lifehacks

is that coffee for your contacts so your eyes stay awake?

>>8354998
Yeah it gets into your body and keeps you up

>>8355002
I DID THIS ONCE AND I COULDNT SLEEP FOR FIVE DAYS

>>8355044
Bill shut. There's not enough caffeine in that much coffee.

DO NOT DO THIS
It makes everything brown and your eyes go too fast so you see things before you see them

>>8355050
>Bill shut

Did Jill open?

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>>8355059
>you see things before you see them
You see the future???!!!?

>>8354987
If you put eggs in boiling water they become solid inside.

>>8355729
:o

>>8354987
If you kill yourself, you die

>>8355736
prove it

>>8355059
>you see things before you see them

holy kek

>>8355729
I dont think this actually happens

>>8355812
I have done it before.
I once did this to an egg...OUT OF THE SHELL.

>>8355826
Well that makes sense since the water content is likely to evaporate then

>>8355504
Wow quality joke mock my disability why don't you

>>8354987
Its not coffee, its soy sauce

>>8356508

Correct. The pic in the OP is an Asian with poor eyesight using a natural remedy passed down through his family.

>>8355729
If you put eggs in boiling urine they will cure heat stroke.

It's an ancient chinese secret!

A few 'dines will cureceive the same time as a whole bunch of people who are not going to the public domain. Of course you'd have to be a good idea to have a good idea mister Franklin.

>>8356529
There's a reason eyedrops and contact solution is saline.
Anything salt can do, soy can do better. Its the glutimates, aminos, and nucleotides.
Do not be so quick to dismiss Asian wisdom, just because you dont understand it doesn't mean its not valuable.

>>8355059
>you see things before you see them
wtf

>>8356612
Chinks fed their emperors mercury for headaches.
Fuck them and their fake "medicine"

You'll lose weight if you eat less food.

drinking a glass of bleach before you put a 22 round through your brain ensures that no part of your life is left living :^)

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>>8356721
White people would never fall for something like that amirite

>>8355729
Bullshit I left mine overnight and the egg absorbed all the water

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>>8356780
I mean Christ you'd have to be really fucking stupid to put an obvious poison into your body. Westerners would never be that dumb.

>>8356768
>22
Please, everyone. Use a larger caliber. Using a .22 in a suicide is just unsafe

>>8356786
>>8356780
There's a difference between feeding your most important figurehead mercury for centuries and snake oil salesmen conning the average man for 20 years.

>>8356768
Why bleach? Just take a bunch of nodoz, caffeine has an LD50 close to arsenic.

>>8356791
Please explain this difference.

>>8356788
All you can get in the U.K. M8

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>>8356810
No.

>>8356810
figurehead smart
average man dumb

If you make a gravy that turns out too greasy (like say, using the juice from a chicken as part of the stock) throw a slice of bread in there. let it soak the grease (which will sit on top) for a bit and then remove.

>>8356855
>let it soak the grease...and then remove.

...and you eat it, right?

>>8356818

Shotguns are a thing.

>>8356860

You can do if you are so inclined.

Another tip: if you have a cast iron pan and are making an omlette rather than flipping the omelette over to ensure its gooded through throw it under the grill to cook the topside.

>>8356867

Note to Americans: Grill means broiler

>>8356868
>Note to Americans: I like to make words up

>>8356871

Huh?

When roasting a joint (especially a chicken) turn it over halfway through cooking - it will effectively self baste.

>>8356873
Huh?

>>8356885
you might say it masturbastes

>>8357142

That works better when spoken rather than typed.

>>8354987

Brush a small amount of baking soda solution onto anything savory that you bake or fry, in order to get it to brown faster.

Two shots of expresso in some gravy is lush.

>>8355059
shit man you get a sharingan from this?

>>8356791
you mean like all the times we used acidic bases in clothing dyes and burned tons of people

or the times that we used asbestos in everything

or the times that cocaine and opium were common place medical treatments

..haha those were some dumb chinks amiright

You can recover things like stale biscuits and hamburger buns by wrapping them in a damp, wrung out paper towel and microwaving it on medium power for no longer than 20-30 seconds.

>>8358310
>tried this with a tortilla once
>was nice and soft for 5 seconds before turning into a tortilla chip
??? dark magic

>>8358329
That is the only downside, you have to eat it right away. The more stale, the less time you have.

It's better for softer fluffier breads, corn tortillas are almost completely exposed to air throughout.

>>8358346
Works well if you also put a cup of water in a toaster oven and create a makeshift sauna for your breads.

>>8356234
It's not that serious mate.

>>8355736
and if your enemies kill you, you win

>>8358397

Don't do this it creates mustard gas.

>>8358397
just use a fork dumas

>>8355059
Quality kek

>>8358461
But forks don't melt ice cream

>>8356780
Arsenic that does not poison you enough that you notice immediately is fine, mercury isn't

>>8358303
Lucky fucking 19th century douchebags, coke and heroin for sale at the local drugstore. Weed was legal, all over Texas, and peyote markets were a booming in Laredo. Even fucking coca-cola had blow in it! I'll take some tuberculosis and illiteracy for that life. Everything tastes good when your grayed out. Fucking puritans, ruin everything

>>8358566
the only thing stopping you from getting coke and heroin is yourself buddy. The government and local authorities will hinder you, but if you really want it, you can get it.

>>8358581
Nah left that life and got out of town. New friend group is not about that shit. Not about to fuck around with spics and niggers to try and cop a buzz

>>8355736
Let me tell you, this guy is correct, been there, it hurt like crazy, but when I came back to life it was wonderfuls except my pants were soiled.

>>8356868
>Note to Americans: Grill means broiler

Too late, tried to shove it under my oven, damaged the draw down there, bent it in half life, but it almost gave way when one of the legs bent, my mom is going to kill me and I smell gas for a reason, oh well.

>>8357142
>you might say it masturbastes
i thought you choked a chicken, you guys I bet it blows up when you turn in and its baking hot, thanks for nothing.
>>8357197
Wow, thanks smart ass, the heat will turn it into washing soda and probably make my tummy hurt.
>>8357280
I'll try this for sure next time I'm constipated! THANK YOU!
>>8358310
I had 3 week old muffins on my counter that I was too lazy to throw out, I tried this and they imploded and the microwave was smoking. My mom is really going to kill me now.
>>8358397
I'd try this but my microwave just broke listening to someone here.

>>8358523
>>8356780
You can actually build a tolerance to arsenic through regular consumption. The Styrians used to do it to help with altitude sickness and for beauty and it make doctors tear their hair out wondering how they didn't die.
http://www.ultimatehistoryproject.com/arsenic-eaters.html

>>8356791
Funny story. The FDA got most of its authority by winning a case against some people who had basically been feeding antifreeze to folks as a health elixer. They didn't actually win because it was antifreeze, they only won because they had mislabeled it as an "elixer" despite containing no alcohol. Close one.

This is the best thread on ck right now

>>8358799
just like how jack has the best sauce

>>8358799
/ck/ is about comedy, not cooking

>>8358577
>satan hai
Is Food Network an anime?

>>8356810
they're implying they were taking down their figurehead. where as in murrica, your fellow man will try to take you down, just because.

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life hack

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lyfe hack

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life hkac

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life hacked

>>8359108
>>8359110
>>8359112
>>8359113
You've just changed my life

>>8355059
Why haven't you granted yourself future sight yet, /ck/?

>>8359440
Some people rather remain ignorant and in the dark, they do not embrace future sight. Maybe they're not ready for it.

>>8358303
>acidic bases

>>8356849
Figureheads are just average men with different desires in life.

>>8355059
>you see things before you see them
okay karl

>>8359108
>>8359110
>>8359112
is this the same artist behind "saddest thanksgiving ever?"

>>8358581

the only thing stopping me is that coke is as expensive as fucking diamond dust you moron

>>8359746
It's only $60-80 a G

>>8355059
Put me on the screenshot.

>>8359963
http://www.ebay.com/bhp/diamond-powder

>>8358310
this is how i reheat rice

>>8359719
kek, would kek again

>>8356780
>>8356721
we literally used to eat gold as a treatment in medieval times chinks we as stupid but not more than us

>>8359719
you've got jealous bones

if you put too much salt into a meal, just add some sugar, it evens out

>>8360129
At least gold is inert. I think the people who ate toxic metals are easily more stupid than those who ate literally harmless ones.

The romans used to boil wine in lead dishes to give it a sweeter taste.
The stupidity is old.

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>>8355059
I'm going to do this now

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>>8357142

>>8355059
best post of 2016

>>8358461
D'Artagnan pls go

>>8356560
Only if you slightly crack the egg first numbnuts

>>8359112
Guess he finally found a use for that hairdryer

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>>8355059
>you see things before you see them
Fuckin' hell

>>8355059
Tell me about the future

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>>8355059

>not being able to see into the future

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>>8355059

It may let you see things before you see them, but can it let you see why kids love Cinamon Toast Crunch?

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>>8355059
kek

>>8355059
Okay, I lost to this. well done.

>>8358397
I know this is a troll post, but sometimes I would let my spoon stand in a cup (half) filled with near-boiling water. It would then cut through the ice cream like butter.

Of course now I own an actual sorbet scooper, those fuckers can cut through anything.

>>8355059
brrrr brrrr golly gosh

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>>8359719
What were those things in gremlins called?

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go to the self checkout at walmart, spin around 3 times while chanting sam walton, enter the banana code instead of scanning steak and wala, you automatically get ribeyes for next to nothing.

>>8361350
Uh, cuz of the swirls?

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>>8355059
>>8360044

>>8358766
But most antifreezes are just an alcohol and water

>>8359963
Thinking the internet all live in your state... are you retarded?
coke is $300 - $400 a g here in Melbourne. And $3 in Columbia (unconfirmed sources)

If you throw out your pasta water, it wins.

>>8355059
Legitimately the funniest thing I've seen in this site in years. Thank you anon.

>>8362346
gross

>>8354987
It's great everybody looks like they've been on vacation.

>>8355729
DON'T DO THIS, IT CREATES CHLORINE GAS!!!

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Eating food makes hunger go away.

>>8362111
Technically true, but not ethyl alcohol as you make that sounds. Antifreeze will kill you if you drink it enough to get drunk.

>>8358663
Shut the fuck up

>>8354987
Don't do this it creates mustard

>>8363001
You insensitive bastard, I'm now on punishment time after all the damage and you yell at me in one of the few safe haven boards on 4chan. THANKS A LOT!

>>8362439
but not the emptiness

>>8354998
It gets rid of wrinkles and shadow

>>8354987
jesus fuck I can't see out of my right eye now, it burns like a motherfucker and one of my blood vessels burst. You people are sociopaths I'm probably going to lose my eye as a result of this. I'm never trusting /ck/ again

>>8361638
4011

>>8355059
Just tried this twenty minutes from now and he's right

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>>8363040

Thats what alcohol is for.

>>8362346
dont do this, it creates ketchup gas

>>8356818
No it isn't you faggot plus going through that whole process for a firearms licence when you can just jump off a multi story.

>>8355059
YOURE AN IDIOT

PLAY A RECORD

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>>8355059

>>8356818
Rifles are available in the UK in far greater calibres, as are shotguns, and pistols where I'm from.

>>8356788
>.22
Read it nigga. It clearly says 22, not .22, so either a 22mm or a 22 inch projectile. Either is perfectly sufficient to kill yourself with.

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>>8355059

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>>8355059

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>>8355059
Dont forget the anime

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>>8355059

i tried this and it goes well with melange

>>8356885
I don't normally include chicken in my joints.

>>8365058
stop

>>8361638
>>8363084
I found the cashiers

If you cook food, it tastes better

If you eat enough food you will feel full.

>>8365349
It's a very important job!
Also we don't need food handlers licences, let that sink in.

>>8365390
Dont worry, anon, I am one of you... or atleast I used to be. I prefer bagging to cashiering tho,It's fun to just turn off your higher brain functions, and make it a fun tetress-like sorting game that you get paid for.

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>>8365408
>The customer wants the leaking raw meat in the same cloth bag as the produce.
>Refuses to take a plastic bag for even a barrier

If you boil water it freezes faster than tap water

>>8365411
Dont worry about it too much, anon. [spoiler]Most of the fags that use cloth bags over plastic ones never fucking wash them ever, Regardless of the last foods bagged in them. this is why there has been higher rates of e.coli and salmonella deaths in reusable bag only states like CA.[/spoiler]

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wrap hotdogs in condoms so they dont expand

>>8365411
>leaking raw meat

What third world shithole do you come from where supermarket meat isn't sold in leak-free packaging?

>>8360282
prolly was some tasty wine though doopid

>>8358303

>implying cocaine and heroin are somehow bad to take

you don't sound very fun

>>8358503
Just the opposite of jet fuel melting steel beams.

>>8362156
40 in Dallas

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>>8355059
yes

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>>8355059
>you see things before you see them

>>8354987
>lifehacks
when exiting the birth canal, make sure the umbilical chord is wrapped tightly around your neck so as to prevent further pain later on in life.

>>8354987
does this work?

>>8356560
it has to be the urine of a pre-pubescent virgin boy otherwise it won't work

>>8358663
>>8357280
Umm, just making sure that no one actually tries this. Espresso and potatoes produce an endotoxin when mixed under high heat.

>>8365763

I'd be more concerned about what sort of temperatures condoms are meant to take. Body temperature is far removed from boiling water.

>>8355059
thats bullshit but i believe it

>>8365817
Steel beams solidify jet fuel?

>>8365763
Do you use latex or those natural lamb ones? Lubed or dry? I wanna try this, imagine all that flavor staying in the nice dense unexpanded hot dog, I won't be able to stop myself from the explosion of full flavor all over inside my mouth!!!

The ONE way you should be drinking COFFEE

https://youtube.com/watch?v=9ljttPKvgks

>>8366988
ISIS needs to declare war on buzzfeed

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>>8361966
Include me in the screencap

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>>8366988
>The ONE way you should be drinking COFFEE

>three entire ice cream sandwiches
>a teaspoon of cafe au lait that's paler than a starched snowball
>"the coffee gives it an adult excuse"

These are manchildren.

>>8354987
wash the rice before you cook it
it really does make a difference
i thought it was just a meme but it's not, the rice really does turn out better when you wash it

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>>8367770
Soaking it is even better.
I dare you to try soaking
it for a bit, try it.
You'll be amazed.

>>8367814
srsly? thanks nigga. ill have to try that.

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>>8366988
Absolutely plebeian