Hi /b/ 2004 oldfag here. Tomorrow, September 15th, I will become

>>745129117
Id say do some shrooms before you try and off yourself bro. It may change your outlook on your situation and it may be what you need. Youtube ted talks on magic mushrooms. They cure depression.

Nothing is worth offing yourself. Work on the social anxiety thing and everything else will work out.

You could be a lot worse anon

>>745129304

I appreciate the advice. However, if it induces paranoia at any level like thc, I will lose my fucking mind. Weed makes me feel like I am literally dying.

>>745129409
Afaik acid is the psychedelic that induces some paranoia, i've heard mushrooms are pretty mellow

>>745129409
Look it up on Youtube and listen to medical professionals talk about it. Also as long as you stick with like a gram... it will just make you feel fucking great. And its less toxic then a cup of coffee.

>>745129494
Do shrooms affect your perspective regarding anything respiratory? Like, is breathing still automatic or do you go into manual mode? That's pretty much what happens when I smoke. I feel like I'm going to suffocate.

Fucking cancer. Go get out.find a job that will make a new life

>>745129117
>2004 oldfag here
if you didn't insist on revealing your power level everywhere you went, maybe you wouldn't be

>>745129117
Learn not to hate yourself. Learn to love yourself. How can you expect other people to love you if you can't even love yourself?

>How to start loving yourself?
Do good deeds. Try to make other people smile. And seek professional help.

>>745129494
I had gnarly paranoia from mushrooms the last 3 times I did it.. out of 5 times total.

Good news is op can try smaller doses first and work his way up

>>745129650
Just soak 1g of shrooms in boiling water, make tea, drink, relax, enjoy new perspective.

you want off ? take a sword go to syria and die like a samurai.

Just get therapy you stupid fuck.

>>745129348
You have no idea what you're talking about.

>>745130019
$$$

>>745129117
:(

>>745129650
Nope. They make u human again. Amazing shit.

>>745130224
Where do you live?

>>745130400
Connecticut.

Also, based on responses so far the general consensus seems to be that I do, in fact, deserve my life, as selfish as it seems to be, in my opinion.

Thank you, anon.

You're stuck in a rut. You need to leave where you are- travel. Research where you can get a job anywhere interesting, maybe on the tourist circuit. Go to London, work in a pub. Somewhere where other people pass through and are looking for new friends, and don't know who you are. Try it, what have got to lose? Nothing.

>>745129117
Try taking CBD oil drops, about 30mg 3 times a day.

Don't kill yourself, you don't deserve to give up and get out.

>>745130534
Conneticut provides state insurance. Go to local DSS office and tell them what's up. They will get you started on insurance docs and make referral for psych. You wait a couple months and then you get seen... tell therapist you think you have bpd and you are interested in dbt, talk therapy and medicine. Things will get better within a year if you are consistent

I am also and oldfag with bpd. So there is hope

>>745130755

I've had husky for a couple years. What's the next step to get the ball rolling? Who do I call?

>>745130666

Looking this up, it looks as though CBD is still Sched I

How do I get my hands on this legally?

>>745131017
I don't know. I'm not a social worker. Just know this is something social workers do (getting you set up with insurance and therapy). It's a state run service so it's free. But you gotta google dss and find local office. Go in and talk to someone. They will know more than I do. Alternatively call and make appt. so you save time

>>745130214
Yeah....i do..this was me when younger.

>>745131098

Across the UK and most of America you should be able to get the NON-THC version (what you want) delivered right to your door without any fuss.

It changed my life, that's all I'll say.

>>745131098
same guy here.. also might want to try one of the more energising strains of kratom (green malay)

it will give you a solid mood / energy boost.

>>745129304
>you're depressed, take drugs
Don't listen to this terrible advice
>>745129348
good advice

Listen, OP, you sound very self-aware. Maybe TOO self-aware. Try getting outside the navel-gazing and focus on other people.

>>745129697
This. 2005 reporting in. Go to the gym. Take a lot of steroids? You wanna kill yourself anyway, rounds probably won't kill you at all and you'll just get fucking massive..

If I had nothing to live for I would do the following

- massive rounds of steroids. Test. Dbol. HGH. Whatever the fuck I could eat and inject. Get fucking epically huge in 6-12 Months. Immediately fix all self esteem issues by doing so

- max doses of Modafinil

- lie on my CV and apply for jobs on management where I can tell at cunts all day and be paid to be hated.

You're being a waste of energy. Do something cool or yeah. Kill yourself

>>745131891

Yeah, you're definitely right about that. I can spend hours focusing on my own mistakes, obsessing over them, feeling helpless because of them.

It's pretty gross. And I know just how gross it is, yet I can't help but indulge. Why?

About the drugs thing, the CBD seems legit to me.

>>745132112

The fuck? Steroids? I appreciate your input, and your overall point is taken, but my dick is already small enough.

It might fall off after all that. Then my onahole will break up with me.

>>745132134
CBD is indeed more pharmaceutical than recreational.

Go for a 5-10% oil with 300-1000mg total CBD content. Aim for around $30-50 for 10ml.

I'm kind of in the same road OP but I'm trying and somewhat managing to take control
I too don't have a goal, lost all passion and motivation which is my main problem
My reason for living is that there is so much to do and if I kill myself now I don't get to know what they are like and I hate that feeling
I guess I am kind of a perfectionist in life kind of like as if life had achievements that I could complete etc. but don't have the motivation to do so

Right now I'm kind of free styling doing stuff that keeps away the boredom while coming up with solutions to get me off this ride and trying them one by one to see if they work

The thing is you need the right type of mindset to get out so you definitely need therapy, I'm planing on going for it soon It might be a life changer

After that I would definitely suggest going to the gym to lose the fat, which believe me will increase your confidence plus it boosts motivation since it feels like you took a step and it worked
I was fat too but I wanted it to stop so I went to a gym as a side activity since I did nothing with my life and lost about 33 pounds (with added muscle mass) and it felt amazing
I didn't use anything by the way not even protein shakes or anything
It also makes you more handsome and there is no better feeling than feeling down or just normal and casually looking into the mirror with no shirt and seeing yourself decent for what feels like the first time, every time

During these get better at your job, maybe get a raise or just find a better one, again therapy is a good choice if you ask me and money is fundamental

Change your style as well, get a haircut, get new shirts because you will need some after the gym, if you have any autistic behaviour get rid of it etc.

You also need a goal it is as fundamental as money so set yourself one. You can start with smaller ones but if you can't just make your goal getting a lot of money and work towards that

Good luck bro, I hope you get better

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"I can't get laid" he says
Look at those 2 potatoes. How did they did it? I tell you, by not being bunch of fags

>>745129117
so sad to see all these suicide threads tonight
Ive been where you are OP
It can get better
I promise

>>745129699
This and do sports