s/fur sideways references

traveling... swallowing... dramamine

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>>740802415
So you can understand why I wouldn't plaster my face and dick everywhere. I want a meaningful relationship, not a fuck buddy.

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>>740802602
modest mouse is pretty good

>>740802618
you know she's gotta have a fat ass though. dont lie

>>740802723
my second favorite band

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>>740802618
you sound like a girl, they always need ''meaningful relationships'' and a ''connection'' otherwise they don't smash I mean unless you offer them a large sum of money, everyone has a price

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>>740802749
Not really. It would be nice, but it isn't necessary. As long as they have a good personality, I really don't care.

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>>740802749
truth

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>>740802857
I'm not a girl. I kinda look and act like one, but money doesn't mean anything to me. I would legit turn down a billion dollars if someone told me to cut my hair. Wouldn't do it for anything. I can't be bribed.

>>740802857
im that way too. some people are just wired that way and some are wired for ultimate promiscuous fucking

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>>740802957
trap ?

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>>740803254
No. Just a very unlucky dude.

how do we make furry grills real? i have about $7k to invest. we need to pool our collective resources

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>>740803534
that's like making someone be able to fully change there gender without complications, its just not possible and also furfags are a small minority so no one is even trying this stuff

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>>740803752
who has more ryn?

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I'm a lot uglier than I realized. Guess I really have nothing going for me.

>>740804234
Confidence adds +50 to looks, lake of it hits you with a -150 debuff.

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Does anyone have any Scalies/lizards they could post? I need more

>>740804234
what the fuck did you do within the past 30 minutes to go frmo thinking youre hot shit to youre ugly

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>>740804573
Stopped lying to myself. Then I realized how bad I really was.

>>740804624
that sucks man. im actually sexy. i had no idea until i got macked on so much.

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>>740804819
That's great.

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>>740804819
take the test to find out if you really are attractive or not. https://www.prettyscale.com/
>I got like a 73

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I wish I had a grenade so I could put it in my mouth and pull the pin.

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>>740805171
but if you die you cant look at furry girls

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>>740805342
They wouldn't want to look at me anyway. No one would. That's why I want to completely blow my head off.

>>740805098
i dont care if i get a 13%. ive had enough interest to know something about me is attractive. i live in FL and i have to fight the cougars off me. it's rough out here

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>>740805436
>gets hit on all the time
>"omg I wish people would stop hitting on me"
If you're not just a lying piece of shit, and you probably are, then the reason you don't have a gf is because you have a shit personality.

>>740805586
i'm not lying. i used to have terrible self esteem issues. not bragging but im literally a text message away from having a gf instantly. the reason i dont have a gf right now is because i need to be unencumbered for the next year or so. im very focused on my work and wont let anything jeopardize it. after that it's game on.

also you seem angry and depressed. you remember me of me when i was younger. you'll grow out of it

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>>740805972
I'm very angry and depressed. I'm a horrible person with not a single positive trait. I've been depressed 15 of the 20 years I've been alive. I hate myself and want to die beyond comprehension. Nothing will ever change.

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>Literally a porn dump thread
>This time not talking about school shootings, but rather how "deppresive" they are

Nothing out of the ordinary, i see.

>>740806105
i recognize you, you're the person i said reminded me of me yesterday? or two days ago? this is before i had namesync. you revel in depression, it's a guilty pleasure, don't lie. it's confusing but you somehow enjoy the pit of despair and self pity

i'm also the one that told you in jest to take psychedelics. it was kind of a joke and kinda wasnt. it could help. low dose mushrooms for instance. would change your life. it worked for me

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>>740806284
Yep. Thanks to me being a pathetic waste of oxygen, as always.

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i haven't masturbated in like 4 days, i'm so ready for this

>>740806363
godspeed

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>>740802281
>I will never not be attracted to this
When did this happen?

Also hey y'all, its freud.

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>>740806357
>Looking for attention this hard

Free (you) for u anon ;)

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>>740806345
I don't. It's just all I know. It's literally a mental disorder. I'm so hopeless. And I'm so angry that I was stupid, and had to tell my psychiatrist about me being suicidal. It ruined my chances of ever grabbing that shotgun again because I would 100% do it right now if I could. No words other than "bye".

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>>740806533
I'm not even looking for attention. I honestly and truly hate my fucking guts, and want stab myself and rip them out.

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>>740806603

>>740806550
that's not true. any truly motivated person could find an alternative route and not make excuses about it. buy pills or a gun off the darknet, for instance.

>>740806603
you need psychedelics in your life

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>>740806687
Unless you have something to say, I don't. I don't even like talking.

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>>740806757
Just spent all my money on a bass that I'll probably never play. I just want to use a shotgun because I want it to be as nasty and brutal as possible. I don't want anyone to ever look at me or remember me again. I don't deserve it.

>>740806871
yeah whatever nigga

what kinda bass

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>>740806871
And instant and painless too. Still considering just walking up to the train tracks, but I really don't want to walk 1.5 miles to get there when I'm not in any kind of shape.

>>740807001
Schecter Stiletto Extreme 5.

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Doug Demuro you goofy looking fuck

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>>740807141
Hey.

>>740805417
Do it, it's the right thing to do. I'd have done it forever ago if I weren't so lazy when depressed. In one action that takes all of 5 minutes, I'd never be anyone's problem ever again. Too lazy and living is a habit, though. I kinda hope I get cancer or some other excuse to make me do it

>>740807072
nice. is it your first?

if you live in FL we're going to trip our faces off on mushrooms

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>>740807199
Hey dude

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>>740806871
>"I just want to use a shotgun because I want it to be as nasty and brutal as possible. I don't want anyone to ever look at me or remember me again. I don't deserve it."

>>740807072
>"Still considering just walking up to the train tracks"

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>>740807211
God, fucking tell me about it. You hate everything and want to die, but too afraid to end it yourself. It's agony.

>>740807214
First one of my own. My grandpa had a '68 Fender Precision Bass, but it's in disrepair, and I needed a lefty bass.

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>>740807214
And I live in GA.

>>740807447
what kind of music do you play

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>>740807835
Shitty death metal. Probably nothing anyone else likes.

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>>740807447
Not afraid, just too lazy and somewhat too proud. I wholly believe there is absolutely nothing after death, who we are is just a side effect of the complexity of our neural network. I wouldn't even bother deleting my massive (and morally offensive) pron stash before offing myself, because I'll be dead and beyond giving a shit people think of me. Maybe I'll even have my brother get my computer to enjoy the fun, show him some things he never knew he was into. I have rapid-cycling bipolar II, to the point that it's 4-5 days every couple weeks, so generally when it's at its worst I can just get shitface drunk and sleep for two days afterward and then it's better. I've tried dozens of medications and nothing has helped.

If I actually had to live a life, I would have done it long ago because I'm a genetic failure who is never going to acquire anything I actually want in life. I should swan dive off a library to save resources for more worthy members of the species.

Waiting for my patience and stoicism to run out

I heard an anon is considering suicide.

Here are the cliff-notes for why it is a bad idea (because i don't need to lecture a smart fellow such as yourself):
1. Life is a 1-time-only experience. If you lose it, you lose it forever.
2. Life is worth living through, because the little things life friends, good food, a comfortable bed, and the likes are what are worth waking up to.
3.Living in the 1st world gives you the opportunity to do so many things and enjoy your life. If you feel stressed, try some gardening. If you feel sad, try some bowling or running.
4.Everyone is good at something, don't worry about other people, you are your own bar.
Enjoy life while you can my man.

hope that helps.
~Your friendly neighborhood christ-fag

>>740804624
That's bipolar for ya

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>>740807607
how does muzzle-kissing work, i wander?

>>740807915
you should also get into some classic rock, blues, funk, jazz and fusion. get some color on that palette.

>>740808193
yup, my thought exactly. i was almost exactly like this and then i squirmed my way out over about 10 years.

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>>740808263
wtf is this image size lol

>>740808263

>Y u do dis?

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>>740806485
no one going to say hello?

>>740808491
at least the file is named so you know what's in it

>>740807214
Im in stcloud bro where you from

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>>740808058
I've been raised by a crazy mother, so I really don't know what to believe happens after death. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I don't want to come back and live again on this planet. I'm BPD, so it's similar, but is usually me feeling bad, or like absolute shit. There's no happiness or joy in my life. Exactly as you said, I'm a genetic failure who is never going to get anything out of life.

>>740808187
Is it though? What if there is something after? I'd just be coming back and living in this shithole of a planet again, probably even more unlucky next time around, since it seems that's what my life is: eternal suffering.

>>740808193
Borderline, not bipolar.

>>740808268
I was just being pessimistic. I'm a big fan of Primus and that funky shit. I adore the way he sexually assaults his bass like that. I could only dream of being that could.

>>740808540
why cant you even into dragon? id fuck a feral dragon till my dick flew off. assuming sapient and all that

>>740808491
>>740808525
Took me a while until today to figure out that i need to save links and not image for image to remain the right size.
Sure is weird.

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>>740808594
yup totally helps!

>>740808662
i never listened to primus but i know who les claypool is. he's collaborated with buckethead.

>>740808662
>Is it though? What if there is something after?
you mean metempsychosis? Unlikely imo, but entertaining such an idea: would it not be better to live a good life so that you have a better life next time around?

>it seems that's what my life is: eternal suffering.
mind giving an example? one's emotions are deceiving.

>>740808187
1) If life is awful for genetic or psychological reasons, there really isn't anything lost, especially if you don't believe in any skywizard or his Hell.
2) No friends that last, no attachment to people due to autism (even blood relatives and parents, anyone could drop off the earth and I wouldn't care), anhedonia means I don't even enjoy food, music, masturbation (for the most part), anything other people like
3) When nothing alleviates the awful, there's nothing worth bothering with. The *only* thing that helps is massive amounts of expensive drugs
4) I'm good at a ton of things, I'm actually very intelligent (just short of technically genius) and I could do almost anything I wanted, but I don't want to do anything. Intelligence itself contributes to making me more depressed than the bipolar shit does by itself. I have no ambition or hope, I don't have any real reason to keep waking up except that I haven't killed myself (yet)

That little spark, that little "I hope I wake up, because there's stuff I want to do tomorrow so I can experience things" is totally gone. I'm kinda pissed off every time I wake up, because it means I have to drag myself through another day. Some people simply weren't meant to exist, and for the last 15 years or so I've felt I'm one of them.

The one time I was going to kill myself, because things got *that* bad, I decided "I might as well shitfaced on my last day on earth, and kill myself when nobody's around to stop me later tonight." I got drunk by a bit too much, spilled the beans, woke up in the hospital furious that somebody had stopped me. Things haven't been that bad since, but I've also regretted nearly every day since. Sometimes, there isn't much you can do to make things better

>>740808712
I'm not against it.
If dragons were real i would fuck one tbh. Thing is though: I'm Christian and want to remain faithful to God. Can't do that if i'm wanking all the time now can i?
Theistic views aside, why is it that we are attracted to animal-people?

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omg this one is great

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>>740808986
Buckethead is literally the greatest musician ever in my opinion. He kills it on bass too. Les is a god tho, no one can touch him.

>>740809015
If living a good life was easy, I wouldn't be where I am. You Christfags really are clueless.

>>740809025
Jesus, it's like someone read my fucking mind. Everyone says "oh, just pretend to be happy" or do whatever bullshit, but it never works. Life fucking sucks.

>>740809025
And that plays into the pride a bit. I've never actually attempted suicide. I've always kinda bragged (when people ask) that if I had attempted it, I wouldn't be here. I do have the resources and will and know-how of anatomy and physiology and such to kill myself 4-5 times over all at once, in one event. When I bother, I want to kill myself so fucking hard that the medical examiner is impressed. If you can't even kill yourself properly, you have truly failed at being an intelligent being

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>>740809577
I like the way you think. Cyanide, throat-slash, hanging, and shotgun to the head would be my way of doing it.

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discord gg/ dqZTVeY

>>740809178
they just have to be humanlike in some aspect. or the individual has to [gradually] warp their preference away from humans. we're able to selectively mold our own minds. it's metaprogramming

>>740809375
i need you to do me a huge favor. i need you to research an individual named shawn lane. Shawn lane died in 2003 and is largely unknown by the guitarist population. he's the greatest guitarist who ever lived and that's not just my opinion but buckethead's as well. https://youtu.be/OhxUjpygfKk?t=1m20s

his first two studio albums are amazing. i recommend listening to them before listening to his live performances. incredible musician, unbelievable talent.

>>740809789
NIce try FBI

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>>740809864
I've heard of Shawn Lane. Listening to something by him once or twice, but that's it.

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>>740809896
can't tell if trolling or doesn't know what a discord server is.

>>740810105
How new are you

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>>740810136
that 1997 look

>>740810026
if you watch his live performances it can easily get lost on you. he had a tendency to go on long flurry tangents that are harder to appreciate until you acquire the unusual taste.

here's a song off his second album that i love.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xU4JaKoAusQ

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>>740810345
I like it.

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>>740809375
>If living a good life was easy, I wouldn't be where I am. You Christfags really are clueless.
Never said living a good life was easy (assuming you mean living a good life is living a morally upstanding life). I'm a fucked anti-social aspie with no friends who can't have meaningful relationship and can never rear children or get married due to said ass-burgers. Despite this i have no intention to kill myself, because life is still worth living for (i tend to my roses, i talk to my cat, i got God to talk to and now there is that "meet with simgles and just have fun" low subscription thing. I have a character that is attractive to eople because i am frank, hoping i may get a friend in future.

Since we are playing the "my life is shit" game, mind telling me what makes your life not worth living?

>>740810345
how fucked is it that this picture is ancient and yet there is barely anything comparable as far as anthro cetacean art goes. i love me some sharks but it just reminds me of how unloved cetaceans are.

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>>740809734
I always figured a massive overdose of opiates and alcohol, a lot of diphendramine (anti-emetic) so I don't puke it up, that'll cause organ failure if you ingest enough of it. If I'm drunk enough I can go fourth rib down and slightly towards the middle, an 8-inch blade is easy to acquire and causes seriously damage to a heart. A good paring knife would be great for getting between esophagus and arteries on the way down, ripping at least one artery in half. If I do it at a time of day where nobody will even know I'm gone for a good twelve hours, nobody can stop it (and probably nobody could stop it even if I did it right in front of someone). All I'd have to do is get fucked up and end myself in several ways at once, which'll be a lot easier when fucked up. It also only *requires* materials easily obtained basically anywhere. I laughed my ass off when my mother forced me to stay with her for a week on some kind of halfassed "suicide watch" after the hospitalization, when there's plenty of sharp thingies in the kitchen block.

People always say suicide is selfish, because you're taking yourself away from the people who love you. I always counter with the fact that if somebody doesn't want anything to do with life and they're constantly suffering depression or something else, it's selfish to want them to stick around forever. I think I have it bad, but I assume there are others out there who have it worse. It's a mercy for them to get it done and over with, to be free.

Like I said, I'm here because when I'm depressed enough to end it all I'm too lethargic to actually do it. I need some motivation and depression together, take a permanent nap.\

Would post more, but I haven't rebuilt my furry stash and most of what I do have is herm

>>740810726
if you're not motivated enough to kill yourself you cant really want to do it that bad. dont be dramatic.

god damn. yall niggas start killing yourselves and then i have no one to leech fur porn off of

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>>740810571
you are too correct

>>740805098
i got 81... how about that

>>740810996
the first time i saw that subtitle... for a split second i had complete hope there was a full animation of the scene lol

that's red raptor isn't it? he doesn't do cetaceans anymore. now he just does high ticket things like dragons. literally the only person doing decent cetacean art and he sold out

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>>740810971
e621 is your friend. Holy niggertits does it have a lot of content, for basically any fetish. I remember going through nearly everything they at one point, and if you want specifically sharks there's still like 30k images of just that. I don't matter, the pron is out there

this performance is legendary. the run at the end makes me shit myself every time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbPTeFta4lw

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>>740810563
Such an easy question to ask, yet so hard to answer. A summary would be that God hates me, and wanted me to be the most unlucky bastard on the planet. I'm a 5'2 guy who looks like a hideous girl, fucked in the head like you wouldn't believe due to growing up around a lunatic mother who literally believes she's dead, and living in the ghettos of Atlanta in apartments where I was one of the only white kids, and being a tiny, sensitive guy made me very vulnerable. I have no relationship with my deadbeat father who lives with his mom, my grandmother, along with myself. I've moved back and forth between here and my mom's house 5 times from the age of 13, 20 now. Oh, she kicked me out because she realized beating me every single week a dozen times with a belt didn't work after I stopped caring. I have absolutely no talent in anything, and I'm awful at every single think I've ever tried. I could go on and on, but it's tiring and depressing thinking about it.

>>740811299
i usually peruse e621. i have hundreds of artists i watch on there. some of the best artists ive seen only have a few works and then they disappear.

as far as good cetacean work, there isn't shit, and i check often.

im on vacation right now and for some reason ive just been browsing sfur threads only.

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>>740811540
I really don't know why I continue living.

>>740811540
i want to collect people like you and force them into my school for the depressed where by the end youve come to appreciate your captivity and the good it's done you

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>>740809025
>1) If life is awful for genetic or psychological reasons, there really isn't anything lost, especially if you don't believe in any skywizard or his Hell.
I would agree that nothing is lost. I live with aspergers and im still gald to be alive. Maybe it's because i'm satisfied with having good food, good beds, and a warm fire durring the winters. I guess i just hold a more positive perspective and am therefore glad for what i have.
>2) No friends that last, no attachment to people due to autism (even blood relatives and parents, anyone could drop off the earth and I wouldn't care), anhedonia means I don't even enjoy food, music, masturbation (for the most part), anything other people like
I cannot make any friends, i'm incapable due to my 'spergers. Your anhedonia may be a result of your negativity, or your negativity may be a result of it. May i know more?
>3) When nothing alleviates the awful, there's nothing worth bothering with. The *only* thing that helps is massive amounts of expensive drugs
What is awful? the inability to feel pleasure, or the constant negative outlook on life?
The massive amounts of drugs may be the cause of your problem (assuming you mean non-antidepressants) as recreational drugs in general cause neurochemical deficits that can lead to mental disorders.
4) I'm good at a ton of things, I'm actually very intelligent (just short of technically genius) and I could do almost anything I wanted, but I don't want to do anything. Intelligence itself contributes to making me more depressed than the bipolar shit does by itself. I have no ambition or hope, I don't have any real reason to keep waking up except that I haven't killed myself (yet)
It's good to hear that you are intelligent. We need more minds in this world.
Why don't you want to do anything?
How does intelligence contribute to your misery?
So you have bipolar disorder?!
continued-->

>>740811299
how do you narrow it down to just female/straight?

>>740811780
use tags

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>>740811723
I've already been there. It's called the mental ward. Got imprisoned there and sent to a rehab center for a week with druggies and schizos. It fucked me up so bad I became an homicidal psychopath, and I still have an obsession with serial killers. Doing anything like that again will literally make me kill someone. Serial killers almost always have BPD like me.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffrey_Dahmer

>>740811996
they dont give you psychedelics in mental wards and they cant help you with your world view

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>>740811996
EDGY AS FUCK BOIIIIIII

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>>740812127
Unless you can ship me shrooms, acid, and DMT to go to fucking space, it won't matter. Not even my rich parents have access to them despite the massive amounts of money they spend on weed.

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>>740812260
Please know what you're talking about before you decide to jump into a conversation. I'm not trying to be edgy. I'm just fucked in the head.

>>740812266
i dont have any drugs officer and even if i did im not shipping them across state lines. what state you in

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>>740812406
>>740807521

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>>740811220
I don't actually know, but you sound trustworthy and this looks stylistically pretty similar

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>>740812546

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>>740812573

>>740812448
that's not far from FL. ill be passing through GA on my way back down in a few days

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>>740812594
I have several more pics but they're all either lower quality or comparatively weird and maybe unwelcome

>>740812669
i know how it goes. ive seen all these. there's another decent one as well. im going to look for it real quick

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Dahmer was kinda hot. My "friend" said a girl told him he looked like Dahmer. He's pretty sadistic, and I secretly hope he wants to kill like I do because he's the only person I've met smarter than me, and we could get away with being the most prolific murderers ever if we wanted.
Now that, is edgy.

>>740812603
Where are you currently.

>>740811747
>anhedonia, the literal opposite of euphoria
Often it's attributed to a severe lack of serotonin, but because of the whole rapid-cycling bipolar II thing, more serotonin only makes me rage like none other and unable to sleep. Traditional antidepressants have most of their usual side effects. Even things that usually work for sleep and calm cause the exact opposite effect, things that are supposed to relieve headaches cause migraines, etc.
>awful
Both, unfortunately. Even when I'm totally messed up, there are moments when the logic of everything outweighs the hope, but it only lasts momentarily. I spend almost every moment of every day trying to distract myself from how pointless life is and how miserable I am. Sometimes it works.

I've had "mental disorders" since I was about 10, about the same time I realized I was seriously different from most people. I'm about as autistic as one can be without it being socially crippling. People always say "I wish I could see the world the way you do", and I generally reply with "You may think that now, but if you did the magic of existence would gone. Everything is math, determined outcomes, and probability. Nothing is special, nothing is amazing, nothing is sacred. Even if I don't know the answer, it's out there and weighing on us all. The entire universe can be described in mathematics, even if we haven't found the formula for certain things yet."

Intelligence contributes to it because I see things in a way most people don't. I am a Machiavellian manipulator, seeing even basic conversations as manipulation. It's all mathematics. Even wanting to tell a joke is an attempt at being funny for the sake of social status and people liking you. Even commenting about the weather is an expected behaviour that makes you "normal" and acceptable. Psychology and brain mechanics aside, nothing "normal" people do holds any interest to me. I've studied people my entire life for the sake of fitting in

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>>740812828
DE.

>>740812669
here it is.

>>740811540
>A summary would be that God hates me, and wanted me to be the most unlucky bastard on the planet.
I would say it's more because the world is fucked due to the sinful nature of humanity. Your parents made fucked up choices in their life, such as being abusive to you, and now here you are on the tail end of their selfish foolhardyness. Fucked as it is you don't need to remain stuck in the past. Forget them and try to move on with your life, be free of the shackles of the past, and live life for the future. Probably starting with a psychologist you trust, to overcome the trauma (if you don't trust a psychologist then try online forums that are not 4chan, if not your friends). folllowed by improving upon skills you have and learning new ones (such as gardening, for instance. Or learning a new language).
>I'm a 5'2 guy who looks like a hideous girl, fucked in the head like you wouldn't believe due to growing up around a lunatic mother who literally believes she's dead, and living in the ghettos of Atlanta in apartments where I was one of the only white kids, and being a tiny, sensitive guy made me very vulnerable.
Your mother this way from birth, abuse as a child by her parents, or excessive drug use and selfish short-nearsightedness?
>I have absolutely no talent in anything,
What about your intellect?
>and I'm awful at every single think I've ever tried.
No one said you have to be good at everything, nor did anyone say you have to ace something on your first try. I'm shit at PE, hard work and dedication are what has given me the fit body necessary to uproot the wood-weed in my garden.

>>740812266
never do drugs. It ruins your life and mental health, and the lives of those around you (especially if you have children).

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>>740812940
You sound a tad like low-key twincal if I'm honest

>>740813163
this is literally shit advice. i would be dead if it wasnt for my limited psychedelic use.

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>>740812940
Swing by and gimme some drugs, mang. That's the only thing I enjoy anymore.

>>740812955
She had a pretty hard life too, and she thinks she's a good mother, but she's completely delusional.
I don't have any intellect. I'm pretty stupid. I'm a dropout too.
I don't work hard or have dedication to anything.


>>740813163
My life and mental health have long been ruined.

>>740813361
twincal?

>>740813389
you've taken psychedelics before?

>>740811747
I'm a chameleon, I study people until I understand them and then be whoever I need to be and it changes every 5 minutes depending on the crowd. Who is okay with what, who uses profanity excessively, who wants to talk about movies or boyfriends, who wants to talk about drugs or thuglife, who wants to talk about working as hard as possible to make something of themselves, who views themselves as some aristocratic saviour, I watch it all and adjust to be friendly to everyone. I'm not an assburger, but I require studying people to assimilate. I can go into a support group and identify peoples' problems in minutes. 10 seconds after watching someone, "That chick has an opiate addiction, codependency, bipolar issues, and is severely depressed with anxiety issues based on that." I can generally read people in seconds. "I just saw that guy 5 seconds ago and I'm pretty sure he's an alright dude" is fairly common, and almost always right. I can read people just fine, but that doesn't fix what's wrong with me. I also see the shit wrong with the world and human nature, and see how it must change for the greater good and for me to be happy, and realize it's a LONG way off. Sometimes you're just born at the wrong time. 500 years ago or 500 years in the future and I'd be an awesome and innovative guy, ready to fix problems and ensure prosperity. Right now, I'm just an outcast worth nothing. Unfortunately, I'm just smart enough to realize how much I don't actually know

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>>740813507
Not yet. I wanna do every fucking drug on the planet and die, but the only legit thing I've had is hydrocodone. I abuse the shit out of caffeine though. I regularly snort or smoke about half a gram like it's coke. Weed is obvious.

>>740813698
do you have anxiety issues?

>>740811986
>>740811780
Also, this. Search for your biggest kink/fetish first, and relish in the stupidhuge pile of content. Then add said kink to your blacklist, and search for something else you like. Eventually, you will end up with images you've seen invisible, and images you might want being the only things available. It's simple enough, if you want to go through the effort. If you keep going at it, you can be the main contributor to a thread. There's little as entertaining as knowing you helped get someone off, regardless of sex. Everyone needs a little love once in a while, why not be the one that finds it?

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>>740813780
Eh, not really. I used to, but it was mild enough that I mostly got over it. I do have a bit of social anxiety still, but it's mostly just not liking being around people in general.

>>740813927
got damn. i cant touch marijuana or caffeine. they fuck me up bad. my hands are sweating thinking about it

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>>740814045
I'm thankful to not have anxiety as bad as others. It's still there, but I can control it. Drugs aren't enough to exasperate it luckily.

>>740813389
The amusing part of this is, lolingly, that people who realize they're "stupid" are more intelligent than retards who think they're smart. It usually takes someone far more intelligent than yourself to make realize just how much you don't know or understand

>>740814180
im not sure what's worse, depression or anxiety. ive had both and both at the same time. i killed depression and ive minimized anxiety a great deal

>>740812937
>Even when I'm totally messed up, there are moments when the logic of everything outweighs the hope...
you mean the "logic" that your life is terrible?
>I spend almost every moment of every day trying to distract myself from how pointless life is
pointless in what way?

>"You may think that now, but if you did the magic of existence would gone. Everything is math, determined outcomes, and probability. Nothing is special, nothing is amazing, nothing is sacred. Even if I don't know the answer, it's out there and weighing on us all. The entire universe can be described in mathematics, even if we haven't found the formula for certain things yet."
perhaps there is a reason that you feel so miserable? Nihilism is painful, and imo rarely true.
How does neuroscience take away from the splendor of the human mind and consciousness? How does understanding how something works subtract from how wonderful it is?
>I am a Machiavellian manipulator, seeing even basic conversations as manipulation.
I understand that machiavelli held truth in the statement that "nice guys are not effective". I never consider every instance of conversation to be an instance of manipulation though, because i know most people are honest (save the spare psychopath, but they are easy to spot) and i'm frank, so i never consider how i can say something to make people behave a certain way.
>Even wanting to tell a joke is an attempt at being funny for the sake of social status and people liking you.
You have an unhealthy view of people (probably because like me you are autistic and cannot undestand the inner workings of people too easily). When i think of something that is funny to me, i tell it to the people around me because i want to share what i enjoy/find funny. I assume others do likewise.
>Even commenting about the weather is an expected behaviour that makes you "normal" and acceptable.
I understand small talk to be a way of trying to start conversation.
--continued-->

>>740814045
The Jane is good shit for mental health, once in a while. Don't even go stonershit, if you don't want to. Seriously, scraping a grinder for some kief is plenty for a one-hit wonder if you only smoke once in a couple weeks. It's good times for relatively cheap. Even if you just go visit family and then take a resin-bake while you're there, it's plenty. Do it faggot

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>>740814337
I really don't know if I'm smart or not. I have basic knowledge of many topics, and sure as hell love to argue, but I'm probably not as smart as I think I am. Using the shitty system of IQ, I'd place myself in the 130-145 range, but I really wouldn't be surprised if it was 145-160. But it doesn't mean shit since I'm a failure at everything.

>>740814342
It's not even a comparison for me. My anxiety was a 6 or 7 at worst, but it's about a 2 now. Depression is a solid 13/10.

>>740814701
marijuana gives me severe and lasting anxiety. i cant smoke it ever again. but i will trip face.

>>740814722
wanna play some chess? https://lichess.org/cdlhHbpL

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>>740815026
Not really. That's where my social anxiety kicks in. I'm deathly afraid of doing anything online with someone else, I have no idea why.

>>740814377
>>740812937
-->
>I've studied people my entire life for the sake of fitting in
and therein lies the problem anon. You are doing things to fit into your enironment, treating human interaction like a scientific study.
Don't do that.
Just be honest with yourself and the people around you. Go through the motions, sure, but don't hold yourself back from doing what you love.
I walk up to strangers, comment on the weather, and then bring up quantum mechanics so i can geek out over quantum mechanics using analogies around us.

Sure do the minimum required to be behaved, but for the rest just be yourself. If you have gallows humor, joke about something dark when it is timely. Whoever laughs is friend material. Don't think that you should use humor as a test to differentiate between friends and not-friends. Just use humor you personally enjoy, and if others laugh, then you know who you would enjoy being around more.

Be genuine anon, a friend of everyone is a friend of no one. Genuine friendships far outweigh false ones.

>>740815149
cmon duuuuuuuuuuuuuude. im pretty bad. i usually get a massive upper hand most of the game and then lose it all in one swift idiotic move

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>>740815195
I never no what to think when I see such naive people.

>>740815260
Mate, earlier I turned down playing a game I just bought with my brother after he's been begging me to play because my anxiety is that bad. I kinda downplay it because I have enough problems as is. Not a chance in Hell.

>>740814377
>logic
Every single that I really want is statistically horribly unlikely. Even actually loving someone, which has only happened very times, and has happened continuously with the wrong sex. Most people I could have fallen in love with are a sex I have no attraction to whatsoever.
It's not necessarily nihilism, just the way I see and understand the world. Even my own existence is wonky, I feel more like a consciousness driving a biological machine than a person. Existing is seriously more like driving a car or an earthmoving excavator than being a person. My body and my mind are totally separate.
>mach
I'm blunt to a fault, and I value truth above all else (prove me wrong, I don't like it as much as being right, but being wrong is an opportunity to learn), and I put much effort into coercing people to my own advantage. I even do things that are morally disgusting to advance my own goals as long as I can do it in such a way that nobody finds out. When dealing with people is literally A+B=C to you, making people do what you want for your own survival is easy.
>unhealthy
Probably, but shit happens. It's just the way I am, and always have been. Even at 7-8 years old, I read and dismissed the bible as bullshit. It simply didn't agree with what I had experienced when it came to reality.
>small talk
It doesn't start interesting conversations in my experience, my experience says the people who say random and unexplicable (without context) shit are the interesting ones. Some people I get along with fine, people who don't give a shit about anything and are totally honest with people they trust. I love people who have no problem saying that their mother came into their room and they had a play a game of "see how fast I can get my dick back in my pants". I want to know people for exactly who they are, not how they want normal people to see them. Will look for CONTINUED. I am drnk as fuck and bored

>>740815026
That's unfortunate to hear, I do really feel sorry for the people who have negative side effects from the bud. It's been a saviour to me many times, but I don't have any negative effects from any drug without going seriously overboard. Sure, if you do 600mg of methylphenidate at once you're going to be twitchy, but meh. I do get sorta paranoid once in a while, but it goes away with some thinking. I wish you luck in your future stoning

>>740813389
>>740813389
Nice bat.

>She had a pretty hard life too, and she thinks she's a good mother, but she's completely delusional.
ever tried confronting her? If she is too far gone for remorse, then just leave her and live life apart from her.

>I don't have any intellect. I'm pretty stupid. I'm a dropout too.
prove you are smart right now. what is the square root of 4 to the 4th power? (no calculator allowed)

also this anon has a valid point:
>>740814337

>I don't work hard or have dedication to anything.
Most of the things i regret have to do with being lazy and not working hard. I know from experience that when i work hard i suceed very much.

>My life and mental health have long been ruined.
Perhaps try to rebalance your brain-chem then? Selectively choose drugs and do them in smaller and smaller quantities to allow your brain to be able to over-time resupply the deficit. Then finally stop using drugs and never use them again. The only thing keeping your brain fucked is you and that pile of coke.

>>740815547
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QU1nvuxaMA

I'll wait for you there like a stone.
I'll wait for you there alone.

>>740815825
it's okay. it's not a typical reaction. it gives some people severe anxiety and for me it unearths long buried mental issues

>>740814722
One thing people fail to realize is that IQ is on a Bell curve, and more or less IQ (from the average) is exponential. If you rate above average by more than one standard deviation, you are amazing. Even only two (130 IQ) makes you smarter than something like 94% of people. That "smarter" means WAY more than 6%. People who are higher than 130 completely blow me away with how easily they learn things, figure things out. Here, Temeraire comes to mind, holy shit I love that guy and have learned a lot from him accidentally. Sometimes it takes someone smarter than you to tell you exactly how smart you are. I've accepted that most people call me "genius" while knowing that I'm basically just "smart enough to not be useless when it comes to research". Half of intelligence is realizing just how much you don't know

anyone else wanna play with me?

https://lichess.org/cdlhHbpL

>>740815195
I've tried being honest to myself and the people around me. Experiments with multiple personalities (read: dozens, gathered from obnline) have told me that people want anything but the absolute, blunt truth. It doesn't even matter if you can prove that someone is underperforming with anecdotal, mathematical, and literally recorded proof, they don't want to hear it. When I act like myself, 99% of people hate the fuck out of me. Very few want the truth nhio matter what

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>>740815842
Already doing that.

I don't fuckin know, I hate math. I'm terrible at it. I'm really not smart.

I don't. I can work my ass off and it's never enough for me. That's the root of my problem really: I can never get enough of something. I'm never satisfied with what I have, no matter how good it is. I'm always a failure in my mind, and I can't change it no matter how hard I try. It's self fulfilling.

Nah, that's stupid. I limit myself at either one bowl of weed or caffeine at 4:20PM every day, and this is recent. I didn't used to limit myself. Drugs keep me from not killing myself.

>>740816196
It honestly doesn't even matter to me. I could have an IQ of 200 and I wouldn't be smart enough for myself. And really, 130 isn't even impressive to me. Mensa fags are a bunch of jerkoffs who think being in the 98% percentile means something.

>>740813643
>Sometimes you're just born at the wrong time.
fake and gay
dont fall for the meme that you need to be the next nikola tesla to be worth something. And dont' beleive that you need to be born in a different time to contribute to the present. There are several things that need developing and innovation:
AI
Robots
Politics in General
Philosophy (due to post-modernist cancer)

You love arguing so i would recommend philosophy and writing as a hobby, and something more grounded as a source of income (farming, programming, whatever you have the capacity to do which you know you will enjoy). You decide for yourself though, because i'm not you.

>>740816535
if you really enjoy manipulating people then you know never to tell the truth

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>>740803748
That seems like a wrong approach. Bodmodders sometimes do really interesting things to themselves, just imagine what they could advance to if someone invested in a cheap and reliable cosmetic gene alteration.

>>740816613
>% percentile
Case in point. I'm fucking retarded.

>>740815842
>work hard
>succeed
Yeah, I go from being entry-level to manager pretty easily, in any of the 6 jhobs I'cw had. I dominate anythign I try to do, and end up replacing anyone who comes near me. Advisors like me for taking advice, leaders like me for following when necessary, owners like me for making them money, customers like me going the extra mile in the same amount of time. I had no problem working a bakery doing 2-3 peoples' jobs at any given time. If nobody works properly, nobody gets paid. Picking up the slack has to be somebody's job, I might as well do it and then get paid for it.

But eventually, laws or morals or some other retarded shit gets in the way. Regardless of how well I perform (especially compared to other people) it all ends in misery and disgust for humanity. We simply weren't made for this century

>>740815842
Also, I did find something that worked wonders, wellbutrin (or whatever the generic version is called). It made me happy just to do whatever, to take one shingle at a time all day and never think of anything else. I was totally absorbed in whatever I had in mind,, and I was never depressed, even over the course of 6 months. Then I had some gay fucking overdose accident with Ambien and sleepwalking involved, and nobody has ever prescribed the ONE thing that works since. I can't get anyone to listen

>>740816895
we all make mistakes.

>>740817289
I make many of them. Like continuing to live.

>>740817196
you need to doctor shop

>>740817321
bawwwwwwwwwww poor me give me attention. the attention gets me harder than this fur porn bawwwwwwwwww

>>740817577
What.

Oh. You thought I was just joking. Yeah no. I literally can't stop beating myself into the fucking ground. My mind is my own worst enemy.

>>740817609
nothing, just there can only be so many reasons for persistent self deprecation

>>740817702
yeah but there's no reason you cant keep it to yourself nigga. you live for this shit

>>740817196
Anyway, derp. More furry porn is always welcome, I like just about anything 6-60 no matter the species. Post more vagina for great justice

>>740817796
Not really. I just say exactly what comes to mind most of the time. I don't care if it bothers people.

>>740816613
>I hate math. I'm terrible at it. I'm really not smart.
being good at math is being smart how?
Also interesting thing: many engineers started off being retarded at math (like needing to go back to pre-algebra), once the concepts click, then it becomes a breeze. You just need the right tutor to help you understand it. Why does this work? because at its principle level math is just glorified logic.

>I can never get enough of something.
As much as i wish i had a solution to this, i don't. I don't know wht would make you feel fulfilled. I don't know what would make you happy. Best i can do is guess that you need to look at life from a different perspective.

>>740816990
>Regardless of how well I perform (especially compared to other people) it all ends in misery and disgust for humanity
mind providing an example?

>>740817196
you need to find a new doctor who is willing to listen. Then you need to make sure you never over-dose again.

>>740817860
ad yet you care about what people think of you, and manipulate them?
Something is not adding up.

>>740818085
Because it's logical and my mind is inherently illogical because of mental disorders.

Which is exactly what everyone says. I've been through these cycles literally thousands of times with people and in real life. There is no hope for me.

>>740818155
Who am I manipulating? The fuck are you on about?

>>740816535
You misunderstand.
You be honset about YOURSELF, not about them.
No one likes being told all the time how they are shit in this way or that. I don't you don't (i assume), no one does.
If they ask for you to give your input, like help of some kind, then be honest and tell them what you think will help (kind of what i have been doing, but not really.)

>>740818418
What cycles?
what are you talking aobut?

>>740818606
The cycles of people trying telling me to just "change my perspective". It doesn't work that way. I have a mental disorder, my mind literally doesn't work these ways. When I say there is no hope, there is no hope. I do absolutely nothing in life except think about everything, and if there was an easy solution I would have figured it out long ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-Q4HtRQvrE

>>740818925
>I do absolutely nothing in life except think about everything
so do i.
Best to do it in moderation though.

The most important thing people need to understand is that I'm not trying to be the way I am. It's a disease that infects my mind and never goes away. I'm constantly contradicting myself in my mind. I genuinely try to make an effort at being happy because I wholeheartedly say that the meaning of life is happiness. I just physically cannot do it because my own mind works against me.

>>740818085
>disgust
It doesn't matter if I become to leader of an entire "squad" of people, the vast majority of people simply don't care. I believe that if I do something, I should do it right and well, not half-assed just to make a paycheck. If I don't do something better than someone else, and significantly, haven't earned the right to exist, much less reproduce. I need to be better than others, because I have the capability to do so. Even when it comes down to beating myself to the point that the entirety of my hands are beaten to a bloody purple pulp, I will keep going. I WILL make that line of whoopie pies or cupcakes or sales of items in a convenience store the best or the most ideal in terms of efficiency. It's my job to do so, otherwise tehre's no point in paying me. I have gone from lackey to awesome team leader in landscaping business to the point that I make almost 20 bucks an hour, and it still feels like no accomplishment at all. I still blew up that job from stress and overworking (I lost 70 pounds in three months, I was working the bitchmotherfuck out of myself). I was drinking at work to deal with family issues, and even when I wasn't drinking at work, the people dropping me off at home after work weren't enough. It doesn't matter what you do to get by, if you do ANYTHING drug-or-habit-wise, you're fucked. The simple things some people need to get by and continue to exist are illegal or immoral to most people

>>740818997
thanks

>>740819269
E Man is a known Bucketbot here. He posts his pikes occasionally.

>>740819387
i havent ventured into the pikes yet. ive been saving them. buckethead has a bunch of albums that are great front to back start to finish.

>>740818495
Yeah, being honest with myself is garbvage, even when people ask for help. Even if I tell my mother that the overdose of makeup she uses makes her look like a desperate whore, she doesn't accept that she's quite a bit prettier when she just acts like herself and accepts it. Everyone wants to be prettier, more influential, more powerful, more controlling. Even me, I want to be female just for the fact that even at 6/10 I'd be more interesting to most people than I am now. I don't even want to be the same sex as I am now, life is garbage. However, sex/gender/kinks/whatever aren't something you decide, shit just happens yo. I realize I will never have what I want

>>740819594
I've listened to a couple. I downloaded his discography in 2012, but never updated it because he has so many albums that I don't take the time time to listen to them. I hate new things, so I just listen to the same albums ad nauseum.

>>740819190
>It doesn't matter if I become to leader of an entire "squad" of people, the vast majority of people simply don't care.
Why should they care. You should be proud of what you yourself have accomplished, fuck what the world thinks.
>I believe that if I do something, I should do it right and well, not half-assed just to make a paycheck. If I don't do something better than someone else, and significantly, haven't earned the right to exist, much less reproduce.
So you have good work ethic? Good. You don't need to be better than everyone though. There will always be someone eons ahead of you, but that isn't a bad thing.
>I need to be better than others, because I have the capability to do so. Even when it comes down to beating myself to the point that the entirety of my hands are beaten to a bloody purple pulp, I will keep going.
You definitely have an unhealthy fixation on being the top of the game. You should hold yourself by YOUR responsibilites and do a good job of that, and if other people need help and you want to help them, then help them. But don't put all the weight on your shoulders because you "need" to be top dog.
>I still blew up that job from stress and overworking (I lost 70 pounds in three months, I was working the bitchmotherfuck out of myself).
>The simple things some people need to get by and continue to exist are illegal or immoral to most people
such as?

>>740819644
> I realize I will never have what I want
what you also need to realise is that you don't need those things.
Fame, beauty, power, control, influence, money. They are all overrated and utterly vapor.

this thread is cringy af

>>740820249
depressed furries are cringy? explain

>>740819937
There's always something eons ahead of me in intelligence, and that's part of realizing just how smart I'm not. If only given 1-10k people (or more) who can really contribute to science, I'm nothing at all. I'd be, at most, a little grunt doing some information gathering that's slightly beyond normies. I certainly have the work ethic, I lost 60 pounds working a stupid landscaping job after spending my first Friday literally crippled on the couch. Going from nothing at all to running 12 hours a day wasted me, but I kept going after a couple days' rest. I never took another day off after that first Friday, I missed ONE day in three years. I pride myself on working hard, but it's nearly impossible to give a shit when you want nothing more than to sto pexisting. Doing amazing things is just a habit that doesn't bring any kind of joy or happiness

>>740819937
>blew up
In most of my jobs, I was working the jobs of 2-3 people at any given time. I was coordinating the lineworkers to get things done within their capabilities and effort, picking up the slack myself. People who had been working there for 5 years or more praised me for figuring out how to get people to do more. In landscaping, I always had the answer when it came to manipulating someone into doing more work, and then LIKING it because they got things done faster. I had more positive comments than anyone in the company had had except the guy who built it. It's not that I have an unhealthy obsession with being the best, it's that I LITERALLY have an advantage when it comes to business. I AM the best I've encountered for gruntwork, if not for management (which I admit I'm not good at because people tend to hate me). I do what I can, and the rest can eat a dick, but if the demands aren't met everything fails and nobody gets paid. Sometimes it's worth it to do 2-3 peoples' jobs just to keep shit going because you need the money.

Sure money and influence and such are vapid junk reserved for the most wealthy, but there are still benefits to presenting yourself as such (and negative effects if you aren't in that group)