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/biz/ has ruined my life.
I was never good at math, or writing, or sports. There was only one thing I had: the ability to turn money into more money.
Growing up I mowed every lawn in my neighborhood and saved every penny. I sold soda cans from my locker in high school. I've never been too sharp or anything but I put my nose to the grindstone and worked to get into college with a full ride.
I always had part time jobs in retail, and never had much time for a social life. Half a year ago I was a kissless virgin, who spent his weekends working or sleeping or browsing 4chan. I rarely drank and never did any drugs. You wouldn't notice me in a room - the wallpaper probably had more charisma then I did. But I had a lot saved. I had a future, even if I didn't have much of a present.
But one chance meeting changed all that.
For once in my life, I was at a party. My dorm-mate was celebrating his birthday and invited me out of pity. One guest took an interest in me. He seemed out of place at a college party - he looked like he stepped out of a fashion magazine. When he got close to talk to you the smell of his cologne would hit your nose - it was intoxicating, and expensive. Let's call my friend "Neil".
We got talking about business, and Neil's eyes lit up. He told me he had a once in a lifetime opportunity, but he needed the capital to start it. The way he talked was hypnotizing - I was immediately sold. I volunteered to help him on his little business venture.
The business was cryptocurrency.
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then he fucked your as and black mailed you.
pasta is stale
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He made you suck his dick didn't he?
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Then he ran off with all of OPs virtual monies after he made out like a bandit on BTC and ETH the end.
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>>3504441
We’d sell bitcoins locally for cash. Neil took care of the interpersonal stuff, meeting with clients and making the sales. I took care of the business stuff – which mostly meant figuring out how to keep everything secret and anonymous.
It was a huge success.
This past summer was the best months of my life. I bought myself nice clothes, I started working out. I could even afford a personal trainer. Thanks to Neil I’d get invited to all kinds of parties. We even went on a weekend trip to New York and I lost my virginity to some cute hipster girl. I started to gain a big circle of friends. For the first time in my life, I was popular.
Business was booming. We started to employ more people.
Around that time I discovered /biz/. At first I just thought it was funny. I laughed at the people who bought high and sold low. But the altcoins intrigued me. I knew it was mainly shilling but I followed some advice and made some fast cash trading altcoins. I must have been a business genius, I figured. So I took some of the company funds and began to play around.
It was the end of July, and I saw bitcoin was crashing. So I went all in on NEO.
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>>3504493
Every day, I watched NEO plummet. I started to develop nervous ticks I never had before. I started smoking cigarettes to calm my nerves. This had to be temporary, I thought. I didn’t want to be a /biz/ meme – I didn’t want to buy high and sell low. So I held. I held as it dropped and dropped and dropped.
I started to avoid Neil, hanging out with some of my employees instead. They were really into the whole Wolf of Wall Street meme lifestyle. Their friends were the coolest people I’d ever met – even cooler then Neil. Honestly, as much as I liked him as a business partner, I could never get a read on Neil.
I didn’t tell anyone about my failing NEO investment. Instead I buried it all with drugs. I wanted to get in with my new friends so I started buying stuff off the dark web. My friends were really into coke and experimental club drugs.
At the end of August, university started again. At that point I was desperate – bitcoin was hitting all time highs while NEO had bled me dry. So I switched my investment to bitcoin – better late than never. As soon as bitcoin started falling I panicked and began to daytrade what I had left, but I only made the situation worse. I'd stay up all night using uppers and trading. Of course, I kept all of this a secret from Neil.
Yesterday I had a party at my dorm. Everyone was there. For the first time, I blacked out. We had been doing toasts to our successes, and Neil kept handing me shots. He was smirking the whole time.
When I woke up, my laptop was gone. I tried to contact Neil but every media account of his had disappeared. I checked my bitcoin exchanges using my phone and found all the crypto was gone.
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>>3504516
get fucked nerd
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please continue with this work of fiction
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>>3504516
An hour later the university police arrived at my dorm. Apparently someone had tipped them off and found the shipments of coke I was getting through the university's mail room. This is a huge offense and I'm probably going to be expelled.
Worse yet, I find out that I'd(?) ordered a prostitute last night. There is a major charge to my personal bank account. I'm freaking out because I don't have any condoms in my apartment and I don't have any memory of that occurring at all. I really hope I don't get an STD.
At this point I don't know what to do. I've lost everything.
But there's one investment that Neil didn't get to. I have a physical wallet hidden safely away. It's this great coin that very few people know about - it's called Digibyte (DGB). Even as my life crumbles around me, the thought of having that DGB tucked away gives me comfort. I've read the white paper and I really think its gonna be the cryptocurrency to overtake bitcoin for widespread adoption. It's going to moon, I can feel it.
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>>3504613
>it's called Digibyte (DGB)
Oh fuck off. That paste again. I almost thought that was real
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Hahah the carefully crafted dgb shill threads are gold
Look man, you shouldve taken your %1500 gains when the rest of us did
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>>3504613
Do you have a compilation of these?
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>>3504613
>dgb
It was funny until then
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someone please save all of these DGB pastas
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>>3504613
UPDATE:
1. It looks like I'm in trouble with the real police, not just the university police.
2. I did some snooping around online and it looks like the prostitute ordered was male (what the fuck?)
3. There's a trail of blood around my dorm. Drops of it on the floor, on the walls. There's a broken glass in the sink.
4. Checked on my physical wallets (saved them up above a ceiling tile) and they're still there - so the good news is that my DGB is safe. Every cloud has a silver lining.
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>>3504441
>the ability to turn money into more money
No, you were only good at saving money. Your fictional character is a fucking moron and you are too.
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>>3504441
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>>3504613
top post
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>the thought of having that DGB tucked away gives me comfort. I've read the white paper and I really think its gonna be the cryptocurrency to overtake bitcoin for widespread adoption. It's going to moon, I can feel it.
>applies sharpie rectally
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>dgb bagholders have resorted to writing elaborate fan-fictions to deal with the pain of their failing investments
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>>3504613
Fucking dying m8
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8/10
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>>3504814
>the prostitute ordered was male
I know this is fake, but was she cute?
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OP should post more dgb /biz/ ruined my my life shill threads. Its one of the only funny memes that originated from /biz
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>>3504814
Fuck, it's the best thing I have ever read. It's got everything in it - Greed, Crime, Pride, Love, Mistery, Neil, Hope, and most importantly - DGB.
You should be writing books and I should be buying your books at this very moment.
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>>3505516
Actually, email me if you publish a book, I would buy it.
My email is [email protected] (real address)
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