/Terrible interviews/ general

>>916066
You sir, are the fucking man.

The good news is you found out early in the game that you don't want to work there.

I laughed

>>916066
Company name?

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hahaha good one

>Be 21
>never had a job before
>apply to scrap steel yard
>"Im here to apply for the cutter position"
>Foreman just stares at me for a while.
>im slightly overweight, unshaven, and i arrive via longboard.
>"No."
>he turns and leaves the room
>th-thanks for your t-time!

And thats how the wonderful life of a poorfag began.

>>916143
>>916066
ya OP we need the companies name

I'm an actual aspie and I'm about to apply for my first job at Krogers

I can guarantee you this isn't going to be a smooth interview. That's if I even get to the interview; I'll probably see the phone ring and freeze up.

>>916172
Ok anon, I'll help you. Let's practice (I'll be the interviewer)

>When did you discover your undying passion for Kroger and the retail supermarket business?
>What in particular inspired you to seek the position of Checkout Engineer?
>Are you prepared to go above and beyond the call of duty?
>If a customer asked you to bend over and accept his seed, would you do it? How quickly? With a smile?

>Walk into local mom n' pop tech shop and ask about (unpaid) internships because I love computers and I'd like to learn more first-hand
>I'm 18 and work part-time so I have three days off
>Talk to husband of the wife who owns the business
>He's super friendly, talking me up about their philosophy and everything
>Hands me an application to fill out and introduces me to his wife, the owner, when she comes in
>He tells her why I'm there
>She's not having it, walks straight past me and him to the back office
>Okay, whatever. Sit down for 15 minutes and fill out this double-sided paragraph application
>I've got good references from volunteering before
>Hand them the application, she still won't even say anything to me hardly
>intothetrashitgoes.jpg
>Dude clearly feels guilty, suggests other places to apply, walks me out really nicely
>Call back two days later
>Get put on hold for a good minute
>She answers, gives me a really vague response like "we're not really interested, sorry."
>Hangs up on me while I was thanking her for her time

>>916214
fuck her Husband. Only way.

>>916066
Kekked hard 10/10

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>>916189
>>>916172
>Ok anon, I'll help you. Let's practice (I'll be the interviewer)
>>If a customer asked you to bend over and accept his seed, would you do it? How quickly? With a smile?

lelelel top gun m8

>>916066
This happened.

>>916214
Well, that's kinda bitchy, but you shoulda taken the hint. In a small business, the owner is the hiring manager. Also unpaid internships are illegal if you do anything to contribute to the business. Big corps are immune to lawsuits about this, but ma and pa aren't. Husband's kind of an idiot for getting ur hopes up tho.

>>916066
>2 years ago
>have a job as a sharepoint admin, but looking for something better
>go to an interview in some small software company (less than 50 employees) for some kind of entry level shit, dont remember exactly
>arrive at the reception 10 minutes early, introduce myself to the receptionist and take a seat
>notice there is a camera on the ceiling
>whatever, whip out a phone and start playing some game (no sound)
>btw I'm also wearing just casual clothing like I did everyday at the current job, jeans, t-shirt and a Levi's jacket
>receptionist finally gets a call that I can go see the company boss
>boss is a fat and bald guy around 50yo
>we shake hands, but he's really cold from beginning, no smile at all
>takes me to his tiny and cramped office
>some 50-ish woman, probably his wife, is already there
>she describes the position, guy just sits there frowning on me
>then he asks how much I want to get paid
>give him the standard entry level salary in my area
>doesnt ask me anything, instead asks me if I have any questions
>ask one or two questions, but already know that this shit is over
>gives me short as fuck replies and then thanks me for my time and tells me they will let me know
>the woman looks nervous as fuck the entire time
>the whole "interview" took about 5 minutes
>3 weeks later he calls me and says I don't have the job

Even if he gave me an offer I wouldn't want to work for this prick.

>>916066

nice

I forget how to green text...

I had an interview years ago with Radio Shack. I was 22, straight out of college. knew my shit about tech, but was a bit sloppy with sales. Whatevz its a tech store. Manager loved me. She was excited that I was applying and gave me an immediate interview when I put my application in. Hires me. She has me go for an orientation meeting 1 hour drive away from local store. Spend 2 hours taking tests, watching videos, filling out paper work for 401k, etc...all that fresh hire bullshit. Tells me then that I'm not OFFICIALLY hired yet until the regional manager meets me. Has me wait a fucking week.

Week later, meet this giant fat, sweaty looking jew. Gives me a dogshit attitude about my degree. (I have an associates in graphic design with a focus on web design) Tries to humiliate me about my resume (which wasn't bad at all for a fucking sales position at fucking radioshack) and continues to talk about how awesome his job is and how great his life is. Not ever asking me questions, just giving me insults in question form.

Walked out after 40 minutes of the interview going nowhere. Was pissed so much time and resources was wasted on it all. 1 year later every radio shack in my area closed. FeltGood.jpg

>>917213

what the fuck

>>917213
Lol fucking lying faggot "forgot".

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>>916066
you've met an autist in the wild. you now know that the company you were interviewing for employs socially inept mongoloids incapable of reacting to novel situations. you may want to reevaluate them as potential employers at this point.

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>>916066
telll us the name !!!

>>916066
kek what a beast

Not bad but I wanted to post this
>in call center group interview
>"I want to go around the room and everyone says their favorite TV show and why I should watch it"
>gets to me and with a straight as hell face say "Game of Thrones, because all though there is a lot of talking there's also violence and nudity"
>everyone laughs
>tell my gf and she's like "why would you say that omg"
>got hired the next day (given 75% of interview got hired too)

>>916066
Go for an interview for a financial advisor position with AIG. (basically just selling insurance)
First question I get is do you like Dave Matthews?
>sure a bit
Red faced fat boss-I knew you liked Dave Matthews you hippy hahaha
>ummmm
What else do you like?
>Eric Clapton, Rush, Led Zeppelin, some bands he would know
Why the hell don't you like Pearl Jam?
>i do
Whatever, what's your favorite funny movie?
>Tropic Thunder
Superbad is better *fart* why do you hate Superbad
>Jesus Christ is this actually an interview
Get the job but decline

>>917243
theres more to this if anyone wants

>>917245
Fire away. I just bombed my Google interview

>>917247
Alright
You party alot in college?
>I like to drink a beer with friends every now and then
Bet you smoked a ton of weed
(he's getting all of this from a fucked personality test that said I wasn't intense)
>Look honestly I don't think that personality test is very accurate
Fire coming out of shiny bald head
I've been using this test for years it's God's gift to /biz/ness blah blah blah
>Okay but it didn't peg me very well
Hmph, don't move your hands, it lets me know you're weak
>wtf
Why do you hate Superbad
>It's good too honestly I like more than one movie
Boss still raging
Well you scored highly on aptitude test(math problems) so we're going to hire you despite all this
>ok

The lesson here is that interviews are useful for both parties...if you let employers walk all over you you're facilitating their shittiness.

>>917247
let's hear your Google interview

I honestly don't know where you guys are getting these retarded interviewers.

I've only ever worked for small tech companies (not startups), interviewed for other stuff and it was fairly bad but nowhere near what you guys are saying.

>>916146
I wish more interviews were like that.

>>916066
OP you are defiantly not a faggot, teach me your ways!

>be me, 25 years, six foot one heavy beard guy in a red-black lumberjack shirt.
>also master of law
>employment center gave my resume to a semi-official institution that protects tradesmen rights
>its an internship
>unpaid
>8am to 6pm
>the interview is done by the head of the institution and a female manager
>the guy is 70 years old fat fart
>as soon as i walk through the door he blurbs "Come in sweety!"
>i politely explain to him that im way past the phase of being a "sweety"
>the fart replies "Ok sweety, lets see your resume"
>some stupid vague questions unrelated to law
>sees my street address
>"Hey I lived on this street too"
>"Oh, I don't actually live on that street, I'm just recorded there by mistake some 20 years ago"
>"Boe thats bullshit I lived on this street ever since 2 years ago and a lot of people live in this street"
>lost it, started arguing and yelling at him
>the fart's face starts to get red
>the manager tries to calm us down
>ok, I'm calm, stopped yelling
>the fart's face is about to explode, stands up, opens the door and calls for the next candidate
>i pick up my stuff and leave

>>917309

>defiantly
Why are you being defiant?

>first interview out of uni
>mid-sized auditing firm
>being stupid and young and full of bravado i don't take it seriously
>barely prepare at all
>turn up hungover as fuck
>despite being greasy and hungover i'm still by far the best dressed candidate there
>clearly assume a leadership role in all of the group-based tasks
>highest marks
>all is going well
>later there were individual interviews with the directors of the firm
>company director is a very straight talking bloke
>can tell i'm hung over
>even asks me how my night was last night
>actually have a fairly nice chat
>at the end of the interview he flat out told me he really likes me and thinks i would fit in well at the office but all of my competency based answers were terrible
>which they were
>next day: we will not be taking your application further

early twenties alcoholism is a real danger, kids

>>917309
>>917314
definitely*

>>917312
>when autism reaches critical levels

>>916066
>The guy just sits there looking at his computer screen. I withdraw my hand about 15-20 seconds later without a response.
Damn, that's an instant turn off. However, you're supposed to be a salesman in this situation. You should have gotten his attention by introducing yourself. Say "Hello". Just reaching your arm out isn't going to help.

>"soo... what's with your social situation? I can't find anything about you on Facebook, twitter, instagram, etc, what are you HIDING?"
>what are you HIDING?
OP, I don't think you were hiding anything, but some people in HR can be suspicious of your lack of social media. Some of them can be really shitty about it too. Your response was less than ideal, instead you should have said something along the lines of:
>"I've considered using a Facebook or Twitter account, but I've realized that I get along perfectly well in my social life without social media."

>This answer seem to offend him because his face tensed (still looking at the screen). I wait about 2 minutes without a response. . .
As things were getting awkward, you should have taken some measure to dispel the tension. You should have asked to seat yourself. You should have mentioned something about your correspondence with the previous interviewer. You could have said anything else instead of sitting down for two minutes in silence.

I'm sorry that happened to you, OP, but you've gained some valuable experience with tough people. It would have been a tough sell with that interviewer, but I believe you could have handled that situation much better. Grabbing a handful of mints with a righteous attitude helped with absolutely nothing.

>>917315
>early twenties
>not early teens

Amerifags cannot compete with Europeans

>>917339
>I'm sorry that happened to you, OP, but you've gained some valuable experience with tough people.
More like he's gained some valuable experience with profoundly autistic people. If he wants a job at a group home, this experience will probably come in handy. Otherwise I doubt it

>>917370
You know what, you're right. He had an experience with a bad interviewer, who has poor social skills. The more I read OP's post, the more obvious it becomes that the interviewer failed at his job. I'm thinking that he was just a stand in for a more qualified recruiter.

>>917247
Bro I need to hear yours

A lot of success at interviews depends on whether the interviewer is having a good day or not.

>First interview out of uni
>Interviewer asks if I'd like some water
>I say yes
>Brings me a glass
>I put it down on table
>She glares at me, picks the glass up and puts a coaster under it

>op never delivered company name

Bullshit story, as usual

>>916066
Kek that's awesome OP

>>917860
You're clearly someone who doesn't respect wood.

>>917205
>wearing jeans and tshirt to an interview
What the fuck were you expecting, you god damn moron?

All I saw here was

>Working in IT/Computer Engineering
>No social media

Good fucking luck.

>>918551
Care to elaborate?

>>916146
Sounds like the beginning of Nightcrawler

>>917157
I couldn't fuck someone that I respect that much

>>917201
Yeah, it was a little naive on my part to think internships outside of trades were a thing. I'll probably just go back to volunteering.

>>918647
I think he is trying to insinuate that they care more about your people skills than your tech skills for an entry level job.

This is definitely true in any support role, but they don't check your social media. No one cares about twitter, unless its a professional account for some sort of business marketing purposes.

IT is full of autismos who think the great genius in their own minds excludes them from any sort of social norms. Hiring managers frown on that.

>>917339
Good responses, but somehow I doubt the interviewer would take it anyway

No truly bad interviews, just ones where I didn't hear back or instantly could tell by the tone that it wasn't happening. My best one was when I got hired on the spot working for an oil company desperate for employees. Was making bank before gas crashed and the layoffs began. Now a 9-5 deskfag looking to bail on the corporate life.

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>>917860
>Not using coasters.

Shit, I know I'm not at /tg/, but I totally get why you don't get hired.

>>917260

ha

>>916189
>Checkout Engineer?
kek

>>917354
True, but they have the advantage on clean risk taking.

>>916214
Sounds like jealousy. Are you a girl? If not, maybe the husband has a habit for twink hole that she found out about.

>>919789
>Are you girl?

no. even if I was, I'm 18 and the dude is like 50

>>920454
Well you're obviously gay, she probably picked up on it

>apply online to a large firm
>get interview
>entire resume was bullshit
>interviewed by 4 people including hr manager and senior managers from other offices via conference call
>asked me questions like "tell us about your greatest strength/weakness/leadership roles etc" for 1 hour
>had to make shit up on the spot
>i'm a good liar
>2 weeks later get a call from hr, got job pending background check
>independent background checking firm, asks me for irs transcripts, proof of employment, references, etc
>forge documents with photoshop and have friends reference for me
>they bought it
>i got the job

it's easier than you think

>>920505
probably tbh fam

>>920548
>>forge documents with photoshop and have friends reference for me

I was about to buy your story until this point.

At one hand, most companies can recognize forged documents, specially because official documents usually include some way to verify its authenticity, like a signature or something. And usually discovering one single false document is enough to kick you out of the company or hiring process. Fuck, even sue you.

And at the other hand, most companies check on the internet and through different contacts to ask for phone numbers to talk directly to some representative from the previous employment. Not just some random manager, but public relationship, or human resources or something.

So, either you're lying (colour me surprised), or the position you have is petty and any trained monkey could do it as well, hence they didn't bother with a serious background check.

>>920696

just shows how little you know about the process

>most companies can recognize forged documents

it's extremely easy to forge official documents, irs transcripts for example, when you have the official template

most large companies outsource background checking to 3rd parties, and all the information they ask for can be forged

>most companies check on the internet and through different contacts to ask for phone numbers to talk directly to some representative from the previous employment

can't verify anything when a company has been acquired in a merger or if you've worked for overseas companies

>the position you have is petty

55k base pay, yeah anyone can do it, but any high school kid can do the job of most college grads

background check included fingerprinting, test for drugs, 4 references, and wage transcripts to prove employment....you get handed a piece of paper and list all your past employers, there's a blank box, that if you check, gives them permission to contact the former employer...don't check that box

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>>920727
>there's a blank box, that if you check, gives them permission to contact the former employer...don't check that box

>Ok, you have to sign here, here and there, and check this box to contact your former employer... oh, you don't want me to talk to him? Don't worry, welcome to the company.

Sure, I don't need 5 years working on the field to know you're full of shit. It certainly helps to expose you as a faker, but anyone with half brain could come with the same conclusion.

>>920821

you're a pleb and dumber than a rock

>>917205
>programmers expecting prime treatment
You're worse than fucking blue collar workers, I'd rather have to deal with hiring burger flippers than programmers. At least they have a perspective for the future.

>have interview for govt job
>friend works there and recommended me
>sick as fuck with flu
>call to reschedule
>"This is the last day of interviews"
>go to interview
>apologize when I get there that I'm very under the weather
>have to leave interview after ~15 minutes to vomit
>come back and apologize and say I need to leave
>ended up having to go to hospital for dehydration because my ass is a rocket propelled by liquid shit
>did not get job

I did get a call from one of the interviewers a few days later. She asked how I was feeling and said she's sorry I wasn't able to interview but asked me to apply to future openings. At least they remembered me!