YLYL green text edition

>>740488132
kekd

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not greentext but one of my favourite screencaps

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>>740488132
Kekd

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My all time favorite greentext.

>>740490591
This is a warning. If the relationship doesn't start off with threesomes and swapping and other depraved shit DON'T INTRODUCE IT.

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>>740490246
Jesus Christ, reminds me of that one where another med anon had some land whale in and she had a rotting fetus in her, don't have it though

>>740491104
fatties are the wurst.

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>>740491227

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This ones long but worth it, found it on /x/

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Fine my one geen text
>be me
>living in shitvill south america
>about 10 years old
>late evening, dark
>hear goats at the back of shack making weird noises
>cousin and I go to see whats up
>see figure of man running away from goat pen.
>figure drops machete and bottle of oil
>machete looks familiar
>machete belongs to old uncle
>cosine knows whats up
>uncle is fucking his goats
>cousin goes over to uncle's shack to 'return' his oil and machete.
>cousin meets uncle in hammock throws the stuff on the ground and shouts stop fucking the goats.
>aunt overhears and throws a fit.
>uncle does nothing, just bends his head and takes it.
>several years later
>village gets electricity
>watching TV, documentary about Australia.
>sees aborigine for the first time
>mfw my aunt looks just like them
>mfw my aunt is so ugly, my will refuse her and cross a piranha infested river and a poisonous snake infested forest at the back of our village to fuck a goat.

>>740489904
Literally a guy same fagging.

>>740490233
Maximum kek

>>740490591
Holy fucking shit i lost so hard

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>>740492160
Kek

>>740491962
Yes, glorious detective, clearly only you are wise enough to know that everything on /b/ is an artistic falsehood. Us lesser beings would do well to read the notice posted at the top of every page lest we be crushed by your superior knowledge.

>>740491962
Even if he isn't, screencaping your own shit is gay as fuck.

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>>740493032
Jesus just to 10 sign captchas

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Bump the thread if your lurking

>>740491962
hi newfriend. it takes a little while to actually understand how this site works.

>>740493760
holy shit lost so hard

>>740490796
Where is the part where I'm supposed to laugh?

>>740491784
I was in tears this shit funny af

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>>740491104
>>740491227
>>740491625
I got you, fam.

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>>740490796
Wtf im not here for heartwarming shit that ill never have

>>740491104
virgin

>>740494113
You laugh when you realize your life is the joke: you will never be as happy or have as fulfilled a life as that anon.
As will we all.

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>>740491104

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>>740494637
Wait wat, my mom told me a story back in the day, she was a nurse, they had the same problem, they couldnt figure out why this morbidley obese woman smelled so bad, they eventually bathed her down and found a god dam 3 week old whole sandwhich in one of her folds.

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>be me
>be drunk
>enjoy these
>bump thread

How'd I do /b/?

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who has the greentext of the guy licking feet

>>740495135
B+ with gif

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Anyone have the one about the hooker blowing on buttholes so they couldn't shit in her face?
>pic not related

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Bilp

>>740495228
Aww fuck i know which one your talking about i dont have it tho

>>740495117
Might want to bring it up, m8. Post results.

>>740491784
another one

>>740491104
I remember that one, the intern gave up after that. God tha twas so nasty

>>740495228
They fucked that husky up

>>740495628
Its off topic, but I remember one where this one NEET got into a relationship with a sociopathic Gothic lolita.

>>740494637
No, it isn't that one.

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>>740491104
>>740495628
>>740496335

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>>740496335
Yeah the hooker bet the guys they couldnt shit on her face for money and she blew air upwards puckering there assholes winning the first night

>>740496583
YUP!

>>740496125
I have it i think but the file size is too large

>>740496679
I think you meant to respawn to tsomeone else

>>740491104
fuck you

>>740496583
Only read the last sentence, it was enough

>>740496929
Can you can it into parts?

>>740497037
Cut* why did it auto correct it to can?

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>>740497037
>>740497089
This one right?

>>740497546
No, I think the NEET I mentioned was still in high school and the lolita had a shed in the woods full of random hardware tools.

>>740496708
Glad we found it. Holy shit that is awesome.

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>>740493760
I don't know if you can die from laughter, but I think I came close

>>740491792
Your town just got electricity within last 20 years?

>>740488132
Does anyone have the "user was slapped for this post" greentext?

>>740497760
She was called baby, right?

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>>740495228

>>740493760
WORTH

>>740490989
Fucking kek

>>740498883
Yes, she was! I remember reading it and that's when I figured out there are 3 different styles of "dark" (1: edgy/emo sharpie wrists, 2: people who just legitimately enjoy the Gothic style, and 3: psycho Lolita's.)

>>740490796
Fuck you

>>740494879
lost the hardest

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>>740499330
Same here. That had me giggling like an idiot for a solid two minutes in microwave time.

Bumparoo

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>>740490796
Is there like more to this story or something?

>>740493760
i'm literally crying, it's been many moons since I've keked so hard

>>740488132
haha nice

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>>740497546
c'mon man, I came here to lurk and laugh

Is this thread now as dead as the fetus from >>740496583?

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>>740497760
i got you

>>740488132
no catfishman?????

>>740500998
That's the one

>>740491104
nigger

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good shit

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>>740498940
holy fuck lmao

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>>740488132

>>740491104

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>>740501909
Fucking love this. I might sound like an asshole, but that's the kind of parent I want to be.

>>740501909
That thread was legenadry

>>740490796
As much as I'd love to be all bitter about
>inb4 you will never feel this

I have to say that was adorably heartwarming.

>>740488132
all this is ia a normal story peppered in with some game of thrones quotes

man you guys have a really low bar

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>>740500998
pretty stupid and fake

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>have celiac
>beer gives me a the wateriest most nasty diarrhea ever, complete with cramps
>be talking to this chick
>asks me to a bar
>Y-yeah
>we take a cab over to the bar
>spend quite a while there, talking and having fun
>she's drinking and notices I havne't been drinking
>Anon, why haven't you had anything? get something
>I uh... okay
>order my favorite beer
>can't drink liquor because of several alcohol poisonings in past (was in army)
>projectile vomit as soon as rum or whiskey hits lips, no idea how to get over this
>anyways drink my beer and order more
>the seed is sown...
>several hours we finish at bar and head back to my place
>we're making out and shit gets heavy
>I flerp a bit of turd out my bum
>shiete gotta go to the rest room real quick!
>clean up, brush teeth, wash hands etc, pretend like I'm doing my routine
>down some pepto
>shit isn't gonna help
>keep it down for a while
>head to bed
>wake up in a mountain of shit and cramping like no tomorrow
>o-oh... my... god..
>chick leaves
>haven't spoken to her since

>>740491104
Faggot

>>740491104
bicface

>>740497546
I NEED THE REST OF THIS

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the original

>>740490233
David thorne is awesome

>>740493760
Sure thing, senpai.

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>>740503834
>>Anon, why haven't you had anything? get something
No thanks I'm good with ginger ale, soda, whatever. Don't drink anymore, too many crazy nights in the Army.

Simple not-autistic, and you don't shit your bed.

>>740489904
>The midget is currently in jail for arson
my god. my fucking sides.

>>740504767
This motherfucker. I'm Latvian. The original poster probably didn't even know what Latvia is. Lel

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>>740499880

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>>740505305

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>>740502945

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>>740490591
I was laughing until
">I hold back tears"
">I love her so much"

>>740504792
Timeless

>>740492423
Lost

>>740491104
fuck you dipshit

>>740505305
>>740505372
Things that never happened for 500, please

>>740506727
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact

>>740488132
You sure this isnt YCYL

>>740491784
By far the best greentext ive ever read.
Thanks anon

>>740498531
This was in the 80s

>>740507935
This is one of the best things I have ever read.

Jesus, none of these are fucking funny.

>>740496525
kek

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>>740508497
What? You want a cookie for something you can't prove?

>>740497546
REST OF THIS PLEASE

>>740508681
2nd this

>>740489732
I can just look at the thumbnail
>the destination is at ham

>>740490591

Feel bad for anon, he was just trying to make his GF happy.

>>740497546
Plz post

>>740505372
WHERE'S MUH SIDES? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MUH SIDES?

2 requests

1. Anon's Dad finds his collection of Tracer Rape/BDSM pics + his shitty fanfic

2. Guy goes to Japan in search of his waifu

3. Fats Mcgee and the Retard Three

>>740511221

*3

>>740490796
you're a piece of shit, this isn't funny

god i just want to fucking kill myself for never being able to experience this

>>740505143
as someone who once visited latvia i can confirm that the OP was 100% accurate

>>740491784
my fuckin sides goddamn best greentext I've read

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>>740511221
I have The Don

>>740511221

Those first 2 sound interesting and third is one my favorites. Hope somebody has them.

>>740504767
This is so hot. I've had a long standing fantasy of visiting a place during a hard point in their history, ei. Ireland during the famine, finding a struggling family with a young son, and offering to pay for everything the family needs in exchange for the son's virginity.

Imagine me, tall and strong and rich, dressed in a long black cloak, approaching on horseback a run down shack on an Irish farm, devastated and barren of crop.

The family is dressed in rags, starving and cold, in awe of my many gold rings and educated accent. I claim I'm just passing through, give them some money for "allowing" me to stop and rest on their farm a moment. The family, ashamed and embarassed, apologises for not having anything to offer in exchange for the excess of coinage I've given them. I brush it off with a mysterious smile.

Then, their teenage son enters from the kitchen. He's still growing, but already almost as tall as me. His skin is tan from his years working outside, his thick brown hair, unwashed, almost hiding his youthful eyes. His clothes, just like his family's, are dirty and torn, his muscles deflated from famine, but still his determination and will shines through.

And then I realize what I want. As the father is walking me around his farm, at my request, reddening more and more everytime a fleck of dirt hits my shiny leather boots, I offer to give him some money for the farm.

>No, I couldn't....
>You've already given us so much, sir!
>I'm not sure...

But I insist! I convince him, eventually, it's just a "loan" he needs to "pay back" over time, but we both know that isn't true. We continue to walk in silence, before I say it:

>You know... Your son is about right age for some mentorship, with your approval....

And the father is so excited at his son's chance for a better future - though he doesn't show it. He says he'll think about it with his wife, but I take my leave knowing when I return with food and horses and money, the boy is mine.

Mine.

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never a bad time for some medieval medicine

>>740501909
Frogdad.jpg oh my sides.

>>740513649
Where are the pixels good sir?

>>740497546
I NEED THE REST OF THIS, ANON!
WHERE'S THE REST OF IT?!

>>740513247

I used to have them, but since I got a new PC I've lost all my Greentexts. Hope a /b/ro can hook me up.

>>740490120
Remember when The People's Champion hadn't yet forsaken us. Anon remembers

>>740514276
http://www.funnyjunk.com/channel/depressing-stuff/The+story+of+elisa+milicent+sinclair/painLcn/

>>740500998
Anon fucked up big. Never stick your dick in crazy.

Pretty sure he's gonna end up as a flesh coat. (If he isn't already)

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https://youtu.be/gGWXKmGTLOA

>>740500998
>killing two girls in fights
>not interesting

wut

>>740504495
I just finished reading it. No you fucking don't. You do not want to finish this story, trust me on this man.

>>740492241
Why the fuck did I lose so hard to this?!!!>>740492273

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>>740501129
I got you.

>>740513441
ooooooook

thank you for the insight

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>>740513649

More?

>>740490796
D'awww

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>>740513649
>>740514243
>>740518416

>>740506727

>Wanting to fit in this bad

I love the unanimous agreement that Plague Doctors were just totally chill guys, who had no idea what they were doing and didn't give a shit about not knowing.

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>>740493760

>be me
>1989
>working janitorial at KFC
>come in after closing, clean, go home
>walk in fridge has chickens, gigantic bags of fries and literally plastic barrels of salads
>GF comes to visit sometimes
>one night she gets frisky
>tell her there's a camera and we can't
>no camera in fridge
>she drags me there and immediately regrets it
>won't take off clothes cause of cold
>pushes me against cold steel wall and drops to her knees
>being paid to get a blowjob
>feelsgood.mpeg
>blow thick wad in her mouth
>GF didn't swallow
>GF never swallows
>starts scrambling for somewhere to spit
>opens barrel of coleslaw

To this day I won't eat a KFC salad.

>>740490246
Kinda reminds me of a call I got one night, will tell if anyone's interested.

Bxbx

>>740491104
You win this round

>>740494909
>Fat cause thyroid
>Drinks butter
Every fat person ever.

>>740494879
Ayyyy my comment made it to the screen cap

>>740516655
Why? tl;dr version?

>>740514736
My poor heart.
My feels are off the chart!

>>740516655
OH GOD YOU WERE SO RIGHT! MY POOR HEART!

>>740520009
Elisa doesn't exactly make it to the end.
My feels, man.

>>740520198
Ahh one of those.
Today is not the day for such a feels thread or story.

>>740492241
Everytime

>>740488479
stolen valor

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>>740520423
It fucked me up real bad. It really hurt because I have a thing for old-timey fashion. It's kind of why I like cute clowns. Relics from a better time
Pic related.

>>740492213
Kek lost

>>740498249
It is entirely possible to die from laughter, either from asphyxiation or cardiac arrest

Anyone got the one about the bird named sexyhitler?

>>740520423
here have fun
imgur.com/gallery/lLCtX

>>740490796
I didn't expect myself to find myself crying here. I thought this was a feelsgood thread.

>>740521234
I think the bait was successful there.

>>740521354
actual legendary bait.

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This just happened to me 2 weeks ago:

>be me
>be vibing to dr dre's the chronic in the tub
>be super wigger
>have great, bassy stereo
>nuthin' but a g thang comes on
>holyshitthebass.m4a
>stereo starts bouncing towards edge
>notice
>notice a little too late
>it falls off
>timetofry.net
>it lands in tub
>cord just long enough to stay plugged in
>holy shit was it painful
>I pull the cord out of the wall a few seconds after it lands in the tub
>everything on my body hurts
>I finish my bath
>I call 9/11
>they examine me
>they tell me I have 3rd degree burns

>>740520614
What the fuck

>>740521453
Ain't nothing but a degree thing baby

>>740521380
he got me

>>740491104
faggot nigger son of the homobitch

>>740521605
I am going to hurt you and hug you at the same time.
I love this.
>>740521453
*I meant 911.

>>740490796
Bet their kids end up blind

>>740504628
That's not David Thorne.

>>740521992
Yeah, it's Rick Ross.

>>740522128
oh i didn't mean to post that

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>>740491104
at least that one makes an effort

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i proposed the pineapple strategy during the Jake Paul affair but it was practically undo able, to be honest.

>>740495080
Shortest underrated green text.

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>>740495269
>>740514924

>>740491104
Lol'd

>>740491104
ypt frgtttttttttttttt.

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>>740491104

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>be me
>invited to family thanksgiving
>have to drive out of state
>take my playstation to set up in my old room
>get their
>breeze by the "hi"s and "hello"s
>go to old room
>now full of dumb shit
>it's a storage room
>have to set playstation up in living room
>be playing
>family in kitchen
>kitchen is really close to living room
>start listening to pink season on spotify
>half-way through hot nickel ball on a pussy, my controller dies
>forgot to charge it
>"LET ME LICK THAT PUSSY, LEMME LEMME LICK THAT PUSSY" starts blaring throughout the house
>mom and dad look at me in disgust
>cousins are belting out in laughter
>hot neighbor who I didn't know was currently there looks at me in horror
>I freeze up
>they continue staring and laughing
>I pack up my playstation and leave without eating
>that was thanksgiving 2016, I literally have been ignoring all contact with any of them since then
>mfw

>>740491104
fuck

>>740488479
I laughed so fucking hard the first time I saw this.

>>740491104
fghf

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>be me
>be neo from the matrix
>get shot at
>dodge bullets
>they hit a metal wall and ricochet back at me
>didn't see them coming
>one goes through my head
>in my dying moments, agent smith pulls out a red button
>he presses it
>"that was easy"
>mfw

>>740491104

Haha you got me.

>>740511868
do it cuck

>>740511868
>>740524085
Samefagging this hard.

>>740507992
Underrated.

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lost instantly

>>740514736
The first time I've cried since the third grade. I don't know whether to say fuck you or thank you but, thank you.

>>740521835
Laughed harder than I have in a long time

>>740524612
>88 miles
wtf

>>740493760
Bamp

>>740521353
Nice.

>>740490989
I'm Indian and I lost

>>740525690
Do you really do dat shit?

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>>740525687

>>740504792
poetic

>>740521869
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgD6KvmZckI

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>>740525927

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>>740526343

>>740491104
Nig

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>>740526413

>>740495228
Le fucking mao, please tell me that real

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>>740526720

>>740491104
For fuck sake