Embarrassing Culinary stories before you learned how to cook,

>>8327266
>I thought pic related was a decoration until I was 18
kek'd

for the first three months of living on my own, all kitchen equipment i used were a microwave and an electric kettle. all i ate were microwave burgers, sausages (wieners) and white bread

>>8327266
That's a very nice rack.

>>8327266
i was with my gf at a hawaii-themed restaurant, really dark in the place. gf orders salmon, food arrives and there's these lemon wedges so she squeezes that on the lemon. tastes her food and says "this fish tastes kinda weird"
turns out, it was actually orange wedges and that made the taste weird

>>8327266
>Helping mom bake cookies when I was a tiny Anon.
>Mom Anon grabs the vanilla extract.
>Like vanilla.
>Want some.
>Mom grabs a teaspoon and fills it and gives it to me.
>Learned that day that parents are cruel people.

Few years later my dad let me use smelling salts on myself.

I once burnt a soup because I forgot I left it on the stove and went to wank myself.

>>8327266
> Be me, get job at 18 and save up some money, decide to move out to rent a house at 19
> Family always cooked super nice food from scratch, but I never really helped with anything
> First night by myself
> Decide to make teriyaki chicken and rice for dinner
> Throw rice in a pot of boiling water like pasta
> Put a teflon pan on the stove, crank to medium-high, and put about two cups of bottled teriyaki sauce and a frozen chicken breast into the pan
> Leave it for a few minutes to take a shit (it was a hell of a shit)
> Come back and the rice is overflowing everywhere, the teriyaki is burnt and the kitchen is filled with smoke, the chicken is still frozen except for a little bit on the bottom
> End up microwaving the chicken breast in a cereal bowl full of water
> Eat chicken out of cereal bowl while sprinkling salt on each bite

yeeaaaahhh

>>8327720
>rent a house at 19
you wot

For a stretch time my dad was working late shifts and my mom was working 2nd so there would be many times where I would have to make dinner for myself. There was plenty of easy stuff like and raviolis and similar things. At the time I had a newly discovered love for tilapia so roughly once a week I would pull some out and cook it up but because I really did not know how to cook at all at that point in time I would burn the tilapia to an absolute crisp because I was always afraid that I would slightly undercooked it and end up poisoning myself and dying. The only thing I knew how to season with was salt so I would throw an excessive amount of salt on it and call it a day. Fish stuck all over the pan cuz I didn't even bother to use some butter to cook it in

>>8327735

I was making about $12/hr at this point and the mortgage on the house was only like $400/mo anyway, they charged $500 in rent (owner was in in-patient recovery program from a stroke).

>>8327758
where do you live that houses are this cheap? the 60's?

>put meat in baking tray (doesn't matter what meat. Pork, chicken, beef it's all cooked exactly the same way)
>cover with foil
>cook for 2 hours
>meanwhile, empty some frozen mixed vegetables into a bowl, cover with cling film and microwave for 5 minutes
>make some instant gravy, make sure it's about as thick as custard

This was only one meal. I ate this meal every single Monday all the way from elementary school to highschool.

>>8327782
anon, i...

>>8327771

This would have been 2011, in the US, about 500 miles inland from the West Coast

>>8327771
Not him, but about 10 years ago, $500/month wasn't completely unheard of where I live. Now, anything under $1000 would be a steal.

Damned gentrification.

>>8327266
Not sure if this counts but when I was eight or nine years old, I was preparing some pork cutlets to fry. I added salt to the flour and dredged the cutlets in it. I waited for the salt to leech out the humours from the pork to hydrate the flour so that I could dredge them a second time and drop them into the fryer, but the flour wasn't hydrating.
Decided to spritz them with water from a spray bottle and dredge them the second time then into the fryer they went.
They came out a bit darker than normal and tasting of caramel corn.

Turns out I added powdered sugar to the flour rather than salt.

File: 1457258472067.jpg (604KB, 570x1106px) Image search: [Google]

604KB, 570x1106px

I was trying my hand at making spicy Japanese curry, and to spice things up a little I decided to put some ghost chili powder in it, but I wasn't sure how to portion it so I put in a whole tablespoon. It was so spicy I could literally feel it make its way through my entire digestive system, and because I don't like wasting food I ate the whole batch which lead to me losing feeling in my hands for a few hours, also lost some hearing temporarily.

>>8327815
>I added salt to the flour and dredged the cutlets in it
this is a thing? never heard of it. also,
>knowing this and frying stuff by yourself at age 9
i'm quite jelly, my mother wouldn't let me do anything on my own as a child. had to learn everything about cooking after i had moved out

>>8327266
>parents didn't cook
Then you were right, it was an ornament.
Well done for breaking the mold and taking an interest.

>>8327581
We all did that

>>8327843
Well, all cooking varies culture to culture not only by what ingredients are used but also how they're meant to be used, as well.

For example, the idea of using breadcrumbs for frying, as is done in the US, for example, was completely bizarre to me when I first encountered it. I grew up with fried meat, such as cutlets, being double-coated in either seasoned flour or seasoned cornflour/cornstarch. Never breadcrumbs. I grew up using breadcrumbs to make dumplings for soups, similar to how American Jews make matzo balls.

Also, everyone in my family learnt to cook from a young age. Just kinda how it was done. Been cooking on my own, no supervision, since I was eight. If ya have kids of your own, don't treat them like delicate little soap bubbles and let them play with fire, knives and dead things from a young age. It's good for them.