Culinary Confessions Thread

i don't use garlic often, even though i know it tastes amazing.

i grew up in a house where garlic was never present. i just got in the habit of never using it.

when i'm at the store, i forget it exists and fail to buy it.

>>7074582
I don't always wash the spoon I've used to taste food before using it to stir whatever I'm cooking.

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I sometimes bake brownies for my sister because I know she likes to lick the spoon. Then I take the spoon into my bedroom and masturbate over it pretending she is sucking me off

>>7074587
Make a garlic tattoo in your hand.

>>7074582
Sometimes I dunk my head into the orange juice tank at work

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>>7074612

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>>7074612
STOP

I deep fried my dick and got a beej from a black chick

Sometimes I eat just condiments as a snack.

I am exceptionally intricate in the meals I prepare for other people but I can't be assed for anything more than 2 steps for myself

sometimes i put caesar dressing in a cold tortilla and eat it like a quesadilla

I put chili powder on my peanut butter sandwiches

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>>7074817

reported.

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>>7074833

sometimes if i'm lazy all i eat in a day is shitty american sharp cheddar cheese sticks

>>7074582
I have a microwave that rotates but I still follow directions saying to stir and rotate food for TV dinners.
I feel guilty for putting food in the oven before it's pre-heated even if it doesn't make a difference in the end.
Since I 99% of the time cook for just me, I wash some stuff just with soap and water and my hand, not a sponge.

>>7074843
I sometimes "wash" dishes with the sprayer thing and re-use them.

>>7074612
>not licking it and pretending you're kissing her

topkek

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sometimes ill put all the toppings of salad in a bowl pour dressing over and eat it
no lettuce
just toppings

>>7074837

fuck off you tattletale

the site sucks because of shitheads like you

i eat buttered toast with the butter side down

>>7074841
Sometimes I'll eat grated cheese straight out of the packet.

>>7075224
I used to butter both sides of bread before putting it in the toaster but then there was a fire so I stopped doing that.

Im trying to get my boss so fat she cant come to work anymore. She already gets fatter and fatter by herself, Id say she is morbidly obese, she eats all the time too. We leave candy out so she eats it, but what could I bake and bring to work that is the most calorie dense thing ever? I want like 2000 calories in each serving.

>>7074582

When I first started cooking, I didn't have anybody to show me, so I tried cooking chicken while my family was out.

I heated up a pan and took the raw chicken from the fridge and put it in the pan.

It went from pink to having these white splotches on it, which freaked me out, so I threw it all away.

I didn't understand it was just cooking.

I occasionally sip sriracha from the bottle when I'm hungry.

>>7075248
Chocolate covered crisco

>I drink pickle juice.
>I steal pizza toppings.
>I don't wash my hands a lot of the time.
>I have no problem with well done steak.
>I put eye drops in my girlfriends food once and she had crippling stomach pain and the shits for a week.

>>7075253
I would if she would eat it. Maybe I could get some no bake cheesecake and cover it in layers of chocolate, creamcheese and powdered sugar.

>>7075259
>I put eye drops in my girlfriends food once and she had crippling stomach pain and the shits for a week.
I've heard about that. How much do you have to add?

>>7075267
I barely added any and got great results. I put it in some scrambled eggs, maybe around 3-5 drops. I also did it again once when she enjoyed taking adderall a bit too much, so I hid one and put some on it. It looks gross and I told her she wouldn't want it, but she was getting so addicty she still took it. Never asked for adderall again.

>>7075275
You poisioned your girlfriend?
You sick degenerate.

>>7075320
She had it coming.

>>7075248
egg nog brownies

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>>7074612

top kek

>>7074817
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3HehLKqxsY

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>>7075385
>that siracha blast

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>>7075385

>when she adds the siracha

>>7075385
fucking disgusting

>>7074612
4chan: full of normal people

>>7075248
cream puffs

>>7075248

try one of those oreo-cookie-peanut butter-nutella-fudge-peanut butter cup-chocolate layer abominations

>>7075251
this
when i'm low on food, i'll have like a glug of hotsauce (not just sriracha, any kind really) and enjoy the burn
makes me not want to eat for at least a few hours

I put cream in my carbonara

>>7075275
>>7075259
>dating someone you can't stand so much you try to poison them
You're even more of a lowlife than her, I sincerely pray she keks you.

When I worked at a pizza joint I pushed my pube into some raw dough before making the pizza

I eat cream cheese by itself, sometimes I can eat half a brick by itself right off a knife

I microwave cream cheese and scoop it up with potato chips or pretzel nuggets

I made and drank mare juice

>>7075580
I also eat cream cheese by itself, and just use my finger to scoop out little chunks

Same with peanut butter

using anything more than two ingredients is trying to hard. garlic salt counts as two ingredients

I once ate three tubes of raw Pillsbury cookie dough in a day.

I really wanna learn how to cook, but everytime I try to make something other than very basic almost premade stuff, it goes wrong. Sometimes it's my fault, sometimes it's someone else. I once tried to make a thanksgiving dinner for all of my friends and everything went well, but the roaster my mom gave me to use was fucking broken and barely cooked the turkey.

I'm never satisfied with what I make, even if it's actually ok.

>>7074587
i usually get a quart of minced garlic and put a little in whenever im making savory stuff

>>7074903
this is really good, basically a chop salad if you go ham enough about it

Born in France, moved to UK 3 years ago. I have developed a fondness for those shitty american cheese slices :(

i eat pancetta and bacon raw on the regular

so good

>>7075620
its okay, anon, everyone makes mistakes

I don`t eat:

Fish or Seafood
Vegetables other than green salad and only green salad
cold meat
Poultry

So yeah basically I only eat bread and noodels with cheese. I`m fat.

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>>7075620
You just have to keep trying anon, some day you'll have a girl to make all that yummy food for, so keep practicing!

>>7076046
>>7075620
grill here, id probably eat whatever you made desu

>>7076025
Take iron supplement for gods sake

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>>7074612

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i use garlic in everything (savory) i make

i only use olive oil to pan-fry, never butter

when i lived in america i would sometimes buy nestle toll house chocolate chip cookie dough cubes and eat them raw

i've eaten an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting. rarely, but definitely more than once

when i make frozen pizza (for myself) i prefer it to be slightly undercooked

chicken > ground beef > steak fajitas >>>> pork

live in NL, makes almost exclusively cuban food

>>7076494
forgot to add:
once every month or so i go to a pricey UK import grocery store to buy 3 or 4 cans of diet coke because UK diet coke tastes like US diet coke which tastes miles better than the kind we get in NL. i then save them for nights when i'm cooking for just myself

>>7076025
picky eaters go home

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Sometimes I pay two fucking dollars for a Dr.Pepper thats smaller than the average can of soda.

There's no other soda like it where I live, not even a cherry flavoured soda.

>>7076499
>UK import store
This is new

>>7076494
Are you me?

>>7076520
how so? its a small grocer that has exclusively canned/dry goods/candy/otherwise easily shippable products for english expats living in foreign countries. always a little more expensive though

>>7076524
no.
but then whos flying the plane

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>>7074612

>>7076494
Lives in NL
>not eating cod tongues and scrunchions every day for every meal

>>7076494
a pint of ice cream is a serving. try a gallon.

> once a month or so I will binge eat an entire family bag of potato chips
> i eat sriracha only because others do, its ok but I just want to fit in with coworkers who love it
> raw mushrooms are delicious with simply some salt and pepper on them
> ranch dressing is disgusting and anyone who eats it should feel bad

>>7076025
man child detected

I eat raw burgers all the time.
When I'm cooking them I get impatient and take them off before they're cooked all the way through.
Still haven't gotten sick yet.

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>>7074801
same senpai

I eat more collectively at work than I do at home.

>>7074903

>>7074812

Made me laugh!

>>7076494

Yeah HOlland! Olive oil here as well, and garlic in everything. Try to use butter when cooking expensive meat. that pizza thing is disgusting dough...

>>7077615

you must me morbidly obese

>>7075253
I used to eat balls of crisco rolled in white sugar when I was a kid

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>>7076494
Cuban food, huh? At least your shitty home hasa SOMETHING decent.

>>7075259
what the FUCK

>>7074582
I use 2 or 3 times as much vegetable as the recipe calls for in anything I make
I put a few splashes of worc or fish sauce in any savory dish I cook
All the bread I make is just that lazy ass no-knead bread recipe that's been doing the rounds with a few add-ins
I really love fried rice with kimchi and spam.

I only come here for the alchy threads, and even though I used to love to cook, I stopped eating years ago.