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How to Launder Money

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I have around $10,000 a month in "off the books" income. I sell something from the Middle East (beauty product) here in North America, and I'm sitting on like $100,000 worth of cash in my house... just spread about everywhere.

How do I launder this money, and make it go from dirty to clean, so I can spend it properly?

It's getting to a point where I'm afraid of letting anyone into my house, or always watching my back. I'm also afraid to leave the house, in case I get robbed or something.

Is there any ways, without paying too much tax on the money? It's all in cash, small denomination bills (mostly 20s).

Please help
>>
>>913215
Why not just supplement your legitimate income by buying everyday purchases in cash? Slowly spend it all and bank the legitimate money you would have otherwise spent?
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>>913237

Because I work at minimum wage in retail, and if I bought everything in cash, then it would raise suspicions as to how I'm saving so much of my "income" while being able to survive and pay bills, right?
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>>913243
Probably not
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>>913243
Do you have a trusted rich friend that could buy stuff for you out of his cards such as a car or a down payment on a mortgage (idk what you want) and you just give him cash + 5%
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>>913237
Start a small business selling a service, something like ''xf6Gi70e's lawncare". Do legitimate jobs people want. When you're not doing a job just make up jobs to put in your books and use your money stash to pay for the jobs, it might take a while but it'll work.
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>>913246

That's what I'm doing right now, I have a friend who makes $100k+ a year, and he buys what I need, and I give him cash, but he isn't able to spend "a lot" either, because he'll run into the same problem as me. "How is he writing $50,000 worth of checks on a $100k/year income?" "That's suspicious." So he's forced me to only do around $10,000 / year for the past year and a half or so. But lately he's slowly doing more and more, since nothing has happened so far, and his wife just started a business, so it's easier for him to write more checks.
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>>913249
I hope you give him a tip

I guess your last option is to buy shit from 2nd hand owners
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>>913243
I doubt anyone is paying much attention to a minimum wage retail worker

there's a lot of people out there..you cant follow everyone.
>>
Why launder it?

Just open a legit business. Keep some amount off the books to keep you flush with cash.

Laundering always wastes money. Why not just pay taxes on it?
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>>913247

Yes, I was debating doing that.

I was also thinking, at the same time, I could sell some of the antiques I have online, on PayPal or something, since I travel a lot and collect lots of things like statues of religious things.

I was thinking of setting up a website, and then putting a PayPal button on it, then go to the store and buy Prepaid Visa Cards, go on PayPal and use the card to pay for the item ($100 or something x 10 cards a week) and then take the money every week out of my PayPal and transfer it to my bank account.

The problem with this idea is that, I can't do it a lot, and PayPal will require me to give a billing address for the Prepaid Visa Card, and then I have no other address to give.

I have a son that lives somewhere else, so maybe I could give his address, but he earns minimum wage too, so it makes no sense that he would be buying $4000 a month in "antiques" so again, back at square one. I've found some ways to launder around $2000 / month, but still got like $8k left to be laundered every month!

The small business seems like the best bet right now, start up a few of them, one in the winter coming up for snow shovelling, and then make it "all over state snow services" so I can say I charged $500 for shovelling large driveways, and another $500 for the transportation to drive there. (would make different prices depending on how far my location is). This would let me do another $3k or $4k I guess, safely. Then I have another $4k to launder every month, so again, need something else to launder into, because I can't possible charge 10 people $1000 each to shovel a damn driveway. Then the more I open up, it will get more suspicious, "why is this guy opening up so many damn businesses" "suspicious".

Fuck, laundering is so fun, but man it's annoying as hell.
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>>913255

Because I'd rather pay 5% or 10% to launder, than pay 30% after corporate taxes, and employee income taxes for myself!

What would you rather do, $5000 to launder $100k, or lose 30% of your income?
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>>913254

You're probably right in that regard, but still, it would be risky.

Maybe I should do a mix of different things?

>>913252

I always tell him to take an extra $50 or something, but he's a loyal friend, so he never does. I compensate for this by buying the coffees we get, or McDonalds, or paying like $10 or $20 for the groceries every now and then.
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>>913215
The govt already knows you. They just haven't dropped the hammer on you yet.
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>>913268
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>>913215
1) Buy gold coins from pawnshop in cash, they have never asked for any information
2) Start selling gold coins on ebay or at other coin shops
3) You have income from ebay sales from coins that have been in your family for years

I think this is pretty common as I remember awhile back there was some legislature that wanted to start tracking gold sales but fell through.
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>>913273

Interesting, I'll look into this, would other types of gold work too?

Like necklaces/rings? Or should I be looking at just coins and small gold blocks?
>>
Any other useful ways to launder it? Some really great ideas so far, with some tweaking they might work for me, thanks a lot everyone that's helped so far!
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>>913260
I don't think you understand what launder means you fucking retard. The end goal is to be ABLE to pay taxes on it. That's the whole point.
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>>913369
Let him go faggot
He just needs some help, it was obvious what he needed
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>>913374
He's going to fuck himself if he tries to cut corners, I'm just making sure he understands if he wants the income in a retirement vehicle he will require paying taxes on it.
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Finding exact details is half the fun
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>>913215
Do you not realize that the FBI has tabs on this entire website?

>>913260
lmao OP doesn't even know what money laundering is.

SAGING BAIT THREAD
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>>913215
Go to vegas... duh.
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what do you sell? im from south america, im interested
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>>913503

I sell beauty products, can't say more, since I'm the only distributor for North America
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>>913307
By all types of gold then have it smelted into bricks
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>>913273

>implying pawnshops won't get suspicious as fuck when you buy large amounts of gold in cash
>implying any investigation into the gold at all won't fuck OP in the ass

>>913514
>implying refining gold is easy
>implying you will be able to sell the bars to anyone, ever, even if you manage to refine them
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>>913215
give me about 2k/month, and then you only have to worry about 8k/month
>>
Steam gift cards.

Drive around town and buy up all the Steam cards at Best Buy, Target, Walmart, etc. Redeem these cards to your Steam Wallet.

Use your Steam Wallet funds to purchase rare and expensive Team Fortress 2 hats.

Sell these hats to third-party vendors outside of Steam who will pay you in cash.

Your new hat money is now clean.
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>>913215

>How do I launder this money, and make it go from dirty to clean, so I can spend it properly?

It's called reporting your income to the IRS. Then you will be able to spend it however you want.
>>
>>913307

Don't listen to this fool, buying gold coin at retail is a huge mark up, you may as well just pay taxes at this point.
>>
There are many things you could do.

Have a yardsale one per month where you "earn" 3000usd. That will do about 36k already

Give 10k to a couple of rich friends and they give you 10k back as a gift.
That'll be maybe 20-30k per year

Rest you can just live off
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The guy at target has made up a bullshit story. I'm dying from laughter.
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>>913579
Yup, pretty much.

AFAIK, as long as it isn't obtained by illegal means (drugs, crime), they don't give a shit as long as you give them their share.
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>>913619
well why wouldn't OP just report it as some kind of online business income if it wasn't illegaly obtained? why would you launder money if you don't have to?
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The feds are in on it right away.

Buy banker's/cashier's check - the ones where you pay cash to a bank and get a check issued (which is guaranteed to be paid). Now I don't remember the specifics or the limits on cash that you can get a check issued for without triggering the AML checks. Worked on a compliance project for a US bank 3 years ago. That'll be only the fees for purchasing the check and to expedite you could consider buying it in names of your family and associates, if you can trust them.
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>>913215
launder money with bitcoin
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>>913215
Sounds to me like you are running a normal small business. Start keeping normal books, declaring your income, and deducting your expenses. Pay taxes at the end of the year.
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>>913215
Buy bitcoins, sell bitcoins, profit. The deep Web is a great place where to launder money ;)
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>>913369
>>913369
>>913369
>>913369
/thread

the whole point of laundering is that you have income you can't pay tax over because it's illegal, not because you're selling camel sperm to old ladies lol. Save yourself a world of pain and open a business OP.
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>>913508
cmon don't leave us hanging bro. The guy is from SA I'm from Europe
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>>913215
Go to casino, put money in slot machine, immediately cash, and there you go.

It's what a bunch of drug dealers do over here in Australia to launder their money.
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>>913689
I never really understood how laundering at a casino works. You enter with cash you leave with cash. Do you get a receipt and use that to declare taxes?
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>>913692
Pretty much.
You put your money straight into the machine, cash it immediately, and it issues you a ticket. You take the ticket up to the teller and they give you the cash.
What the receipt doesn't actually state is how much money you put into the machine, just your winnings.
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>>913692
Should also mention that you'd probably want to vary which casinos/pokies you go to regularly and to ensure that you keep transactions under 10k. There's mandatory transaction and suspicious matter reporting, both of which get people caught.
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>>913695
>>913698
won't the tax office be on this in no-time? or do they not care as long as they get their money?

guy declaring he makes 50k every year in casinos must seem suspicious
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>>913243
You are a fucking nobody. Noone is going to notice your spending habits especially since they're in cash you retarded faggot. Do you think dollars have DNA readers that are sent to the government?
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invest in a "used furniture store" that "takes donations" from "old people when they die"

just sell a bunch of "donated furniture" to "students" for "cash" and put it in your books.

Easy as that.
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sell modern art
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>>913695
This is how you get money out of mainland china and exceed the capital outflow limits. Go to macau, put money through casino, bring to US, canada, AU, NZ and purchase a house. As it's already been said OP, the money IS legitimate, laundering cash is for the mafia and drug cartels to turn their profits into clean bank accounts. You have to pay tax.
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Yea OP buy a small cash only store, like a food truck
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Have fun in jail op
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Buy random ass gift cards with cash.

No one cares about gift cards.
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>>913943

IRS stand down, NSA is here monitoring this thread with NASA
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>>913260
laundering is usually 15-20% plus you pay taxes on it.
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>>913955
NASA stand down, the Internet Police of America have arrived.
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>>913545
>implying the scumbags at pawnshops care as long as the ink pen doesn't mark black on the bills


seriously biz?
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>>913961

IP stand down, It's me barrack, I got this one
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>>913968
The JIDF will take it from here Barrack
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>>913243
Who would care? Your bank? They'd probably just assume you were a loser living rent free with parents.
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>>913215
Tale some of themoney buy a shitty coin op business (Laundromat car wash ect) report what ever you want....
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>>914013
da fuk is englisch?
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>>913904
This. The American modern art scene us basically just tax evasion / laundering for rich Jews.
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>>914022
English in german, since I'm in germany.
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>>913215
does this "Beauty Product" happen to be depleted uranium?
>>
I've been doing the same shit for a while. Just try to get approved on a loan for a business and start up a business (doesn't matter if it fails, you'll have money to pay them back IF it does) after you open up invest your dirty money into it and the revenue that comes from the business cleans the money up. Just put low amount into the business and gradually go from there.
>>
rental car business, just say you rented out cars, but really you just drive different ones every week for your personal use.
>>
>OP has an ostensibly legitimate business selling beauty products
>everyone tells him to 'launder' the money by setting up another business, so that he can convert his legitimate business income into falsified business income
>his second business is then taxed on the income of both businesses, based on his false accounts
Genius. Trust /biz/ to find a way to commit fraud while still having exactly the same liability to pay tax.

If the goal is to avoid tax, you either need to hide the income (ie DO NOT have it on the books of any business) or find a way to make the income exempt from tax, or at least subject to tax at a much lower rate. The latter option would typically involve complex international structuring, which wouldn't be worth it for such a small amount of money.

Filtering money through a business only makes sense if the money was obtained illegally, and you want to make it seem like it was earned through a legitimate business. But obviously if you make it seem like the money was earned through a business, you have to pay tax on it. That's how businesses work. If you're going to prepare false accounts for the purpose of avoiding tax, you need to understate your profits, not overstate them.
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>>913255
Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't starting a legitimate business and funneling your illicit money through it so you can pay taxes on it the exact definition of money laundering? Is biz really this retarded?
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>>913962
I'm sure pawn shops in shitty countries can afford to do just that, pawnshops in 1st world however want to stay in business and not get fucked by audits
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>>913215
>>
>>913215
Just spend the cash.
If you are afraid of getting robbed get a safe or deposit box.
>You could launder your money no joke by buying skins and stuff off of steam and selling them off for cash. You will just need to buy some of those paypal or visa online prepay cards.
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>>914122

stop making so much sense
>>
Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I always thought of setting up a non profit for money laundering.

1. Setup the non profit with you as the sole employee. Make it in something digital (holding promotional webinars for your ideas or whatever)
2. Do the bare minimum work for the non profit
3. Setup donations via bitcoin
4. Find a secure way to buy bitcoins with the cash
5. Have a trusted friend (that rich friend that OP has) own the bitcoin account
6. Bitcoin account owner makes anonymous donations to the non profit
7. Create bogus events or costs to write everything off and give yourself an absurd base salary (after all, you are the sole employee running the non profit)
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>>914369
>find a secure way to buy bitcoins with the cash

congrats you're back to square 1
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>>914390
not really. bitcoin doesn't need to be laundered, only dirty bitcoin.
>>
Church?
>>
Self directed IRA.

IRA owns shares of company. OP manages company. Lives through company as manager. Reaps tax deductable expenses against his tax deferred/roth profits. Salary 1$.
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>>913260
That's not how it works. You will have corporate expenses that will be write offs. If you run a semi legit business, you can write off cell phone, miles on your car, a percentage of your rent and utilities, clothes (safety equipment), health care costs .... the last goes on and on.
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>>913215
1. give money to relatives
2. they gift the money to you
3. they slowly put the dirty money into their own bank accounts (through their kids)
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>>914122
If op is mailing and selling things across oceans the government already knows you have the product. Your business isn't illegal its normal side business.
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>>913624
Tax evasion.

>>913655
>>913681
digital alchemy stuff only goes so far. It'll be tried in court by preponderance of the evidence.

Most plausible mentions so far, from best to worst, are
1. don't launder at all.
2. Vegas.
3. receive it as donations to your church, which will draw attention but can't really be doubted.
4. start a business. Everyone's mentioning starting fake businesses in markets that already have stable prices (ex. lawn mowing). If you want to claim incomes of different magnitudes and inconsistent amounts, you'll need a more niche and oddly-priced service. I'd say either something some super-techy niche service that no one needs, or some type of life coach which can have a variety of types of clients.

seriously though. just pay the damn tax on your legitimate business.
>>
>>914122
if you want the money to be legal, you have to pay tax on it
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>>913991
JIDF this is Yahweh, you may rest you tired hands my son. I will punish this tax evading peasant accordingly.
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go buy luxury items with the cash (watches, jewelry, handbags, clothes)

the jewelry/watches you can turnover at a modest loss on resale. return the clothes and handbags and ask for a company check as the refund

you wouldn't have to buy much. I could blow 100K in an hour if I had to
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>>913237

This. your fears are unwarranted.

Just spend all your cash on items that can be paid for in cash.

Finally, the biggest way to avoid taxes is via a business. So create a small business on paper, and start declaring that cash you are bringing in, but at the same time, buy a bunch of shit that you need and declare it as a business expense. So your car, clothes, meals, are all of the sudden business expenses. you can take this logic very far.

My brother worked for the IRS for a year. he said they are primarily interested in big fish, guys that are evading $100k+ in taxes per year.
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>>913243
FYI the IRS only care about big time tax evaders, so if you deposit maybe $9000 bucks in your account monthly, it will be suspicious but not illegal
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>>915336

Depositing $9k a month in cash into a bank account, and not declaring any of this income in taxes, would definitely flag the IRS, he would get audited within the first year.
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>>913215
>give a trusted friend the cash
>have him buy diamonds
>hide diamonds in something plain but fairly cheap (like in a purse in a box of purses)
>take it to the police and say you found it laying in your yard
>wait 90 days
>free money
>>
>>915342
The IRS doesn't have unfettered access to your bank accounts. That's NSA or other security agencies type of shit. If the security agency passed on the tip to the IRS and then the IRS just so happened to audit you, that's one thing, but the IRS itself cannot go through citizens bank accounts without opening an audit situation.

Meaning they can't go trolling for unexplained income. There are only certain things that are reported to the IRS and other institutions (legally) that they might use to connect the dots (1099's, large singular deposits, over 20 credit card transactions), but not dipping into private information without the informed consent of the taxpayer and the taxpayer providing those records.
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>>913689
This was how it's done for ages, but they are working with casino's now.

Every country has their version of Austrac so don't start trying to deposit stuff, even amounts under the threshold, the computer software is on to that as well.

You need to start a business , open a business bank account, write invoices up in quickbooks ( my 65 dad can do this it's easy ) and each week deposit your earnings.

Lawn mowing round, market stall etc , have you ever wondered why motorcycle gangs own tattoo parlours and they get firebombed by other gangs ? Its where they launder their money.
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>>913215
10k per month.. alright not kiddy level but still mire then manageable.

1) Create ebay account and sell arty clocks for 10k each. 1 clock per month and you are done. Btw any art will do. Make sure to ship it so you have FedEx proof. Bonus if it's sending to Russia.
2) become a Web designer for an international customer and just do nothing and say all revenue is to pay foreigner to work for u.
3) here is the kicker.. get an offshore bank account in the country of your customer.


Basically anything where you sell a none standard rate service for foreign clients
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>>914369
>>
>>915353
It's too bad that it won't be the IRS that does the investigating, but FinCEN. And depositing $9k in cash every month is a sure way to get investigators on your ass.

Banks are required to report cash transactions over $10k, as well as cash transactions that appear to be broken up in order to avoid the reporting limit.

>http://www.fincen.gov/whatsnew/pdf/CTRPamphletBW.pdf
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>>915320
As an accountant, this is dumb as hell. "A business is a separate entity from its owners". That's COMM 101 stuff. You live in a country where the NSA is a reality. Postgrads and professors make it their life's work to hunt this shit down, and with automation it's pathetically easy to get flagged for auditing.

If you are concerned about protecting your currency (which is physically so small a child's backpack could contain it), invest in a safe. If you want to be protected under the umbrella of the law, obey the law.

Want my advice? Take it to H&R Block or any other Tax Preparation office, ask for a fiduciary advisor. They're as legally bound to provide maximum help, to the same degree as a lawyer or a doctor. If you file before the IRS sends their summons, you will never get charged with anything. Ever. And that's a fact you can take to the bank.
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>>913215
I'm pretty sure the IRS and the feds won't get on your ass as long as you slowly "filter" the money into everyday purchases, use it to order food delivery and pay in cash, etc. Just don't throw it all into a deposit or something because that's fishy.
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>>913259
You gotta pay 30% tax on the business income.
If you are sure that you can keep making the same amount month after month, then you need an offshore bank account and a trust.
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>>913487

>mind blown
>>
>>914122
truest shit i've read tonight
>>
>>915353
Yeah.

Breaking deposits to be under the reporting threshold is more suspecious than just having the 10k report in the first place. Your 10k deposit reports might get looked at. Your suspecious activity report for dodging tax forms WILL get investigsted.
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>>915591

Confirmed. Seeing repeated transactions done monthly in the same amount is obvious as hell. Especially when people are buying things like prepaid mastercard/visa gift cards in thousand odd increments. I can't tell you how much that stands out to us in a bank.
>>
Give some to me
>>
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>>913215
How do you even get 10k a month in cash? Do they mail you the physical bills?

Sorry for the stupid question. I really have no idea how this works.
>>
>>916656
The bull brings them over in a duffle bag when he comes to fuck you're wife.
>>
>>916658
Thank you Anon for enlightening me on the matter, but also for informing me about I am wife.
>>
>>916659
Your welcome anon, glad I could help :)
>>
>not paying like the rest of us have to

I hope you get arrested, tried, and convicted of tax evasion.
>>
Bump.

Can anyone answer this please?
>>916656
>>
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>>913688
>cmon don't leave us hanging bro.
>The guy is from SA I'm from Europe
Man, the Feds are getting lazier every day.
>>
>>917341
Yeah seriously. Pay 15% se tax on your net income every month. No reason to crash a successful business into the ground because of muh taxes.

You realize that only maybe 1 in 10 businesses reach your level of success? Are you really as dumb as jack to kill your gold egg laying goose?
>>
>>913215
>I sell something from the Middle East (beauty product)

Is it that Dead Sea bullshit?
>>
>>913936
could you explain the Macau part in more detail? If you have RMB, you take that cash to Macau... And then what do you convert it to so that you can transfer out of the country?
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>>917995
I think gambling is only in Macau legal or somthing.
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>>913215
>>
>>917995
>If you have RMB, you take that cash to Macau

if you could do that you could take it out of the country too

you have to use junkets to gamble in Macau due to currency controls - Macau uses HKD and MOP not RMB
>>
>>916658
At point it's prostitution
>>
>>914159
here in germany you can buy without a problem up to 15.000 € gold at Degussa in Frankfurt without questions
>>
>>914141
Not necessarily. You don't have to start a business. It's during "dirty" money into "clean" money.

If you read my suggestion. I don't suggest he launder it. I suggest he just make his business fully legit and pay taxes. This isn't laundering. This is running a business.

I also suggested that if he wanted to offset taxes that he could still keep some amount of the money "dirty" and just use it to pay his expenses.

So to answer your question. Yes, apparently /biz/ is this retarded, they have a grade school reading comprehension.
>>
>>918176
Buying and selling are different things. I'm sure most don't ask too many question when buying. The problem is selling your gold without being able to prove ownership to one of these places
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>>913508
You're one of those kikes selling Dead Sea salts, aren't you?
>>
>>918387
you're one of those idiots posting shitty kike memes, aren't you?

On the market there are 2 idiots: One is buying, the other is selling.
>>
You do realize any amount over 7500 the govt can track via satellite or personal devices
>>
>>918780
Its what the strips in the money are for, the more togethet the higher the frequency put off
>>
>>918780
>>918782
*tips tinfoilhat*
>>
>>913215
IP logged geocahing now active. Please do not leave your premises until our helpful team of professionals arrives. This will make this all more complicated. Thank for cooperation.
>>
So, you are fucking stealing legitimate money, robbing honest taxpayers blind, including anyone else on this thread and want advice on that? That's gonna cost ya.
>>
>>913215
>invest all cash into gold bullion
>bury it in your back yard
>cash out as needed

enjoy
>>
>>918810
>invest all cash into gold bullion
>bury it in your back yard
>at best the gold gets taken away from you, at worst you'll do time for money laundering because the only way to prove ownership of the gold would be a week old receipt

ftfy
>>
>>913215
>buy $10,000 in buttcoin
>cash it out
>say you were smart in 2009 and bought a bunch of coins
>>
>>918045
the level of faggotry displayed by your tabs is over 9000.

What the fuck went wrong with your life nigger?
>>
>>913215
If it's all actual cash, why do you need it laundered?

Just spend it on your usual living expenses (groceries, gas, maybe see a movie or go to the zoo) and save your legitimate money from work?
>>
>>913215
You probably work for one of those jew black sea companies. You fucking kiks are scum.
>>
>>918045
the incognito makes this
>>919577
>>>/reddit/
>>
>>913215
>>913215
deposit it in small amounts into a savings account (3k a month?)
start an art studio and "sell" modern art
ez
>>
>>919634
>modern art
this has to be the biggest money laundering scheme ever, right? like you could literally (literally) shit in a bucket and "sell" it for thousands of dollars
>>
pay someone who won a lottery ticket with the same or lower amount and bam u have legimated your cash
>>
Casino.

Buy chips. Play a little. redeem chips. profit.
>>
>>921886
Gotta have a chip warmer for that bro.
>>
>>913215
Who the fuck are you? Nobody. Literally nobody.

Not a single organization will ever give a fuck about your extra money.

Just fucking buy shit.
>>
>>915345
Many diamonds have serial numbers engraved on them.
>>
>>922484
I make way over 10k a month making my own diamonds.
>>
>>913215
Bury it in your back yard!
>>
> Buy locked safe off of ebay.
> Get locked safe.
> 'Oh boy there was $10k in here!'
> Profit.
>>
File: 1442707855218.jpg (95KB, 495x664px) Image search: [Google]
1442707855218.jpg
95KB, 495x664px
OP sells foreskins from Israel
>>
He is selling women.
>>
>>913578
Underrated post
>>
>>915342
No it won't
>>
>>918045
>how to take a screenshot.
>kek
>>
>>915420

> Is an accountant
> preaches fear at every turn

what a surprise!

Try not to give in to the bullshit anon...
>>
Pay for daily expenses in cash. Stuff like gas etc groceries and all consumer items. Keep your big purchases on card, and withdraw some money from time to time. Be a good man and offer tithes to church with that money since the church won't report you to the IRS or ask you to explain where this flush of cash came from.
>>
>>913689
My best friend is a major drug dealer here in philly and he launders his money in casinos. He just buys chips and plays poker all night then cashed out in the morning. He also rents cheap corner stores and claims drug money as sales every month
>>
I know this may seem retarded, why not take out a loan for a business, house, anything that would increase in value. While slowly paying it off with legitimate money, protected by a hopeful growth in equity. You're not doing anything truly illegal, I'd rather just pay tax and have my money in a safer place than under a mattress.
>>
>>923885
lel
Thread posts: 155
Thread images: 15


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