How would you like your steak, sir?

>>8463663
Just give it to me as the chef would recommend it.
Thanks you

>>8463670
>tips fedora

Preferably from a cow

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>>8463670

That's what she said.

Well done and bring out a bottle of Hidden Valley ranch with it.

Thanks.

>>8463663
With the heart still beating, please.

Please ejaculate on it

>>8463663

Ground up, breaded, deep-fried, and on a bun with lettuce and McChicken sauce. Also please replace the beef with chicken.

>>8463663

This is no big deal. The standards for doneness are pretty well accepted all over the US at this point. Just pick what you want and order that.

What I fucking can't stand is when they say "How would you like your steak cooked - mind you sir, we always tend to cook a little to the under cooked side of the standard cooking types."

FAAAHK YOOUUUUUU. I know what I like.. just let me order that - and then you deliver that. How hard is that?!?!?!?!

Now I have to guess if the medium that I like.. should be ordered medium well to account for their ass hattery. So you pick one and order it and it never comes out how you expect it to look. And you cut into it and you say to the guy - this is burnt to a crisp and they say "well you ordered it medium well" and you say "yeah, but you said you habitually undercook everything like fucking morons which means this should look like medium?!?!" or then they gbring out this still mooing piece of shit and you say - "i ordered medium:" and he says "well we always undercook everything like fucking retards so thats what it is"

what a piece of shit fucking question.

its even WORSE when they do it with fish.

"I'd like the fish"

"how would you like that cooked?"

Fuck! Did I order sushi?!?!?!? No. I want it cooked through and moist and flaky. I want it cooked the way fish is supposed to be cooked. I want it cooked to perfection. I am not some trendy hipster piece of shit that wants to eat his salmon raw.

FAAAAHHHK

so with fish.. now i'm supposed to say medium? and it comes out pink in the center?!?!?! fuck that shit. i say medium well and it comes out fucking toast.

there is no fucking winining.

people ask me this question and I literally take out my smart phone and start showing them pictures.

its fucking retarded at some restaurants.

>>8463670
>Hear this
>Stop cooking when its convenient to me and when Im done with everything else becasue I know they wont put up a fight

ranges froom rare too well done

>>8463739
>Fish
>"How would you like that cooked?"

wut

That should never be a question. Ever.

Also you should never be asked how you want your Lamb, Chicken or Duck cooked either. There is only one correct answer for each.

>>8463663
>Hello m'Gentleman
>I would like my steak cook blue (that means extra extra rare)
>Please fetch me a glass of your finest blended scotch, neat, w/ no water added
>m'Lady will have a salad with sparking water
>It's awfully stifling in here sir, I shall roll up my sleeves and entrust you to hold on to my cuff-links and hang my jacket
>Lastly sir, could you plug my vape in the back; I'd like to end my steak with a nice long vape session

Please ask the chef right now where the cow was sourced from and whether it was grass fed.

Note that if you get anything less than medium with a side of steak sauce you are a tryhard and the chef or your party won't be flattered by your attempts to impress them

>>8463788
Why would I give a shit about the chef's opinion

>>8463755
A lot of people get tuna steak cooked rare. It's a pretty common thing.

>>8463788
Please explain how liking steak rare and without shitty sauce is being a tryhard.

>>8463757
>I would like my steak cook blue (that means extra extra rare)

Blue steak isn't the same as rare steak, it has to be done on a very hot surface to get significant exterior char, it's more like how tuna steaks are typically cooked

>>8463802
I didn't feel like typing all of that in parenthesis

I guess I should have said Black and Blue

>>8463751
That's exactly the type of customer you want to please the most
>probably a numale food critic with a local blog that could seriously hurt your small restaurant by getting a legion of followers to post 1 star on yelp

>>8463663

"Stare at the grill for a good 15 seconds then served on a plate"

>>8463791
>>8463799
It doesn't make you any tougher or manlier eating uncooked meat like an animal. We're all very impressed.

>>8463807
If you ask for a Black & Blue in low-mid restaurants you're likely to get a well-done steak with blue cheese.

>>8463663
Well done and get me another Coors.

>>8463850
Yeah, even at fucking Mortons when you ask for blue, they ask if you mean a steak with gravy and blue cheese lol

>>8463848
What makes you think I give a shit if you think I'm more or less manly?

>>8463717
this

>>8463864
he's projecting, anon

>>8463864
By the way you're going on the defensive here trying to desperately justify your decisions to eat raw bloody meat and not a perfectly cooked well done delight

>>8463874
You also

>>8463739
Simple solution. Don't order "medium", order 135 dungarees Frankenstein (or whatever your preferred temp is). This removes all ambiguity and you get your perfect steak

>>8463889
I'm not justifying anything though. I like rare steak because I like it. Please do explain to me how you reach the conclusion that I only order rare steak to look manly.

Yes I know you're probably just trolling, but I want to see what you come up with next.

>>8463889
>your decisions to eat raw bloody meat

Well you said it. His decision.

>>8463723
this
if they cant do that then ill need some ketchup to wash it down
actually bring the ketchup either way

well done with ketchup on the side please

>>8463893
135 F
That's almost medium well
If it starts resting at that temp it'll be a perfect midwell
If you want medium ask for 120 dugarees
Medium rare at about 105-110
Rare no less than 90
This is assuming it's an approx 12oz steak a little over 1 inch thick
The heavier and thicker the steak the lower the core temperature

>>8463932
Would you like to try one of our jolly rancher martinis? They pair exquisitely with a nice and tangy "tchup.

>>8463893
>dungarees frankenstein
>hi my youtube channel is Ave and I like to talk in canuckistanian

whoo lad... that might be some pretty good advice.

I wonder what they'd actually do if I asked for "removed from the grill at an internal temp of 155" (medium)

>does this look like spit to you?

>>8463755
Broiled, blackened, grilled, or fried?

>>8463663

Just cook it you fucking piece of shit.

>>8463739
>its fucking retarded at some restaurants.

But McDonald's always comes up trumps, Amirite?

>Surprise me

>>8463663
I tell them I want it blue. If they don't know what that is, or say they can't do it, I'll have a cheeseburger.

>>8467166
i've accidentally cooked a few steaks blue rare at home, and it's like chewing meat gum. gross. don't do that.

>Let it come up to room temp and then just singe it on the fire for a couple of secs LOL I like my steaks super duper RRRRRRRAAAAAAARRRRRRREEEEE because I love the taste of MMMMEEEEEAAAAAAAATTTTT. See babe? I'm a real man ;)

Shitposting aside, medium rare tbqh.

>>8463703
are you from Spokane?

>>8467188
If you're accidentally under cooking your own food you shouldn't be telling me how to order my food. I like my steaks rare on purpose.

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Well done with ketchup. And leave the bottle.

>>8467410
like i said.
don't
do
that

>>8463848
But it tastes better. That's why people like it that way. You seem pretty insecure

Blacked. Like my wifes son.

Medium rare please

>>8467455
>Blacked. Like my wifes son.
I'm going to say this when I go to the flaky local coffee shop tomorrow morning.

>>8463663
Medium rare. Heavy on the salt and light pepper

>>8467464
>medium rare
Just admit to yourself that you don't like rare steak and get medium. You aren't fooling anyone.

>Heavy on the salt and light pepper
It's like you don't even like the taste of meat.

>>8467472
I like it nice and joocy my man. Quit projecting your insecurities on this thread

>>8467472
Are you struggling with the concept that people have different preferences?

Mid rare with a side of A1 steak sauce.

>>8467487
Are you struggling with the concept that people have different opinions?

>>8467454
Speak 4 urself bro. Rare is groace to me. Medium well, yo well done is wat i find exquisite.

À point

>>8467509
Your opinion is that people who like medium rare stakes are actually pretending to in an attempt to seem manly, correct?

>>8467526
what he said

Ground up and put on a hamburger bun, thanks.

>>8463757
>>I would like my steak cook blue (that means extra extra rare)

kek

>>8467509
The fact that everyone can hide behind their onions makes any hope of rational debate hopeless.

>>8463791
Because if you don't he'll cum on your steak. Didn't you know all food workers are edgy degenerates?

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>>8463663
>Medium, just like you're Moms dress size before you ruined her figure

And we'll have a pitcher of tapwater.

And two glasses.

No ice.

>>8463862
say "rare, cold center," you'll get blue

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>>8467795
>cold center

>not understanding the difference between raw and blue

>>8463793
Tuna I'll allow, but even then the range is very limited (anything past "medium" is overcooked)

>>8465359
However the fuck the dish is supposed to be presented?

"I'll take the fried cod, but can you boil it instead? Thanks."

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Well if the cook can manage it without burning, otherwise medium well ;)

that's no sir, that's my wife.

>>8465408
kek

Medium rare. Does it come with seasoning? What does the seasoning have in it? (Proceed to remove seasoning if it will hurt to eat it.)

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Rate my steak /ck/.

>>8467926
Dunno, I can't taste a picture.

>>8467926
Still raw, needs to be completely brown.

If order a Medium or darker at a Restaurant they will give you lesser cuts, because you won't taste the difference anyway.

>>8467886
Don't you fucking laugh at me

>>8467926
Needs ketchup

>>8467926

Looks nicely cooked.

Next time tell your mom not to cut the entire thing up before you start eating so that it actually stays a little warm. Also way too thick of slices.

>>8465408
>They just straight up give you an empty plate
And now you're surprised

tbqh the pleasure from eating a steak is tenderness, juiciness, and mouth feel. You will not get that by ordering well done unless its incredibly fatty like short rib which isnt a steak. i dont understand people who order blue tho cause that shit is gummy as fuck and takes a lot of chewing. tf?

>>8463757
*sits in table behind you*

Blue? Heh, amateur...

*signals waiter*

I'd like my steak TARTARE

*pulls out wallet*

and here's your tip

*steals your date*

Psh, nothin personnel, kid

>>8469448

Wow.

That was bad.

If the restaurant is kinda empty, medium-rare.
If the restaurant is busy, medium-well (if not well done), that way I'll get a medium-rare.

>>8463932
This, genuinely, everywhere I go, and every steak I order.

If it looks like a nice place, I'll ask them if they can do it 'trop cuit'.

>>8469471
faggot

>>8463848
You're so insecure. Did I fuck you by mistake in the kitchen while you prepared food for me (like a woman) you cuck?

>>8463932
This is a reasonable man right here. I order medium and hope to god they have Heinz or something better, not generic fruity ketchup.

I'll have it bourguignoned, with ketchup, just like my main man Superman, man.

Sir? how dare you

>>8463663
vegan

>>8463908
Not the guy you're replying to but you can't deny there's an aspect of performative masculinity to eating meat generally, and eating rarer steaks in particular

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>>8469177

>he doesn't sous vide his short ribs for 48 hours to medium rare

>>8469135
>that'll be 16.99 plus tip

>>8470666
>there's an aspect of performative masculinity to eating meat generally
Are you for fucking real

>>8471407
>performative masculinity

Not the anon that posted it, but I thought that was an interesting phrase that described a behavior pattern associated with a particular gender. What's so triggering about it for you?

>>8463663
>I would like it introduced to the grill
>I want it to run around the table and moo
>I would like it to be as rare as my pepe collection
>I would like it bloodier than Gettysburg
>Remember your daughter's first period? Bloody like that.

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Just fuck my shit up, waiter.

Well done or take it back. Good when dipped in a side of ketchup, mayo, honey mustard, steak sauce, soy sauce, BBQ sauce, or applesauce

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med rare pls and sprinkle some salt on top thx

>>8465408
>waiter teleports behind you
>"are you surprised, boy"

>>8463739
> Sir i just asked you a simple question, I-I don't know how to respond

>>8463663
Boiled for two hours, then the water thrown away.

>>8463663
Just fuck my shit up.

>>8463663
blue rare

>>8463663
I said I wanted the fish, cunt.