How do I become a history professor?

Any kind of tenured position is highly coveted and the selection process is probably more political than merit-based.

Unless you want to be a TA, post-doc or other position that is essentially academic slavery, especially in the humanities. You honestly may do better financially just working at McDicks

you don't want to be a useless history teacher,

>>1845833
You don't unless you were born into a prep high school that got you into a Ivy League, other than that there are so many post grads around it's like a lottery.

>>1845833
Just become a history teacher in a state that pays well. Being a professor is a slog to get tenured. You can end up making $70k here in massachusetts being an ayy lmao history teacher talking about the revolution for half the year.