Hey /biz/ sell this pen to me

See this pen? This pen has pleasured Jennifer Lawrence's snatch. Could be yours for three easy payments of $999.99

In fifteen seconds I'm going to stab your eyes out with any pens I have on my person. I'll sell you that pen and more for $5 each.

>>1695738
Its not just any pin, the ball point is made out of fp-fi plastic coil and 1mm x 6 mm ink valves with a heavy duty stick grip handle. My boys at the office call it uncle dispacho or puff the magic dragon.

Listen size does matter, dont let anyone tell you different so we added three sets to the pen in sizes with a plus 2 oz fl of specially designed ink as well for a lesser value than the actual manerfacturing price.

Buy now, or dont. Youre the one missing out. Im going back to writting my novel, better than shakespeare's feather pin

Only poorfags sign million dollar deals with a 10cent pen. Use this vibrating pen that's sure to get the salesman's attention. As soon as you put it to paper it will send nerve gas to his rectum and make him offer a discount but only if you insert the pen into his butt hole.

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>>1695738
if you hand me that pen, I will shove it up my ass and walk out of here. I let my sales record speak for me and you will never speak to me in person again or see that pen again. You will, however, have a chance to smell the pen when my assistant mails it to you. We could work together right now and get rich(er) or you could blow this opportunity and ask me more faggot ass horseshit cliche interview questions. Which will it be?

>Write your name down.
>Oh you can't?
>Buy this pen.

Only way that works

Thanks for the free pen motherfucker

>>1695738
What puts you in the market for a pen today may I ask?

>>1695738
If u don't buy it ur gay m8

>>1695761
>Well it's rather simple, [spoiler]it's a fucking pen

>>1695771
Wow, spoilers don't work on /biz/? Fuck this board

Hey I got this free contest here where you could potentially win $5,000,000. All you need to do is sign it with this exact pen sold at 6.99 but if you order right now I'll take 2 dollars off and even through in a second pen ABSOLUTELY FREE. These elite dual pen collection with a potential value of $5,000,000 could be yours, TODAY, for only 5 easy payments of 0.99. ORDER NOW

>>1695785
wow I sound like a gook. Forgive the horrible grammar.

>>1695738

this pen I have here Op is almost identical to a bbc . It's the Jerome 1200 BG-4U.

>>1695738
If you don't buy this pen, your mother will die in her sleep tonight.

>>1695774
they [spoiler]do[/spoiler]

>>1695738
this pen's tapered tip is just perfect for shoving in your peehole and stretching out your urethra so you can get into docking. and it's on sale too!

Any non meme answers to this?

Obviously pens are largely sold in bulk and it's hypothetical, but I'd like to see this done effectively.

>>1695738
why would you want to buy a pen? if you really need one just steal it. it's not like you're going to go to jail for stealing a fucking pen.

>>1695738
It's a cheap pen that you can write things down with. If you want to write on paper, you should use this pen. It's better than the other pens because I'm holding it and I have herpes on my hands from masturbating my disease-ridden cock this morning. I hope you wash before you eat. If you get "cold sores" you can attempt to pop them with the tip of this pen. It's not that sharp, though. Good for writing.

>>1695738
this rubberized pen not only maintains grip, but allows for the pursuit of intellectuals to convey and express language, and arts alike.

>>1695738
>no
>takes pen
>walks out door
>adds to extensive pen collection

>>1696166
I think the only good one is the wolf of wall street gag

>take pen away
>tell dude to write you a note
>"gimme the pen back then"
>"fuck you, gimme a dollar"

i forget the exact scene but it was basically that

>>1695738

Proof reddit is better than 4chan right here:

>Don't sell the pen. Sell the solution to a need.
Qualify them: "How long have you been looking for a pen?"
Establish / Implant need: "Do you use a pen for every day tasks, or only for business occasions?" "So, since you don't own a pen, what do you do now if you need a pen?" "Do you find you use other pens often?"
Find out their specific needs: "Do you prefer black, blue, or red ink?" "Do you prefer a wide or fin tip?" "Ball Point or Fountain?"
Sell the solution to their problems: "You know, I think this pen will fit all your needs. It's a fancy, fine point, Black ink, fountain pen which you can use to sign all your important business documents. It'll look great in the board room but you can still use it for everyday tasks."
Establish urgency: "Fortunately, I still have a few left."
And close: "How many would you like? If you need more than I have on hand I'll get you started with a few and put in an order for the rest and have them to you asap."
Sell the solution to a problem, and you can sell anything.

>>1696831

gtfo to reddit you fuck, no place for that on 4chan, you seriously crosspost in some form of arbitrage that's gay asf

>>1695738

I've got a voided million dollar contract to sign and I don't need this pen, so buy it from me and be my custodian for this deal.

>>1696166
What people are actually looking for in this is if you (the salesman) are attentive to the customer's needs: asking questions about how they use pens, building relationships. If you start talking about the pen itself first you fail immediately.

Like all interview questions it's kind of a meme but that's what they're looking for.

Did this ever actually happen?
If so, was it some sort of a role play?
How the fuck would you convince someone to buy back a pen they just handed you (if they're not retarded)?

>>1695738
*pulls out gun*
*aims it at his head*
"Buy this fucking pen for everything you've got on you."
*teleports behind him*
"Nothing personal, child"

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>>1696982
are you a government?

>>1696166
>>1696535
>>1696849
The Wolf of Wall Street-thing was just to demonstrate supply and demand. It's pretty much the same thing, it's about finding out why the customer needs to buy the pen. If he doesn't need a pen, then don't try to sell him one, move on to a customer that does need one.

But who doesn't need a pen? I think that's where the "sketchy salesman"-thing comes in, which makes me a shitty salesman. You can pretty much talk anyone into finding a way that they "need" a pen.

>>1696836
Are you an african prince?

>>1695738

"you can stick it in your ass and post pictures of it in there on 4chan"

>Pens 3x backordered for life

>>1695738
*transaction noises*

>>1696831
But I already have three pens and they were all for free. Also the moment I feel like part of a sales scheme I'm out, I don't do NLP bullshit.