Cooking Safety Stories Thread

Chopped off a good chunk of my left pointer finger, nail and all. Didn't even notice it until I was sauteing fingernail in blood.

Good excuse to brag about how sharp my knives are though.

>>7673273
Tell me /ck/ is it a bad thing that this is making me laugh? I've fucked up as badly as he did but still...

Referring to the video.

>using japanese mandolin
>try using the safety provided
>safety flips
>lose tip of thumb to the last layer of skin
>stem the bleeding and get to hospital
>blood on steering wheel, pants, floor of car
>am told I'm a hair's width from needing a skin graft
I still use mandolins, but fuck those "safeties"

>>7673298
Nope, schadenfreude. I read that the fire killed some people, so fuck that guy.

>>7673321
It didn't. No one was harmed to my knowledge.

>>7673273
Look at the description, dipshit.

"The identity of the fourth person isn't stated. Four people were injured, suffering from burns and other unspecified injuries. This includes the above three people and a female relative (62) that lives nearby. About 30% of the home burned down (37 square meters out of a total of 125). Fire department reports that the son was upstairs and accidentally dropped a lit oil-based lighter into a garbage bag, igniting the fire."

>>7673591
?

And? This is a thread about cooking fuckups. I included my story and a story I thought would be interesting/humorous.

>>7674910
that was supposed to be directed at >>7673324

>>7675094
When I said 'harmed' I meant killed but I can see why the wording caused a misunderstanding.

>>7673312
kevlar gloves

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>Be me
>Decide to fry some homemade veg burgers
>Use fucking olive oil
>Leave room for minute
>Smoke everywhere
>Ofuckoshitofuck
>Pan bursts into flame
>Put pan off heat (Onto the floor carefully) and freak tf out looking for shit to put out a grease fire with
>Have nothing
>Wake up boyfriend "Help me, just don't put water on it"
>Break door to balcony trying to get fresh air
>Turn back after fastening door open
>Fireball in kitchen because idiot boyfriend put water on pan

Luckily nobody fucking died, and the flame didn't catch on anything. Learned about low smoke points that day. This all happened at about 4am.

>>7675102
probably because when you mean killed you should just say killed anon

>>7675155
>almost burns the house down
>calls boyfriend an idiot

>>7675239
Jokes on you, I almost burned down a whole apartment building

>>7675317
Jc, anon. What would you have done if you burnt the whole building down and your boyfriend left you because of it

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>>7675155
So, you can't immediately find anything to put the fire out, but you expect to improve the outcome by stopping to look and instead go wake someone up to have him do it for you instead. Sleep-drunk. You useless ditz.

>>7675330
F-find another boyfriend?

Don't worry senpai
I came to this board to learn how to cook

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>>7675372

>I came to this board to learn how to cook

good one

>>7675376
So far I have learned all about Jack, veganism, and saved all of Texas anon's cat pictures from his thread

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>>7675372
>>7675317
>>7675155
Your boyfriend deserves better

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thump

Not me, but a buddy

>camping and in our mid teens
>14 or 15 years old at the time
>breakfast time
>put pan on propane stove
>turn heat to @ 50%
>chill and hang out for 5 or so min
>Is it hot yet?
>sticks hand in frying pan
>2nd and 3rd degree burns on palm and fingers
>we cook in the pan anyways because we hungry

I think I might have technically committed cannibalism that morning because some of his skin must have stuck to the pan.

>come home drunk from bar
>craving some fries
>get out the pan and fill it with oil
>cut up all my potatoes, into the oil they go
>go sit down and find something to watch really quick
>wake up about an hour later to the smell of burning
>ohshitwhatthefuck.PNG
>run to kitchen, see black hollow potatoes floating in boiling oil
>turn off burner, take pan out to garbage can
>dump, go inside and go to bed

It was a gas range too, shit could have been really fucking bad. This was about 7 years ago and I still feel stupid for it

>be not me
>be watching head chef
>spills butter all over stove
>fire happens
>big fire
>leave kitchen
>get extinguisher
>put out fire
>send dipshit home
>call fire department
>they say close
>close
>home early.

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>Family members leaving items on the toaster oven
>Starting it anyway
That's not grease.
That's burnt plastic.

I swear to god, this is how I'm going to fucking die.

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>put a pot of oil on the burner for deep frying
>get distracted by some dumb shit due to massive autism
>leave it unattended for 15 minutes
>come back to massive greasefire
>put pot under the tap, hand on the valve
>remember the episode of mythbusters about greasefires
>place pot in the middle of backyard and put it out with garden hose from a distance
>massive fire column explodes into the air, exceeding the height of my house
>sit down and think long and hard about how close I was to having the same thing happen mere feet from my face and in my kitchen
>feel an awful, shameful sinking in my gut; like I truly understood my morality on an emotional level for the first time
>eternally grateful to the mythbusters

>>7677836
I imagine all this happening inside a Russian canteen or something.

>>7677868
ur gay.

>>7677868
I had this feels the other day, not ck related though
>kicking it backwoods style in the country, cruise set at 110mph
>staring at sat nav up front and forward because I didnt know where I was going.
>havent been on the highway or seen a car for like 20 minutes
>HONNMMMMMMMMMKKKKKKKK
>WTF???
>rearview, went through cross roads without realising, motherfucking semi just missed me
>doubleback, I ran a stop sign at 110 i front of a semi
>feel sick
>fucking dumb cunt I was following the satnav and not the roads, fucking crossroad wasnt on my map
>feel weird for the rest of the day

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>>7673273
>>7675155
>>7677811
>>7677825
>>7677868
>leaving the kitchen when cooking

One time I drunkenly decided to take a nap while waiting for my eggs to fry. I woke up an hour later to a smoky room and a few burnt up hockey pucks. The smell of burning eggs stuck around for weeks

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>>7677842
That stain makes a pretty neato abstract painting anon

>>7677593
I live 10 min away from there, is it good? I love fish and chips.

>>7678039
nope. Quite the fancy place actually.

>>7681079
I honestly have plenty of somebody fucked it all up stories... it was like the keystone chefs at this place. everyone was so busy memeing it up that shit would go like hell.

>>7673288

You can't say that and not post pictures

>>7677868
>Things that never ever happened.

>>7677593
I want a number 8 please

>>7681160
>grease fires don't happen

>>7673273

Setting a box of oil on top of an empty fryer and walking away without realizing I left the pipes open.

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>>7673273
>be staying at friend's house for the night
>I suggest that I cook for him
>he says sure
>I decided to take a shower first
>come out, still in briefs
>wear apron over nothing but the briefs because I don't want oil to stain my only change of clothes
>making some okonomiyaki variant, high heat and high grease
>he comes out of the showers and sneaks behind me
>give me a bear hug, kisses my neck and fondles my pecs
>my erection causes the apron to rise near the stovetop
>apron catches on fire
>almost burnt my dick off
Never cooking for him ever again

>>7673273
I once put myself in the hospital from drinking too much water.

I wasn't on ecstasy or running a marathon.

>>7673298
The best part is when he's basically fanning it with a blanket instead of smothering it.

>>7677868
Should've cooled it down with icecubes, they don't create a massive explosion because they are solid.

>>7681656
This is why I refuse to do ecstasy. People literally drown to death from drinking water.

how do you useless cunts not know that water on an oil fire is bad news

>>7681725
There's one instance of someone not knowing in this entire thread, and it wasn't even the poster.

>>7681731
fight me

>>7681648
go away, /a/, we're trying to talk about food.