>ITT post crimes you have committed

These dubs

Didn't call OP a faggot when he deserved it.

>>744222140
Groped a lady's tits, said it was an accident

Got yelled at but it was worth it

File: Guimbarde1.jpg (11KB, 400x325px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 400x325px

stole a Jew's harp

>>744222140
smoked weed everyday

>>744222140
I was born

>>744222140
Once lifted a pack of gum from a gas station 2 decades ago

Listing crimes I've been caught for:
>disturbing the peace for fighting in school
>felony 3rd degree assault for throwing a kid through a mirror on an escalade and then beating his head in so bad he had a concussion and was bleeding. He raped my sister so I went to his house and waited for him to get home.
>speeding ticket for going 27 over the limit while passing a nigger

Crimes I've done but was never charged for
>possession of marijuana
>DWI due to marijuana
>possession of a controlled substance (former opioid addict)
>street racing
>wreckless endagerment
>Assault with a deadly weapon 4th degree ( threatened a nigger with a knife but never stabbed him, so it goes as a 4th degree charge)
>distribution of a controlled substance (opioids)
>vandalism of a motor vehicle
>vandalism of other property
>running from the police

I'm a bad egg lel. Can't stop won't stop

File: 1471489653446.gif (417KB, 540x476px) Image search: [Google]

417KB, 540x476px

Ran a red light on accident once

>>744222140
Attempted assassination of Curtis Hanson

>>744223724
And then Chris Hansen.

>>744222140
watched 4chan 10 years ago

File: Carlton-thug-life.jpg (17KB, 288x353px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 288x353px

>>744222140
>be me Christmas time
>I was 6
>wanted the chocolate coins
>go to the stocking stuffer aisle at walmart
>grab a bag of those creamy chocolate coins
>cart is full of presents and groceries
>stuff it in my pocket
>forget about it
>take off my coat in my room
>chocolate coins fall out
>o shit
>panic
>can't tell parents because stealing is bad
>instead enjoy the coins
>guilty_pleasure.jpg

>>744222140
Had a DUI. Only crime I've been caught for (aside from some speeding tickets).

>>744223551
Nigga i got you beat

Committed crimes:
Molested a dude
Molested a chick
Sold weed
Sold coke
Pulled a knife on multiple niggas
Pulled a gun on a nigga
Beat the fuck out of multiple niggas
Multiple speeding tickets
Drove under the influence multiple times
Did coke shrooms weed lsd heroin crack
Smuggled and sold black market cigarettes
Multiple counts of theft

U a good kid man. U aint that bad.

>>744223892
the absolute madman

>>744224234
Fuck i forgot over 200 sessions with prostitutes women and trannies

>>744222140
>illegal hunting
>vandalism (broke some windows from my school)
>racism
>terrorism (i tried to set fire to an old church, chickened when the fire began to spread, called the fire department and ran)
>possibly made my cousin kill himself after telling some truths in his face, it was worth it tbh, he was a 30yo useless faggot

never got charged for anything

>>744222140
I talked to a friend about a baseball game I saw without the express written consent of Major League Baseball

>>744224234
your post sounds like a typical rap song.

made poops outside once

>>744222140
Crimes I've committed or crimes I've been charged with?

Committed
>Speeding
>Reckless driving
>Driving under the influence
>Attempted manslaughter with a vehicle
>Breaking and entering
>Possession of marijuana
>Drinking underage
>Illegal gambling
>Not reporting all income to the government
>Illegally hunting/fishing
>Theft under a 1,000

I'm sure there's more. Crimes I've been charged with?
>Use of a control substance
Oddly enough, I never once in my life consumed one of the pills I had in my car. Due to a poor choice of words I ended up with a felony charge. Thankfully it was reduced to a misdemeanor.

Missionary sex only

and only for the purposes of procreation

>socks on

I went out naked on the middle of a sidewalk and started jacking off. Don't remember how I got there, but all I remember is getting a misdemeanor and my brother laughing his ass off when he came down to the police station.

>>744222140
I totally used whole milk when I should've used skim milk in this bitches order of coffee last week.

>>744222140
ok
>be me
>2004
>all alone
>chewing gum
>throws wrapper
>arrested for 5 years
aren't I a badass?

Is incest a crime ?

>>744224234
>molested a chick

that's rapping a minor

>>744222140
Aiding and abetting Human Trafficking, jaywalking and High treason

I've sailed the salty seas of the web. I've pillaged and plundered torrent movies at the good old bay of pirates. Who am I? I'm c4pt4!n j4ck sp4rr0w m'lady.

Sold pirated software to kids while I was in middle school., all thanks to my dad's CD burner and a stack of CD-R's. I think I made about $500 in profit.

File: 1382880949547.jpg (77KB, 640x772px) Image search: [Google]

77KB, 640x772px

>>744222140
I robbed a KFC once.

I once went 2 miles per hour over the speed limit.

Theft, wire fraud, all kinds of drugs, illegal weapons but not guns, assault, perjury, and attempted murder but I did time for that

File: 1500619147215.jpg (102KB, 600x906px) Image search: [Google]

102KB, 600x906px

Maximo autismo here, shot about 20 pigeons with an air gun from my balcony in a residential area. With 3 schools and a playground less than a half mile off.

>I shot a donkey

>>744222140
some asshole kid threatened me with a knife in a grocery store, so i took the knife. a few days later we found him shitting around a park so i took his shoes and threw them away in a breakfast joint

File: 1488763044628.gif (148KB, 425x417px) Image search: [Google]

148KB, 425x417px

>>744222140
I smoke weed and pirate shit. Hardcore shit, right?

>Got mayonnaise AND mustard on a Whataburger.

>>744222140
I used excessive force in self defense. Basically killed a guy for giving me a cut on my lower lip I could've gotten while shaving.

>>744222140
Cought: tresspassing
Not cought: stole lots of stuff from convenient stores, possession of all kinds of substances, use of all kinds of substances, distribution, underage drinking, choked someone out in a (more like strangled)

>>744227102
I've never paid for any digital product my entire life. I pirate all my games, movies, etc.

I have never been formally charged with or even been caught committing a crime. However, some crimes I have committed are:

>Indecent exposure (went streaking in a parking lot, major streets, and around my university's math and hospitality business buildings)
>driving without a license or permit
>speeding
>underage drinking
>pirating music
>pirating movies
>jaywalking
>trespassing on county land
>trespassing on private property
>smuggling
>possession of pizza (deleted it the next day, still disgusted with myself)
>illegal u-turn
>littering
>illegal use of the carpool lane

>>744225245
That's why you do it at 2:17 in the morning when no one is driving around. I dropped trow in the middle of an intersection and didn't get caught that way.

>>744225730
>High treason
Wha...?

>>744227699
Oh yeah, and illegal trash burning.

>>744222184
This reply was a crime in itself.

>>744222140
Used to go ding dong ditching.

>>744227378
That's not criminal. That's delicious.

>>744225616
In some states.

>>744222140
I jay walked yesterday to catch the bus. I would've missed it waiting on the crosswalk sign to let me cross

>>744227699
tried to assist destabilizing my government years ago in favor of a more pro-west/america one had to run away when they found out but they got toppled for pro western one eventually. New government cleared all the charges of those involved

>>744227865
kek

File: 1498959459754.jpg (18KB, 300x250px) Image search: [Google]

18KB, 300x250px

Entered a porn site, when i was a minor.

>>744224480
>terrorism
>set fire to a church
Pretty sure that's just felony arson, anon. No Gitmo for you.

>>744222140
Drinken and driven multiple times as well as possessing alcohol at a young age

>graffiti
>buying, and possessing marijuana
>underage drinking
>lit a fucking chair on fire

I've never stolen from a store in my life, but I've considered stealing lighters and what not.

>>744228105
Are you from Rwanda or something?

>>744222140
Haven't been caught for anything -yet-

>Imported illegal goods into my country
>forged a dozen or so documents to avoid certain tax situations
>lied about various things to multiple federal agents
>counterfeit certain items (wont go into details as to what they are) and sold to various people as the real thing
>stole from 2 chain stores that I worked at, only stole merchandise but atleast $30,000 worth over a period of 2 years

Last ones are kind of beta and hardly a real crime

>hit an exgirlfriend
>drank and drive countless times
>drove without insurance for a year or so
>made death threats over the phone to someone in highschool (cops involved but no charges pressed - so guess I kinda got caught)

>>744225616
Not on here. Please share.

>>744228026
Agree 100%. Texas fags really look down on it though. It's my guilty pleasure.

File: v4-728px-Be-a-Tough-Guy-Step-1-Version-2.jpg (65KB, 728x546px) Image search: [Google]

65KB, 728x546px

I've jaywalked before

>>744223551
Shouldve stabbed that nigger
Then there wouldve been nobody to rat you out

>>744227699
Oh yeah and I almost forgot
>possession and detonation of illegal fireworks
>legit made a bomb once
4'th of July is my favorite holiday.

>>744226380
>attempted murder

Story?

>>744228477
>counterfeit various items
You sold oregano to middle schoolers, didn't you.

I downloaded music from limewire, does that count?

i bought a mac

>>744228950
Yes, copyright law is still law.

>>744228897
Nothing to do with drugs
Faked material items
I did it for a year while I had neet status
Got really good at it and still do it to some extent

I turned $1.50 into $475 successfully last month

>>744222140
I've downloaded some videogames and movies and TV shows. I've run red lights a couple times. I murdered my mom's boyfriend and they called it a suicide.

>>744229030
How;s Scheveningen prison treating you?

Might as well
>be 22 at the time
>biloxi
>hispanic
>tough times due to dropping out of college to help out sick mom
>dad died 3 years prior left us in heavy debt.
>min wage job and mom is bedridden
>blacksheep all throughout highschool
>good grades just hung out with shit crowd(racist bunch)
>dont have a problem with blacks juat niggers
>get in touch with them
>ayo boy we can help
>basically sell cheap crack to rednecks or start robbing
>decide to start robbing
>first time i ever did anything like that
>they set up a date and where to meet. During the whole meeting im wtfing
>only weapon i have is my dads old .22
>bring 22 get yelled at for being a noob
>get handed glock (feel like a nigger)
>hit up some mom and pop chicken stop
>whole thing lasts about 8 mins
>point my gun at several people. Never finger on trigger
>get away and innna woods
> split up about 800 dollars between three people.
>i get about 175 because im new
>fuck this
>me and moms move to Jacksonville Florida with parents
>work at tourist hotel now making adequate cash
>made local news
>never got caught

>>744229206
I take it your mom's boyfriend had dirt on Hillary Clinton then? If so, you're doing God's work, Anon.

>>744222140
>buying/using drugs
>underage drinking
>speeding
>driving with passengers before being 18
That's about it desufampai

File: 1477457673367.png (25KB, 300x196px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 300x196px

>>744222140
Jaywalking for days.

>Speeding
>Illegal downloading
>Possession and taking of dugs
>Dealing dugs
>Driving under dugs
>Shop lifting
>Driving without cover + tax
>Drink driving

Basically everything that involves dugs and driving, only ever been charged speeding though.

Also been tailed by police driving with and on shit that would have you in prison fairly quickly.
>know your streets nigga

>>744229372
No he was just a horrible person, beat my mom and molested my sister. He abused drugs so it was easy to make him overdose.

>>744223551
>wreckless
Oh no. It's retarded.

File: 1200px-Oww_Papercut_14365 (3).jpg (86KB, 1200x751px) Image search: [Google]

86KB, 1200x751px

>>744223551
>>744224234
Man that ain't shit I got you both beat.
I did this once

Disposing of a body
Felony arson
Vehicular assault
Dui

>>744229677
Did you hit a dog anon?

File: Hommes.jpg (27KB, 592x497px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 592x497px

>>744224480
>he was a useless faggot
Coming from the pussy who started a fire and called the cops on himself. Faggot

Assault on a police officer November 2015 and again in January 2016 but x2

>trespass abandoned building 9000x
>ran a few red lights
>street racing
>use fireworks in a ban state
>dude weed bro
>streaking/public nudity
>running from police when I was 15
>walking along train tracks
>petty theft
>plagiarism
>pirating
>underage drinking
>identity theft

>>744229677
>Dui
you irresponsible piece of shit

File: 1501634713929.jpg (67KB, 640x435px) Image search: [Google]

67KB, 640x435px

You'all fucked!!

>>744229610
The fuck is wrong with you

>>744229748
No, got drunk and smashed into a bunch of cars.

>>744230040
I meant the disposing of a body

>possession/use of weed
>possession/use of shrooms
>possession/use amphetamine
>trespassing
>pirating games
>running from the cops

that's about it tbh

>>744222140
Nice try FBI

>>744230181
No, helping out a friend who got into some shit.

>>744229610
please FBI do something!!!

>>744222140
One time I intentionally the jug of chocolate milk...

>>744224480
>racism
kek

File: hqdefault (1).jpg (10KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 480x360px

>>744230688
you mean like this?

>>744222140
I once put Ketchup on my well done steak.

>>744222140
In 1992-93 I made 2C-B, TMA-2, Mescaline, Amphetamine Sulfate, and the Propylamine analog of PCP. Could have made MDMA but couldn't get the precursor aldehyde.

>>744230940
That's the one

>>744222140
yeah no one crime I did is a felony charge so fuck off no one was hurt or ever knew but still

>>744228825
Upstairs neighbor playing loud music at four in the morning. I go up ring the doorbell, knock, etc. Asshole doesn't answer. Finally when I kick the door good and hard, he charges out and hit me in the face. I pull a switchblade knife and stab him in the throat.

>>744230972
you make me sick

If any of you are familiar with Glasgow, or indeed, Scotland...you may also be familiar with "neds" or "chavs".

One in particular where I'm from was fairly proficient at terrorising the neighbourhood, me and my friends. One day we covered our faces and went to find him on his own and beat the shit out of him.

After my friends ran off I stayed behind and was halfway through cutting a glasgow smile into his face before a bystander interrupted and I legged it too.

Never caught for it. Still see him around...an anxious shell of the cunt he used to be.

>>744223058
Hot darn, we got a straight savage here

>>744231047
I'll summarize but no details basically gun free zone signs don't magically make the gun disappear I know right mind fucking blown

>>744230972
>>744231120
I don't get it. What's wrong with putting ketchup on a piece of properly prepared meat? Do you eat yours raw without anything, like a savage animal?

File: IMG_0583.jpg (619KB, 1600x1063px) Image search: [Google]

619KB, 1600x1063px

Participated in the San Fernando massacre of 2011. Google it Buddy of mine asked me if I wanted to help some guys patrol the outskirts of the city for some stupid bs. Didn't want rivals coming in or whatever, didn't find out they were Zetas until a day later.
>ayy im a member of los Zetas

>pay was 1,000 a week
>19 yrs old good money
>went into a warehouse full of shitty equipment
>get dirty ass vest but a clean AK
>get into a brand new Silverado but it was fucked up. Broken windows, broken lights and reflectors taken off.
>that way they don't see is in the night due to reflection
>fast forward 3 weeks
>stop buses in the entrance of San Fernando
>search peoples phones
>bags and looking at girls titties
>commander guy gets out of control
>claims that they all are "contras"
>rivals
>whatever this guys high af
>take the bus to a nearby camp
>starts shooting younger ones
>gives an order telling us to grab anyone over 15 and under 20
>bunch of little fags
>give them hammers put them in pairs and make them fight
>survivors get to join los Zetas
>commander kilo tells people to lay down in a line
>wat why
>tells me to get the bus driver and tell him to run over everyone laying down in a line with the bus
>didn't want to but insubordination will get your ass beat
>better them than me
>ask to leave because I didn't want to see people getting crushed by a 6 ton bus
>some guy won't shut up saying he saw my face
>keeps cursing
>decide to shoot him in the stomach
>left
>whole time I was driving I couldn't believe what I did but it felt fun
>come back around 2 am
>excavator digging holes
>4 more buses
>hundreds of bodies
>had to help buddies throw the bodies into the holes
>finished around 8 am
>got a call out for marines patrolling the area
>hauled ass out of there
>never came back to San Fernando
>went back to McAllen Texas and stayed there
>2 weeks later they find the bodies
>count of 156
>bullshit
>government covered it up
>there were above 400 bodies

I'm 18 and you gotta be 21 to buy ammo from the internet but they don't check your age got 180 2.23 BTHP's coming in the mail for deer season

>>744231260
You sir are a hero, I hate those chav scum pricks so much. There's a few that have just moved onto my estate and demanded a cig off me this morning, I've been plotting my response since. Only problem is, none of my friends will do something like you did with me and I'm outnumbered.

>>744231488
fair enough. only the idea makes me sick

>>744231661
Call bullshit.

File: kk4.jpg (63KB, 557x973px) Image search: [Google]

63KB, 557x973px

>>744222140
Scammed porn websites, used random bank account numbers and routing numbers and signed up using my referral link walked away with over $2,000 before the websites caught on.
However the method still works any porn website like bangbro's ect they take an online check you can find routing numbers online account numbers are easy to figure out sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't I've tossed accounts to porn sites in the past but no I'm not gonna do it because you tell me to.

I used to be a webmaster with adultplayersclub and dogfartnetworks I first started out scamming silvercash I've pretty much given up making money from them anymore they caught on I guess.

Possession
Possession with intent
Assault
Criminal damage
Theft
Driving without a license
Drug trafficking
Possession with intent to endanger life
Disturbing the peace

Weak shit compared to a lot of you.

File: 650-430.jpg (33KB, 650x430px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 650x430px

>be me
>mofokking paki styles lives next door
>fuckyouimmigrantturd.jpg
>take screw driver
>run down steps
>break into janitors closet
>grabbed some sharp objects and foreign tools
>this is for everytime you took my orange juice and stole my seat in the lunch room
>mofokker steals my chocolate milk
>i became eminem

>>744222140
I only do sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of recreation.

>>744231768
Man. I feel for you.
Tie a note to a brick and toss it through the worst one's window...something like "your family will be first". They're weak on their own and nothing isolates you more than not knowing who the threat is.

File: oshit.jpg (4KB, 200x200px) Image search: [Google]

4KB, 200x200px

>>744222140
>driving my honda civic
>had my bros in the car
>doing donuts in snowy conditions on a golf course
>oshit.jpg
>rent cop golf course maintenance guy comes
>dip out on backroad of country club community
>80 miles per hour
>maitenence man behind me full speed
>my bros screaming
>whip that bitch in 3rd gear and bust tail out
>leaving community and see cop
>dip out like slithery snake in slippy ice
>feels good

>>744232291
>civic
>donuts
gud 1

>>744232225
I could try that, but I really want to physically hurt the fuckers - but without having my identity revealed. Maybe take pot shots at them with an air rifle?

>>744232457
Yeah, that's always fun. Bust out the ghillie suit and don't do it from your window ;)

>>744232225
I wish chavs were my biggest issue. Down here it's nothing but niggers. You have to be extra ruthless because they see a white guy and assume he's a weak target. That's why I never leave the house without a weapon, they bleed like the rest of us.

Smoked weed at a school fieldtrip to a nice fair. Also might've technically committed hate crime. The hate crime wouldn't go through since this is texas and the guy was a tranny.

>>744232457
You're in Glasgow, just buy a gun and shoot the cunts

>>744228574
RKO!!!

i went to jail for 4 1/2 years for drug possession. i was supposed to serve 6. i was 20 at the time im 33 now

>>744232734
They'd sling us in jail for simple possession of a blade outside here unless you have "cause" and guns are hard to come by. It's almost not worth it unless you're going out at night with a target in mind. Otherwise staying protected is likely to land you in jail.

File: 220px-Crosswalk_New_York_City_0001.jpg (11KB, 220x165px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 220x165px

Didn't walk on the cross walk.

>>744222140
I stole OP's heart

File: IMG_1871.jpg (19KB, 236x236px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 236x236px

Raped my ex once while we were dating. She didn't report it cause she ended up liking it. Became our thing. She's the only person I can legitimately Rape and NOT get reported for it because she likes it.

>>744232887
I'm in Salford, and jail isn't for me. If I could get away with it I would consider it.

>>744224152
Pigs love racking up DUIs. Had 4 beers over a 2 hour period. Cop still got me .08, was perfectly fine.

Broke a shop window and raided the place when I was 12, kicked in the door of an abandoned warehouse, same year, and broke all the fluorescent lights inside, done many illegal drugs (name it, I might have tried it) and regularly drive fucked up as shit. I think that's all, or at least all the ones I care to remember. Oh, only got caught for one thing, shoplifting at walmart. And I wasn't even carrying any goods, just got nabbed for being the getaway driver and being piss poor at it.

Most of this involves alcohol:
-many drugs
-trespassing (mostly abandoned buildings + construction sites)
-destruction of property (all kinds of shit, mostly in places stated above)
-arson
-graffiti
-fireworks in the city
-blowjob from an escort

High school was an interesting time. No regrets, except for the things I did that people had to clean up.

>>744232734
Chavs are basically British white niggers, but they bottle/stab you instead and very recently throwing acid at people.

Went to a wedding yesterday, could only find my brown leather belt and my black leather shoes.

I had no choice, I'm sorry!

File: 1482337393988.jpg (39KB, 460x472px) Image search: [Google]

39KB, 460x472px

>>744233073
>Ended up liking it
>Rape

>>744233324
The world is a strange place

>>744230512
Greentext?

>>744227699
what movies and music did you pirate

>>744231004
We would definitely get along haha

Few years ago, I forgot to rewind my VHS tape before returning it to blockbuster

There's a long stretch of country road in my neighborhood which no one is on at late times in the night.

So, I got a hundred mph down the road while screaming lyrics from Initial D.

I'm a faggot I know.

I smoked and bought pot a couple times.
Drank a lot of alcohol while underage
I stole a PSP from some dick in highschool. Never got caught and I still play the shit out of that PSP.

>>744222140
You impersonated a federal agent?