Tfw you got your job through lying compulsively

>on probation
>can't do a single thing correctly

BYE FELICIA

>>1365449
try r9k

>>1365451

Thankfully I joined during a big management change up, nobody knows what they're doing and I blend right in.

>>1365449

that's the whole point of an interview - a test of acting skills and deception

>>1365452
could you stop forcing your shitty memes

>>1366709
Could you go to reddit

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>mfw I got my first customer service job by completely fabricating my experience

>>1365449
>>1366914
This is more common than you'll think.

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Happens regularly enough, either you can do the job, in which case good on you, they had unrealistic standards for the position, or you can't, and will be fired. Have fun dealing with a vindictive ex employer for the next thing.

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>mfw lying has gotten me everywhere

it's literally a way to make you into a totally different person.

It got me out of NEET-dom.

It got me into a university I never would have gotten into otherwise.

It got me a much better job.

The problem is that you need to make sure you lie for things that really don't affect other people personally. I would NEVER lie in personal relationships, but I totally lied a lot to get my job and to get into the university I went to. I had a GED, BARELY above average SAT scores, average GPA, and I got into a school that was for kids who were like top 10% of their class and shit like that(it rhymes with smurkeley). It was hilarious. I just said that I wanted to go for some dumb major that wasn't impacted and required no specific GPA or anything(I think I said communications kek) and then I just went for a year and changed my major to Physics when I literally took all of the classes for it and had a 3.8. I ended up graduating from this top school with degrees in Physics and Computer Science. I work for a company that works with space companies rhyming with mace-plex, analyzing cool space shit, and make much more than I would have if I didn't have the balls to just lie to them.

It's funny that you can basically lie about everything that aren't grades. You can lie about community service, mental problems, sports, clubs, projects that you stole... they have no way of checking that wouldn't take them more time than they'd care to bother with.

Just lie. They lie right to you, so lie right back. If you know how to talk and manipulate, it's like you're a different person. I ended up paying about $6,000 per year to go there and I still get a chuckle out of it, today. My grandma paid for it because who gives a fuck it's 6K.

I have aspergers though, so maybe I have some special autism powers that allowed me to do this successfully where normal people wouldn't.

IF you CAN lie well, DO IT. It's the secret nobody wants you to know, trust me.

>>1368150
elon musk pls go

>>1368154
kek, I've met him. He's tall IRL. I'm 6'0" and thought I was a big guy from being in university with these people and you'd think that he'd be some normal dorky skinny-fat guy like most of the guys in these majors and fields, but he's like 6'4" and works out. I don't work there, but I might soon. I originally wanted Tesla but I had to move down to LA so I got an interview. I'm paid just as much as I would there, so the incentive is a bit more different. desu I don't give much of a fuck. I still work in the space industry, just not as an employee of SpaceX.

>>1368150
How do we know you arent lying now?

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>>1368169
:^)

>>1368150
>degrees in Physics and Computer Science
I call BS, plus Berkeley doesn't have a Communications major.

>rhyming with mace-plex
This part I can believe

>>1368150
I wish I could do this but I have a severe case of autistic honesty. I can lie my omission but it's incredibly hard to say dishonest things.

>>1368182
>I call BS, plus Berkeley doesn't have a Communications major.

It was basically that. It was called media.

>>1368150
>tfw probably getting thrown out of university

failed 3 courses (probably 4) instead of the allowed 2

there isn't even academic probation here, I'm in my first year ugrad at a "top 100 world" uni whatever the fuck that means

>tfw thinking of suicide sometimes desu senpai

don't know what to do, this is all fucked up, i fucked up

thinking of embarrassing myself and telling them about inability to make friends due to commute, and my childish lack of concentration and discipline

I really wanna do this major though...

Don't even get me started about how fucking miserable my family will make my, especially my dad boasting to literally everyone that im in uni

Don't know what I'll do when they say no

>>1368201
>tfw you're me 4 years ago
My advice is to take a break from uni and work part-time. Take the time to think about your future and get a taste of the minimum wage life that awaits you if you don't get your shit together. Come back to uni the next semester and you should be mature enough to not fail again.

>>1368150
>I had a GED, BARELY above average SAT scores, average GPA, and I got into a school that was for kids who were like top 10% of their class and shit like that(it rhymes with smurkeley).
you got in because you're a nigger.

>>1368251
I'm a white male. I just knew how to lie.

>>1368254
post a screenshot of your online academic history/transcript then.

>>1368150
How easy is it to change major? Can I go into Engineering without any science credits?

>>1368259
I graduated eight years ago m8.

>>1368262
lol what? you just take the classes for the major you want anyway. They don't stop you.

>>1368249
FUCK NO

they will ban be for like 6 years from the program at that uni

I need to give excuses

I can't go in and be like "If you kick me out I'll kill myself"

>>1368262
a university will be composed of multiple colleges unless it's some shitty liberal arts school. you'll have a college of medicine, engineering, liberal arts and sciences, and business typically.

typically, you won't be allowed to register for classes from another than your own, but first year/year and a half of engineering is largely math and sciences classes and you can take some electives too.

>>1368267
i totally feel you m9... dropped out of uni myself once.
same situation, parents boasting, friends miring, and all i had to do was get on my fucking ass and study instead of wasting time all day.

i was close to suicide, but i got up again, switched uni, different major and am trying my luck now.
don't give up bro, even if this one fails, you'll get over it and something new opens up.

A friend of mine is in med school. An admissions person told him she interviewed this stellar candidate who had everything but ALSO listed he was in the national finals for fencing. Oddly, so was her son. Only like, 8 people make it to that stage or something. Kid got caught lying on something that he didn't even need to get this far, costing him the acceptance.

This is what you're suppose to do.

When you realize EVERYONE is lying and everyone does shitty things every single day is when you finally feel liberated.

As another anon on /biz/ put it before(i think it's a common saying but whatever), if you're a model employee for 9 years and you fuck up on that 10th year? You're getting fired. They won't think "Well... Anon's a swell guy, he's worked so hard for 9 years, he's earned us so much money, but what about anon if we fire him, how will he earn money, where will he live?". They'll just fire your ass, fuckem all

>>1368150
Wait, what. You're seriously telling me top schools don't check your GPA/SAT scores? How is that even possible?

>>1368150
None of this seems that impressive but I'm glad it worked out for you

>>1368150
So if you're so good at lying.... did you lie in this post? :^)