Parents and Money

bump, well /biz/?

I would expect nothing from my children. I would feel inadequate accepting money from them unless it's a nominal amount and they're billionaires.

>>1076506
But what are your parents? Do you help them out or what?

>>1076508

Father just got out of bankruptcy, doesn't have many assets but reasonable income.

Mother earns close to six figures.

They are divorced and both would be lucky to be worth over 50k each at the age of 50 ignoring super annuation.

>>1076511
>6 figures
>would be lucky to be worth $50k

Wat... how...

>>1076584
most people aren't good with money

>>1076598
But what can you possibly spend that much money on?

Personally I wouldn't be able to think of how to spend $20k unless I was just forced to buy whatever I wanted needlessly.

My parents are white trash leeches. They're both drug addicted hoarders. We really need to have a better parenting process. you have no idea what they put me through. I make an average income, but at least I'm not them.

>>1076639
Do you still talk or visit them?

Do you help them financially at all?
What are some horrible things they've put you through? I'm here to give you a pair of ears and eyes, anon.

>>1076449
My mom's a dumb liberal who gets mad if I bring up finance. She said she's straight up ashamed she raised a capitalist. My dad is self made through finance so of course he loves it and talks it with me. My mom had custody so it wasn't until I was 18 that I moved in with my old man and he started teaching me how to make money.

I don't have to help my dad, he doesn't care about money and he has a whole lot of it. I don't think my mom would let me help her so whatever.

>>1076449
I have gone over their finances many times, they have spending habits that I have no control over

I used to freak out about how bad off they are (upper middle class lifestyle, mortgage wont be paid until theyre in their 70's, almost no savings, massive credit card debt etc)

it dawned on me that they are adults

I'll make sure the nursing home they end up in is nice, i'm not destroying my life because they couldnt stay away from qvc and buy a used car

Op, you need to worry about number 1, you aint doing them any favors by babying them and you owe them nothing, they were legally obligated to raise you as soon as you slitherd out of your moms vag

life on lifes terms OP, life on lifes terms

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>>1076656
>Op, you need to worry about number 1, you aint doing them any favors by babying them and you owe them nothing, they were legally obligated to raise you as soon as you slitherd out of your moms vag

Idk man. They kind of did a lot for me but I feel like that's where part of the problem lies.

They moved when the USSR collapsed so we wouldn't live in a shithole which I definitely appreciate but they've also put a lot of pressure on me and treated me terrible.
>"Anon we moved from the shithole and done so much for you! Why can't you do a simple thing like ____ for us?"(and that would go for numerous things)

>"Anon we moved from shithole to provide you with a better life! Why can't you study ____ like we want you to?!"
etc etc.

Then they wanted to move back there so they started blaming me as if it's my fault that I'm stopping them because I had school...(Nevermind that they have no actual plans of how to live there and haven't lived there in over 20 years, they hate "the west" and always gobble up some meme news)

And it's coming to the point where I need to make the decision to help them financially or not. I really don't want to but I'm kind of stuck since on one hand they did a lot for me but on the other-hand put a lot of unnecessary stress and emotional abuse on me during my childhood.

Just wanted to hear what other /biz/-bros do and maybe some insight on what I should do.

My mother was given a house but she drank and managed to let it get conned away and she could never hold down a job. My dad was an alcoholic who killed himself. Never had anything close to a male figure in my life. It was a deeply fucked up childhood. I cut ties with my family last year--im in my late twenties finally getting shit sorted out

>>1076676
Your family sounds obnoxious but I wouldn't let them drown. Let them pay for themselves but if they start sinking I would bail them out only so you don't feel guilty about it.

Being able to not worry about your family is worth fronting them cash every now and then. Don't give them money to go to Russia or any dumb shit like that.

>>1076693

We're here for you mate.

>>1076694
>Don't give them money to go to Russia or any dumb shit like that.

They want to man. They keep pestering me about it. I think I've heard "how great it is" over a thousand times by now.

I also made the thread about changing my name yesterday. I kind of just want to completely cut them off and forget about it all but I do feel kind of bad doing that to them... It would be a really really long story but they've done tons of really fucked up things to me during my childhood I'd rather not get into. -- Now that I'm an adult they've conveniently forgotten about it all of course though.

>>1076693
>My mother was given a house but she drank and managed to let it get conned away and she could never hold down a job. My dad was an alcoholic who killed himself. Never had anything close to a male figure in my life. It was a deeply fucked up childhood

Damn man that sucks.

How are you now financially? Decent spot?

>>1076702
Thanks I guess. If anything I need to get away from the internet though if I'm gonna stop hating people at some point. Making money was the first step, now I'm in better health so I just have to get over my interpersonal hangups. Easier said than done. But I'm moving forward

>>1076714
Better than I've been in a long time. I was never a debt slave so I have that going for me. I worry about the future of Canada though. Working in a trade, I posted in the other thread, made 60k last year but spent/was taxed away most of it. I could speak at length about all this

>>1076722
>I could speak at length about all this

Sure anon. Tell us all about it if you wish.

>>1076732
Well the notable part is that I tried for a long time to hold my family together but I had so much resentment and anxiety. Even after my mom stopped drinking I tried making amends and still felt the same way. So I realized that I had to get away from it to live my life. Maybe that's cowardly but there was just so much baggage and neglect and sad memories once I understood what was going on that I couldn't bring myself to forgive them. I also have a brother but he left as soon as possible as a young adult and hid behind his busy schedule so he never did a damn thing to help. It's a touchy subject and I don't try too hard to figure out what the right thing is to do anymore. I have to look after myself and if that makes me a selfish prick so be it. I cannot reconcile feeling bad after all this shit over so many years

>>1076769
Just think about what you would regret saying to your mother if she were to die tomorrow.

>>1076769
Know feel breh... Pretty much same here, I've been thinking about cutting them off as well.

So you don't speak to them whatsoever anymore?

Did you just one day leave and stop talking to them senpai? Do they still try to contact you sometimes?

>>1076781
She doesn't even remember conversations from ten minutes ago. I remember some deeply careless shit she did when I was a kid so I don't feel too bad. Besides I'd probably never know

>1076782

I was already living in a different city for years. My mom tried to visit once but couldn't manage traffic or highway driving. I just stopped calling. Keep in mind I already wasn't talking to my brother (we were never close--he was abusive). The only one I miss is my grandma but I can't even talk to her without getting panicked and anxious. I mean I was collapsing at work it was that bad.

I wouldn't wish anyone to follow in my footsteps but you have to do what is right for you if your family is really deeply fucked up like mine. I don't want to give people advice on this. I've done this out of necessity and only because it pains me a bit less than keeping this dysfunction in my life

>>1076838
Youre just a p***sy dude. If you're collapsing at work cause you're feeling anxious about your grandma its probably cause she has medical/financial problems. Don't be an ass and help her out, I don't mean paying 50% of your money till the end of her days, but offer to buy the meds or do her grocery shopping once in a while. Americans...

>>1076850
You're either a troll or you can't read. Either way I won't engage you.

>>1076854
You know I'm right.

>>1076449

Your parents shouldn't want your money or feel as though you owe them anything, and you as their child should want to ensure they're financially stable and feel as though you owe them everything.

Fairly simple, and anything outside of this is plain degeneracy.

>>1076838
>>1076854
Sorry to hear that. Hope you get over it and live a happy life again senpai.

I've decided I will probably do the same.

I am just not sure how to do it in the smoothest manner possible and I of course want my inheritance but I doubt I'll get much if anything unless i dispute the will.

>>1076850
>>1076861
>Help her out

Naw nigga it's every man for himself out here

If they treat you poorly as a kid they shouldn't anything except the same back when you're an adult. Fuck em

>>1076867
I don't want you guys to get the impression this is a good solution by any stretch. This is damage control.

For the other guy that's thinking about doing this id try to talk to other people to make certain its.the right choice. Again I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

>>1076884
Pham I could on for hours about a lot of messed up things they said/did to me.

Honestly pretty much ruined my life and forced me to piece it back together with lots of hardwork and perseverance.

I just want my inheritance fampai, I need to figure out how to get both of those done

Heres another example of the baggage I grew up with:

My mother married a bad guy I guess. I barely saw him or knew him. One day they let my older brother do something careless and it damaged a neighbor's property. Police were called and my parents blew over in the middle of the afternoon. Child services got involved and said they had to go to rehab or theyd lose custody. My father refused so they had to divorce. I saw him on Sundays for a while and he paid child support I'd imagine. My mother taught me to hate him. He killed himself when i was in grade four. My mother had an eating disorder and did not raise us responsibly. My brother was very cruel to me and he was much bigger and I had no one to turn to. I remember once threatening to call child services and my mother said go for it. She called my bluff and I was a child so I did nothing.

Just a bit of insight. Not even getting into the guy that conned her out of her house...

This shit is why I had to move on.

>>1076895
You're not going to reconcile leaving your family and feeling entitled to an inheritance. It won't work psychologically. I believe this is a one way street.

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>>1076903
Yeah but I heard something about siblings being entitled to an equal share of inheritance, I'll look more into it but it seem as though I'd just need a fairly good lawyer and I lot of money spent on legal fees and I could get my fair share.

>I remember once threatening to call child services and my mother said go for it. She called my bluff and I was a child so I did nothin

Literally same here man... Exact same thing happened to me. Really wish I did call child services or told a teacher at school or something about what was happening.

It was generally my mom being physically abusive though, I guess they thought it was "less bad" since "women can't hurt men, it's impossible!"(even though a was a young boy but never-mind that)

My mom is my hero and heres why. Back in the 90s my mom moved from peru to la to start her own travel agency business which at first centered around Machu Picchu tourism. She already had a son who was around 9 years old when she moved to the us which to me is impressive since she was still able to get her business degree while being a single parent and pursue to career dreams. She even worked and pursued education while I was in the womb lol. Fast forward to now, (gonna celebrate the comapny's 25th anniversary this year) shes still running the agency with tourism packages varying from places like las vegas all the way to europe and then some. I do her bookkeeping and taxes on the side while getting my finance degree so I know every cent that goes in and out of her personal and business accounts.

Being the business oriented family that we are we've never put a monetary value on love for family, which goes into raising my brother and I. I place investments in her name so that she can retire on top of being a business owner. However it's not because I want to "pay her back" but because I know first hand the struggles my parent had to go through to give a better life for her and her family so of course Id want to make my dear mother some cash for breaking her back.
Whether you provide for your parents or not is up to you, but unless they were abusive or put you up for adoption I dont see why anyone wouldnt support their parents to live comfortably as possible when their old and frail.

>>1076916
Sorry to hear that man. But about the inheritance--are you familiar with the Poe work "the telltale heart"? Getting the money may not be the problem, actually feeling like you value what it gets you knowing where it came from is the problem.

Anyway I need to sleep and this isn't really /biz anymore so... Until tomorrow...

bump desu

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>>1076921
that's some good shit right there.

I lent my parents $2000 to pay off a debt rate. 2 years later, every time I ask about it, the shitstorm begins

>>1077798
>Lending parents money

might as well consider it a donation

I don't think my parents are doing too well financially

My mother has an entry-level job she's been working for thirty years, so my dad is the one who makes the majority for the household. Neither of them went to or finished college and it gave them the idea that people don't need to do anything past high school to be successful. This didn't work out too well with me.

My dad's also an alcoholic and probably spends a shitton on beer every week. I know he has a separate bank account he keeps his spending money in. My mother had a situation a few years ago where she kept bouncing around on credit cards and it wound up catching up to her.

I'm not sure how much I'd help them because they don't really seem to put in the effort to do anything when their house could use a lot of work. I'd give them money if they were actually going to fix stuff or use it toward something decent. Also, I recently had some car work done and my father went and paid for it while telling me to give them the money instead. I have a feeling they did this for credit card reasons because I was planning on paying the mechanic in full before they decided to get there before I could pick up my car.

>>1076676
People will try to guilt them into doing favors for you all the time. Just because they did something nice for you doesn't mean that you have to do whatever specific requests you have for them. Their fault for not forging a contract or using reasoning to get you on their side.

I would recommend giving them a thing here or there if you still need their support. Try not to cut them off completely if possible, though.

>>1076916

>Yeah but I heard something about siblings being entitled to an equal share of inheritance

Only if there is no will that will happen and only if both your parents on gone. I will say you wanting money from your parents like this makes you as bad as them imho.

For family and money, I try not to mix it. If a family member is asking you for money, then it should be considered a loan that is written up as a legal contract. Money should only be given if they alter their lifestyle so they don't spend as much. After all, it's what caused this mess and ultimately everyone wants to get rid of this problem.

Now, there is nothing wrong with giving family a gift, but it better be a good one (like holidays or some celebration). Don't do a gift just cause.

>>1076603
Taxes, mortgage, kids. Food, insurance, and utilities for a family of 5 is murder.

>>1076676
>guilting family into sacrificing their lifestyle for you.
Your parents are not Russian. They are gypsies.

>>1078563
Seems to be pretty common for Russians desu. Seems like a cultural thing for families to be abusive which just gets passed down each generation and never ends.

>>1078454
>>1078546
I guess senpaitachi. But it gets a lot more complicated with specifics.

I think I have figured out what my plan of action is though.

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>>1078568

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>>1078575
>Tfw you will never be Anglo

I guess it could be worse...