stupid shit you do at work that still hasnt gotten you in major

Do you want everyone at work to hate you?

>>1463414
>Be on 4chan
>see something that isn't that funny, but know it will make me laugh in this environment
>the 44th fucking pepe thread in a row
>Because I'm in an open office with 6 other people and should be proffesional, pressure builds.
>close window, look at news
>keep thinking about that fucking frog
>its ridiculous eyes
>I smirk a little
>smirk grows to smile
>can't contain myself any longer
>myfuckingsides.jpg

I don't understand why nobody's even asked what I'm laughing at, fucking autists.

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>>1463426

>>1463426
it's because they already think you're an autist and is best to leave you alone than for you to sperg out at work

>routinely fuck the boss's wife
>sometimes right there on my desk at work
>started fooling around with the boss's stepdaughter too.
>Sweating bullets, hoping that the wife doesn't find out and start drama.
>working out pretty well so far.

The joys of being self-employed working in your home office.

>>1463525
KEK

>>1463525
Stepdaughter greentext pls

>>1463414
I wish I worked with you, we would have fun.

>be on escalator
>ask loudly "anon when do we get to the ride?"
>raise voice volume "this IS the ride!"
>raise volume a bit more "YIPPEEE!"
>do accounting all day

>>1463414
Shoot people with finger guns all day.
Air guitar at the chill people or throw up the horns.
Drum pm scrap steel while doing rounds at the factory.
Take long bathroom shits.

Ask people

Are you having fun yet?
You pick up my share of the work and I'm gonna go home deal?

Loudly scream ow whenever forklift passes.

etc

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>>1463525

>t. Works in a supermarket or some other retail job

>>1463414
> Let work build up while doing something else
> Chew people out for shit they fucked up
> Flout uniform rukes
> Complain to managers about things over and over until they get fixed
> Deliberately inconvenience other people's work to get shit fixed.
I once got a freezer fixed by spending a month dumping a bucket or two of ice a day that I'd chipped out of said freezer by the door to someone's van. When they complained, I dumped the ice nearby but not blocking their door.
> Take longer breaks for no reason other than feeling like it
> I've had multiple shouting matches with my manager, and ended up in a battle of wills over my hours and overtime.
> That eventually ended in a truce; I wouldn't work weekends as long as I stuck with the role I was moved to
> Deliberately fucked things up by following management's orders to the letter.
> Not only didn't get fired for it, but orders got adjusted and the manager in question stole the technique for fucking over OTHER managers, on a grander scale. Which I have gleefully embraced.
> On being told I wasn't allowed to wear headphones at work, I brought speakers in to blast my music through the warehouse instead
> Not only got away with it, but my idea was adopted by other people and officially sanctioned by management
> Got sent onto the shop floor while the store was closed, took the speakers with me.
> Sarcasm by the bucketload

Where I work, once you know your shit, get the job done, and have stuck around for a few years, you're pretty much not going to get fired for anything short of theft or assault.
My little clique within the department is made up of people like that. We've had team leaders come in, fail to gain our respect, and get transferred away quickly to get away from us.

>>1463414
>>1463541
>>1463551
>>1463886

Glad to see there are fuckers still around that like to have fun. Sarcasm is a dying art.

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>Crack knuckles whenever boss speaks
>Whenever he's telling me about the state of the business, I make fart noises
>As soon as I get to work each morning, ask boss if "fat is the new skinny" referring to his recent weight gain
>Call receptionist a fat cow
>Bring popcorn to meetings
>Spray rooms with my A*men by Thierry Mugler fragrance (even rooms I don't intend to enter)
>Bring a 2' x 4' sign that says "Got a bad case of the Mondays? Get in line!" with a picture of those yellow minions
>Wear a red suit on casual Tuesdays (everyone else has casual Fridays, but not me)
>Take a shit right beside the toilet
>When people walk by office, I make condescending laughter sounds
>Leave work early, but leave two pillows on my seat (No one has said anything yet)
>Skip around when I'm happy

>>1463414
I used to love working as a waiter because your income is basically dependent on you alone, you can get a new job so quickly, and can tell management to fuck off with no repercussions.

>manager asks me to do something, I smile and say yes then just walk away
>constantly work overtime even though GM says its too expensive. I just pick up other people's shifts and don't tell her until I show up
>constantly stealing from the bar and drinking on the job
>stealing fries from customers' plates
>declaring basically no tips
>parking right in front of the restaurant when we're supposed to park across the street
>fuck around with coworkers all the time
>pry off the labels on the soda machine and rearrange them. "hey, I asked for a pepsi but this is root beer!"
>other servers completely baffled
>MFW.jpg

>>1463414
coming in an hour late

>>1463917
>working a double shift, time my break for right when the restaurant gets busy
>laugh as manager pleads with me to come back on the floor. enjoy my lunch as restaurant falls apart
>call corporate HR and say I'm being pressured to skip my break
>manager gets reamed out

hilarious!

>>1463919
this, constantly. Had to be there at 10 but the restaurant would open at 11:00 but not get busy until 12:00. Why would I want to stand around getting $2.15 for 2 hours?

>come in an hour late
>restaurant is busy
>nobody even notices as I get on the floor

>>1463917
Also I used to work maintenance in highschool with a bunch of my friends and a couple of old burnouts. Got paid minimum wage but had so much fun.

>work with 40-year-old wacko
>call the pay phones and curse him out when he picks up
>use soundboards.com to call and pretend to be pee wee herman or hulk hogan. Get this guy so riled up he's yelling and shouting on the payphone
>tell him to come outside and fight, you pussy. dude runs all around the building looking for hulk hogan

>tell new coworker that our boss wants him to mop the ceiling in the gallery
>new coworker shows up with mop bucket, boss says "what the fuck are you doing with that?"
>"didn't you want me to mop the ceiling?"
>MySides.jpg

>everyone has a radio
>constantly hitting the talk button to make that CSHHHH sound
>boss loses his mind
>"Cut it out with the fucking radios!"
>can't tell who it is making the noise
>never stop

taking 40-50 minute breaks when i'm, only suppose to take 15

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>>1463414
>Trick my male coworkers into saying un-politically correct things infront of boss
>get my male coworkers to all vote the thermostat into sub zero temperatures to fuck with the stupid sloot who wears sleeveless shirts everyday.
>Give the least sincere chuckles possible when assistant manager makes jokes
>give the most overblown laughter when manager makes jokes
>Ask complicated policy questions to force assistant manager to bother manager constantly
>complain to manager about labor law violations when assistant manager tells us to come in 5 mins early so we are ready when shift begins
>Literally suck my managers dick atleast twice a week
He has a wife. I am pretty sure he is trying to figure out how to get rid of me without drama. Worth it for that thick daddy dick though.

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>>1463940
This was a maintenance job at a temple btw

>service just gets out, cleaning up
>sneak up behind coworker with a yarmulke I found on the ground
>slap it on his head
>"YAMATIZED!"
>rabbi is standing right there watching us

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>>1463951
>first day of work
>old crazy guy, "Hi my name is Tom"
>"Tam?"
>"No, Tom."
>"Right, Tam."
>"Tom with an o"
>"Tamo?"
>"TOM!!!"
>Every time a new guy starts, tell him this guy's name is Tam.
>Watch ensuing comedy gold

pic related

>>1463940
>>1463951
>>1463960

Seriously funny stuff.

>>1463960
>slow day
>thinking only we have radios
>"fuck you Tam!"
>"Who's got the largest arms in the world, brother?" and other Hulk Hogan sound bytes
>constant CSSSHH CSSSHH with the buttons
>hours later
>rabbi walks into the break room
>puts his radio in the charging station
>walks out without saying a word

>>1463970
>bar mitzvah season is coming up
>catering exhibition in the gallery
>caterer brings shrimp for everyone to sample
>walk around temple eating delicious shrimp morsels
>cantor sees me
>jaw drops
>"what, do you want some?"
>caterer isn't allowed back to the temple

>>1463976
>different summer, working at country club pool snack bar
>boss trusts me from past work, leaves me and the cook alone all day
>spoiled white women think a snack bar is a gourmet dining experience
>specify temps on salmon
>be me, purposely tell the cook to make it wrong
>getting paid hourly, so what do i care?
>constantly drinking beers and charging it to members' accounts
>driving the golf carts around to pick up supplies
>disappear for hours, joyriding around on the carts
>play bumper cars with carts
>take carts off jumps, constantly getting sweet air

>one day, coworker has a mental breakdown
>hidden schizo issues
>drinking on the job
>issues come out
>crashes his cart into the building, gets out and runs away
>fat boss chases him on foot all over the club grounds
>members scream, run away in terror
>boss corners him
>"I'm the devil, I'll kill you if you come closer!"
>cops come, coworker gets taken away on a stretcher
>shows up a few days later and asks when he's working next

>>1463982
>work at a banquet hall
>steal a 6-pack when I leave every day
>boss sends me on little errands
>disappear for the rest of the event
>boss is always drunk so he never notices

>>1463917
>>stealing fries from customers' plates
so thats why i always get few portions

>>1463940


>job 1, not me but watch coworkers relentlesly steal shit at grocery store. Play childish jokes and pranks. Store kegs in cooler cUse liquor store cunts always oversell, my 15 year old body not moving kegs to get to milk.
>devise aparatus from air compressor to tap keg and dump it on the ground
>move empty keg outside with the "empties"


Random other.

Pretty much the movie Waiting but staged at a grocery store and less funny

>peruse through unprotected HR files on the company server that anyone can access with a tiny bit of computer knowledge
> know all the details of every employee
>dick is rock solid as I do so

>>1463414

> Dress like a hobo every day.
> Openly shit on the director of marketing, make fun of her to her face during board meetings.
> Stand at attention and salute boss when leaving the office
> Shitpost on company message board
> Make trump jokes all the time, talk about making IT great again, building walls, etc. (I'm Canadian)
> Keep a bottle of ephedrine HCL at my desk, offer it to co-workers when they complain about being tires

I love that they put up with me honestly.

>>1463940
Probably the best.

>>1464429
What work environment is it that not only has computers that sloppy, but which lets you access?

>>1463414
>if the office is quiet and someone makes some sort of noise by moving something or sneezing or anything we will shush them loudly
>keep a 'zip it' button around that gets pressed that says a variety of bullshit phrases about zipping your mouth
>if someone does something nice tell them the rumors aren't true
>that's what she said <- classic haha
>talk about how much OP is a faggot

>>1463414
Do you accuse them of having a case of the Mondays?

>>1463940
hahaha now that's funny. Those were pretty good for prank calls, but watching the guy you're calling react is just hilarious.

>>1463960
There is a special place in hell for people like you.

>>1463912
>2x4 minion sign

This is most likely fake but for some reason this is charming in an ironic way.

I work as the leader of the city government's mowing crew. We cut various city properties, but mostly I just drive around.

>Doing laps around the city in the truck
>purposely driving ridiculously slow and pointing outside the truck with the beacon on as if doing important city work. Just to fuck with people behind us.
>buying/eating food on paid time
> Seriously blasting music and jamming out like we're completely nuts at stop lights.
>Taking a 30 minute shit after lunch
>Making sites look as shitty as possible in order to get someone else to cut the grass (as told by our boss)

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>>1463414
MOM'S GOING TO FREAK!!
you sound like a edgy teenage girl.

>>1463895
What? If anything, sarcasm is growing