Ok guys I need your help, because of my current living conditions

Hot dogs I put them up my as all the time bratwurst Vienna it's a variety just use lube and put a condom on the sausage then go to town hope it helps .

>>740822147
tits and timestamp bitch

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>>740822595

>>740822595
Technically she's not using her status as a girl to demand attention, but to just ask for practical advice, so we don't have to be all mean about it

Use a your arm you loose whale.

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>>740822147
Go out and buy a large mortar and pestle for making guacamole, that shit is literally a kitchen dildo
Also can make guac after fucking yourself for a nice snack

Send post of it in your pussy

Use your brothers cock?

>>740823078
Drink draino retard.

>>740822147
You're*

>>740822855
Timestamp

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Btw the pic was related just shove the handle thing in and don't lose it

>>740822147

Celibacy, and stop loosening yourself so future lover get a floppy lame lay like fucking a bucket of lukewarm watèr or throwing a hotdog down a worthless mineshaft.

>>740822147
Tits or gtfo.

>>740823371
Also dick or gtfo

Don't forget the timestamp

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>>740823051
This looks really promising. Thanks.
>>740823078
No

>>740823056
pic

>>740822147
the fuck is wrong with you? I hope your brother kills you.

>>740823078
Or go back to the source and fuck your dad and/or step-dad (post pics)

>>740823515
I'd bury my face in that hairy snatch so fucking quick. Close up shots of pussy and asshole?

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>>740823199
I don't know how to get a timestamp on this. Here's a screen shot time in corner

>>740822906
Rules are rules anon.

>>740823482
I remain anonymous faggot. I don't identify like some attention seeking faggot. Now that op has followed the rules why don't you tits or gtfo you feminist fucking trash.

Use an electric toothbrush on your clit.

>>740823515
Why aren't you able to hide it around your room/the house?

>>740823515
Sharpie in popper.

tool handles, bottles (spice rack/cabinet is a good place to start. lotion bottles often come in nice enough shapes and sizes too), the water flowing out of the bathtub faucet is forceful enough to pound your clit pretty well if you lay on your back and scoot up to it. feels awesome.

i'd let you use my cock

>>740823709
Fuck both, because we all know you're from a broken home.

Also hygiene, consider it, we realize it is likely a new concept to you but you're gross and I just know the smell must be unreasonably bad.

>>740823515
Use the other end.

>>740823729
write date & time on paper, cardboard, whatever, and take a pic of yourself with it.

>>740823990
Would probably be too small

Get a vibrator app for you cell phone.

>>740823949
This. Just buy a dildo op. It's the safest
Thing to use and there are some cheap ones.

>>740823515
Man you are one ugly bitch,

>>740824211
And an otter box case to make it moisture proof. Great idea. +1 internet for the phone idea.

>>740823729
Why can't you buy a dildo? You know it doesn't have to come to your house directly, there are shops specifically for them...

why can't you buy a dildo? no credit card? use cash to buy a gift card. parents open up all packages and can't risk shipping to your house? amazon can ship to a public locker.
whatever you use, make sure it has a flared base. it's so it doesn't get stuck up your ass, but your so fat you may loose it in your cunt.

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>>740823949
I don't have a way to buy one, any package I get would be opened by somebody else.
>>740824059
actually I was the Lightsaber after every use. I shower daily.
>>740824369
I know
>>740824098
Sorry I don't know how to flip it so it's backwards

>>740824694
Show me your wet pussy so i can jerk off.

Be less pathetic, get some dignity, and earn yourself a little self-respect. We realize you were likely molested but for fuck sake there is no reason for self abuse and replaying the trauma that has scarred you sexually.

>>740824694
off topic but open up paint and select flip horizontal. or you could've written backwards, taken pic in mirror, lots of fixes.

Take some cash to a sex shop, buy a dildo/vibrator, and hide it.

>>740824694
how big an object do you need? how many fingers can you stuff in your pussy? care to show us?

>>740824694
https://www.amazon.com/findalocker

>>740824694
Start smoking cigarettes and don't drink any beers or eat any food. You drop that weight in no time.

Maybe a flashlight?

>>740825134
I like this idea thank you.

>>740824694
Oh, well then get someone to love you so they want to pleasure you, I mean if hygiene isn't the problem. Also move out with said person who loves you after the wedding... receiving oral > masturbation, if done correctly and if you wait until after marriage to let him out his dick in then he won't know you're loose as hula hoop until it's too late. Pretend you're virtuous and he's special, or something dumb like that. Also give oral back, it's just considerate.

Get one of those miniature baseball bats.

>>740824694
Turn lightsaber around and tada

Also be careful, don't be one of those lame losers on 1001 ways to Die, especially the one lady who died masturbating with a peeled carrot. ( look it up, it is a real thing)

>>740825539
Made my day

>>740822906
Too many faggots don't know how to actually apply "there are no girls on the internet" rule. OP was just some anonymous faggot like the rest of us untill
>>740822595
Fucked it up and drew attention to it. God damn kids not knowing how to internet these days.

>>740825744
Retard, it's
1000 Ways to Die.

https://youtu.be/wZ8cdL0ELRg

And that's the clip

>>740825766
Well i mean using the saber could kill you if the wrong kyber crystal is in. Every jedi knows to use thw handle look at obi wans handel its a spiked dick

>>740825436
I have no interest in other people I'm into Schediaphilia, I can't even masturbate to live action porn only hentai.

Since this thread is turning into petty insults, (I know I'm ugly, and I know I'm overweight) and I've already got the suggestions I need. (Thank you mortar and pestle anon and flashlight anon) I'm going back to my regular boards.

>>740822147
Use your brother's dick

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>>740822147
Use playdough to make a dick / fill condom with playdough

>>740822147
Use this as a dildo: >>740820052

>>740826029
All dicks have barbed spikes, that's normal and everyone knows it, that's why they're called Pricks.

>>740822147
Electric toothbrush.

>>740823364
That's not how vaginas work virgin

>>740823515
I bet that pussy is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway,no tread left on those tires.

Hair brush? Or just go to a sex shop and buy one. They dont care

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Jeez, holy shit. OP is a pathetic fucking loser. Haha. I thought my life was shitty. Fuckin a

>>740826114
You're not ugly, you have low self esteem which means it difficult to have you hear and accept compliments.

You are not ugly, and while this is the asshole of the internet and a hate-machine, I genuinely hope you find a flesh and blood person whom makes you happy, but more importantly helps make your life more meaningful.

Meaningful > Happy, any day of the week.

>your all filthy degenerates
I am but youre coming here and telling me youre using your little bothers toy as a dildo? Very classy

>>740826507
Damn dude that's so clever

>>740824633
Lmfao that last sentence top kek.

>>740826666
t. guy who has gf with loooooose pussy

>>740824977
Lol.

>>740824694
>Weight/looking pretty
Smokes help, but the not eating anything like the anon above says, is typical /b/ bullshit. Cut out all unnatural sugar. Get used to drinking water. One liter a day most days. Keep yourself fucking hydrated. You'll drop weight pretty quick. Also, avoid "low fat" and "diet" packaged foods. Anything processed, tbh. Ofc everything in moderation. Slowly reduce your serving size at the dinner table.

All the adipose fat will melt off you pretty quick, but that kind of eating gets old pretty quick, leaving you craving like mad. Give yourself a cheat day, with the condition that you "earn it." Exercise, acing an exam, whatever it takes to feel like you actually earned it.

You'll feel a lot better, and start looking pretty good. Results will be noticeable by years end.

4/10, would still fuck if the personality is right.

1/2 dildo is next

>>740824369
Bet her pussy smells like moldy eggs Twinkies and death.

>>740824694
>>740826785
>Dildo

Go to home depot. Get yourself some Plasti-Dip, a thick wooden dowel and some sandpaper. Get yourself some tools as well, but make sure they dont have any rubber grips. File the edge of tje dowel down until it's rounded and in a shape you like. Cut to the length you need (personal preference) and give it a good coat of wax, or petroleum jelly. Next, coat the dowel with the plasti dip. Once dried, add some little beads and shit and give it another coat. Three to four coats later, pull the dowel out and fill the hole with more Plasti-Dip. Give that a few days to dry.

Take the tools I mentioned and dip them each in the Plasti-Dip. Giving them a rubber grip. They're solely to disguise your project, because Plasti-Dip stinks. Say you're getting the tools ready for beading or something creative you enjoy, but keep the DIY dildo out of sight until it's core is fully dried.

If you think it will be too stiff with a solid core, get some insulation foam (not the fluffy fiberglass for walls, but the solid, usually round foam used under thresholds.) and stuff it in the hole. Fill the rest with Plasti-Dip and dry.

Best part, you can pick your own colors.

Always wear a condom when using this dildo. It's not hypoallergenic.

>>740826643
Wtf

>>>/adv/
Is that way faggot. Fuck your basic humanity and manners.

>>740822147
Femanon here. I might sound crazy, but
WHITE PLAIN SCULPEY
it is made for kids so it doesn't have harmful chemicals, and it won't fall apart inside you.
a bonus is that you can shape it into any dick you want, and just turn it back into a ball.
i've been doing it for over a year and have had no ill effects.
plus you can hide it in plain sight!

>>740826859
might as well shove playdough up there

>>740826643
Nigga is white knighting a whale smdh

>>740826859
You know the drill bitch

>>740822906
Normally I would agree with you, I mean, I cannot tell you how many times I've tried to enlighten our newfriends by explaining that rule, but... this is different. She's fat. I don't like that. We should harass her.

>>740826822
>>>/diy/
Is that way. Great answer though, just wrong board.

>>740826666
Nice sarcasm bro.

>>740822147
most hair brushes these days have handles with sexual stimulation in mind

>>740827069
/diy/ is blue. This isn't a blue answer.

>>740826859
+ 1 internet for you for advice. -9002 internet for admitting you are female without fits and a timestamp.

Holy fuck you're disgusting, ugly and fat

>>740827083
Respect the quad 6's

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>>740827034
no tits, but you do get the timestamp and a quickly sculpted dick.

>>740827465
>>740827283
see above

>>740827465
Fuck you

>>740827652
:) bitch

Holy fuck, are you guys fucking retarded? She posts tits, she posts pussy, all exactly as requested, and we still have anons asking for tits? READ THE THREAD FAGGOT NEWFAGS!

>>740827465
>>740827735
no, tits or G T F O

>>740827465
>another person so fat you can't see the bones in their wrist
why am I not surprised?

can you cure that in the oven?

>>740827762
we're asking a different bitch, not op

>>740827818
i apologize anon, if that's the case than proceed.

>>740827465
>Doesn't post tits
GTFO

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>>740827806
dude i'm not fat at all. I got a little bit of pooch, but I'm 4'11 and 110 pounds. I can fit my whole hand around my own wrist.

and yes, it can be cured, but it won't be as malleable or soft. no fun.
also more breakable.

>>740827987
>>740827769
I have no tits to show you, idk what to say.
seriously, I've been ashamed of it my whole life I'm petite and all I got are bee stings pretty much.

>>740824694
put clothespegs on your nipples <3

>>740828249
Rah thats hot show them please :)

>>740828249
small tits are best

>>740828249
I'm no joke into small tits.
I've dated 6/8 chicks and they all had small tits.
Current GF has small tits.
Post tits plz.

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>>740828306
>>740828307
sorry to disappoint you. I would really rather not post pictures of myself online. I understand that you will not understand, however, I will not gtfo. I am rather enjoying this thread.
enjoy this instead.

>>740828468
the best thing about small tits is the tiny little nipples, they're so sharp when they get hard <3

>>740828327
>>740828307
seconded less than a b is ideal

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>>740828468
I'm sure you think you're powerful and annoying us by refusing to show us your boobs, but no one here cares what you have to say

>>740827465
Nice shape :) please Show us how u use it :)

Hitachi wand. Walmart.

>>740825510
I have one of those. The varnish(?) Or whatever covered it wears off quick if exposed to anything wet, my dude

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>>740826634

>>740828327
I'd like to fuck your girlfriend, don't worry I'll wear a condom, she's likely fucking a bunch of guys besides you and I don't watch to get anything on my dick.

Hair brush. The one with a big round handle.

Duh.

>>740827308
try harder

>>740828946
this, although I'd recommend getting them online since walmart will invariably carry a either a knock off or a shitty one they made themselves. Serious life changer my wife and I have never been a more relaxed and sexually satisfied and our neighbors have never been more annoyed.

>>740828833
I really don't :)
I would much rather talk about other things and I'd rather not be annoying but that's what I get for saying I have a vagina.

ps if I was trying to be annoying I'd be holding it over your heads because I am honestly an asshole when I want to be.

>>740829205
>would much rather talk about other things
then wtf are you in this thread about some bitches pussy?

>>740829205
Kik?

>>740822147
>https://adultrepdao.com/buy-sex-machine-orgasm-fucking-machines-for-sale/
get this and then kill yourself faggot

>>740829335
>would much rather talk about other things
other things than my boobs faggot
I wanted to help another girl out with her dildo situation, and then I said I had a vagina.
and I do concede that this is mostly my fault.

>>740829521
it's not that you won't show your tits, it's that you're a lying larper

>>740829456
don't have one, not looking for nudes or anything either.

>>740823515
Where you at? I'll fuck you.

>>740829559
If you are implying that I am male, you are guessing incorrectly

>>740829564
You said you wanted to talk. I dont get off on skinny girls anyways

>>740822147
you could just post your ass on craigslist, don't even have to be good looking, in less than 30 minutes,you'll have a line of niggers and creepy old white men who just want to pump a few loads into a warm hole. and most will either invite you to there place or rent a motel.
>either way bring a knife just in case.

>>740827011
>white knighting
>implying he's doing it in the slim hope he could get pussy instead of to potentially make someone's life better or even save their life
>implying first responders are just white knighting everyone they get out of danger
>implying it's impossible to empathize without ulterior motive

Nigga quit baiting. There's such thing as too negative, man.

>>740829608
sure thing brian.. you realise that there is no reason to ever believe you?
if you didn't want to be set aside from the rest of us, you would just stop replying and blend back in as anon. but you keep up this tired assertion that you're a woman, because you think it makes you important. and to be fair, without your rp this thread would just die.

>>740829791
This anon is correct. Even nihilism has its positive side.

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>>740829967
happy?


what can I say, I'm an argumentative person. to a fault, apparently.

>>740830431
not really, there's no timestamp
that could be any sloot you pulled of the internet

more babes will keep the thread alive though

>>740830509
shit I forgot

>>740830509
>reverse image search
>nothing

go to market. Buy cucumber for one dollar. Congrats.

>>74082214niggetr

>>740830555
timestamp and i'll make you a cup of tea
fucking hot trips btw, would fuck

Hair brush

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>>740830755

Bananas hit the g spot well

>>740823364
Hey perms virgin, vaginas just don't get loose...
Go back to incel you faggot

>>740830901
Lose the panties

>>740830431
He ain't, but those panties are cute.

>>740830939

They don't literally get loose, but they don't forget what other dicks feel like either.

>>740830961
>>740831011
No and thanks.

>>740830901
bless ya. what kind of tea do you like?

>>740831160
Peppermint, if hot, and good 'ol southern sweet iced tea.

>>740822906
Fuck off summerfag

>>740831216
good shit. earl grey is my jam.
what kind of sex do you like?

>>740831037
>>740831037
You do realize more goes into sex then fucking "penis enter vagina"?
Humans need sexual release from time to time and masturbation is great for that.
HOWEVER it's no where close to the real thing, and therefore when you actually do it, you'll notice it's immensely different.
Again go back to r/incel you perma virgin cuck

>>740831354
being totally honest, I'm a virgin. but, I rather like bondage and the like.

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>>740831433
How old are you?

>>740831077
You're welcome. Too distracted by this thread to finish my research right now. So, one anon wanted to know what tea you liked -- I'd ask what you prefer. Reading, Documentaries, Movies, or fitness.

>>740831522
;) old enough to be on this site, but I've given out enough personal information tonight.
lets just say i'm >19

>>740831433
why the fuck are you a virgin? you don't seem that ugly..
you got nice enough legs, anyway

and when you say bondage, do you mean cuffs and spanking or ropes, whips and ball-gags?

>>740822855
Ew

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>>740831581
You're a fucking pussy man. Fuck your shit.
>Too much information on this site

Oh look a 19 year old girl who likes mint tea, we've fucking found her.

Fuck off.

>>740823774
"There are no girls on the internet" was also a respected rule at one point

>>740831433
I'm black. about 7inches (not fully black) I'll fuck you. Where you at?

>>740831598
i'm not into the pain as much, but I'd be fine with some of it. I much prefer being tied up and dominated.
and I gotta say, I am pretty much saving myself for marriage. I know a lot of people on here disapprove of that, but I'm not trying to please any o them.

>>740831723
Is that webm supposed to be you? Might feel better if you didn't look like a 50 year old Honey Boo Boo. Probably help ease that edge, too.

>>740822147
Sit on your washing machine and set it to jazzy

>>740831818
are you religious?
you understand that anyone willing to wait until marriage is unlikely to be into bdsm, and when you do eventually have sex you're going to be completely inexperienced, and so is your husband?
you're wasting a lot of time when you could be enjoying yourself instead

You just showed your face 3 times - hand over the nudes now!

>>740832041
yeah, I am religious, and I understand that it won't be as fun at first, but I will be able to experience intimacy and learn with someone who I love with all my heart, who isn't just passing through that point in my life.
It isn't just about religion.

>>740831374

oh shit I was fucking around I didn't realize it was correct enough to provoke a response

my mind is blown you're telling me you worry that dildos actually do outcompete dicks?

my ex wanted to get one so she could practice coming without a vibrator and like it freaked out that dumb part of me but maybe it was justified lol.

>>740832152
do you at least get yourself off? you gotta at least learn what you like before you get into the bedroom

>>740831846

>underrated comment

>got me thinking about new jack swing and how 808s were compared to washing machines

>>740832296
I am the person who suggested the sculpey dick, so yes.
that's why I think I'm into bondage.

>>740832353
I might have to leave soon, since it's 4 am where I'm at but I'll be on for a little longer.

>>740832353
can you link me your favourite porn?

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>>740829205
>teleports behind you

>>740823515
I'd be happy to fuck the shit out of you of you're in Cali.

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>>740832436
https://www.pornhub.com/video/search?search=czech+fantasy
all of these.
except the girl who looks like the wolf guy from the faggot vampire books. she weirds me out.

>>740829521
You know it's okay to be gay, right? You have lil man hands and a boyish voice. We're all faggots here, anon

>>740832515
well I like guys but thats usually referred to as being straight when one is a girl.

>>740822855
Skywalker saber in pussy

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>>740830431
Closed legs are good for hiding dicks

>>740832692
think I have a dick all you want, it doesn't change the fact that I don't.

anyways, I'm going to bed. goodnight to some, fuck off to all.

>>740832511
not bad.. so you'd get off on being used like a fucktoy?

>>740832753
You have a dick until proven otherwise. The proof is lacking

>>740832578
Are you the one with the man hands?

>>740822147
*sigh*
Willing to buy you a toy online if you want to.

Just give me a way to contact, and prove it's you.

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>>740822906
Get a load of this fag

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>>740824694
Listen here little baby. You're gonna get a lot of hurtful and degrading comments, but that ain't what I'm about. Let me just say, you are perfect the way you are. You hear me sugar? PERFECT. Don't ever change. You deserve anything and everything you want. Stay safe for me, baby girl.

>tfw thinking about you hurting

I'm down to eat your asshole.

>>740831374
Humans don't "need" sexual release at all.