Why do people say that coffee makes them shit? If anything coffee

>>8662030
Turns my shit loose and makes it hold a grudge

Bacteria in their filthy coffee makers gives them the sharts

your coffee is weak.

>>8662055
I drink 16:1 french press coffee and it doesn't make me shit either

About two months ago I started drinking proper coffee and it really loosened my bowels, every time. I'd wake up, have breakfast with coffee, and have a healthy shit, every single time.
Though nowadays I feel like shitting every time after breakfast regardless of whether I had coffee or not, guess I've become conditioned or something. Not that I'm complaining.

>>8662030
I pretty much shit every morning regardless, but coffee can speed the process

>>8662069
your
coffee
is
weak
>french press
what year do you think it is? why not use a goddamn percolator you fucking caveman

I love the strong black coffee shits. Its the only dependable thing in my life.

>>8662069
your asshole isnt a replicator. you need a healthy diet for healthy shits. good coffee just naturalizes the process

>>8662091
This

Coffee induced shits are as routine in my life as the sun rising or constantly making an ass of myself to the world

>>8662030
Because coffee is a diuretic and laxative you tard

33% of the population is highly affected by some chemical in coffee (the specific one is argued) that makes them poop within 2-10 minutes of drinking it. That's faster than it could be digested, even on an empty stomach, and so it's assumed to be absorbed quickly on the way down.

I am one of those people.

Others who get some poop side effects but not the kind listed above: coffee has fiber in it.

Before I started drinking coffee I would never poop regularly, just whenever the need happened to hit me, I could go nearly a week and have no problems.

Then I started drinking coffee regularly, and I used to skip it on weekends, but now I have to drink it every morning.. because I am addicted to having regular shits. I have no idea how I went days without shitting. It's complete madness.

>>8662324
Yeah the chemical activates some hormone that makes you shit. I get it 30 mins to an hour after my first sip

>>8662351
>I have no idea how I went days without shitting. It's complete madness.

Nigga that's time out of my day, Imma hold that shit in a week.

>>8662030
But the golf balls were already in there as well as the 6 used jonnys, the 6" dildo and the toy car.

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>>8662030
Because they are low class individuals who don't understand that feces has no place in polite conversation.

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Just had breakfast (coffee and cigarette), i'm now proceding to evacuate

Coffee used to make me shit, but now I shit into a bag attached at the waist, so I can take my coffee as strong and black as I care to with no real ill effects.

There aren't many upsides but that's one of them

Black coffee keeps me regular

>>8663647
You must be a fun person to be around.

>>8663672
>t. low class individual

Defectory diatribes give your listeners nothing but disdain for you. You are merely too clueless to allow yourself to realize it, even when I tell you directly. It's an impressive level of dissonance, but consistent with an individual who would think his bodily functions are acceptable conversation.

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>>8662030
Its because coffee is a diarrhetic for some people. Goes through me if I have an empty stomach I know that much.

coffee makes me piss like a race horse that's about it

>grind coffee in the evening
>wake up
>make coffee in my French press
>take it with me in thermo mug
>arrive at work at 9am
>have a breakfast, drink coffee
>go to take a shit around 10am

Every single day

don't even think about replying to one of my posts before I've had my second cup!

>>8663712
>not grinding the coffee right before brewing it
It's like you hate flavor

both caffeine and nicotine can make me shit.

if i'm really clogged up, i drink a ton of coffee and shove a bunch of grizzly chew into my mouth.

the combo is a guaranteed colon cleanse.

>>8663866
>go into thread about coffee
>cry about coffee

>>8662030
for some it's the dairy, for others it could be a combination of the caffeine and phenols that make coffee worth drinking.

If I've eaten within the last two hours, coffee will make me shit... makes it a perfect finish for nights out with my girlfriend's lardass family. I don't want to look like a bitch and not finish, but I also don't want to be so jammed with food and drink that I can't get it on later.

>>8662030
For some people, caffeine wakes up the muscles in the large intestines. As a result, you shit more.

This isn't true for all people, something about receptor cites for involuntary muscle cells, but for me I usually hit the heat within an hour of drinking coffee.

>>8663275
The more frequently you shit, the easier it is to get out.
I take 2 minutes in the restroom when shitting daily, including proper wiping and 20 seconds washing hands.
But it can take 15 minutes and be quite painful after waiting a week, even with proper squatting posture.
So in my experience, daily shit is about the same amount of active time as weekly, but a metaphorical SHIT TON less troublesome.

It's just one of those thing you should really do. Like cleaning your mouth or bathing in some way. You cannot possibly be too busy to fit those in to your day somewhere.

>>8662069
Its a freedom press you fucking communist

>>8662030
>be morning
>drinking coffee
>half way through second cup
>suddenly need to rush to bathroom
Like fucking clockwork