the article says 1/3

I ate a box of leftover ribs that had been left in a room overnight while it was being bug bombed

I make quesadillas with Nutella

>>8712087
>When your life has gone so far off the rails, that you adopt german "Mett" culture.

Sometimes I squirt a little mayonnaise in my mouth and then put a boiled egg in and mush it all together. I call it a mayonegg

>>8711981
DEVILISH
E
V
I
L
I
S
H

>>8715861

DEVILISH
HDEVILIS
SHDEVILI
ISHDEVIL
LISHDEVI
ILISHDEV
VILISHDE
EVILISHD

>>8711326
I'm a paid shill for Hormel and place the word spam, in a food context where it doesn't really belong, I do it on most popular boards. If you browse each /b/ thread on the first page you will find my work in there somewhere.

Go ahead look.

I use Adobo on everything

I accidentally sucked a dudes dick.

>>8716013
It happens to the best of us, it's only gay if become life partners and die old together.

I constantly shit-talk foods that I hate (pineapples, guacamole, olives, etc.) despite never having actually eaten them.

>>8716094
Seriously, to hell with people like you. You're fucking cancer.

>>8716094
How do you hate them if you've never tried them? How damaged is your brain?

I think ketchup is the worst condiment, and even thinking about it makes me repulsed.

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>>8713230
You're sin is not the love of coffee. Your sin is contaminating said coffee.

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>>8711326
When I was younger(as in not a kid) I would slice off pieces of butter and eat them like candy.

>>8712141
Mountain lion is like really greasy turkey. Ok but I wouldn't go out of my way

>>8711340
Preaching to the choir here, kid.

>>8712168
This is just common sense.

I roll mayonnaise into a tortilla and heat it in the microwave for a snack.

>>8711391
raw steak is not a sin, though.

Sometimes I will eat half a container of sour cream with a baked potato.

>>8711326
I forgot the pickles

I don't eat seafood.
I like flyover food. Shitty casseroles are some of my favorite dinners.
I almost exclusively buy frozen vegetables. At least I don't buy canned ones i guess.

>>8711326
Cooking sweet potatoes in the microwave is acceptable, but not normal ones.

I can only eat fried eggs with the yolk broken and half mixed into the whites. Has to be overcooked too.

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>>8711373

>>8712037
who would consider that a sin

>>8711326
I eat my pizza with ranch dressing(and red pepper flakes).

>>8713666
>I use the premade minced garlic that comes in a jar because I am lazy
Me too. And I even own a garlic press.

>>8711326

I soften a potato in the microwave. Then put in the oven to bake.

Not only does it make baking quicker but also ensures warm fluffy inside and crispy outside without the issue of perfect crisp on outside and cold and hard on inside as opposed to fluffy on inside but burned on outside.

I throw random ingredients at eachother and try to make meals out of ridiculous experimental combinations.

I do this for almost every meal at this point because I'm poor and I'm trying to clean out my pantry. I refuse to buy new ingredients for traditional meals.

>>8718211
I only cook properly for dinner

I always eat dinner for breakfast

I never eat in the evenings

>>8718170
but that's how pizza should be eaten

When I was poorer than I am now my diet was mostly grits with some butter, pbj sandwiches, oatmeal, and sometimes just mayo on bread. I actually didn't mind eating like that because it was really easy and I didn't feel bad about it since I couldn't afford anything else.

My sister was old enough that we could get drunk together the first time and we ended up raiding everything in my fridge.
I have many sins, but the one today I will ask forgiveness on is
>cockles on chips/clams on fries

It was fucking delicious but there's still a pit of guilt.

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>>8718347
Huh?
What are you insinuating?

>>8718347
Did you fuck your sister

>>8718213
I can relate, though I buy ingredients specifically for my experiments. On my day off I go to the store, get a meat and a couple random veggies, lay everything on my kitchen counter, open my spice drawer, and start drinking in front of the stove until I get an idea.

The result is usually terrible but I keep doing it. It's become a weird hobby of mine

>>8711326
i finish my ribs in the oven
sometimes.

>>8713215
My best friend did this for years while we attended high school. He now has bowel problems.

>>8713878
That sounds like an Always Sunny episode premise.

>>8711326
I eat way too many microwaved scrambled eggs, flavoured with sriracha and garlic powder

>>8711357
There's no shame in using Velveeta. It's the perfect product for what it is. It's never going to be the best you can do, but it never hurts to have some lying around for when you could really use it.

I feel the same way about jarred minced garlic. 90% of the time I use fresh, but when you find you've run out or it's gone bad or you don't have enough or something, you'll be damn glad you kept a jar of the stuff in your fridge.

>>8711703
Instant rice is great for lunch at work. Microwave-reheated rice you made the night before always sucks ass. Better to use instant.

>>8711981
I used to go hunting and, while tracking a wounded deer once, my buddy knelt to the ground and said, "hey, check out these rabbit droppings," picked them up and ate them. After having a good laugh at my WTF face he showed me the Raisinets he had stashed in his pocket. I'm quite sure that just about every hunter alive has a similar story.

>>8713222
I only peel them for potato salad if I'm using russets and not red or yukon gold, or if I'm making British-style roasties. For pretty much everything else I leave the skin on. Even for mashed perderder.

>>8713228
How does it feel to be a woman?

>>8716182
I agree, but every once in a while, for no apparent reason, I'll put some ketchup in rice, on eggs, or potatoes. Maybe it's to remind myself how much I hate it.

>>8717880
Casseroles are great. There's no shame unless they're truly horrid. But you can't go wrong with, say, the classic tuna noodle. With plenty of peas.

>>8711326
i eat just plain tuna and white rice bc i cant stand the texture of just grits and eggs anymore. i try not to spend money on food ever.

Til i was 16 i thought all eggs were made in the microwave and til i was 18 i thought pancakes were hard to make.

>>8712220
KEK.

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>>8712191
4/10

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>>8711326
I eat microwave donner kebabs and don't feel a single bit of remorse afterwards.
I really enjoy them even knowing how shitty they are.

>>8711354
I did this once too. It was terrible.

My roommates and I made a casserole once of leftover crap in the freezer and kraft mac and cheese. It had layers of dinosaur chicken nuggets, hash browns, french fries and mac and cheese.
I also once drowned a bowl of ice cream in three different kinds of syrup and the contents of a packet of hot chocolate mix.
Also whenever possible I gorge myself on sour gummy worms until I am sick, it has gotten to the point that my wife only lets me have them for my birthday or christmas.

I like this one brand of canned chili, better than homemade or restaurant chili.

Maybe i just havent had great chili, or I have shit taste.

>>8715884
YES IT IS.

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>>8711326
I cook box dinners and tell my family i make it from scratch.

i eat hungry mans

AND LIKE IT

>>8711326
I use a shit ton of olive oil when cooking steaks.

Like I'm basically deep frying them.

Shit's great and everybody in my household wants me to cook their steaks for them.

>>8720107

absolute madman

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I drink my pee for extra protein

>>8718418
Yeah, sounds like me. I shop almost exclusively for meat, cheap wholesale veggies and tallboy PBRs. 1st can during cooking, 2nd to go with dinner.

Although unlike your experience, my experiments taste good 80% of the time. The only time they taste bad is because muh salt

>>8711326
Am I the only person on this planet who hates potatoes?

>>8711550
I've never had a For Me™ and feel I'll never fit in here til I do. :(

I can't stand onions or anything spicy.

>>8711326

I eat boiled white rice.

>>8717864
I do that but with butter and or cheese. Shit's delicious.

>>8711326
Im addicted to tinas microwave burritos

>>8711326
$1 McDonald's cheeseburgers are my favorite burger, not even restaurant burgers come close

Also I put vanilla in my sprite like a wild animal

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sometimes even without the chili

>>8716260
Was it a nice foreign butter or some fake shit?

>>8720680
I do that too.

Rabbit is my favorite meat
I've only eaten it once

>>8711326
I own butchery, my wife wanted to divorce me, take kids. Splitting my small buisness would force me to sell it. So i murdered her, minced her body and added to sausages. Told her family she left me for some Italian and moved out. Everybody now asks for more of those sausages, she was fat and everybody loved it.

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I use instant mashed potatoes!

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When money was tight, I had been thinking of killing my dog and eat it. Hope it will never come to that, tho.

>>8711373
Kys i do this too :( buut the beef is chuck

>>8711584
I fuckin hate being gluten free but awful gas, bloating and messy shits really sealed the deal for me.