how do I spice up the hospital food without leaving hospital bed?

Press the nurse buzzer and demand some spices
If they refuse, get violent and scream at the top of your lungs that you can't possibly eat this without a side of marjoram

Definitely take advantage of that jam.

>>8345863
I suggest pulling the plug

>>8345865
not suppose to yell unless its a emergency .

>>8345868
jam is more of fruit than spiceness. thanks

>>8345869
that would turn the machine I can't do that

>>8345877
Hospital food is an emergency m8, it's usually bland as fuck

>>8345863
just be careful what you order.
avoid the breakfast burrito. it's bland. ask if they have hot sauce or anything like that to go with whatever you get.

>>8345883
the nurses asked me to stop yelling I didnt know the buzzer was what it was for

I can't just yell like that I am sorry please suggest another idea.

>>8345884
the doctor said the food is bland because I cant eat too much that differ from the medicine and they dont have hot sauce or sriracha but the nurse said she loves sriracha when I asked and I told her we talked about how good sriracha is and the doctor agreed when he came in and we asked him if he liked sriracha too and he said hes not big for spicy foods

>>8345883
I thijnk its bland on purpose sometimes people might not like the seasonings. black pepper and salt make the mitochlorians in your body harder to take up medicine

nice keffiyeh you dirty hippie

>>8345889
Order pizza

>>8345892
it is the hospital dress, I hate it but they say they dont give out shirts and pants like the doctors and nurses wear. I want to wear their clothes instead of the dress

>>8345898
when I pick up the phone it connects me to the front desk how do I fix this?

>>8345907
Ask for an outside line

>>8345908
I figured out how to dial the other number line.
I usually do not eat pizza to go but I am ordering from the papa johns because they have coupons in the phonebook
what kind of pizza do you recommend?

>>8345863
I hope you're ok

how do these literal retards find their way to 4chan? fuck off back to facebook, dipshit.

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>>8345917
Spaghetti pizza

>>8345907
they gave me paper scrubs when i pissed myself and was time to check out

>>8345936
I ordered the pepperoni and pineapple

>>8345918
thank you, I am in the hospital

you're hot. let's fuck and i'll bring all sorts of delicious home cookery and/or spice up your hospital chow for you. unless you're in hospital for some STD or something. actually, strike that. i'd want your cooties. you're that hot.

>>8345863
Make a fucking mess breaking everything nearby until nurses rush in and are forced to Medicare you
You won't give too much of a fuck about spice adter

>>8346210
>Fucking someone who is at the hospital for some undisclosed reason
This is how gay people keep getting aids

>>8345863
Why are you so fucking retarded I can't even get to the bottom of this thread you are too retarded

>>8345889
>mitochlorians
this ain't star wars

Salt & Pepper

Hospital food is bland by design they'll always have salt, pepper & mrs dash available. I don't use Mrs Dash at home but it's a godsend at the hospital.

Why are you in the hospital?

wow dude you're hot. I wanna fuck you!

yeah op is a real qt. want to be my waifu?

you can eat my cum if you want bb

>I'm a helpless manchild the /ck/ post
shucks buddy, don't miss this opportunity to tweet about white food though

>>8345889
>mitochlorians
Fuck I lost

>>8345863
Complain of intense pain until they give you enough opiates that you're not hungry/don't care about anything anymore.

>>8345863
is this a picture from alepo? are you government or rebel?

>>8345863
Is no one going to say anything about the fucking scarf?

>>8345863
>get hot sauce bottle
>slather all over disgusting hospital food
>have fiery horrible shits
>make nurses lives a living hell

>>8345863
this isn't /soc/ faggot, just buy some bulk MSG, put it in a salt shaker, sprinkle that on everything and get the fuck out

>>8345863
The food is intentionally bland. They don't want anything that will give a person lying on their back for days on end anything that will result in acid reflux. They probably have you on daily omeprazole already. it's become a standard practice.

>>8346272
according to you

Bad news the surgery didnt go according to plan and now I have to go for more surgery tomorrow and to top it off the doctor turned the pizzaman away >>8347943 he say it bland on purpose but the pizza man wasn't happy he was arguing with the head nurse a colored woman

>>8347943
>They probably have you on daily omeprazole already
what a horrifying thought. PPIs feel like you are eating desiccant packets. dried-out mouth, dried-out stool, doesn't matter how much water you drink, your whole digestive system just feels dried out. I get that the hospital doesn't want you to have acid reflux or rip your stitches out taking a monster dump, but it seems like they go out of their way to thwart anything that might make it possible for you to take a decent shit for at least a fortnight after leaving.

>>8345863
what a qtie

>>8345863

Use spit.

This entire thread is beautiful
OP is cute not only in appearance but also in communication.

>the doctor said the food is bland because I cant eat too much that differ from the medicine and they dont have hot sauce or sriracha but the nurse said she loves sriracha when I asked and I told her we talked about how good sriracha is and the doctor agreed when he came in and we asked him if he liked sriracha too and he said hes not big for spicy foods

add more periods after every sentence you're basically hemningway

>>8349411
KEK

>>8349429
kill yourself

Im a nurse. Why are you in the hospital? It does matter because medicines have weird reactions as do conditions to certain ingredients. Grapefruit is something most hospitals will not carry at all for example.

Anyway, the trick is really about garlic salt. Get it and it will make things tolerable.

>>8349457
I'm a doctor. This nurse is talking well above her pay grade.
Enjoy citrus if it makes your recovery more zesty. I would stay away from the hot sauce for the time being as it can agitate the humors.

Get well.

>>8345923
>Implying OP isn't cute af
Sorry that he isn't posting le dank pepe's or spewing racist drivel for a shitpost, this is real shit posting.

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>>8349437
no u

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>>8345863
Parmesan

>>8349495
I'm a surgeon. This doctor is talking well above her pay grade.

An injection of dick is in order to make you feel better, OP.

>>8345863
Ejaculate onto your food for that bleach/salty vibe. You're welcome.

Cum on your food. Pretty delish.

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>can't even go to the hospital without eating

Fucking fat ass, American spotted.

>>8345889
>>sriracha
>>mitochlorians

>>8349967
It would have been better if you used the expression "go to hospital"

MORPHINE IN THE FOOD

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>>8346218
>gay people getting aids
>most percentage of aids/hiv is hetties

captcha: ARCADIEU PROTECTI

>>8345863
are you single and also gay?

>>8345863
Piss is a bit salty m8.

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Get uber eats to deliver McChicken's, see if they'll pick up some cholula on the way there.

I was in hospital once with a bruised lung and they had to give me a tracheotomy and poke the hole to make me cough and then they served me cottage pie and after id finished it i thought i felt a bit of gristle in my mouth so i chewed on it but it felt weird and spongy and when i took it out of my mouth it was a piece of my lung hope this helps get better soon op

>>8350718
Now THAT'S what I call

G O U R M E T

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>>8350718
THE LUNG IS FUCKING RAW!

pepper spray

seriously. theres a bar in my town that sprays one of its burgers with mace. if you can eat the whole thing you get 50 dollars worth of drinks free