Greentext story thread

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>>743081550
don't have many but i'll do what dump what i can. My life sucks

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>>743081550

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>>743081550
also don't complain if you're on a phone and can't read it. Not my fault you're a phonekike

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anyone even here?

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ill dump anyway

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Little dump

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>>743082523
i(.)imgur(.)com / 4UUCpmh.jpg

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>>743082557

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i(.)imgur(.)com / uyge8KN.jpg

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>>743083033
folder is small af sorry bored anons

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>>743083033
>imgur
this is cont.

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OK something rather unspectacular here

>be me
>talking to 11yo brother
>"teacher told me they're gonna release new JFK files next year"
>kinda strange that a teacher talks to a 6th grade about JFK but OK I guess...
>"what's all the fuzz about anyways? JFK shot first didn't he?"
>mfw

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nearly dumped some lewd shit
o.O

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>>743081550

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still dumping but nearly out :(

>>743083189
>JFK shot first
is this gonna be a new meme?

quit the pedo shit

i'm out fbm
>>743083461
kill yourself nigger. imageboards were built on pushing boundaries and general illegal shit.

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>>743083209
'part1'
>>743083269
'part2'
Have fun cuties, i don't lurk this board anymore but i'm feeling 'nostalgic.'

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>>743081886
That killed me.

see you in the next life /b/ro

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>>743083705
nvm 2 more

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Anyone got wolfman Greg? I lost it a while back

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>>743083801
:)
lurkers if you have any greentext stories please share even if they're mediocre because i'm all out hoss

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oh and the classic
no ban pleaz

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nvm i'm hooked lmaokai

>>743084319
I died

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second dump

>>743083155
what?

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>>743084799
this imgur is part1
i(.)imgur(.)com / uyge8KN.jpg
>>743083155
this is part2
2mb size limit ;__;

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>>743081550
So many of these are fake and gay, the funny so forced it's cringed. Especially the shitting ones which are all formulated and sad.

>be me
>bodybuilder
>huge cock
>eat 2 large pizzas because I need 800000000000 calories a day and why not
>go out drinking because these hot chicks won't leave me a longer and sometimes you just have to appease your fans
>gimme6schlitz.tv
>pizza wants out
>wat do
>bathroom full
>I'm alpha just push into stall
>do poo
>poo won't stop
>ohfuck.org
>toilet breaks
>poo spraying everywhere
>people screaming and trampling each other
>stillshitting.jpg
>finally stop shitting
>bathroom covered in shit
>wash hands and use cologne but don't tip bathroom attendant
>mfw


Nyuk nyuk nyuk

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text

>>743085110
>indeed
>fedora
Anon went full Teal'c

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>>743085160
>socringe
wew

>>743081550
I love the fuck out that mfw

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>>743085332
>tries insult
>proves my point
>mfw

>>743083448
could be could be

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>>743085524
>tries insult
t. retarded kike
>>743085273
:|
ok papi done
don't be ungrateful niggers and qq just enjoy them

>>743082268
>mfw this is bullshit

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old but gold

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>>743085621
>t. Retarded kike
>you can't control the cocklust
>mfw

>>743085720
>kike is randomly capitalizing words
>reddit rebuttal
>mfw i have no face
uoktodayburger?

>>743082557
Holy shit, I loved this.

>>743082679
They made a movie about this dude.

>>743085713
what?

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>>743086092
>chocolate rain
you fucking mouth breathing idiot

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>>743083893
actually, yes! Enjoy man.

I'm so lazy I scan the thread for short ones..

>>743086544
This.

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>>743086544
wew lazy anons

>>743083340
Good, fucking stop with these long stories.
They are shit, and so are you for wasting space posting them.

>>743086842
>wasting space posting them
we running out of memory or what
>greentext story is too long
>therefore they must be shit
not my fault you have the patience and attention span of a 3 y/o nigglet

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bump

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You get two (2)

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>>743086544
shorter one for you anon :)

>>743082119
skimmed over it my eye is still twitching with rage

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>>743087986
you want it to be fake but its real :)

>>743082119
heh this gets me kinda hard

>>743085671
They're all bullshit, chum.

>>743088544
Wow, I wish I could read that

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>>743084018

>we did it

Fucking lost it

>>743089324
I'm not your chum, Pal.

>>743082511
That tldr tho

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>>743082871
Hey Anons I saw it a lot of times that some anons see other anons ID. Is there any way to turn it on?
And no I'm not a newfag, triforce won't work.(but posting it for teh lulz)

>>743090506
not for /b/ although they've turned it on/off multiple times but ultimately left it off. Other boards have it such /pol/

>>743082557
i've had this one saved for so long under the name rocketscience lol, still laugh every time

>>743091145
Best of /b/ for me are Green Text Stories and I hate when I find a cool story and then somefag destroys it by pretending to be OP. There should be a way to see who who or at least to always see OP.

>>743091504
yeah don't count on these threads lasting long because its just endless 'porn' threads and it's just becomes bland af. No raids, no shit that blurs lines, barely OC and general newfaggotry is just meh.

>>743083209
Give me moar

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here's one about my grandpa
>be 14
>grandpa is like 96 or 95
>both grandparents on my mom's side, they live with us
>it's 12:00 am
>can't sleep, on computer playing Starcraft
>grandpa gets up to use bathroom
>locks door
>10 minutes roll by
>start hearing frantic rustling
>mind goes into the gutter, winces me out of wanting to check on him
>hear some bangs and start to get worried
>then I hear my grandma at the bathroom trying to calm him down
>sneak up stairs, don't want parents to wake up
>hear him tell my gran "I can't find my teeth"
>he thinks he flushed it down the toilet
>gran wants to help him look but he's locked the door
>"open the door!"
>"I can't I'm locked in!"
>the door locked from the inside, you push the knob and twist right to unlock it
>grandma is trying to tell him but he's just turning the handle of the door
>grandpa gets super pissed
>abandons all hope
>"FUCK IT I flushed my teeth to china, and now the damned Chinese are holding the door shut!"
>Parents wake up and get him out
mfw the chinese held him captive

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fuck it..
here's the tale of catfishman

>>743081851
Fuck I feel like I've just read (and should also maybe write?) a John Green novel. 10/10 would read long thread again

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Sup thread. Have some Plague Doctor.

>>743094134
moar plague doctor anon :) please

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>>743094408
Ask and you shall receive.

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>>743094134
>pretend to know which hole the cunt is

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>be me
>chilling on /x/ in the middle of the night because why not
>laugh at the bullshit of the people there but still on edge because of creepy shit
>decide to stretch a bit
>see picrelated
>bricks have been shat that night

Does anybody have that greentext about the dog that was actually beelzebub?

>>743083033
Guys she came back 5 months ago. her most recent video was 2 weeks ago.

>>743083209
do you have cont. anon
For studies?

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dumping

>>743099216
>>743083269 Heres the cont.

>>743099316
Classic

>>743099316
Newfag Alert!

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>>743083428
Surely these people don't really exist... right?

>>743100527
Probably not, considering the fact they aren't eating.

>>743081550
>>Single sheltered child who never played with other kids. Kids would play with me, or I would play games with other kids. I was never picked upon as far as I noticed. I used to 'think' my best friend and I laughed a lot because laughing was a fun thing to do and funny stuff must have happened. A classmate asked me out in sixth grade via letter but I didn't know what that could mean, asked my father, he simply answered you're too young for that don't get into it, I didn't answer that girl, I fell in love for that simple childish ooh someone is into me shit, that lasted four years. Once out of that I decided to move on. I tried asking out a girl I was friends with, by summoning her and saying "er, would you go out with me". Of course, a kind no was the answer. What then was the point of responding to or ever thinking of lustful or romantic relationships with anyone if my one was denied.

cont. from>>743103467
>That cycle continued with three others over about ten years. I'm still in love with two of them while being long-term friends which might say something, one of which was in love with me at one point. Some girl asked me out in high school at one point, I said yes thinking I've got to try this at one point maybe love will come out of it. Would you know, we held hands, and kissed (what was the point of that??), and walked and talked and I was bored as shit, she broke up, I woohoo'd and decided there decidedly was no point to going out with someone I wasn't in love with to start with. More or less the same happened three years later except I suppose she proposed and initiated sex (spoiler alert: I couldn't care less, I would rather have queued up for two hours before a rollercoaster ride).

cont. from>>743103526
>Years rolled by, and today, at almost 25, I am a kissless social interaction virgin in all but name who discovered earlier this year that people communicate with rhythm and facial expressions and symbolic body gestures and what's important when someone is talking to you is not necessarily the deadpan content of their sentences (or maybe wordplay or sarcasm if one wants to get fancy). I like to think it's partly thanks to mushrooms but that's another issue: my mind would be just blank (for the first time in my life I had to actively think about music to have music in my head), and I started trying to show that I was thinking, horribly unsuccesfully, also, vibrations came on in my body the patterns and rythms of which I can kind of semi-consciously steer and which haven't turned off since

cont. from>>743103576
unskyllt for being awful at greentext

I've only just noticed the need to reform myself. Thing is, can't listen, all I can hear are my own basic ramblings when talking to someone subverbally. And if I try and observe in a public space I feel an obligation to communicate to the person I'm intensely eyeing, and then the conversation, which never goes anywhere because I don't know what to say/suggest (and when I do it's nearly always after a perceived screw-up the idea of which I'm usually incapable of holding onto or even adapting for later reference, but that's cause I'm dumb), is polluted by my inanities. I'm currently building nearly the entirety of my vocabulary around "hey that's why I'm only listening don't mind me, see [dun duh dun dun dun dudun duh while flaying my arms around or whatever], it's not worth it, ooh wow noted for later reference, nope still not communicating with you from now on".

I watch ASMR videos.
I'm kinda mesmerized in places and I'm sure those videos are helping my subconscious in some form. I'm a romantic would you know
Would anyone ever want and try to rationalize thought/emotion faces in a pedagogical way for introverted dummies who know nothing about human interaction? I'll even dedicate a piece of music which you probably won't like to you if you do so in video form and post the link to it in this thread.

>>743103467
>>743103526
>>743103576
>>743103771
What?

>>743103771
if you have any questions I'll have woken up in about an hour

>>743103868
yeah I learnt years later that Justine had been in love me when I was in kinda-university, through her bf

>>743095347
Who is the girl on pic?

>>743104423
*
yeah I learnt years later that Justine had been in love /w me when I was in kinda-university, through her bf (a great friend)