Grandparents and Food

>>8038625
>What funny stories do you have about your grandparents and food?
My grandfather died of a stroke while picking raspberries in his garden. I guess it's not that funny

>>8038625
If he's adding salt to food that's already cooked, then he's probably the one who broke the shaker.

I remember visiting my grandparents when they were snowbirding and we had to split a couple mcchickens, a 10ct nugget, and two fries between all of us. six people. I didn't like seeing them when they were down south with us

My paternal grandparents were a trip, granny was a debutant type, who's family migrated to a sleepy farm town in upstate NY from the Bavarian region of Germany, Gramps was a 5th generation Irishman, who was a mean SOB, WWII Iwo Jima vet.

One Saturday night, I was spending a weekend with them to help out with chores,errands and hanging out. I made a quick dinner of grilled burgers, cole slaw and Frito corn chips for dinner.

Grandpa asked granny if she got some utility bill out in the mail, and in her snooty tone...she turned up her nose and said...well of course I did, I don't want to be stuck here in the dark with your ass. Then grandpa reached down into the bowl of Fritos and threw them across the table at her, and then she returned fire. It went back and forth about three times till no more chips in the bowl. Then it went back to silent for the rest of the meal, as I swept up the corn chips.

Damn I miss them! There were so many crazy silly stories between those two, they were a riot.

>>8038653
I kekked.
Your grandfather sounded like a real faggot, fucked by berries.

>>8038673
What the hell? Why didn't anyone buy more food?

>grandfather is making mashed potatoes and fried chicken
>angrily smashing potatoes
>fucking yells because it turned out too soupy
>throws that shit out so the goats and dogs can eat it
>chucks the fried chicken into a basket
>some falls
>throws the entire thing for the dogs
>orders a pizza

I love him.

None, now i know why everyone pawned grandma off to us, even though my mom is the black sheep of the family.

>>8038653
well , in a group, some are hunters, some are gatherers and some like your grandpa get killed by berries.

My grandpa loved pecan pie... RIP

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Every year, we go visit my "Oma" (Grandma) up in Wisconsin and make a family trip to the local Oktoberfest. Oma loves Oktoberfest, she's been going ever since she was a little girl in the 1950s.

She always tells us about this one time, she must have been about 10, she met a funny old man there named Mr. Shickler. She doesn't remember a lot about him, but the one thing that stuck out to her was that he had "lovely eyes" and seemed very sad, like he had lost something very dear to him. Mr. Shickler must have been a famous painter at some point, because all of the adults there treated him like royalty. He and my Oma hit it off pretty well (she was a cute girl, with braided blonde hair and big blue eyes). He taught her a few words in Spanish, and gave her a special German coin. Unfortunately, she never saw Mr. Shickler again, and I've never been able to find anything about him.

Oma does have a tendency to spin tall tales, especially as her mind starts to go (she now claims Mr. Shickler left that night in a "flying saucer"), but she does still have the coin he gave her.

>pic related

To get back on topic, even in her old age, Oma can cook up a mean schnitzel.
Ich liebe sie <3

My grandpa would come out of his room, and stare at my grandmother while she was in the kitchen. She'd ask him

> "would you like some coffee?"

>"Oh yes it is sir".

>"Don't call me a sir, bitch!"

>"I didn't call you a sir-bitch!"

A few moments of silence

>"Donna, when I die, I want to come back as a cup of coffee, so when I get real hot you can blow me."

this exact conversation, along with multiple variants, happened multiple times a day. Luckily I'm 26 now and they're both still going strong.

>>8038727
I bet Oma loves anal.

>graduate from university, was gonna celebrate at my mom's place with her, my stepdad, brother and his gf, as well as my maternal grandparents
>grandfather is a fat, ill-tempered man with many stories from the old days
>mom serves a roast with potatoes and gravy
>halfway into the dinner, grandpa decides he wants more gravy on his potatoes
>as he begins to pour from the fancy isolated gravy can, he fails to notice there is a lid you gotta pop open manually before you pour
>half a liter of gravy erupts from the can, completely covering his plate, the tablecloth and his shirt
>he just sits there completely dumbstruck, as my grandmother attempts to wipe away gravy with her paper napkin
>my mom rushes in and cleans up to the best of her ability
>my grandmother then helps my grandfather get out of his gravyfilled shirt, and drops it in a plastic bag
>grandfather was now sitting in his wife beater, slightly stained from gravy and with his bypass-scar visible
>dinner continued, but of course something else would happen
>the roast had a fair amount of fat on it, and most sensible person would just carve it off their meat and discard it
>not my grandfather though
>"This meat is so tender!" He proclaimed as he stuffed a huge chunk of fat into his mouth
>then he swallowed and started coughing
>and coughing
>it sounded roughly like EUROGH EUROOGHHH
>his fucking face turned purple before my grandmother started patting him on the back
>finally he spat the fucking thing out
>the rest of dinner went without further incidents

>>8038747
Oven wasn't hot enough.

My great nan is a grissled old Jew from north London. Mad as a box of frogs. She makes a bitchin' moussaka. she was cooking and these kids ball kept hitting the house. After some "effing and blinding" as her husband would say (we weren't related), she leaned out of the window with her knife and yelled something to the effect of "if that ball hits my door again I'll fucking skin you, you fucking shits!"

She is on my mums side of the family. Them and my dads side have a bit of animosity between them. We were (reluctently) at dinner. My aunty kept asking my mum if she was pregnant. Im not sure if she was being malitious or just stupid. Shes pretty ditzy. Well nana shiela was having none of it. She piped up and said very loudly "Oh will you shut up you pampered cow, stop being stupid!"

Nana Sheila don't take no shit.

>>8038653
Sounds like a really peaceful last moment before you die.

>>8038936
This post reminded me of the Jas. Townsend & Son guy.

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>grandma has serious anxiety issues and is badly overprotective
>scared to death every time someone in the family has so much as a cold
>she read somewhere that turmeric supposedly had anti-cancer properties
>been putting a fuckton of turmeric in everything she makes since

>>8038625
Salt shakers are some of the least expensive items known to man how did you not just replace it?

>>8038625
I could fill an entire thread with stories:
>go to asian restaurant with family.
>everyone orders their usual, we brought our grandparents with and it is their first time here.
>grandma asks millions of questions about every dish.
>food arrives after a reasonable time and grandma instantly covers everything in salt.
>she asks waitress for butter for her rice
>waitress says they don't have any butter in the restaurant. (presumably they use peanut and sesame oil for all their fat needs.)
>grandma gets visably angry.
>gripes to us: "What kind of restaurant doesn't have butter."
>we say "asian restaurants."
>she is displeased the rest of the night.

also my grandma has a lot of other weird food idiosyncrasies:
>Grandma refuses to eat hotdogs without mayo and onions
>when she gets fast food she has to go home and put extra mayo and veggies on her burger

I understand preferring food a certain way, I have some weird combinations of food that I enjoy, but I am capable of eating food as it is served like plain hot dogs or burgers or rice.

>>8038653
My grandma had cancer and almost died while eating lunch with us, she had to be rushed in an ambulance to a hospital while dying and they managed to save her life.
I was 8 when it happened, she became sorth of like retarded and thought she was a little girl again and dies two years later

>>8039211
It was made of sterling silver and had been in my dad's side of the family since he was a kid. They're my mom's grandparents so they didn't know about its ways.

>>8039289
Topkek

>>8039274
cont.

>grandma eats bunches of Reese's peanut butter cups because she thinks the peanut butter is healthy for her.
>every time I go shopping for her she asks me if they sell blueberry pies there (they don't)
>She is afraid that "something bad is gonna happen" and there will be a panic and there won't be any food left in the stores so she constantly has a freeze full of cookies so she wont have to go without them if something happens.

>>8038625
my grandma likes the tikka masala from the local indian place but always fucking pronounces it "tikki marsala" and I try to tell her that's not what it's called but I guess if you're born before 1950 you can't pronounce "ah" sounds or something? she saw chicken marsala on the menu at a different restaurant and ordered it even though I explained it her it's a completely different dish and she still complained when she got it and it was different.

>>8038936
Having a stroke is not peaceful...

>>8039313
Is your gram gram very overweight?

>grandpa is a joker
>always bakes cookies and sweet baked goods. Best banana bread and pecan pie bars ever had
>anyway, everyone comes over and eats his cookies he makes or breads without asking what it is
>he likes to experiment and make things his way
>people always comment "just stick to the recipe "
>he gives not a fuck. Based gramps
>makes chocolate chip cookies, melts pepper jack cheese inside cookie
>sets cookies out and leaves them on table in dish
>family comes over and people casual grab cookies
>the faces and complaints
>makes him laugh harder

I remember cooking with my raciss-ass ol Southern cracka Mommo, she made the most amazing hambone soup and greens; one time we made cookies and she filled a sheet pan with twelve perfect round spoonfuls while I was making a mess out of three or so and we laughed and laughed. everything in that tiny kitchen she touched turned to solid gold and I'll never forget how happy she was cooking real honest to good home made errythang for us.

She was a monumental bitch and the entire world hated her and maybe 6 ppl went to her funeral (I skipped ot since I hated her by then too)

Later on, I saw some pictures of her when she was a teen girl and courting with my grandpop, and she was so happy and carefree and beautiful it broke my heart, I realized how unhappy her entire life had been after those years and all her spirit was broken and soured by life, and I cried, thinking about her teaching me to make cookies and laughing a real, rare laugh with little me and my cookie spoon

Well, this was depressing, good job, OP

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>pawpaw is senile af
>comes to live with us
>i say something to him and he just walks by
>i shout at him and he doesnt say anything
>oh shit pawpaw went deaf
>run over to him and wave my hands to get his attention and check on him
>"pawpaw whats wrong why didnt you answer me"
>"oh anon im sorry my hearing aid battery must have died"
>pulls hearing aid out of ear
>its actually a dried apricot he found

Pic semi related, he made me eat carrot and raisin salad when we went to Luby's, it was good for my eyes apparently

>>8038869
10/10 sounds like something from a Guy Ritchie movie

My paternal grandmother's cooking is so bland and bad that when my father was drafted into the army he was the only one who actually liked the food there.
Whatever she makes, it all tastes the same. It all tastes of maggi.

>be 2nd gen Italian
>family were FOB dirt farmers back in the day
>little to no education and it shows
>no food safety practices whatsoever
>grandma's cooking sends me to the shitter every time


>grandma literally doesn't use plates
>eats off of the table or in the pan she cooks in because she's lazy
>only uses nonstick coated cookware so she scratches it up after eating out of it with metal cutlery
>constantly complains about how nonstick scrapings give you cancer
>blames others for scratching up her cookware
>buys new cookware that no one, (including herself) is allowed to use as an elaborate trap set up to instigate shouting matches

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>>8041484
>its actually a dried apricot he found

My grandma from my paternal side has dementia now and can't cook anymore. But used to make the best kosher schnitzel dinner, with
tsimmes and dumplings. When ever I was ill she'd make me proper Jewish grandma chicken soup with moons and stars shaped egg noodles
Love ya crazy old lady
My grandpa still makes a mean dark chocolate cake. I try to bake him a sachertorte when ever I see him, reminds him of pre world war 2 child hood in austria

>>8039852
Fuck you

>>8038625
My grandma had this saying, 'what's a good plate with nothing in it?'

Does this board have the most jews on 4chin?

>>8041676

>"its ok to be a shitty person your entire life and everyone should pity you at all times"

fuck off

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>>8038625
>be 6 or 7 years old
>eating at a restaurant with parents and grandparents
>saw someone on TV do the prank where you unscrew the lid of the salt shaker
>decide to give it a try
>grandpa falls victim to my prank and ruins his dinner when all the salt dumps out onto his meal
>grandpa has a short temper
>he flys off the handle and yells at the staff, makes a scene
>grandma has to remove him from restaurant
>neither of them get to wat their dinners
>we hurriedly finish our meals and leave

It was over 20 years ago and i still feel really bad about it. Grandpa died and I never confessed and apologised

>>8038625
They died before I was born.

>>8042552
They knew you would be a faggot and didn't want to stick around for it.

>>8038625
I used to be an edgy teenager, mexifag here, one day mom and i are arguing, shes pulling meat off boiled chicken to make flautas, tell her some faggy stupid teenage shit how my dad left her cause she was sgit, it strikes a nerve , starts hitting me with boiled cgicken, meat going all over the place how she wished she would have flushed me down thetoulet when i was born.
Damn, it hurts a little now, but we still laugh about it

>>8042545
Fucker deserved it if he's going to make a scene and yell at people for no reason.

>>8038653
Was he Don Corleone?

>>8041515
I thought Italians were second to the French in cooking. What went wrong?

>>8043896
>Fucker deserved it if he's going to make a scene and yell at people for no reason.

Yelling for no reason? Did you miss the part where the lid came off the salt shaker?

>>8043986
That's hardly something an adult throws a tantrum over. Just separate it from the rest of your food and move on.

>>8038936
Too bad after the stroke hit he was lying on the ground immobilized and suffering for some time.

>>8043994
it was clearly the restaurant's fault, their salt checkers were sleeping on the job
ooohh wait, no, the guy was just disgruntled and impotent so gotta chew someone out
little cunt just smirking to himself, yeah let's go for the waiters

>>8041484
>it was good for my eyes apparently
The carrots being good for your eyes thing is a legend left over from ww2, when the Brits were trying to hide the fact that they had radar technology from the Nazis. Its like the fan death thing in South Korea, post war due to electrical constraints.

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>>8038625
>forced to travel a million miles from home to the searing hot desert boonies to visit grandma before the sun sets
>grandma forgot to add salt to the chilaquiles
Son of a bitch

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>>8044260
That cake keeps giving me that fucking look

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>>8038653

Tomatoes aren't berries you know.

>>8038625

>mom leaves me with our family during the summer in the countryside because city is no place for a kid in the summer
>every morning go to her grandmas house in the morning for some of her GOAT pan fried potatoes and cottage cheese for breakfast
>pick an apple or a plum from a tree every morning to bring grandma
>one morning come in and grandma is sitting in her usual place at the edge of the table
>wearing her scarf around her head as usual, you know she was a really old fashioned lady who had never left the country and survived 2 world wars
>she looks kind of pissed for some reason
>don't really ask her anything and dig in breakfast
>she has a window right next to her where she always sits so she can see the neighbors pond and other shit that goes on in the neighborhood
>out of the blue she tells me that she saw me the day before measuring dicks with the neighbor kids like a little faggot
>what the fuck
>tell her that couldn't have been me
>tell her she must've mistook me for my cousin who always hangs out with those little shitheads
>she doesn't listen to me and says that it was definitely me
>she was old and always was in and out of hospitals
>just let it go and enjoy my fried taters and cheese
>she tells everyone in the family
>everyone thinks that I was measuring dicks with other kids

Fucking old people

>>8044422
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berry
>The definition includes many fruits that are not commonly known as berries, such as grapes, tomatoes, cucumbers, eggplants (aubergines) and bananas.

>>8044260
why did they give it teeth

>>8041685
When the shills take a break from /pol/ they come here apparently

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>>8044900
friend, you just JACKED that fool

>>8044453
Hahahaha

My gpa always used to eat out at fast food and hot dog places etc. He would automatically start giving servers shit. He enjoyed it. It weirded me out cause he was so nice all the time. He would be really mean then give me this evil smirk....so creepy considering his normal personality. When he died I found a bunch of psychology books in his house...basically instructions on how to be nice etc and manipulate..really makes me wonder who the fuck he really was

>Paternal grandmother is a massive cunt
>hates cooking
>never buys any food
>starves herself but whines at my aunt about it so she buys her food sometimes/makes her food
>grandmother says the food is shit, isnt what she likes at all
>grandmother always gobbles it all up while bitching
>if anyone takes her to a resteraunt she will bitch endlessly during the meal
>afterwards will say its the best meal shes ever had

not really very funny i guess. she has always been a super cunt too, even before my dad was born.

Granddad once split his head open on a big poorly-placed M sign in a Mcdonalds

No idea why he never sued, but then he struggles to spend his RAF pension half the time and wouldn't know what to do with any more money

>>8038625
>tfw remembered my grandparents are dead
>tfw remembered my grandma (from mom's side) left us a nice recipe booklet