How is it possible to not be able to cook?

>>8494131
I can't cook at all. Grew up with little to no exposure to cooking. I'm gonna go through those steps from my perspective
>get meat
This is actually pretty okay, assuming it doesn't involve cutting, and preferably no bones either
>season it a little
With what? I mean, I know salt goes on damn near everything. There's a ton of (incidentally very pricy) spice bottles at most grocery stores, and I haven't the foggiest what's worth using. Also not sure what 'a little' would be. I can guess at the quantity without anything too awful happening I guess
>put it on a hot stove
In what sort of container? I also have a fear of anything I could burn myself on, but I've been working on that and with oven mitts I should be okay
>until it browns nicely
I can't do more than assume that all browns are equally nice, and take it out when it's some kind of brown
>Take meat out
Okay I've got this one at least
>Turn the heat down a little
Oh fuck I forgot temperature was a factor. How hot was I supposed to be cooking the meat? And how much is a little?
>Add butter and whatever salt n peppered veggie you want
I can do this. Not sure when it'll be good to take out though. Also a little unsure as to how to get the salt and pepper to stay on the veggies instead of falling off
Granted some of these problems can be solved with a more specific recipe, but I'm sure it's not hard to imagine someone like me fucking some part of it up

>>8494179
All of those problems get solved after fucking up until you understand what you're doing wrong.

>how do I know when to take things out
How about you fucking taste it

File: 1451926486736.jpg (902KB, 1300x1733px) Image search: [Google]

902KB, 1300x1733px

>>8494179
>container

>>8494203
>Just eat this burning hot thing to decide if it's done
Yeah that's a great plan. That or I leave it out to cool, which seems even sillier. Or I leave a little piece to cool, but by the time I can eat it it won't be representative of the rest, which has still been cooking
>All of those problems get solved after fucking up until you understand what you're doing wrong.
That's probably true, but as someone with no experience it'll take a while for that to pan out
Hopefully I'll get there
>>8494214
All of them have different names and I don't know what I'm after so I'm stuck with the generic term, don't know what you were expecting

>>8494179
it doesnt matter if you just cook it very long time and eat it with ketchup

>>8494219
Bro I think you might just have severe autism. Don't worry about cooking the government will give you autismbux every month to buy tendies like my younger brother literally does.

>>8494223
At that point I might as well do what the other anon suggested and make tendies
>>8494228
I'm pretty sure I do, and I get non-autism related NEETbux, but that doesn't mean I can't learn to cook... eventually

>>8494240
>go to the store
>look at what's on sale
>pork shoulder, chicken thighs
>pick one
>pick vegetable
>green beans, broccoli, zucchini, asparagus
>pick one or two
>grab pre packaged salad kit
>grab rice
>grab garlic, onion, lemon, canned tomatoes, salt, pepper, oregano, paprika, cumin, rosemary, and thyme
>google chicken thigh recipe
>google green bean recipe
>done
Cooking decently enough at home is easy if youre willing to spend 2 minutes choosing a recipe online.

>>8494260
So am I just subbing in whatever spices and such are in the recipe for what I have, or do I dig for one that matches?

>>8494266

Sub for what you have or exclude it. You'll develope an understanding for what spices do to different dishes with practice.

Spices tend to last a while too. As you practice you'll have a collection of the basics you know you'll like.

>>8494279
That sounds like the way to go, thanks anon
Hopefully I don't fuck it up too bad

>>8494179
>In what sort of container?

I lol'd, 10/10 would lol again