wish thread (NON-retard edition) You meet this old lady which

>>744919412
A billionaire leaves me all of his possessions shortly before dying of a brain aneurysm.

>>744919705
that is suspicious, government investigates you and finds the billionaire was a drug lord. You are assumed to be part of this drug trade and are sentenced 10 years.

>>744919946
Do I still get the dosh?

>>744919412
I would ask for an device that would allow me to manipulate my own mind, to create dreams and manipulate at my will, with the power to shape it in any form that I can think of.

>>744919705
In the next few days an old billionaire knocks your door saying he is searching for his lost grandson. He is going to die, so he wants to give you everything he owns before that. You go to the bank and before the transfer is made into your account you die of a brain aneurysm.

>>744920450
>it's the same as your wish except completely fucking different
bravo

>>744920263
nope, government seizes it and uses it to build a program for black youths to turn their life around after committing crimes.

>>744920450
*claps*
This is how you play the game son

>>744920450
Proud of you son

>>744920393
A device is created, in a secret lab, which allows the user to manipulate his own brain waves. It's still on test mode and as it's considered unefficient and dangerous they throw it away. The device's flaw is that it requires the user to have his mind completely blank while being modified.

>>744919412
I wish for a car driven by, its only occupant, the famous celebrity Taylor Swift to park in front of my house because the aforementioned celebrity wants to and succeeds in giving me lots of money and showing me her boobs before driving off, never to interact with me any way ever again, directly or indirectly.

>>744919412
>Knowledge
I want to know everything that is, that was, and that will be.
I want the ability and understanding to use such vast knowledge to it's greatest potential

>>744921175
This, i wish the same thing

>>744921175
Learns about everything meaninglessness and how insignificant you are. Proceeds to suicide.

>>744921175
Upon seeing what will be, you find yourself completely unable to change it. Despite your best efforts, even choice you make to try and use your knowledge ends up failing in somehow unforeseen ways. You were shown a future unaffected by you having this power. Thus that is what must be.

Upon being giving this power, you see your future, you see yourself failing and you know it is unstoppable.

>>744921672
i like that one, are you op? Good thread

>>744921868
I am not OP, but thank you!

I wish for top 1% expert level artist talent in oil painting.

What ya got for me!

>>744921104
Taylor Swift gets drunk, as usual, and loses a bet with a friend, in which she has to go to the house of some random stranger and give him millions of dolars, while being followed by the media. She parks in front of your house and throws a bag full of money before driving off. As she reaches out to show you her boobs she crashes and dies horribly.

Swift's family takes it to the court, accussing you of abusing a drunk person, and you have to give the million back, plus several hundred thousand contemplating moral injuries to the family. All while being scrutinized by media.

>>744922092
lol, nice

>>744919412
I want to get a drug that will increase my penis size by 3 inches by triggering a growth horomone gland in my brain

i wish that all women on average were 6 inches taller and all men were 6 inches shorter

The Catholic Church rallies to create another crusade in the middle east.

>>744922806
This only affects 20% of the population, who instead shrink to outrageously small, and grow to outrageously large sizes.

The average numbers still change as per your wish, its just not an even distribution.

>>744922029
You meet a guy at a bar, who is one of the best oil painters in the world, but lost his fortune due to drug abuse. You remind him of his son, who died of leukemia, and he offers to teach your everything he can, as he is too old to succeed as an artist.

You learn everything you can from your master, and after a few years of teaching he dies from lung cancer. You keep on painting, better and better, and when you are ready to show off your skills, a new method of digital painting suddenly impresses everyone, and market for oil painters art is seriously diminished, to the point that no new top tier painter has a place. You wasted your whole life painting and have no money left because of all the paint your bought. You skill is useless in this new world, and your best bet is to sell your canvas on the street, only so you can get money to buy more oil paint.

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>>744919412
I wish to die by getting a heart attack in my sleep

>>744920393
You get your device, but you accidentally modify your brain in such a way that the wires get crossed and you spend the rest of your life as a vegetable.

>>744923153
love it

>>744923153
Clever, good on you anon.

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>>744921175
Dude you're retarded. Everyone knows that once you understand everything your head explodes. So even if you did get your wish granted u be ded duhh

>>744923197
You do, at the age of 94, as you were going to before the wish was made anyway.

>>744922617
You find out that mixing viagra with taurine and testosterone can increase penis size naturally, so you take a gallon. Your dick increases so rapidly that vessels on your shaft break and you lose your ability to mantain erections without it hurting a lot.

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>>744923197
>Happens 70 years from now
>You live a full, healthy life
>You spend the entirety of it suffering

>>744919412
I wish for a turkey sandwich with mayo, mustard, and pickle on a white hoagie where the turkey is a little dry because that's how I like my turkey.

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I want to be able to work out at the library

>>744923488
>>744923629

I wish your words could kill me

>>744923931
ths tchncly nt wrds. nvr spk agan

I wish everything I wish between the phrases 'I really wish' and 'this is the end of this wish' become true and If 3 minutes pases and the sentence has not been closed that opening wish just resets.

The power to read the minds of others and know what they're thinking, what they know and how they feel, but only if i want to.

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>>744919412
I'd wish to be happy.

>>744919412
burn the world

>>744922973
Catholic church, with total support of East Europe, USA and even Israel make an attempt to invade actively Turkey. This causes a world war in which the goverment of your country is involved. You die in a terrorist attack.

>>744924146
The wish is granted, but only works when you say those two phrases with the exact same cadence and rhythm as you did when you first said them. A feat that you are never able to successfully pull off.

>>744924446
Then is not granted as that was not part of the initial conditions

>>744919412
i want exactly 1,000,000 dollars taken one dollar from 1,000,000 different people with each one taken the remembrance of ever owning such a dollar vanishing (all these dollars will be taken from spare dollars in wallets) any such count of the dollars will also be downsized for each dollar taken i want all these dollars than to be transported into my living quarters in a neat stack of 100 dollars by 10 dollars and 1000 dollars tall thank you

>>744924152
Just like if you touch someones back they feel your hand; when you read someones mind, they feel you reading their mind. People immediately realize it was you reading their minds, label you as a freak, and you are forced to take a new name in a new town, running away for your own safety, and abandoning your old life and never using your power again for fear of being ostracized again.

>>744924574
Well you're trying to be a smartass and wish for more wishes which you know is not allowed, so fuck off nigger.

>>744924686
You win, godspeed anon, im going to sleep

>>744923875
The old lady goes to the grocery and prepares a sandwich just as the one you describe. It's so perfect and tastes so good that you eat it vigorously. The turkey is so dry, that it doesn't pass through your throat. your prolonged state of asphixia isn't enough to kill you, as some guy walking by applies the hemlich maneuver on you just on time. Paramedics arrive, as you're still alive, completely unconscious. They take you to the hospital with urgency, but it's not enough. You arrive at the hospital being completely retarded.

>>744924603
You realize pretty quickly why money laundering is a thing. You find yourself completely unable to find any plausible explanation for how you came into this money. You can't deposit it into a bank, any large or meaningful purchases the irs will audit you and assume you stole this money with no other explanation.

You end up using it as convenient spare change and nothing else. Over you the course of your life, you never end up using more than one thousand dollars a year of the money/.

I wish to be a young and attractive female

>>744924760
Where does it say that you cant ask for a recursive whish? You failed at your game.

>>744925173
im good with that 1000 dollars is alot my wish was fulfilled to my expectations

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I wish to win THE GAME

>>744924146
This wish is happily granted, exactly as you intend it.

Every single wish you make from this wish will have unforeseen consequences per this thread.

>>744925274
You find yourself mentally switching places into the life of a young attractive female. In India. Your life is a series of being raped and beaten by drunk old men.

>>744925560
Thank you wish Lady. I really wish you the best, this is the end of this wish.

>>744924603

>Everyday a new person shows up at your house carrying a crisp one dollar bill. They walk into your room, set it into the neat pile, and leave without ever remembering this interaction. It takes a million days for this to occur. Neighbors notice that a different random stranger enters your house every day. If even one dollar gets disturbed from this pile, the individual who delivers the dollar will seek it out and replace it even if this leads them to suicidal ends. Eventually America discontinues the dollar at which point the remain number of strangers all flock to your house in the hundreds of thousands carrying worthless bills.

Also you never know what time they show up and can't stop them from getting in your house. They might show up at 2pm, might show up at 2am. Your living quarters is defined as a 10 ft radius from where you fall asleep that night.

>>744925338
Then woo! Yay money! :P

>>744925806
Exactly my fetish

>>744925838
The best for me is for there to not be another being in existence with the ability to make wishes happen. You immediately find yourself stricken of your power.

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I want to be good friends with Doug Stanhope.

>>744923875
The witch makes the sandwich so well that you are never able to appreciate another ounce of food again. You live your entire life longing for another bite of that perfect sandwich

>>744925995
Then enjoy then I guess?

Alternatively:
You find yourself mentally switching places into the life of a young attractive female. In China. Your parents murder you the next day in hopes of having a boy.

>>744923247
As long as I stay in my dreams, that's a bonus.

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>>744924146
You wish to live forever within those 3 minutes an accident happens of which you fall into a permanent coma no amount of euthanasia can kill you and you remain in said coma until the heat death of the universe

I wish to pass all of the CPA exams on the first try.

>>744926032
Hahahaha well played Wish Lady..

>>744925313
That's not OP. I'm OP.

And in response to >>744924603

Youtubers all around the world start a campaign about disguising as hobos, and asking for change. they send all to the red cross. The red cross takes all the dolar bills in a truck with some other things, as they are shiping stuff. The driver has a heart attack at the moment the truck is passing by your street, and it bashes through your door, killing the driver instantly, and falling in such a way that the stack of 100x10x1000 falls directly in front of you. You smile, but only before your mouth reaches your eyes. the truck explodes from leaking gasoline. The explotion knocks you back, and you can't do anything more than contemplate in sadness all the money burning slowly, just with the rest of your home and belongings.

>>744926248
*tips hat*
Was a pleasure

>>744925517
You won the game until you realize that you only win the game by not losing the game and by winning you remember the game still exists from which you lose the game.

You just lost the game.

>>744926135
You become good friends with Doug Stanhope, the guy who just moved in next door and works at the hardware store.... it's a pretty common name.

He's a cool dude thou, you guys BBQ together every once in awhile.

>>744926178


>>744926178
Well damn ya got me

>>744926135
Selfishly because I'm a comic... And I would like some stage time with his audience.

But also selfishly be his friend because I know we would be good friends anyway.

>>744926693
That works... thanks wish woman.

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Manipulate the DNA inside of one of George Soros' brain cells so it becomes a malignant tumor.

>>744926206
You feel no difference, but know your wish will be granted. You go forth to take the exams. You sit the exam in front of you and have no idea the answers to any of the questions. Knowing your wish must be granted, you randomly choose answers. Your test is running through the grading machine, reads a 100% by sheer dumb luck.

An intern spills a cup of coffee. Everywhere. It ruins you test, rendering it unreadable and fries the computer that just read you had gotten a 100%, but had not yet logged it anywhere.

You receive a sincere apology and a reschedule to take the test again free of charge.

I wish for everything, every event, for every person, ever, that happens after the second my wish goes into effect, which is the second the last word leaves my mouth, to have an overall positive outcome for any and all sentient and/or sapient beings involved.

>>744927433
George Soros adquires a brain tumor, which doesn't kill him nor reduce his competency. People start making campaigns to save the old guy with the tumor, and every one of the companies that are associated with him get benefits.

>>744927861
>which doesn't kill him
I specifically said a malignant tumor

>>744927782
Positivity is subjective. The only way to win this game is not to play. The earth gets hit by a super massive solar flare as your lips close for the final time.

>>744927960
Malignant tumors don't necesarrily kill you. The wish is granted.

>>744928066
How about this: an outcome viewed as positive.

>>744928278
really? shit.

instantly transmute all of the blood in Hillary Clinton's body into sulfuric acid.

>>744927782
This wish is granted, and things seem good at first. Until you realize how boring everything has become. Life needs to have drama in it. Everything has to be positive, so nothing overly interesting ever happens. Life becomes mundane. Love ceases to be an emotion people experience as it would cause too many problems. Everyone just generally gets along with everyone, and everyone is just barely happy with that.

And everyone slowly dies of boredom, in mundane, uneventful lives.

>>744928594
Your wish is granted.
A women who looks and acts nearly identical to Hilary Clinton continues to do Hillary Clinton things. Should you try to point out this woman is an impostor everyone will think you're a dumbass conspiracy theorist.

>>744928359
The second you end your wish, every anion in everything on the universe turns into a cation immediatly. This creates all sorts of atomical changes happen, which triggers another big bang. The whole universe as we know it, ceases to exist.

>>744929839
not really twisting what I said, just adding on new shit to ruin it, but fair enough. An evil person dies in agony, I guess I can take that.

>>744919412
I wish for a loyal dog companion currently in the prime of its life that is going to live another 10 years happily and with me.

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>energy can be affected to arrange items into place
I, uh, wish for that. I wish I could do that to all matter telekinetically.

>>744931624
The matter you move is unstable. Using mental focus you are able to rearrange matter as you see fit, but the moment you break your mental focus, the matter crumbles into loose atoms and disperse. This power behind this rearrangement still takes calories and energy on your part, meaning your bound to your own relative physical strength level.

Your wish has been granted, but its little more than a party trick.

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>>744919412
I want to see a woman poo this big and without any pain or damage to her body from it.

>>744919946
>You are assumed to be part of this drug trade and are sentenced 10 years.
On what charges? That's not how legal proceedings take place.

>>744931624
Your whole body, including your brain waves' atoms reach a perfect balance with the rest of particles in the universe. You can actually affect by magnetism the way in which all the atoms in the universe move and act. However you have no idea and no way to know before hand, what would the effect of your actions be. Modifying a single atom can cause a butterfly effect that could potentially destroy existence.

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>>744932062
Eh, could be worse.

I wish I never went to college

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Irl furry
>make wish
>8hrs. Later
>ears, tail, fur, knot the whole dealio
>realize im the only furry in the entire world
>realizes only people who will ever be attracted to me are other furries
>kills self

>>744932476
The college which you assisted to is found out to be out of the educational minimum requirements, and nothing else than a facade for money launderingand. The government doesn't condider it as a valid institution anymore, retroactively. Students are investigated and have to go declare before the trial is over. Media calls you from around the world to make interviews and never leave you alone.

>>744919412
Goddamn it, one of these. Shit. Okay...
>I wish to be eternally young, healthy, and sane as I am now
Or maybe...
>I wish for the power to completely and efficiently transfer my memories and consciousness from any body I inhabit into any other body at will
Could be painful and awkward, but if she grants the wish then I can still lead a pretty great existence for as long as I want. And if that doesn't work:
>I wish that everyone will believe anything I say if I snap my fingers first
Because, honestly, that might be worth whatever awful consequence she attaches to it.

>>744919412
I wish that all of my choices will lead to greater happiness for everyone directly involved, including myself.
>what now, faggots

>>744932175
No-one?

>>744934059

>I wish to be eternally young, healthy, and sane as I am now

The cells in your body just don't die. You become medically the first immortal human in history of mankind. Media, the government, the whole scientific comunity, religious cults and people in general, attempt to contact with you, making your life a pain in the ass. Not only because of the harrasment, but you suddenly realize that everyone that ever shared a moment with you is going to die in front of you.

To ease a bit all the stress caused by being so special you try to have a drink, and you find out that you can't get drunk. No drug can affect you.

>I wish for the power to completely and efficiently transfer my memories and consciousness from any body I inhabit into any other body at will

You can transfer any memories and amount of consciousness at will, but the second the transfer is finished, no remain of the memory is left on your brain, and you don't know what consequence will have to transfer consciousness. the moment you try it out, you become retarded.

>I wish that everyone will believe anything I say if I snap my fingers first

Everyone believes whatever you say, even you.

>>744932175

A woman walks by you and suddenly collapses on the floor. You look as her panties stretch from a huge piece of shit. You stare in awe, when shockingly the shit column hits you in the face, as the underwear breaks. The force of the impact knocks you down, and you hit a bump on the floor, with your lower back. The impact is so severe, that you can't move. You are on the ground, watching as this lady shits the rest of the log with ease, laughing, while your body doesn't respond.

>>744936018
That sucks

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>>744936018
>A woman walks by you and suddenly collapses on the floor. You look as her panties stretch from a huge piece of shit. You stare in awe, when shockingly the shit column hits you in the face, as the underwear breaks.

>>744919412
10 more wishes, 5 major and 5 minor, with no consequences or repercussions unless i say so.

>>744936998
I have a feeling that I know how my wish is going to go

>>744936998
Conceded.

I want to get loved again by my ex.

>>744937448
Not op, but that is one wish that will never come true

>>744937448
OP here

Old woman tells you "I'm not doing any magic yet, kid, and I already know she never even loved you in the first place.
I'm sorry, don't cry... I'll let you ask again, c'mon"

>>744935338
Just checked back in.
>harassment by everyone
Yeah, that'd suck, but really I'd just get abducted by some government somewhere and spend a long, long time being tested. After a while they'd manage to erase pretty much all knowledge of the guy everyone believed to be immortal, and eventually I'd get out. Don't drink, don't care about anyone else dying.

>no memory is left on your brain
Kind of the point. Literally transferring what makes you "you" to another body.
>the moment you try it out you become retarded
Meh. This isn't really a "negative interpretation," it's an unrelated consequence. So I'm ignoring that one.

>even you believe whatever you say
Fuck, that's actually a really good one. Shit. Still an awesome power, even if I can only say things that I know to be true...or maybe I can find a way to keep myself from hearing what I'm saying?

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>>744937448
Negative interpretation of that one, you cumstain:
>your ex loves you again
>a lot
>way too much
>you start to regret the wish
>you try to make the most of it
>holy fuck she's unbearable
>you can't take it
>but no matter what you do, she's there
>no matter where you go, she's there
>can't kill yourself--she always knows
>always
>and she won't kill you
>but you're really, really starting to wish she would

>>744938162
The thing is, you transfer memories, so you don't gain anything from it. You are not making yourself into another being, it's just other people having memories as if them were their own, and you never knowing what you erased from yours. Now, giving your entirely consciousness away actually makes another person being more conscious and you just... well... unconscious forever.

You can't make other people believe in things that you won't believe too. So, it's like lying won't get you anywhere, and not only that but there's a risk that you might be affected negatively by it.

>>744938419
>but you're really, really starting to wish she would

ok, she attempts to kill you poisoning but you don't die. Your nervous system is totally destroy, so you become a potato with consciousness.

>>744919412
I wish for an immediate subsequent wish that will be interpreted in the way I would be the most satisfied with if I saw and completely understood the outcome ahead of time. Then I would use that wish to make it so anything I try to do is successful and in a time frame of my choosing.

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>>744938638
Think you're responding to the wrong post...or just doing this wrong. This isn't a superpower thread where you add drawbacks or a shitty cost/requirement, you're supposed to negatively interpret the wish. It has to function the way it was written, but with a negative outcome.

Regarding transference of consciousness...since I would retain the power to keep doing it, and not necessarily have the power to transfer the memories of the person or thing I just transferred into, I would still be "me" as long as I could distinguish between the memories of "myself" and the "other." Which sounds pretty simple, especially if I possess animals or someone with a sensory impairment.

Have you never heard of body-stealing? That's literally what this is about.

>>744938890
Wish granted, you have another wish. unfortunatelly, you can't see and understand the outcome ahead of time, so you can't interpret it in a way you'd be most satisfied with.

You have another wish now.

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I want the ability (sadly) from a mango, called the "answer talker" it pretty much gives you then answer to any question you have. As long as its possible for it to have actually have an answer.

Quiet.
I'm talking absolute deprivation of experience, a world void of involuntary interaction. A metaphysical utopia with only a singular person to inhabit it. Me.
God to have an environment that is free from having to just "deal with it." That would be my wish.
Maybe it's a fancy way of wishing death, maybe it's a way of wishing to actually live the way I need to. Up to the witch I suppose.

>>744939074
>I wish for the power to completely and efficiently transfer my memories and consciousness from any body I inhabit into any other body at will

You only inhabit your body. You can transfer your memories and consciousness. Your consciousness means being conscious. Transfering it would render your body UNCONSCIOUS. Not hard to understand. Transfering memories means that you wouldn't remember even transfering them.

The wish was granted, you can transfer your consciousness and memories. Not drawbacks, it's exactly what you asked for.

To find her

>>744939512
>consciousness means being conscious
>consciousness does not refer to the mind's awareness of itself and the world
I think that just told me all I needed to know.

>>744939443
Well, in that post you are not wishing for anything, so... could you express it in a more straight-forward manner?

>>744939587
She's dead, terminally ill, horrifically fat, or fucking someone else by the time you do.

>>744939443
You lose all sensory perception, but your imagination only grows stronger. So while you are physically a vegetable, either rotting where you collapsed after your wish was granted or slowly wasting away on life support when someone found you, mentally you are the God of an internal world, absent of everything you don't want to experience.

>you're a happy little vegetable

>>744939755
>"Your consciousness"
>consciousness does not refer to the mind's awareness of the world
>Implying beign unconscious isn't the exact opposite of that statement

Your mistake was to assume "being conscious" meant "knowing you are a mind" or something along those lines.
Also, assumed your mind is not part of your body.