Just share your secrets, this is a safe place.

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>>744194083
I voted for Gary Johnson

>>744194083
Only dead men keep secrets.

>>744194083
I once killed a man and I buried him in a forest

I put a finger in my ass while masturbating and i liked it
Then i bought a dildo

I'm not gay tho

I have a 12 year old son with my aunt from a night I screwed her when she passed out drunk

I once opened up a full jar of mayonnaise and coughed into it, stuck my pinky finger deep into my earhole to get thick, orange wax to scoop a hole out of the center of the jar with where i then laid a fart into the indent of mayo where the scent was hopefully captured upon sealing it shut once again. Never returned after that day.

>>744194083
I am going to expose Pizzagate in my next album. R...

>>744194083
one time in elementary school i peed on the playground

>>744194791
That's pretty gay.

One time, when I was little, I had a wart on my foot, but I didn't know what it was and I ended up biting it off as other ways of removing it didn't work.

I think my dick is on a porn site because some person took a pic on omegle and told me?

im insecure

I have a spy cam set up in my moms bathroom, she never showers when its recording though

>>744194083
>be me 13y old
>fuck my Cousin in the Ass
>she was same age
>she say it feels god
>nice shit
>never speak about it

>>744194891
Dame Boy

>>744194083
I use to sneak into the women's changing rooms and steal all their panties when I was 10

>>744195942
He looks just like me too which I find hilarious

My cousin and I sneak off during family get together to have sex. We have been doing it for 12 years without anyone knowing.

>>744194083
>Be me
>Always liked Kermit's voice in a weird way
>I learned to make a perfect Kermit voice
>Recorded myself saying stuff like "i want to suck your dick cheese" in the Kermit voice
>Jerked off while listening to it

>>744196875
Vocaroo...? Please?

>>744194083
When me and my sister were like 8 maybe 10 we used to explore the internet while our parent's were out shopping or something. Soon enough we discovered porn, and decided to try the stuff we saw. We touched each other, i tried to insert my floppy 1 incher into her, and way more, it was weird as hell. We are both adult's now and we never spoke of it. But i know she remembers... damn i want to fuck her bad...

>>744197133
not on my main PC currently, but if you want i could start a vocaroo thread tomorrow.

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>>744194083
/b/, I just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
/b/, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
/b/, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters
Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time
Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
/b/, ooh, I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

I have a skeleton inside my body.

>>744197273
Do it!
If you're as good as you claim, it'll be golden

>>744197306
fuck dude TMI

I'm secretly not a robot.

>>744197347
i'm a bit rusty, but i'll do it.

I was addicted to benzos for 6 years and no one knew, including my fiance and family. I'm now 8 months clean and have no one to share my victory with. I still crave them every day.

>>744197290
Freddy Kekcury

>>744197544
>I was addicted to dubs for 6 years and no one knew, including my fiance and family. I'm now 8 months clean and have no one to share my victory with. I still crave them every day.

i hate my girlfriend and her family, i think about beating her and stabbing her to death regularly
i hate my family
i live my life to serve
i beg for death

>>744197757

dont be such a pussy and leave her.
leave your family and live for your own

>>744197757
Leave her lol

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>>744196875

>>744197290
underrated

i jizz in female work colleague sandwiches n watch them eat it later.

>>744197750
Dubs are ruining my life

>>744197544
Good job man Benzos are probably the hardest ones to quit along with Alcohol. Are you still fucked up from them ? I know people say it could take years to feel right again

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I've cheated every gf I've ever had and will do it again. Don't know why I do it, don't have low self esteem or anxiety or anything, but I wont stop.

I have a whole system. Always on other town, no friends in common, no real name and a fake phone number. I'm no on social media, no one will ever find out. Pic related is my gf

I'm addicted to dubs

>me be 12 years old
>go to department store with mom
>see girl in my class i crush on
>follow her around playing "spy"
>she goes into changing room
>I hide in a one of the circle racks of clothes
>so I can see into the girls fitting room
>she her take off pants under door
>watch for little while
>mom brings her more clothes
>mom opens door see crush in panties and bra
>feel hidden in circle rack of clothes
>start jacking my dick through leg of shorts
>suddenly mall cop spreads open clothes
>grabs me by arm and drags me to a little room
>give my name, he calls my mom on intercom
>tells my mom what I was doing.
>camera saw it all
>in car ride home tell my mom they lied
>I was playing hide and go seek
>she asks me with who
>I tell her myself
>she says you got that right
>you played with yourself
>have a laugh
>next day school calls me into office
>mall cops told crushs mom what happened
>everyone finds out
>Everyone calls me Jerking Cock Penny
>Walmart Wacker, Target Tugger etc
>Sex ed teacher has to come and give talk
>whole class stares at me whole time
>people bring up still to this day

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My gf of 5 years cheated on me with my best friend months after I proposed to her, I told her I'm not mad but I absolutely hate her now and I don't want to talk or hang out with her. I'm just going to look for some fucking on tinder and such, I'm not a man of compromise anymore.

Fuck marriage and fuck women.

pic btw, she is 23.

>>744199305
>Target Tugger
That's a good one.

do you still jerk off to her?

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I secretly love andy sixx. I dream about him facesitting me and pooping on my face

>>744199374

got more pics of the slut?

i'm a forty three year old dude and i wear women's clothes while browsing /b/

>>744195175
you monster

>>744199600
who doesn't?

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>>744199675

>>744199526
Dunno if that was for me but no dressing room chick ended up getting chubby and hung out with the losers in high school. I was actually one of the cool kids and she bragged about what happened alot. I crushed on her because she one of first girls with tits in the grade.

>>744198709
why this fake shit?

just be honest....

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I'm engaged to my gf of 4 years but I'm secretly in the closet and want to transition.

My GF is depressed and has a very low self esteem, and I'm fantasizing about making her my sex slave, but I don't know how.

I took her virginity and she's never masturbated or watched porn for "research".

>>744199806

got more? keep 'em coming! As for marriage, nah, i'm not into it after a failed one, my current gf is just for fucking as well.. that's my secret i guess

>>744199998
Omg so close
>>744199999

>>744199998
One off are you fucking shitting me

>>744197306
Free him

>>744198227
Unfortunately yes.

I did it.

>>744200381
It was me

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>>744198709
Was about to write more or less exactly the same thing..

I simply don't see anything wrong with it when I do it, and I weirdly enough never felt regret for it.

I almost murdered my sister when I was 4, fun times

>>744200252
>him
Are you assuming it's gender?

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I like big tits shhhhhhhh

I secretly hate society and living in this shitty fucking world and I'm mad at god for making my life so terrible but I feel people are blind to reality and nobody truly understands me.

>>744195971
greentext?

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>>744199702

I shared my gf's pics online and someone recognised her and they spread like wildfire and EVERYONE she knew seen them including her family. She was crushed, because she has a unique name they are found with ease and continue to pop up.
She broke up with me
This was years ago now and they still pop up to this day. I never got any closure with the girl i loved because of a mindless fap.

She has since taken many dicks and seems happy while I have festered in isolation

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>>744200437
DIO?

>>744202137
y tho?

>>744203241
name of your ex gf?

>>744203353
lol

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>>744202137
>wtf? watches at $ 0?

http://wow.taltiko.com

i lie on the internet.

im also a girl.

I've been an escort a few times, stopped after my pride kicked in.

>>744203762
Are you lying now?

>>744194083

I'm 49 and I taste my nosepicks since I was 6.

>Be 18-19 first year out of college
>Get invited to Highschool friends party.
>It's at a farm, a bit away.
>People will be staying the night in tents n shit because they got a big field
>No car yet, so I gotta bike over, nbd because I planned on getting duking frunk
>bike my ass over, they have a keg, thisisfine.jpg
>get a msg from other friends, they wanna come over to my place after their party and get stoned and play wii brawl.
>say yes
>start mingling with other ppls
>chat up some girl I kinda talked with.
>conversation going well
>keep partying with her until about midnight
>she ask me if I have anywhere to stay because there's space in her tent
>tell her I have other plans and need to go
>bike my ass home, fall over my handle bars and rek my glasses and face
>get home at like 1:00am
>nap for an hour
>wake up at 2:30 to my friends at the door
>proceed to get high and keep drinking playing wii brawl
>wake up and realize that I finally could have lost my virginity
>25 now
>still kissless virgin

at least I got to play vyda with my friends at 2AM. Im so cool.

>>744199305
Your own fault pulling something off like that.

>>744199994
Don't do it Anon, don't delude yourself that cutting your dick off will make you more of a woman. You're straight up mutilating yourself

>>744203886
no

>>744204972
He didn't pull it off

tried to film my flat colleague in the shower.. fucked up my cam and was clearly visible. had so much luck, she didn't noticed. have no vids, never do this again

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I have a thing for this one chick and she doesn't know

>>744199994
kek, faggot

>>744195309
Puts a whole new spin on oral surgery.

>>744205195
I honestly would love a vagina but the surgeries I've seen are horrible, is wait till it advances and looks good.
>>744206419
Yes, I am I think I'm bi because I am attracted to girls but I'd like some good dick

I love her.

>>be me
Be 13
Be horny guy, jerking it all the time
Play druid on wow
Cat form brings ideas of bestiality
Obviously dont go to zoo and try to fuck panther
Go on bike ride to friends house
Friend not home but dalmation dog is
Call dog and bike into orchard
All alone and heart pounding out of my chest
Get on my knees and jerk dog a little
Instsntly starts humping my hand
Pull down shorts and bend over onto hands
On all fours
Dog mounts
Feel tip hitting boxers
Pull to side
Dog fucks my 13 yo butt
Jerk and cum hard during
Feel guilt
Leave
Im not gay though

>i lost my will to live
>the only time i feel alive is when i'm high on weed
>i wish i was never born
>i lost my virginity to a hooker when i was 16
>i like traps
>if i could clone myself i would fuck myself
>i wake up wishin' i was a corpse

I'm cheating. He deserves it.

>>744209190
mom?

>>744209190
Why does he deserve it

>>744209515
he called me ugly in a fight

so i found someone that doesn't think i'm ugly

>be me
>be 13
>let friend fuck my ass
>enjoyed it
>not gay

I want to wear a slutty dress around my dad and have him bend me over and fuck my pussy til he cums inside me.

>be me
>13, short, chubbo XL
>in line for some waterslide at disneyworld
>older qt teens behind me
>line is pretty compact
>slip a little bit on wet micky mouse floor plank
>catch myself but feel a boob smush against the back of my head
instantmegaboner.exe
>turn around and try to think of something normie to say
>"oh gee uhh I didn't mean my head to do bad, uh-"
>face bright red, sharting spaghetti
>she smiles and says its okay, her older sister laughs

>my head got the titty, but my hand wants to feel for real
>13 year old mind decides to cook up a devious plan to feel that boob

cont?

>>744194083
> wear butt plugs and cock cages around clock
> cross dress at home (not erotically)
> get off on play piercing
> will vote AfD
> submissive, probably gay
> /a/-tier buyfag

Yeah … well adjusted individual here. Fuck.

>>744194195
>>744203898
>Gary Johnson
kys

>>744197544
actually impressive, anon
also, nice dubs to celebrate with

>>744194083
I lurk shota threads.

>>744196875
Kek

>>744194669
I don't even doubt this

>>744197757

Kill them you fucking pussy but put the video or pics on b so something interesting will have happened around here for once.

>>744194891
How do you know its your ?

>>744195467
My dick is on youtube and vimeo, didn't get flagged since it has like 100 views

im gay. total faggot. i bought a bunch of dildos using adam and eve and whenever i masturbate i vigorously thrust myself down on them so they can fill my tight asshole.

>>744209852
Bait
Or you're like 15

>>744211802
Why are you even fucking asking just continue. I hope people stop asking in the near future

>>744211802
>the urge to feel that titty is driving me crazy
>its fucking disney world so the line is taking forever
>have all the time in the world to think up of something good
>go full retard mode though
>just keep thinking about how hot that tit on the back of my head was
>I could even feel that sweet underage nipple as it happened
>all of a sudden the line starts picking up real quick
>palms are sweaty as fuck
>have no stronger desire in the world than to touch this girl's boob for real
>think about how disappointed in myself I'd be if I went back to my family without having grabbed that tiddy
>but fucking shit, the line keeps going faster
>we're almost at the fucking top of the slide now
>keep staring at this hairy fat guy's back in front, almost have a tear in my eye
>keep thinking about all the times in school I was too chicken to talk to girls or ask them out
>I try to imagine what Naruto would do

engageautismmode.ppt

>The past school year I spen almost every waking moment watching naruto
>to the point where I learned 20 or so different hand justsu movements
>decide that I need to summon the inner strength of Jiraiya (he was my favorite)
>thought he was bad ass cause he pulled chicks or whatever
>in my head I summon a minifrog (not gamabunta, just a cousin)
>he tells me to do it
>I ask if he's sure
>he nods

Here we go anons

>I activate my rasengan, or at least I pretend to to do the hand movements
>hear the qt's giggling
>at this point a squat down and assume proper form
>I grunt a little bit, to focus my chi
>fat guy turns his head
>"channel the chakra..." I whisper
>the giggles turn into concerned gasps
>I can't keep this a secret any longer
>"Keep it going!" I say little bit louder
>this is it, there's no going back

cont.

I've subscribed to Jake Paul recently.

>>744213403
Prick

I fapped to myself in a mirror

>>744204809
>at least I got to play vyda with my friends at 2AM
Bros b4 hoes, man.

I masturbate to the thought of cuddling with my male bestie. Netflix and chill, I'm bound. He's sweet and romantic with a sinister and controlling side. By the end of the night I'd be dripping wet. We'd fuck. "May I please cum, sir" tease and denial until he's fulfilled

I had sex with my cousin while playing a game with my sister that involved a closet.While in the closet I asked my cousin of she wanted to try s e x,so I stick my 4 inch deep in her dry pussy and thrusted untill I almost came.Turned her around and tried her tight ass,didn't work.Later did it again ever on her bed and came on her stomach. Cont.?

>>744203833
male or female?

>>744213044
not bait or underaged

how would you feel if somebody called you ugly

I'm a married man who honestly loves one of my female friends in a romantic way, and if she ever returned the feelings I might leave my wife.

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>>744213363
To be fair, I knew I wasn't actually activating a ninjustu, it was just the only way I knew how to summon the courage to grab this girl's b-cup bikini funbag

>convince myself that instead of real chakra, I was summoning all of my courage to my palm
>I could feel the energy glowing around my hand
>it felt amazing
>I yell, it feels almost orgasmic
>I yell louder, focusing more chakra into my hand
>the yell turns into a full on goku shout
>fat italian fuck asks if I'm alright
>look him straight in the eyes
>"don't you interfere, old man"
>let out one final yell
>it is ready
>still in squat mode, clenched arm outstretched, attempting to maintain and contain my titty grab jutsu
>turn my head over my shoulder
>the girl is back up against the rail with her sister
>I make eye contact with my target
>the left tiddy was perfectly exposed and within arm's reach

>"Grrrrrrrrrrr-Rah Sen GAN!"
>grab the fuck out of that girls tit
>hold onto it for a sec
>she's paralyzed with some kind of mixture of horror and surprise
>her sister backs away in fear
>I give it one final squeeze, as I do I can feel myself cum

Here's where it gets weird though

>Fat guy yells "wtf" grabs hold of my arm
>he pushes me up in line and brings me to the lifeguard guy or whatever that tells people how to go down the slide right
>too busy orgasming at first to realize what was going on
>mfw all of a sudden realize the situation I was in
>brain was too autistic to think this far ahead
>panic overload
<panic so hard it reversed this greentext symbol
>physical piss myself
>swim trunks are now full of piss and jizz
>fat guy is explaining what happened to lifeguard guy
>situation is looking hella grim

>>744214595
I'd thank them for honesty.

>>744214862
I'm in the same boat.

Wat do?

>>744215118
you sound like you're underaged.

Ok, im using a landwhale as a fleshlight.
She likes it, but my friends dont know.
Also i bring her to to pornclubbs and fuck her while she licks some pussy, she dont like it but i kind of force her to do it.... She is a slut that likes it and i have my own whale to play with.

>>744215057
keksmus maxmius

I live with my cousin. Ever since she discovered my search history, she teases me with her feet. Puts them on my lap, talks about how they hurt so much, etc..


It's driving me crazy

>>744215265
it will never happen. So I just need to learn to let it go and just keep loving my wife. It just gets akward when I have sex with my wife, go to bed, and then just dream about going on a date with my friend.
it's hard though cause she looks better than my wife, has a better personality than my wife, and as a whole is more respectful to me than my wife.

>>744214595
Break up with him then if you're not happy you spineless fuck, that's normally what happens but clearly you need someone else to tell you how to be happy

>>744215057
You tried I guess

>>744215604
hot, but not a particularly /b/ secret

>>744203762
tits or gtfo

>>744204809
youre cool dude

I've never gotten dubs

My girlfriend and I broke up because she burnt my things. It clicked I was happy without her and I've had an amazing week single. She facetimed me tonight and I stupidly answered. I was horny and agreed to get back together so I could fuck her on wednesday.

>>744209190
tits or gtfo?

>>744211690
TITS OR GTFO fucking bitch

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>>744215057
>examine my surroundings
>fat guy has me by wrist
>lifeguard guy is slowly realizing I just sexually assaulted someone
>but there I see it, the waterslide
>its my only way out
>no way I could break this guys wrist hold though
>think like I never thought before
>go to fix my trunks causeit feels sloshy and sticky

fuckinglightbulb.jpg

>reach into my pants
>pull out sticky pissjizz/spaghetti concoction
>smear it all over hairy guys arm
>lifeguard watches the whole thing unfold

>too fucking slow you 19 year old Orlando towny fuck

>guy has my teen splooge and urine all over his arm
>immediately lets go and yell what the fuck
>all spaghetti has left the building at this point
>think to myself "I am anon, grabber of the tits and smearer of the cum, master of the titty grabby jutsu"
>am shot with a burst of courage and pride
>go to dart towards the slide
>lifeguard fucking knew what was up

no fucking lie this nigger grabbed my cum hand

>in the moment I attempted a shadow clone justsu to escape
>I think my hand movements combined with the jizz caused his hand to slip
>practically dive onto slide
>at the last moment I scream
>"shadow clone justsuuuuuuuuuuuuu-"
>the word jutsu trails off into a blood curdled autism screech as I go down the biggest slide in disney world head first

>still had cum on my hand after I got down
>mfw I disappear into the crowd to rejoin my family
>immediately changed/hid out in the bathroom to avoid detection
>never got caught
>but told family I shat myself while going down the slide to avoid suspicion

To this day my brother makes fun of me for shitting my pants at disney world, when really I was just an autist who grabbed some girls tit and wiped cum on a guys hand

I have more autism/deep secrets stories if anyone wants to read them

>>744209190
faggot

>>744204809
You non-fucking moron...

>>744216781
Please do haha

>>744215813
he might get sad
i have a spine

>>744216781
apex zozzle. pretty good story, mate.
thanks for typing this up.

I'm really a new fag pretending to be old.

I don't seed music torrents.

>>744216781
Lmfao please tell us more

gonna call you the Titty Ninja

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>>744217221
kek put me in the screen cap

>>744214215
After that night we were both horny for each other,and dry humped all the time cause we couldn't get naked while someone was home.Never kissed.The last time I had a chance at her was a similar situation I saw before from another anon.Me and her family were on the way to get her a cat from the shelter,and the car was packed.She had to sit on my lap.Instantly got titanium hard and she noticed.Both made a mental agreement and I stuffed my fingers in her wet pussy.I did this for the hole ride while weirdly asking her if it felt good,she quietly nodded and moaned a little.Smelt and licked finger after.To this day we have never discussed what happend but we are realy good friends,don't know if the situation had anything to do with that but I still fantasize about me shoving my cock in her pussy and smelling her ass and pussy again.Kind of gulty.

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>>744216781
>no fucking lie this nigger grabbed my cum hand
>in the moment I attempted a shadow clone justsu to escape
>I think my hand movements combined with the jizz caused his hand to slip

I can't fucking breathe, my sides

I just stuck my dick into a drunk girl's mouth and shot a load.

>>744216781
please tell more stories dude

>>744200056
nice trips kek

I simultaneously love and hate the human race.

>>744215057
>>744213363
>>744216781
>my fucking sides

someone screencap this shit jesus

איך האבן ליב לערנען זיך יידיש

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>>744216781
>but told family I shat myself while going down the slide to avoid suspicion
Should've just said "I don't feel like swimming anymore"

>>744215696
youre a faggot, check out The Affair. its on point

>>744212807
What kind of video?

I feel weird having sex with my pregnant girl. She told me the baby can feel it and she likes the thought....

>>744217755
>screencapping garbage

>>744218054
how am I a faggot? I don't want to throw away my life and that of two others by chasing after an impossibility.

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I'm a closeted sissy and I desperately want someone to feminize me and treat me as their girlfriend.

>>744218153
Someone asked drunk me what do I have in my pants. Nothing particularly interesting.

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>>744212807
How's the like to dislike ratio

>>744218368
I think both are 0. I admit, I didn't show anything impressive, due to it being a cold and rainy day and we were drinking outside for quite a while.

>Be me, 13
>Staying over at a friend's house
>We're staying up late, watching movies, playing video games, that kind of shit
>All the sudden I hear yelling downstairs
>"What's going on?" I ask
>Friend doesn't say anything, just turns up the TV
>"Is that your sister? And your Dad? It sounds like she's crying!"
>Stand up to go see what's happening
>Friend grabs my arm and pulls me away from door
>"Are you crazy? Just ignore it! It'll stop!"
>"What's he doing to her? Is he hitting her?"
>veryspecialepisode.mpeg
>"Yes, he hits her, okay? So what?"
>"Does he do... other stuff?"
>Friend is quiet.
>"Does he hit you too?"
>Friend nods, fighting back tears
>"Does he do... other stuff to you too?"
>Friend is full on crying now.
>"You can't tell anyone! They'll split us up! We'll have to go to foster homes or something Please, don't tell anyone!"
>"Okay" I say
>"Promise! Don't tell your parents. Or teachers Or cops. Or any of the guys, or anyone! Promise!"
>"Okay, I promise!"
>"Promise you won't even tell anyone on the internet!"
>"I promise."
>"Promise you won't go on /b/ and post about this in a secrets thread 20 years from now.
>"What the hell is /b/?
>"Just promise!"
>"Fine, okay! I promise!"

I have 2 secrets.
Secret 1: I have a poop fetish, I watch poop porn all the time

Secret 2: I've killed a lot of my friends' pets. For example, I once stomped all 3 of my friend Ian's pet hamsters to death. They're really annoying and I always hated those little shits. I also decapitated a litter of kittens that my friend Troy owned. I don't feel bad about any of the killings btw.

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I'm having sexual relationship with a workmate. It's been going on for almost a year. We started having sex twice a month then once a week then around 3 times a week now. It has recently escalated to unprotected sex. We've fucked raw around 5 times in the last 2 months. She doesn't want a creampie but hopefully one day. We're both married with child. Thank you for listening.

I jerked off to my parents sextape

I once shot a bullet into the floor of my house because I forgot to check if the gun was loaded before i cleaned it

>>744218521
That's prettydark

>>744199999

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>>744218754

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>>744194083

I'm the author of some of the shit that gets copy pasta'd here a lot.

I'm actually more proud of that than some of the highly polished, praised professional writing that I've done.

Thank you to those who kept my throw-away ramblings alive.

>>744218521
sly

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>>744217755
here you go

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>>744217684
>>744217221
>>744216899
>Titty ninja
Lmao

Okay here's the time I practically game of thrones'd my way to having to transfer schools in the eighth grade

>be me
>3 months after the disney titty affair
>obsessed with dexter's laboratory
>but also obsessed with Naruto

If you couldn't tell I was a fucking mess back then anons

>tell people I have an older sister named Kiki >deedee would have been too obvious
>I wanted people to associate badass characters with me so I would be cool like them
>knew that If I tried to be exactly like them that would come across as just fucking weird and autistic
>dyed my hair orange for the last month or so, but not same shade as dexter, also wore leaf village headband around my neck
>told people to call me Spencer

It gets worse

>one day feel lonely and friendless, like gaara
>try to talk to qt I sat next to in science
>tell her I made a lab in my basement where I make weapons and chemicals
>her fw I said that
>see her cue up to talk to teacher after class

superpanicmode.value = (1)

>rush to go talk to her
>have no idea what to say
>"uhhh.. you know I could tell everyone your secret right, I know what you've been doing"
>her face goes dead serious
>"how the fuck do you know?!"

fucking christ were middle school girls retarded..

>make up some shit about how I found out her "secret" one day
>"if you tell Chad1 he'll be so sad please don't.."
>I have this bitch eating out of my hands
>let her keep blabbing
>"its just me and Chad2 live so close you know? You understand right?"
>I just keep pokerfacing her
>"okay what do you want"

Its a shit intro but it gets uber autistic later in a bit

>wifes mom staying at our house for some renovations in her house
>she is a heavy drinker, at least 3 beers a day
>2 weeks in i started having thoughts of fucking her
>she is not too old (had my wife when she was 19) and she is tight
>she was going around the house in leggings and see thru underwear
>one day i saw her pussy from behind and that image sealed it inside me
>have a fucked up dude that brings us mail at the office
>told him i want some roofies cause we want to have fun with my wife
>told me that these are rape drugs and they are not for fun and tried to sell me X and cocaine
>ended up getting cocaine along with the roofies too to not raise suspicion
>mother in law was in her usual 3rd beer that night
>gets to the toilet and i slip a roofie in
>she drinks it up
>wife goes to sleep
>after 1 hour i go back to he living room to check her out
>asleep
>started grabbing her tits immediately
>turned her to prone position and went balls deep in her
>fucked her ass for a while
>went back in her pussy and finished inside
>next morning i could tell she was feeling uncomfortable
>having stupid grin on my face for weeks after that

>>744219257
>obsessed with dexter's laboratory
>but also obsessed with Naruto

these autism levels are beyond anything I've ever seen

>>744218270
>I feel weird having sex with my pregnant girl. She told me the baby can feel it and she likes the thought....

/b/ro, you're missing out on the chance to get her to talk dirty about YOUR fetish.

Make a habit of getting her off to what she wants to hear.

Then tell her what you like the thought of so she can talk dirty to you while you get off.

Trust me as my girlfriend used to like me to tell her how I'd raped other girls (which she knew I hadn't, she just liked me to recount the "rapes" while aggressively fucking her).

I got her to talk dirty to me for my little fetish and we were both happy.

>>744196875
>Tfw Atrracted to Yakkos voice but can't do impression

>>744219789
Thanks anon never saw it that way!

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>>744199994
The human body is not a transformer. get over yourself.
Cutting your dick off does not make you a woman anymore than a plastic dick makes you a man.

I bought some hose and duct tape. I'm going to kill myself in my car before it gets repossessed.

I've been letting my dog lick me out for almost 6 years

>>744219948
>Thanks anon never saw it that way!

Also, the true nature of women IS disturbing the first times you see it.

There was an actual case of a woman who turned a blind eye to her husband molesting their daughters and she would actually have him tell her about it while they fucked.

As much as porn causes problems for men dealing with IRL women, "romance" stories cause much greater problem for women because the stories go so much deeper into the character than porn does.

Now that I've seen how women really are, I understand why our ancestors set up society the way they did. Without tremendous riches like modern societies, the problems they cause are too expensive to be born.

Just look up all the women obsessed with prisoners and even serial killers.

>>744194083
I knock on farts

>>744220511
do you cum from it? howd it start?

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>>744219257
>we'll call qt blackmail victim Sarah
>tell Sarah not to tell anyone about my lab
>essentially blackmailing a 13 year old to not tell people about my weapons lab, which didn't exist, that was in my basement, which also didn't exist
>after I was convinced she wouldn't squeal I naruto ran to my locker
>arms flailing behind me like a retard
>because, well, autism

fast forward 2 days

>this cunt tells her best friend about our little deal
>her best friend was my cousin
>cousin tells my uncle
>uncle tells my dad
>dad essentially gave up on curing my autism at this point
>just tells me to stop lying to people or some bullshit
>but a fire had been lit inside me
>mfw that bitch could not be trusted
>I thought back to my glory days, of grabbing titties in Orlando
>Spencer, of the Leaf Village was not a force to be trifled with
>I began to plot my revenge

I decided that humiliation would be the best plate to serve

>spend the next week making hundreds, if not thousands of paper shuriken
>skipped all my homework
>stopped watching anime and dexter's lab
>stopped drawing sakura hentai
>stopped reading shonen jump
>stopped practicing my jutsus

I Just
Made
Paper ninja stars

cont.

>>744219493
Bullduckingshit

>>744220646
>drawing sakura hentai
>reading shonen jump
>practicing jutsus

are you literally me?

>>744220494
Why can't you afford it?

>>744206829
>>744212897
Are you cute?

>>744220949
Under employed. Can't find a decent job. Had a good job when I bought, it but I got shitcanned and can't find anything good. It's not just the car. It's just a symbol of how wrong everything is in my life. Nothing ever goes right for me. It's time to stop this.

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>>744220646
>after weeks of stacking my shuriken armory I was ready
>tell the outcasts that sat with me at lunch that I had a plot to overthrow the normies
>we finally had a chance to be cool
>got their tarded blue balls all riled up
>they were fully under my command now with promises of normiedom
>second in comman comes up to me
>asks before all how we were able to accomplish such a feat
>I give a sly dastardly smile
>tell them to follow me
>force them to run as I run, the ninja way

I really can't imagine what people thought looking at 10-12 fat pimply 8th grader fucks all running through the halls like spastic downies, but can only assume pic related

>anyways
>go into one of the english rooms
>open up a a crate
>my horde all stare down into a plastic moving crate full of notebook paper ninja stars
>told the english paper I needed somewhere to store my diorama
>when really it was a die-orama, of paper death
>we were going to get revenge...

Didn't want to share but this threads really good and I don't just wanna bump it but I was thirteen my friend was the same age as me and he had a little brother who was like nine. The little brother got into porn and soon became obsessed with cumming since his little Wang Chung couldn't do it at the time so one day we got on the subject and I told him I could cum and he wanted to see it so bad so I stayed the night that night waited for his older brother to fall asleep then went into his little bros room. Showed him how big of a load I could blow and he was super pumped to see someone cumming right in front of him then I got the bright idea of letting him "feel" an ejaculating dick....he was young dumb and I was full of cum so from then onto 3 years he was jerking me and sucking me regularly but I stopped hanging with his brother and the jerk sessions went with...but there's plenty of more shit I'd have him do too and now he's moved away I saw him like a year ago and he thinks he's black and acts like nothing ever happened so it's all good I guess

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>be me
>highschool
>have poop fetish
>take bunch of laxatives
>shit all over bathroom door
>cums on floor
>does this for entire school year
>one time i shit on door
>someone walks out of stall
>sees me shit all over wall and cum on floor due to excitement
>he doesn't know me, i don't know him either
>"what the fuck?! what is wrong with you?!"
>gottotakecareofyouasawitnessbitch.jpeg
>run full speed toward him
>it's too late to run
>pretty okay at football
>tackle this nigger
>start choking the shit out of the nigger
>"stop. please don't hurt me, dude."
>eventually nigger passes out
>used to be gay back in highschool
>lock bathroom door
>no cameras in bathroom
>shit all over nigger, making him more brown than he already is
>begin fucking him in the ass
>it feels really fucking good
>make his unconscious coon body suck my dick
>do this for half an hour
>cum in his mouth, ears, on his back, his legs, his bbc, and his nigger asshole
>leave bathroom
>tell parents i'm being bullied
>we move out of state because of this and some other family matters
>mfw i never got caught

>>744212341
I do the same thing

>>744218355
What can you offer my cock in return?

>>744220632
A couple times, but I normally finish myself off. I don't know for sure, when I was about 10/11 I was just discovering that part of my body and what sex was. I remember looking at porn and I once let the family dog at the time sniff around down there - I don't even think it felt good, just curious. Skip ahead to being 16/17 get curious again, have dog, have Nutella.
Hasn't stopped and now bestiality is my go to porn genre.

>>744194195
Why? He wants to defund the department of education and that gives many people a chance at some sort of education even if it is not that great.

>>744194083
I'm a pedophile... Wish I wasn't but I can't undo it :(

>>744220949
Afford what? Hose and tape?

>>744222419
What makes you think you're one?

>I'm a pedophile... Wish I wasn't but I can't undo it :(
go to therapy, you sick fuck.

>>744222196
>nutella?
why do you wanna kill your dog?
also, fuck off you autistic virgin

>>744194669
What for?

I really like these threads but I never thought much of them since half the shit seems like a lie. But after saying my own secret 'out loud' I feel like a small weight had been lifted... Thanks /b/

>>744222481
You're retarded when adults can't afford something that's on loan from a financial institution it gets repossessed...you'll learn when you get older

>>744214585
Male

I want to go to a slaughterhouse or farm where they enjoy killing the animals a little too much. I want a male animal that's going to die to mount me, and then be tied/strapped to me, me to a table. When he starts to cum, I want him to be slaughtered, but slowly. I want to feel the table rock, the animal thrash wildly, in pain but still squirting inside me, desperately trting to further it's species in it's dying thrusts. I want to spend the whole day doing it.

I know my best friend is in love with me, they've admitted it and they're really obvious about it. But they also live in a beautiful house and are willing to pay for nearly everything whenever we hang out. Willing to give a fat autistic hope if it means free shit.

>>744222999
Are you a chick or is this some gay shit?

>>744194083
I'm hiding a horrible, tragic, and dangerous secret.

I made a bad shitpost. Link related

https://youtu.be/9YawIc2N60g

>>744223094
Both, I'm a chick and so is she

>>744222530
>sees a 8 year old girl pass by me
>dick gets hard
>when I get home start having fantasies
>relive myself to make thoughts go away
>feels bad afterwards
>starts crying in bed
>few days later feel better
>a couple weeks pass by
>has thoughts again
>too scared to seek help
>rinse & repeat
I dunno

>I'm hiding a horrible, tragic, and dangerous secret.
Tell it nig nog.

>>744222848
My secret is that I shotted this for a future fap

i once fucked a trap but i didnt know she was a trap til after she was sucking me off then pulled out her dick

i then fucked her in the ass out of anger

>>744223235
I've already told the secret that I'm hiding a secret.

>>744223225
are you me?

just change 8 to 13 and a couple weeks to every 3 days or so

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>>744222848

>>744223332
For the past two years I've been having an affair with a non-passable 45 year old married crossdresser.

>>744222999
tits or gtfo you fucking dyke

>>744223544
the trap i had was passable but it was the most shameful boner ive ever had

>>744223332
Heh it's really not that big of a deal don't beat yourself up over it and as long as you got off is what matters

>>744222189
My mouth, my ass, and whatever else you want ;)

i am a serial rapist in ontario, canada. i target 20-30 year old black men. my dick is used as a mean of punishment for those niggers being black. they've ruined the entire world.

>>744194083
I am gay and my boyfriend and I enjoy puppy play so I often times sleep in a doggy bed and eat out of a dish. Nobody knows about this other than the two of us. He gives good headpats so I'm happy ^^

>go to pretty high ranking drama school
>teachers are pretty cool with the students
>they party and go out drinking with us occaisionally
>one of them holds a house party
>drinking games happen, never have I ever ect
>I know one of the people on my course fancies a teacher
>shes like 15 years older than both me and my friend
>smoking hot as she's done nothing but excercise for those 15 years
>theyve been texting a lot though so I'm kind of pushing him to pluck up the courage to tell her
>he never does even though they keep talking
>party fizzles out at 1am and we're all in the living room spooning/cuddling (drama school shit, everyones touching each other 24/7 but non sexually its weird)
>He leaves the room
>its just me and this teacher
>I go full on 'buddy trying to set up his friend' mode because I don't fancy her
>'So what do you think of...'
>'He's been texting me some pretty weird stuff'
>'Yeah but hes a pretty good...'
>she kisses me
>WTFSHITWHATIDONTTHEWHATTHEFUCK
>he comes back in and suspects nothing
>somebody is sick and has to be taken home
>STATUS: DICK HAS TAKEN OVER BRAIN
>'hey why dont you take her home?'
>gets him out of the house
>just us
>we fuck until like 3am
>post sex depression comes in and I freak out about being kicked off the course
>pass out naked spooning at hers even though I'm in at 8.30am the next morning
>have to do the walk of shame dodging coursemates

She wasn't fired, I wasnt kicked off and it all went fine. I spoke to friend only one more time after and OOH HE FUCKING KNEW but he was way too beta to put us in the shit

>tl;dr fucked a hot older teacher at drama school (im not even a chad, not even one of the attractive ones on the course)

>>744221809
Keep going

>I've already told the secret that I'm hiding a secret.
Well tell us the secret you revealed that you had as a secret.

>>744222196
how often do u do it? what position are u in?

>>744223449
Lucky guy for me it's worse because my attraction goes as low as 3. But I am also attracted to women all the way up to 39. I'm 20 btw

>>744211958
Spast

>>744218763
It should have been you.

>>744224040
>>>744222196 (You)
>how often do u do it? what position are u in?


>>744224040
2 times a week maybe, I've moved out so only when I visit home. Missionary and doggy.

To Nutella annon, I'm older now and know better.

>>744194083
I fucked a nectarine

>>744224281
pics?

>>744224357
nope, but it felt alright

>>744224279
are you m or f? does the dog like it?