You wake up and roll over to your phone to check blockfolio,

>>2570944
speak to a tax lawyer

fap

>>2570944
Send a love letter to Galia

>>2570944
refresh

Cash out.

Get a pair of scissors and snip my dick tip.

Actually wake up.

>>2570944
Go back to sleep

Wish $2m could undo my mother's death

>>2570944
Cash out.

>>2570944
Wonder what happened to the other 50% of my portfolio.

Cash the fuck out 1.5m, lawyer up, accountant up.

Make a thread offering it to the first 10 to post address.

>>2570974
Fuck

I'm sorry anon.

>>2570960
> Balance changes to $500,000
What now Anon?

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>>2570962

>>2570977
kek

>>2570977
I don't believe you

Post portfolio

>>2570944
Ask myself why it's up only 500%

Quit my job, get a lawyer and accountant, cash out half, give half of that to my parents for their retirement, find someone to take care of my cats, fill up a backpack, book a one way ticket to Nepal or Japan or Thailand or anywhere

>>2570944

Offer 2k total to the good anons at /biz/ at random for helping me gain these riches and then live out the rest of my days in Thailand fucking ladybois and driving in my lambo and throwing money at peasants on the street once in a while for lulz

>>2570944
Wonder where the rest of my 998 millions went. √:)

>>2570944
Bitbean

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Wait until 2030.

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>>2571072
I was gonna say that!

>>2570974
I would use my US$ to kill mine and get away with it.
>>2570944

Smash my balls between two rocks and sing Giuseppe Verdi's Aida in a soprano tone

>>2570974
DUDECHILLLLLLLL

>GG and drink cyanide

>>2570974
D E L E T
E
L
E
T

Convert 3/4 into Tether and call lawyer and accountant. Find a way to cash out without being violently butt-fucked by IRS. Don't mind some taxes, but please nice and easy.

Give a chunk to mum and dad, start looking for a nice house near the beach.

Continue working and living life as it was before. Only much more relaxed.

Buy high sell low

>>2570944

You guys really overrate what $2 million can buy you.

It's not "set for life" money by any means unless you want to live in the boonies and never do anything

>>2571289
5% returns per year on $2 mil is $100,000

You would never have to wageslave again

You would finally be a free man

>>2570974
Everyone dies, anon. Take a week or two to mourn and move on.

If your mourning phase is longer, consider suicide because you sure as shit can't handle actual stressful situations

>>2571313
Fuck you you sociopathic faggot.

>>2571325
he's not entirely wrong although some people need longer to mourn than others and there are many variables to that, namely how good of a relationship was had

I personally would take about 10 minutes to mourn my parent's deaths because then i would have no one nagging at me all the time

everyone dies.

Withdraw half of it and keep the other half invested.

Buy a few acres of land in Montana and chill.

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>>2570974
ow my feelings, wow I have feelings

>>2570944
Figure out how to move it to real investments and out of this bullshit.

>>2570944
Cash out before the crypto market swings the other way and I'm in debt to the internet jews for $2,000,000 USD

>>2571325
t. never left the house or been in a high stress situation

You must adapt if you want to survive. Mourning is fine but the reality is, they're gone and there's nothing you can do to reverse it so why waste your time beyond that mourning phase?

I see people get absolutely destroyed for years because someone they loved died. Fucking pointless. What kind of life is that to live in fear and depression?

>>2571492
This holy shit

I don't believe in crypto at all and think it's a completely garbage idea

Unfortunatey it's the only current way to become wealthy by investing if you're not already rich

>>2570974
You should have replied to that post anon.

>>2570944
Buy even more espers

>>2570944
All in the bean

>>2570944
This: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdfeXqHFmPI

>>2570951
>giving the jews their cut

Good goy

>>2571527
Why the fucm would you invest in something you dont believe in. Youre whats wrong with crypto jackass.

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SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL
SELL EVERYTHING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
GET ME OUUUUUUUT
GET ME OUT OF HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>2571669
Because read the last part

For a lot of poorfags it's a possible ticket out

>>2570944
Buy the dip.

>>2571520

>everything you loved is entwined in memories of them
>all joy from activities and travels elevated by sharing it with them
>they're abruptly torn from your life, nothing feels the same. You miss them. You can't share your time or wonders with them. Holes in routines, comforts disappear, joys diminish. Life moves on, but it's not the same, it's not as good.

"dude it takes 2 weeks to get over a death"
I'd advise you don't say stuff like this in public. Not for offending the bereaved, but just to save yourself being ostracised as a edgy faggot lacking any capacity for depth.

>>2571520
Conflating mourning with weakness or inability to handle stress is pathetically clueless.

>>2570951
How will this help though? Youd still pay capital gains either way.

>>2572788
> but just to save yourself being ostracised as a edgy faggot lacking any capacity for depth.
Also might save him from a good knock in the face depending on the mood of those around him.

>>2571421
the only real variable is how much of a cuck you are
not even larping, if you bitch and moan for more than a fortnight you're a pretty worthless person and i wouldnt associate with you

>>2570951
Bingo

>>2572944
>ur going to get raped by govt kikes by taxes whatever you do
>lets get another kike to give my investment returns to instead of using turbotax or something
(((bingo)))

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>>2571520
Who does this remind me of....

>>2571289
My cost of living is around $11k/yr I'd be set for a long time even with suprises

>>2572960
>>2572927

Fuck off, you retarded piece of shit,

>>2573236
go cry for a few years about ur dying brain jej fag

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>>2572788
replying twice to the same reply

go back to sleeping because i haven't slept for fucking 4 days properly

buy happiness

Going buy a house.

Call my dad and laugh at him for abandoning my family when I was a kid and having the audacity to try and come back in my life years later, even though he always treated me like shit and told me I would never amount to anything.

>>2570944
Nothing, because I've still wasted the prime years of my life and no amount of money will ever get those years back.

>>2571669
do you really believe in trading random numbers? are you retarded? crypto is a meme you dingus.

>>2570951
fpwp

>>2573722
>random numbers
Get a load of this nigger.

>>2573752
https://bitcoin.org/bitcoin.pdf

>>2570944

SELL.
FUCKING.
EVERYTHING.

Seriously. I'd cash the fuck out. Pay off all my debt and buy myself a nice 3/2 ranch on a couple of acres in the country. Invest a large chunk in precious metals and run a small side business for day-today income.

I don't need hundreds of millions, just enough for my family to live comfortably.

>>2570944
cash out about 10k and book next day plane ticket to go see my gf who is 12 thousand kilometres away

god i miss her so much

>>2573692

Age?

>>2573786
gaaaaaaay

>>2573786
she's getting boned by nigger chad and you know it.

>>2573810
nah she hates black people

>>2573752

He's right anon. The crypto-world as it stands now will not exist in the near future (say 5 years or so). Shit like what happened at GDAX yesterday is going to bring regulation into the market & you're no longer going to be able to merely make shitcoins and steal people's money. There's gonna be hordes of SEC rules and regs to jump through. Enjoy this while it lasts, because only the truly innovative cryptos are going to survive what's coming down the pipe.

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>>2573692
You're only as old as the woman you're fucking, anon.

One day perhaps we can buy back our biological youth as well:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3567038/We-soon-live-1-000-British-scientist-dedicated-life-quest-eternal-youth-claims-human-body-repaired-just-like-car.html

http://www.sens.org

Clinical immortality won't be cheap at first, though. Better stock up on crypto.

>>2570944
I hire a lawyer obviously. I put (after tax equivalent) $500k into personal funding, $1m into grandpa investments and keep the rest in crypto.

>>2573236
>Get the taxes wrong
>Audited and raped by the IRS

move to se asia then get a hot gf
work on my fitness and eat good food for a year

this is my plan as long as i hit 100k by the end of the year

call my gf, tell her "quit your job, we're going house shopping in the caribbean."

>>2573786
Is this an American-Australian relationship?

My gf is an aussie who I've never met in person desu

>>2573869
>>2573869
kek, the reason I started with crypto was because I couldn't afford my surprisingly expensive boring health-nut lifestyle. now I'm back at alcoholism but $20k up

>>2573909
>My gf is an aussie who I've never met in person

are you 12?

>>2570974
you fuckin nigger. No amount of crypto money will magically make my mom now a dead drug addict borderline piece of shit. Fuck you for reminding me

>>2573909
yes it is

i'm the aussie and she's the american though

we met while i was travelling

>>2573896
>telling your gf about any significant money
NOT A DRILL, ANON. DO NOT DO THIS.
Just put it in some kind of hidden fund and draw from it as if it were your job. Women change when they find out that a quick abuse accusation can get them a few million $

>>2573919
im not a health nut but id love to train muay thai with buakaw then come home to a sexy little slut who is ecstatic that i can afford to spend $100 a week with her

being rich could definitely buy me happiness

>>2573946
Nice. Best of luck to you anon, I'm the American in mine.

>>2573923
We met on omegle (I know) back in November. We've been talking on the phone and over webcam/facetime every day since then

My dream is to have enough to be free and do whatever we want together, traveling especially.

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>>2573932

>>2573998
I did something similar to two girls I met on interpals, a Spanish and French girl. I would never call it a relationship but at least I met both of them and slept with one of them.

>>2573948
my girl got with me when i was poor as hell. i literally was unemployed.

she loaned me money when i needed it, encourages me when i'm down, fucks my brains out, and is also super smart and interesting to hang out with. she "invested" in me when almost no-one else would. if i get rich u better believe i'm takin her to the moon with me.

i appreciate the advice but it sounds like u need to be around better people.

>>2570974
I am very sorry for your lose anon, truly. Things will get better.

>>2571078
Why will the miners keep mining past ~2040? The inflation rate will be fucking nothing, but they'd be running the network.

All you faggots wasting money on (((lawyers))) and (((accountants))), this isn't fucking rocket science.

If you wanted to cash out this year, that would buy you in the top income bracket and you would pay 36% of your profit in tax

If you cash out next year, you'll pay the long term capitalism gains rate for your bracket which is 20% of your profit.

>>2573864
>>2570951
Goyim thinks Jews have access to secret information. This is why you are poor.

>>2574224
>long term capitalism gains rate
kek
For real, though. In the amount of time you probably waste on /biz/ per day, you could learn everything there is to know about US Federal capital gains tax backwards and forwards. You're fucking retarded if you think you need to hire an accountant for this. A lawyer is even worse. He'd just charge you $500 an hour to talk to some accountant.

>>2574320
On phone. Meant to say *capital

>>2574224
>Pay literally not even .05% of my gains as a measure of protecting those gains while a major political risk exists that could threaten them
I'll take it senpai

>>2573780
2 mill aint much nowadays, wouldn't even buy a decent place in a city

>>2575107
Yeah, but 6% returns a year on your 2 mil nets you $120,000 a year without having to do anything.

Start selling everything for BTC trying not to crash anything.
Send BTC to local wallet.
Call my accountant
I would probably keep $1m in crypto for shits and giggles.

>>2575107
>buy myself a nice 3/2 ranch on a couple of acres in the country

Are you illiterate?

>>2570944

sell all muh beans

>>2573998
good luck bro, australia and america are pretty good with visas so if it's serious enough you're lucky in that expect

i'm proposing to my gf in about 1.5 months

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Move out of my parents place, probably closer to my university, buy some nice clothes, nothing too fancy just enough to make me look like a proper adult, speak to a tax lawyer about my options, buy some real estate and start renting out, put 35 % into the stock market and 15 into crypto, set aside money for my tuition(probably by investing into something low risk) and if there is any left over split it into a rainy day fund and high risk investment fund.

>>2575237
no...all the beans?

>>2575276
i'm proposing to ur gf in about 1.4 months

>>2573909
i've probably fucked her

so has probably 20-30 other guys

>>2575329
>>2575366
wew lads calm down

>>2570977
>that name
you read that one story too?

>>2570944
I put it all in ESP2

>>2575366
Nah, she's a virgin and so am I.

>>2570944
While waiting for coffee pull out 3/4 into fiat, shit, shower, shave, carry on

>>2575366
lmao 100% i think i did cobba

>>2575634
haha virgin, never trust a womans word

wonder why it's down 90%

>>2575652
I trust her.

Besides, she's [spoiler]16[/spoiler] and I'm 21

>>2570944
Lawyer up for tax purposes, cash out as much as possible, buy a comfy ass house in the woods, lay in bed and play retro rpgs all day.

Invest in ANS when it is at 400k

>>2575673
>Besides, she's [spoiler]16[/spoiler] and I'm 21

hmm

>>2570983
Wrong order. First lawyer up, then cash out

>>2570974
maybe $3m will?

>>2572563

underrated

>>2572819

Lmao on crypto

Are you retarded? Cash it out in a tax haven and don't report it

>>2575329
no you're not

realise it's not enough to buy the house I want ($2.3mn pre-tex), put it all into MOON

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put it all in espers

>>2576412
you already have the exact house you want picked out?

>>2570951

Bitcoin and crypto is the ultimate offshore account.

>>2576412
You're a fucking retard, I can already tell you'd go broke in months if a few million landed on you.

doubt it went 0-2mil in 1 night, shit thread

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>>2571289
But that is basically what I want to do, anon.

>>2571551
(you) just in case

>>2570944
>withdraw 100k
>have fun (hookers, weed, coke, festival)
>back to daily crypto grind

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>>2570974
lad

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it's nothing out of the ordinary for me

>>2577391
you been at this long? any good advice for a noob? I'm invested in a bunch of coins, but i bought in at the btc ath, so everything appears down for me and i'm shitting bricks. tell me it gets better.

$2M? Cash out, pay capital gains to USGov (good morning, NSA), pay off school loans, invest$1M in an income fund for dividends, use the rest to finance land/house/toys.

Invest 1 million in Swarm City

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Keep majority in crypto, buy a nice detatched property somewhere nice and start using my finances to quickly develop new innovative blockchain tech to progress the cyberpunk dystopia

>>2570944
Shit the bed because I just blew past half a dozen goals and my process for cashing out isn't established yet. That and to jump that much implies huge valolatility and my risk profile just changed dramatically.

>>2570944
book flight to bangkok and spend a week in a hotel room with interesting company

>>2572819
In the UK it's possible to have crypto gains recorded as gambling gains i.e. no tax, but it's a grey area. A lawyer would help.

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>>2570944
Two chicks at the same time

Finally build my dream pc

>>2570974

Holy shit

>>2576928
i bet you'd break into a million pieces if ur momma landed on u cuz she so fat

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>>2570974
The one thing money can't buy

>>2570974

I know that feel bro.

Leukemia is a bitch.

WE'RE ALL GONNA MAKE IT BRAH

>>2577391
nice going bruh

>>2570944
sell all assets, buy about 60% into ETH

buy 30% BTC/low risk investments that will perform because of tech

take out 10% to enjoy life with, get new equipment, buy my parents something nice. I somehow earned it, can't just let it sit there masturbating to potential gains. small cashouts make the big lands worth it.

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>>2573573

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>>2570944
>create a charitable remainder trust
>contribute all the crypto to the trust
>sell the crypto via the trust on a completely tax-free basis according to current IRS regs
>proceeds of the sales are then reinvested into other assets (stocks, bonds, gold, mutual funds, other cryptos, etc)
>in exchange for the contribution, the trust makes a payment to me (whether it be fixed or a certain percentage) for every year that I live
>when I die, the money goes to a charity (read: political cause masquerading as a charity or foundation) of my choice
>I personally only pay tax on each annual payment I receive, which is taxed at a favorable capital gains tax rate
>also receive a income tax deduction equal to the actuarial value of the charity's projected gift during the year of trust creation
>can even reserve the right to serve as a trustee of the trust and thus change the charitable remainder whenever I please

>proceed to lead life as normal, but can live quite happily knowing I have a permanent safety net I can call upon

Being poor is for poor people. For everything else, there is exploiting the system. God bless US tax rules.

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>>2570944
Cash out like a half of it, pay school/ fraternity denbts/ costs, pay parents, buy used motorcycle and a new camaro. Buy a food truck in my college town that will serve some type of ethnic drunk food late at night. Buy some nice clothes for myself, a car for my little brother, and make sure my grandmother dies comfortably.

Construct bunker full of weapons, seeds, canned food, and precious metals if apocalyptic scenario occurs or need to defend ourselves from day of the rope neo nazis. Secure a nice ass studio apartment near my college for 1k a month, secure private school fund for little sister, get my pilot's license.

The rest I put in real estate or ask someone who knows better than me how to make it into more money so that when I start a family in like 10 years I don't have to worry about them at all .