break room rants

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>>8605494
holy fuck anon get that food off your keyboard this instant

This is now a five guys threads

show me your burger porn plz

>triggered

>>8605494
>not getting the fresh jalapenos
Literally the only reason to go to 5 gays.

>>8605675
Literally the In and Out of fast food, overrated as fuck, might as well get a burger of equal or greater quality from a non-meme establishment.

>be me
>go to 5 guys because /ck/ shits it so much
>order the normal cheeseburger
>"What toppings would you have sir?"
>ehmm
>jalapeños are pretty good
>order hot sauce as well since the green 'vegetables' won't do a thing anyway
>whatcouldgowrong.png
>wait 10mn and finally get my order
>what the fuck
>plate literally soaking with their peanut oil on all sides
>"Enjoy your meal sir!"
>"okay thanks..."
>go and sit down the nearest chair
>open the burger and there lay 3 fucking WHOLE jalapeños under the bun
>I've had them before so they're gonna be fine
>fine
>wish I had listened to /ck/ and gotten the hell out of there
>but no I had curiosity for this 'meal'
>anyways
>it was time to dive in to /ck/'s torment of bullshit criticism
>boy was I wrong
>the pepper begins to inflate my tongue with the heat of a thousand suns
>feel face turning red
>can't fucking breathe
>try to drink soda pop
>makes matters worse
>I can now only feel a mixture of liquid 'meat', grease, and gasoline in my mouth swishing left and right
>drop the burger and run to the bathroom
>can't hold it anymore
>vomit severely into the sink
>look up into mirror and can feel my nostrils swelling up
>breathing is hardening
>begin washing my mouth furiously with tap water
>thedevilwon'tgoaway.hell
>see toilet paper
>fuck can't stand it anymore
>begin rapidly eating toilet paper for the heat to go away
>been in the bathroom 15minutes now and people are starting to knock
>can't even hear myself think
>finally the heat begins going away
>it ends
>thank god
>stand up and see the bathroom
>holy shit
>sink overflowing with vomit and toiler paper spread out into the fucking toilet
>burger chunks on the wall
>jalapeño seeds and puke on my shirt
>toilet clogged to hell with toilet
>fuck
>begin freaking out and trying to clean everything up
>no use
>man outside still banging desperately to go inside
>quickly open fast and run out of there
>hear a faint "what the hell" behind me
>manager appears
cont.?

>>8606587
>>plate literally soaking with their peanut oil on all sides
>plate
Stopped reading there. Fake and gay.

>>8606587
White people...

>>8606587
>>toilet clogged to hell with toilet

I've never been to Five Guys. One just opened up near me though. What should i get, cu/ck/s?

>>8606682
>not /ck/onnoisseur

Ruined it. Don't eat there even once, it's far more fun to act imperious towards the fastfags while admittedly never having tried their meme garbage.

>>8606682
A big burger how ever you like it
A small order of fries because it's actually a huge portion of fries
Root beer or water

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>>8606602
clearly you've never been

>>8606587
>cont.?
no. i didn't even read the whole thing. don't want you wasting any more of your time

>>8605494
Are you buying wild Pacific salmon and they're buying farmed or Atlantic salmon?
There's a big stink difference between the two. And taste.

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>>8606538
>Literally the In and Out of fast food

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>>8607308
usually get farmed atlantic salmon, haven't seen wild salmon at costco in awhile

>>8605494
>be canuck on US roadtrip with the lads
>excited to try first true American five guys burger
>go into one in a dinky college town in NJ
>only has 3 women working
>order it with everything, then a few of the specialty toppings
>wait 10 mins for my bag of fries and burg
>sit down
>unwrap foil
>it's literally just meat and bread
>no toppings at all, not even a squirt of ketchup
>even my receipt says all the toppings i should have gotten
>It takes 20 minutes to sort this out, they let me keep my fuckup burger

Now me and my friends exclusively refer to the chain as 3 Girls Burgers and Fuckups. I guess I got a free burger but how on earth do you make that mistake? Does anyone ever order a burger with literally nothing on it?

>>8606587
same thing happened to this guy I know who has only ever had pickled jalapenos (like subway) and not fresh which is much more spicy

>>8607364
>me and my friends refer to it as this joke even though we never go there

Thrilling times for you guys to be alive huh?

>>8606682
>Bacon Cheeseburger
>Fresh Jalapeños
>BBQ sauce
>Small Fry

I got some very horrible food poisoning from Five Guys..... never again.
Don't EVER go there if you want to live....

>>8609737
>Don't EVER go there if you want to live....
To Five Guys I go.

>>8605494
>break room

I eat in my car alone

>>8609758
I used to have a great corporate job but needless to say I don't anymore. One day I was at Chick-fil-A by myself in a booth eating what I ate every fucking day at lunch: #1 combo w/ extra pickles, half & half tea to drink.
Unfortunately in my autismo rush to a booth by myself I had I passed by a table (with extra chairs) with many of my office colleagues, who I never really shared any time with. One of these guys was even in my fraternity in college.
I just ate my meal as quickly as possible in silence and ran to my car.
I miss that job.

>>8607364
I've had it once, in Florida. It was close but still not good enough to eat plain. I'll probably only ever eat a homemade patty "plain."

I love break room fare. Getting to see who can cook and who can't by what they bring in to heat up. I worked in a shipping warehouse once that was a large percentage African American (Much higher than the percentage of the local population) and it was crazy. Almost daily they would have left over fried chicken, mashed potatoes, greens, beans, all kinds of stuff. Then grab handfuls of the Tabasco sauce and salt and pepper and just cover it all with it before even tasting it. I would have a turkey sandwich cold from the fridge that I brought from home with a little bag of raw broccoli and the other white man would stare at me shaking his head over the rest of these people while he ate the diet food his wife would make him bring which would have no seasoning and looked awful and he would usually just dump it out, go to the vending and get a bag of chips or snickers bar and a soda. Others, was normal to see them bring in a large pizza and just start microwaving slices and eat the whole thing in under 30 minutes then buy stuff from vending as well. I've even seen reheating of fast food burgers.

>>8612212
w-why did they do this

>>8612212
I cook for my wife, she brings leftovers in to work and she says one girl is always jealous because her husband won't/can't cook for shit. Good feels.

>>8606538
Nigger I will fight you

>>8612231
nobody really understands why black people do this, but some think because slavery

>>8607290
Agreed, fake and gay. Who the hell thinks jalapenos are hot?