tell me about the time your mom caught you masturbating

>>744259494
Not my mom but my cousin. I even told her to watch me fap as i continued to fap, and i came but she was grossed out saying "ewww" but laughing at the same time. I loved her reactions, an innocent but curious girl watching me fap was amazing

I was humping a pillow, and she walked into my room with laundry. I forgot to lock the door.

>>744259748
How old was she and how old were you?!

>>744260053
math fetish virgin

Never been caught, did it for almost 10 years before moving out

I used to watch tv with her & let my hard-on stick out of my pajamas. She never took the bait.

>>744259494
Not masturbating but similar. When I was like 13 I was tired of using my hand to masturbate so I made a homemade fleshlight. When I was done with it I would clean it and put it under my bed for later. Well one day my mom decided to clean my room and found it. She asked me what it was and I just acted like I didn't know what it was. I'm pretty certain she knew exactly what it was used for though.

>>744259494
So, I've never actually been caught masturbating, but the closest that I've been to being caught I had a knock on my door right as I was about to cum, so I threw on some underwear and answered the door actively creaming myself.

>>744259494
She never did. But she caught me like 3 days ago watching an animation of Clementine (from TWD the game) being fucked by a dog.

>>744259494
>Never been caught, doing it for almost 25 years since 15

>>744260412
What'd ye make the fleshlight from?

She never caught me because I am not a retard and always locked the door or did it in the bathroom

Only once my dad walked in on me (I was in the living room) humping a sofa pillow while watching Shakira "my hips don't lie" video

I pretended to just be jumping in the couch and he either believed me or played retard

>>744260053
I was 16 (now 18) and she was 12 (now 14). I'm probably going to be hated in here for showing my dick to a girl that young but whatever. I've never had any sort of sex with her, it was a one time "watch me fap" thing and she seemed to enjoy it. She's become attached to me (i.e more hugs, and she'd jokingly grab my butt on a few occasions), but no penetration/oral sex. She still functions like any normal girl at her age.

>>744260946
>I am gonna get hated on for sexual stories with an underage girl
>on /b/
>/b/

Ok retard you just made clear you are a fucking newfag, now go to bed you got hs tomorrow

> be me
> be 16
> mum is a drinker and kicked my dad out
> im in the backyard smoking weed
> "anon, can i have a bowl?"
> weird as fuck but whatever
> we chill and head inside to make dinner.
> mum is in a nightgown with red panties.
> ahh yes the good shit.
> she is pretty drunk and high at this point.

More?

A true /b/tard only gets caught on purpose.

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>>744260891
A latex glove, two warm sponges, and a cup. Not the best but I was 13 at the time and it was better than my hand.

>>744261141
fuck yeah more

>>744261141
Nah

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I used to lie in bed and rub my little cock with this really fuzzy blanket until I came, watching music videos and stuff. Once I was watching Garbage's I Think I'm Paranoid and about to cum to Shirley Manson's crotch when my mom walked in. She was putting clean laundry into the drawers in my room. I stopped rubbing myself but my cock was fucking cumming the whole time she was in there. Pic very much related.

>>744261141
No

>>744261141
MOAR

>>744261141
no thnaks

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>>744260946
>I'm probably going to be hated in here for showing my dick to a girl that young
Stop confusing us with Ribbit you newfag, and stop fishing for compliments or apologies like this pussy shit.

btw nice

never caught by my mother. once when i was around 13 id faked being sick to get out of school and got caught by my dad. before he left for work he stuck his head in my room and saw me 'asleep'. I heard his car start, went straight for the PC in the loungeroom, kicked off my underwear and started going to town on my boy hood. Within a few minutes I was sprawled naked on the office chair with some porn on nice and loud.
My mistake was not checking he had actually driven away before I did any of this... turns out he had forgot his sunglasses.
I didnt hear either the front door open or my father enter the loungeroom.
My furious fapping was interupted by him saying with a chuckle 'Got your energy back I see..'
He walked into the kitchen, leaving me ro do the walk of shame to where I had ditched my pants. He walked back out, sunglasses in hand, said 'dont go having too much fun' and left for work.
It was one of the most cringe worthy moments of ny existance.

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>>be me 20 mom says going shopping it takes her forever too do so bigger tv in the living room. i get some good ole rape pr0n i've downloaded 1 hour goes by fapping away i hear the door open shut the tv off run too my bedroom. She asked me if i was watching snuff ....well the was weird i told her it was pain anal and leave out the rape stuff did not get hard for a month.

>>744261107
nothing was inaccurate about his statement though?

>>744261141
No, kys

>>744261807
Go to bed new fag, I don't even think you know where you are.

>>744259494
Me and my mom always watched movies together, especially horror movies. There was one movie that had a really fucking hot sex scene in it. So I started to quiety jack myself off under the blanket. She was on the other couch. As I kept going I went into the kitchen to blow a huge load into the garbage. She walked in and seen me busting. It was only when I looked behind and seen her when she said sorry and bolted out of there. I came back to the living room to finish the movie and we never brought it up since.

>>744259494
She giggled and jacked me off

>>744261913
What movie, anon?

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>>744261685
Holy fucking shit
I feel bad but at the same time it's fucking hilarious

>>744260902
>he either believed me or played retard
ur dads defo a retard

>>744261913
How the fuck did you not kill yourself?

>>744261794
Okay first off. How did she know about snuff and second off, was she still chill?

>>744261685
Your dad sounds cool as fuck tbh

>>744261294
Reminds me off the time I had to stand on my puddle of cum when my sister's boyfriend walked through.

>>744260556
Literally my gram was knocking on my door one time while I was cumming.

>>744260587
What happened next and do you have it downloaded for fellow /b/ros?

Man half my loads go straight into the waste basket

>>744262264
Did you answer it?

I love Barb's art.

>>744261141
yes moar

>>744262005
Wrong Turn 4
>>744262072
I was blushed to shit for the whole rest of the movie. I asked myself the same thing.
>>744262256
I was experimental, still am. I even fucked my sister's stuffed animals.

>>744262045
I look back on it now at 27 and laugh

>>744262385
After I was done, yeah

>>744262124
>about snuff
i'm not sure i did not ask i was more worried about covering my ass at the time my guess a friend told her about it. chill to a point i did not get yelled at she just said if it was fucked up shit i better not watch it cause some people start acting shit out. she hates pr0n so i was shocked she what snuff was as well.

>>744262489
You ever watch that movie now and jerk off thinking about that time?

>>744262489
You should've fucked her, you pussy.

>>744262572
Only a few times when I was younger. Sometimes I would put the movie in just for that scene.

>>744262599
I didn't know what to do

>>744261107
This.

>>744261294
I'm thinking about making a Shirley Manson fap thread actually. Would anyone here be interested?

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Not caught fapping, but in high school I was 17 dating a 14 y/o. Parent walked in on us somewhere between 2nd and 3rd base. (And no, never made a homerun with this gf.)

>>744259494
>jacking off to JLullaby's Jackie comic
>3rd page
>literally cumming into a tissue
>mom knocks on the door
>swings door open
>look at her
>downsize the page
>"yo i'm kind of in the middle of something here, maybe wait a second before you just barge in?"
>she closes the door

I pay room rent and i'm a 19 year old man why the fuck can't she respect my privacy.

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>>744261685
>My furious fapping was interupted by him saying with a chuckle 'Got your energy back I see..'
>He walked into the kitchen, leaving me ro do the walk of shame to where I had ditched my pants. He walked back out, sunglasses in hand, said 'dont go having too much fun' and left for work.

>>744259494
Ill give you a better one. Hoe about the time my dad caught me getting buttfucked by my bestfriend when i was 9

>>744263154
Learn2lock door,dumbass!

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>>744259494
>be me, 29
>work graveyard shift coz it pays better than regular - $1.30/hr
>tired, need some sleep
>gotta fap first
>too tired to go through with it
>fall asleep holding my throbbing cock in my hand
>hear someone come in the room
>too benumbed to move or react in any way
>not even a mumble
>i wake up few hours later in the same position holding my dick
>mfw i have my undies on
>mfw i remember clearly i stripped them down to my knees before i fell asleep
>go to the kitchen to grab some coffee
>afternoon, mom
>hello, anon, did you sleep well?

>>744263286
I don't have a lock on this door.

>>744263241
Wow. How did that affect home life the next several years ?

>>744263305
>29
>lives with parents

Saddest post in thread right here

>>744259494
My mom never caught me masturbating.
But I've caught her.

>>744263154
you're right but you shouldnt downsize or stop doing anything if she runts in next time

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>>744263241
does dad still talk to you?

>>744263322
Local Fred's sells them for about $8 or so.Five minutes to install with a screwdriver.

>>744263399
not parents, just mom
they're divorced

sure, living with my parents is the sad part, and not the fact that i make $1.30/hr

>>744263614
>i make $1.30/hr
what fucking country do you live in?

I assumed that was a typo and you meant to say $13 or some shit, that or you live in bangladesh or whatever

>>744263734
>>744263734
>>744263614

>>744263724
>>744263734
a 3rd world one, obviously

>>744263811
Then your money is probably fine for all I know huh Sadiq, but living with your mother is still sad as fuck

>>744263399
>>29
>>lives with parents
>Saddest post in thread right here

not really with the economy shitter more adults live at home than you would think. it some cases it's money in some it's a sick parent and you don't feel like throwing them in a old folks home too die. not everyone that lives with a parent is a loser a lot are but not all it's a case by case situation. as long as one has a job or some means of income ssi/ssdi and pays rent if asked or bills i would say not. theres one person that i know that lives at home and i would say he's a loser he's too lazy to get on ssi and is crazy then hell he just lives off his mom/dad ssdi and gets 5 dollars a month allowance and sells junk too buy smokes and booze.

>>744263860
>sadiq
not even a kebab
>slav
$1.30 isn't fine anywhere, you should have realized that by now
and no, you can't start a hotel business in slovakia for $0.50

i'd like to move out and start living on my own, but with that salary it just isn't affordable

there should be a new job opening soon that i can get in on as a linux sysadmin
it pays much better, about $4/hr
will be living like a god damn KANG if i get it

Hated my asshole of a step-father so I used to fap into his cans of sliced beetroot bc he was the only one to eat them.

I used to do it while standing at 'the head of the table' where he had to sit and cum into the can placed where he would eat.

I only did it once per can and never really stirred it, just flipped whichever piece I came on upside down soninknew his next slice would be pretty well loaded. Would watch him eat if I got the chance and tell him how bad beetroot tasted just to hear him how much he was living it.

One day mum and step-father were out for weekend shopping/lunch routine and my younger step-sisters were doing overnight stay at friends houses.

New can of beetroot, freshly opened. Time to fap. Never any chance of getting caught bc I could hear anyone coming up the back stairs even before they had to unlock the door. Furiously fapping my 15ish year old dick with lid bend back so I can be sure to get maximum amount into can.

Still to this day I can't believe I didn't hear her, but my mum hadn't gone out bc race day in my town so my step-father had jgone out to bet on some horse racing. I remember I was getting pretty close to cumming so was angling my dik down as best I could to shoot load into tin can of beetroot.

Mums room comes from a hallway into the lounge room which opens directly into the kitchen through an open living style kind of plan house.

She couldn't have been there for more than a second but a second long enough to see exactly what I was doing. She didn't scream. She didn't shout. She just stated in a semi-hushed but stern voice 'omg anon what the hell are you doing?'

That was the second I realized she was there and I quickly turned around. In my fury to hide my shame I knocked over the beetroot can. By the time I had gotten my pants up mum had left and I was left to clean beetroot from table and floor. Some was salvageable but I binned it all bc mum had seen what my intentions were.
cont...

I've been caught multiple times, but not with my dick in hand

I'll post a summary of each
>Friend is watching porn in corner of my room on laptop and my mom walks in and is pissed. I warned him my mom would come in. After that my mom was suspicious

>Jerking hard to Hannah Montana and have Miley's pictures pulled up on shit laptop. Bed is banging against the wall and my mom walks in. I pull my underwear up and close the laptop and she asks why I'm closing the laptop and what the banging was. Tell her idk and that it was nothing and she leaves

>Mom is cleaning my room and finds my friends sisters used panties in my drawer. End up sobbing because I was so embarrassed and had to tell her why I had them.

>few years ago I was jerking in the bathroom and my dad opens the door for no good reason to ask a question. I guess he caught a slight glimpse maybe not, but I answered the question and he left.

Now I live alone most of the time so more of that bs. I've also been caught jerking off in class by the girl I wanking it to but she did nothing. Also my moms found my porn history multiple times. What can I say I get caught doing everything under the sun.

>>744259494
Lol plebs getting caught

>>744264659
Cont...

I recall hearing step-father shouting at mum for 'throwing out beetroot bc looked old'. Never spoke about it with mum and didn't make eye contact for a good month but live my mum. She had my back. and took the fall for it.
Never thanked her but how do you get to thank her for something like that.

Thanks mum.

>>744264717
>Mom is cleaning my room and finds my friends sisters used panties in my drawer. End up sobbing because I was so embarrassed and had to tell her why I had them.

Should have told her you had a girl over and fucked. Would have been way less embarrassing.

>>744264939
Your step dad seems like a cunt

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oh god. . . so i never "officially" got caught, but when I was like 13 i'd let my dog sometimes lick my asshole because it felt good. I only did it when I was certain no one was in the house. Apparently my dad forgot something and came in the house, luckily the back door to my house was so loud so I heard someone coming in. I didnt have enough time to pull my pants up all the way. So there I am sitting awkwardly on the couch in the living room with my pants seemingly all the way up from the front, but behind almost my whole ass was exposed. He asked me what I was doing, obviously I said nothing and he went in his room to grab whatever he forgot and left. I almost had a heart attack.

>>744265061
Nah she knew I was a huge virgin haha. It sounds cringey but I never lie to my mom. She knows everything about me basically.

My sister caught me jerking off in my scout uniform to satisfy my fucked up fetish. She ran away screaming

>>744265103
Oh god I used to do the same fucking shit. You ever feel ashamed about it? I've done some weird fucking shit when I was horny.

>>744265079
Yeah I was just the baggage that came with my mum. Two real daughters he treated like family.

I remember him often yelling at me and hear him complaining to my mum 'why do you always take HIS side'. Have a great mum.

I think I'm going to call her tonight and tell her that I love her after this thread lol.

>>744265223
did she tell on you?

>>744265152
The truth doesn't matter in that situation. When you admit it, she knows you're a panty sniffing pervert (not judging).
But if you lie then at least she'll have some doubt in her mind.

>>744265316
True. It still haunts me that she knows that shit.

>>744265256
once you bust that nut thats when the regret comes in, cant tell you how many times i tell myself what the fuck was i thinking?

>>744260244
>Never been caught, did it for almost 10 years before moving out
same, and also smoking weed in the house, still haven't moved out. Been 7yrs fapping, 2yrs weed

>>744265434
Sometimes I wish I didn't have the ability to become horny because of some of the shit I've done.

>>744265448
I remember trying to hide the fact I was smoking weed in my room. I thought I was so sly by putting a towel by the door and cracking the window xD

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>>744260639
>25 years
>since 15

>>744265621
Yeah I figured that'd be shit, so now I put the towel at the door, turn the window AC on, close the balcony, sit under the AC and smoke nice

>>744265931
are you retarded anon?

>>744262522
you're not going to lose your virginity like this

>>744261141
sure i love a good fiction story before bed

>>744263154
Mabie move the fuck out and become an adult?

>>744261141
no

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when i was younger, about 12 to 15 i used to cum on my PC chair. did this for about 2 years, never cleaned an just wiped it off with a towel afterwards, stains remained however.
one day my mom decided to clean my room and asked me what i was doing with that chair. this was the most embarassing moment in my life and probably will be forever.

I was thinking of letting my sister catch me

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>>744265931
>people here are older than me
>4chan is neet
>better tell the world

>>744261913
are you white?

>>744266208
livestream it

>>744266189
i can imagine you fapping in the bathroom and saying "OH SHIT IM NOT GONNA MAKE IT!" while sprinting pants off towards your room to bust a nut on your designated cum chair

>>744261913
KEK

>be me
>grade 9
>brother finally moves out
>have own room, but no lock
>decide to fully nude fapp one night
>room is dark
>just laying on my bed naked
>younger 10y/o sister walks in suddenly
>oh_fuck_did_not_plan_for_this.jpb
>try to turbo get under blanket
>"are you naked?!"
>nope.avi
>"yes you are!"
>NOPE.AVI
>"Prove it"
>GETtheFUCKoutOFmyROOM
>After a long stalemate she finally leaves
>fapp

>>744259494
>living alone
>but my mom got a key
>she comes once a week to get my cloths for ironing
>fapping to chink porn
>didn't hear her coming in
>she caught me right in the act
>????????
>I was 35

True Story

>>744261685
your dad seems pretty chill

be me
8yrs old
school toilets
figured out how to wank about a month ago
bell for assembly rang
finna nut.jpg
some edgelords had decided to wag last time so teachers came and checked
hear teacher 1 come into toilet
door starts to open
fml
busted on his air max's.jpg

thats how i got suspended for the first time

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>>744261924

>>744265299
I don't know, i'm sure they knew anyway since I was washing my uniform all the time.

>>744262259
kys

>>744260587
links?

>>744262259
you're actually a normie if you never busted a nut in your garbage can before

>>744266289
>15

>>744266811
i just did ackshually

>>744266514

You let your mom do chores at your place at 35? Wtf. And people think millenials are fucked. Most fucked up thing in the thread.

>>744264717
Why tf do some of you autists masturbated in class?

I was 12, figured out masturbating a few weeks ago so did it everywhere (i shooted blanks so no worries there).
One day I thought I was alone at home, so let nut... sister (20yo) walks in and tells me "get the fuck out" so I did walk of shame and did not look at her face for a week... she was so calm, no reaction, never mentioned it. It was 15 years ago.

>>744267132
There was this potato counter at my high school nicknamed Poptart. He was caught several times fapping in empty classrooms. But he wasn't tard enough to be in the tard class, so he was always tarding it up in general population. Always good for a chuckle though.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFzfDCEo7WQ

>>744267132
I rubbed my cock through my pants on the school bus when I was a kid. I would be in the back where no one was around. I would lock eyes with the milf bus driver in the big rear view mirror she had above her and cum in my pants. Never got caught. I think she saw my eyes roll back once or twice though.

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>>744267258
She told everyone, and still talks about it behind your back.

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>>744266912
oh shit i am the retard
who the fuck waits until they're 15

have some fisting

>Be me in Limewire days
>Jerking off to bestiality
>horse fucking neighs and it echos in my living room
>mute and proceed
>hear a fan get louder as if the door of the room it was in opened
>minimize and fuck around on candystand
>"it's just my imagination"
>go back to the cock thrashing
>hear floor squeek but assume its my imagination and too close to stop now
>finish and minimize screen
>desktop background was black and see reflection of my moms head peeking around the hallway corner
>casually tuck my freshly emptied boner in my waistband
>shut down the computer and stand up in time to turn around and see her walking down the hallway
>lay down in bed and feel like a fucking spaz
>hear moaning all of a sudden
>"fuck I left the computer on and she found my porn"
>walk gingerly down the hallway
>Pass bathroom and realize its coming from in there
>peek in the keyhole and see my mom sitting on the toilet with the lid down spread eagle with her heels balancing on it
>pissed that I just used up my boner and I can't cum to this
>realize she got turned on by catching/watching me
>sneak back in my room and wait for her to go back to bed
>walk into the bathroom and sniff the lid that her pussy was resting on


One of my biggest regrets was not initiating something, I spent any nights watching porn with the volume up hoping for a repeat but it never happened again, I would hump her pillows while she was at work and rub my dick on the mouthpiece of her inhaler to suffice

>>744259494

I was about 16 at the time. I didnt actually get caught fapping, but i had fapped myself to sleep the night before and never put my underwear or shorts back on. Fell asleep bottomless. My mom came into my room to wake me and I woke up holding my raging morning wood straight up in the air. She said "OH MY GOD. I'm sorry. I should have knocked. I hope you're having fun. That looks like fun." and she ran out of my room closing the door behind her. Never brought it up again.

>>744266514
Where are you from? Here in Spain it could happen, mothers think they have to take care of their little boys forever, I bet you are Italian, greece or spanish. Anyway thats a shame.

>>744268646
Poortugal

>>744267048
She just irons my cloths because I just use them without ironing and that triggers her autism.

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>>744268966
you let her iron your clothes tho

>>744269109
Some people pay a gorillion credits a month for that, I just give her €20 a week for it.

>>744269334
Some people iron their clothes

>>744269334
Pay 20 more, may be she sucks dicks for that price.

>>744263412
So greentext

It has happened so many times, I have just stopped bothering now.

She never knocks, she's always walking fast like hell, ripping up the door like she's the FBI.

Most embarrasing time was when I was like 17 and I had my brother's GF's panties wrapped around my cock. I wouldnt call it a fetish, but I was just a horny virgin.

>>744267305
WHO IS THAT IN THE PIC?

>>744260902
most likely didn't care

"Stop thinking nasty about smokin hot latinas you little fucking psycho perv!"

Doesn't sound right does it?

>in bed watching family guy and just started because why not I was 13
>mom bursts in suddenly to tell me some stupid bullshit, I try to hide it but it's obvious what I was doing
>get ranted at by my parents about the devil and idle hands before they decide the best coarse of action is to ban me from watching family guy, because that's totally why I was doing it
>later went on to become a chronic masturbator because fuck you mom and dad

> be twelve
> discovering amazing new things my body can do
> family goes out to the mall, leave me alone at home for couple hours
> strip off and fap around the house
> go to parents room
> they have big mirror, I stand on their bed and mirin my pencil dick and first signs of hair and muscles
> fap fap fap fap oh fuck yeah baby
> turn around bend over, look through my legs to see if I can make out the hair on my asscrack
> without warning mum walks in with laundry
> 'zomg anon wtf I don't even!!!'
> I crash to the ground and she nopes the fuck out of there
> run to my room and stay there for the next three hours wanting to die
> later that arvo knock on the door, its dad
> father son talk time
> tells me can understand what I did and I must be feeling cringe
> doing that shit is OK but ffs keep it to your own bedroom son, don't be trashing our room
> now come out for dinner champ
> eat meatloaf, my favourite, say nothing and can't look my mum in the face
> 10 years later still die from embarrassment every time I remember this

>>744268283
she was turned on by your horse porn, not by you, fat fuck

>>744262317
>what happened next
Nothing. I earn more than she does, and she needs my money, otherwise the entire household collapses.

>do you have it downloaded
Nope, (probably new) mod felt like 3D loli is somehow bad and 404d all loli threads that night. I rip images from a thread after image limit, don't bother to manually create a folder and download shit every thread.

>>744264939

>>744264939

Well done anon, great story and means a lot more to me than you would think.

I've been banging this older bird for a while now, we have had some amazing fuck sessions.

anyway

> in middle of crazy fuck sesson
> I've already blown once and have been hammering her in every position since and giving her an absolute pounding
> getting close to the eruption of load 2
> tell her I'm about to blow again
> she jumps up and runs off towards kitchen
> comes back with an open can of beetroot and says "blow in this anon"
> I come buckets ion the beetroot can and she walks of with it to who knows where

Now I know why...

I'll tell your mum you said thanks anon

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>>744270700
>>744270700
>she was turned on by your horse porn, not by you, fat fuck

>> dubs don't lie

>>744263612
You have never installed a bolt lock in your life if you think it takes 5 minutes.

>>744265223

I read this
>My sister caught me jerking off in my scout uniform. To satisfy my fucked up fetish, she ran away screaming.

Not mom but my cousins wife hooked me up with her cousin when we were 15 and she got us drunk and we fucked in front of her while she gave us tips.

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Caught me looking at tits on YouTube and I panicked so hard I had a seizure

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>>744269519

Mom caught me blowing myself, she told dad about it. He tried to explain to me that girls are awesome and thought I'm gay

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>>744268618
>that looks like fun
Kek is she autistic was she just horny?

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>>744268618
>OH MY GOD. I'm sorry. I should have knocked. I hope you're having fun. That looks like fun.

>> should have been like it would be more fun if put you're mouth around it.

>>744266477
No /b/tards saying you should have continued fapping from the beginning?

>this place is dying

not masturbating, and it wasn't my mom, but this is my closest encounter of something like that
Was at my gfs house (who lived with her parents at the time) and after she gave me a hand job I cleaned up the cum with my sock. I just threw it on the floor and forgot about it. We came back to the house after getting lunch, and her mom comes into the room,
"Oh anon, I was picking up clothes for the wash and threw in your socks. Did you step in a puddle? They were pretty wet!"

me and the gf had a good laugh, even though it was painfully cringey in the moment

Not really my mom but my old brother (about 30 y/o)

>Be about 16 y/o me
>Just waking up in the morning on my room
>Dick is hard because that's how morning works
>Fuckit.jpg
>Starts masturbating, door is closed ofc
>About to cum while I hear someone opening the main door of my house
>There's no way they are going into my room, they probably think I'm sleeping
>Hear someone walking outside of my room, no way they are going inside, they are going to the bathroom probably
>Hurry the fuck up to cum just in case
>Cum is everywhere, especially in my hand
>I'm pretty much sitting in my bed with my legs covered right now because I want to clean myself
>They fucking open my door and get into my room
>"Okay, I'm gonna play it cool, it's probably just my mom, I'm going to say hi to her, she is gonna leave, no big deal"
>It's my fucking brother

Now, you see, when you haven't seen your brother for about 3 months you don't just say hi to him, you fucking handshake him, and as stated, my hand is covered in cum, and it's quite fucking warm

>Realises
>The horror
>Asperger me comes in
>I try to look like I'm sleeping, even though I'm fucking seating on my bed
>My brother comes closer, hand ready to be shakes
>Fuckno.png
>Asperger me isn't happy
>Lay down on my bed like I'm about to sleep again
>Puts hand on my hair quickly, trying to make it looks as if I were scratching my head
>Rubbing the cum out of my hand into my hair
>Acting as if I haven't seen my brother come in even though I was fucking seating there watching him
>"Hi Anon"
>"Oh... H-hi there brother, just waking uuupp"
>Stares at me with his hand still unshaked
>"Ohhh my head is so itchy, ohh sure, you want a handshake, no problem"
>I handshake him, my hand wasn't completely clean
>Avoiding eye contact
>He leaves
>I try to make it look as if I was going to keep sleeping

Im pretty sure he didn't caught me masturbating, but the delayed handshake was autistic gold, and I'm pretty fucking sure he connected the dots.

>>744267305

what a cunt of a mum?

what type of retard doesnt let their son play with his willy

>>744273157
I doubt he would have shook your hand if he had any fucking idea kek

>>744260587
That's so much worse

>>744273333
Yeah, while I was looking him before shaking his hand I was like "please, don't make me do this" but the bastard was pretty insistent with his hand. While I know he didn't had an idea at the moment, im sure that on the way out he probably realised what was happening with that weird, wetty handshake.

>>744259494
She never did

>be 12 or 13
>find a website called ariesdies.com
>good site for hentai and shit
>not an anime fan, but something about that hentai is just good shit
>decide to print a pic
>hit the print tab, but panic as soon as the printer starts making noise and shut it off.
>think I'm in the clear
>next morning, getting ready for school
>mom turns on computer
>printer turns on too
>resumes printing because I guess printers do that
>mom yells for me
>tell her i have no idea how that got there, i just printed game cheats, that's all
>no idea if she believed be or not.

a year or so later

>get issue of game informer magazine in the mail
>all about dead or alive extreme
>fuck, Kasumi is a babe
>get into a habit of masturbating by laying on my bed and tucking my dick between blankets to cum
>would cum on blankets, didn't give a fuck
>mom opens door while i'm full naked, basically fucking my bed
>sees magazine
>stay in my room. too embarassed
>dad comes home, asks for magazine
>even more embarrassed because what's he gonna do? look through it and just find pics of dead or alive girls? what the fuck
>at least i'm only like, 13, i guess that's excusable.
>never mentions it
>4 years later or so, they're cleaning out their room and i see the magazine in his dresser. no idea why he kept it, but it was a reminder of that.
>he didn't mention it, just through it away.

>i still fucking love hentai

>be me
>be 12
>jacking it to ke$ha music video on mtv
>noselfcontrol.jpeg
>so close to finishing
>mom walks in
>continue jacking for about 5 seconds until i cum
>shame hits immediately
>beta as fuck
>run and hug my mom with cum all over me
>"im so sorry!!"
>oh
>my peepee stands straight back up
>she looks at me in disgust
>leaves the room and goes to bed
>i jack it to my mom for hours
>she never mentions it

Kind of wish she did mention it

>>744263154
If you can afford to pay rent, you can afford to move out. Be an actual man.

>>744263614
why the fuck would you work for 1 dollar an hour lol?

>>744274509
he could be an American waiter

>>744267305
I'm surprised his mother kept her cool as long as she did, I'd have hit that little twat of a kid a lot harder.

>>744265448
Same but just 3 years fap and now 4th year weed

>>744265295
>I think I'm going to call her tonight and tell her that I love her after this thread lol.

good man.

>>744265931
> you
> being this retarded

yep. it's true.

>>744268261
that's not fisting anon. He just has a big dick

I was sitting by the computer once and looked at porn. I had headphones on so I didn't hear a thing outside my own little sexy world.
I also like to close my eyes because it's easier to imagine being with the girl.

When I open my eyes up there's sadwiches and a cup of O'boy (chocolate milk) in front of me.

>>744261141
Go on, you son of a bitch

Never caught my mom or dad but got caught at a party