Guys I need some pretty urgent help Pic related, it's my

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39KB, 500x400px

Guys I need some pretty urgent help
Pic related, it's my cancerous my risotto

>be me, 52, Male, Recently Divorced from 32 year old wife
>never learnt how to cook, always had people to do it for me
>been living off of ramen and meat I find in the freezer
>full pantry still stocked from 11 months ago when my wife divorced me
>got bored of ramen and cheap sausages
>tried to make risotto
>grab aids infested rice out of the pantry
>grab stock floating with chunks of my sadness and self pity
>grab olive oil that I'm now using as a lube substitute
>chuck it all in a bowl
>put some sauce in there
>chuck a mushroom or two in for dramatic effect
>been drinking wine throughout this whole ordeal
>drunk me decides to message my ex wife to come over for dinner
>she accepts, but just as friends
>hear a knock at the door
>pregnant ex wife there with new boyfriend
>wutface.jpeg
>invite them to sit down
>ex wife is confused by my cooking, thought we would be getting takeout
>she reluctantly takes a bite
>gags a little
>husband tells her it can't be that bad
>he takes a confident spoonful
>squirms around in his mouth like an active life form
>comes back out onto the bowl
>they both vomit everywhere
>they rush to the bathroom
>she slams the door shut as violent retching continues
>rush over to see if she's okay
>open the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur