Got any good pickup lines /b/?

My dick died, can I bury it in your ass?

>>740211370
>Hey sexy, you look like an angel. At least you will after I'm done with you.

>>740211370
>hey baby you like anal? We should go out.

>>740211370
>wow you don't look 18, daddy will show you how to wipe.

>>740211370
"ever heard of 4chan?"

>>740211841
I kekd

Hey, I was just wondering if you sat in a pile of sugar, cause you have a sweet ass!

OP here. I'd prefer something that won't get me unmatched. Thanks guys.

>>740211370
"I love you"

"I am a proud conservative American and brony (male My Little Pony fan). I work very hard to enmesh the philosophy of Ayn Rand within the framework of tolerance and love espoused by Pink Pie and friends. I'm something of an intellectual, and would love to discuss politics or cartoons with somepony near me in the future. Please understand that if we were to meet, I AM THE MAN in the relationship. I'm also trying to finish the first draft of my e-book entitled Serfdom in Equestria, an expose on the liberal agenda slowly eroding freedom in the My Little Pony universe."

>>740211841

But so far, this is the winner.

>>740211370
Hey girl, are you a school? cuz I wanna shoot kids inside you

>>740212507
Hey, what's your name?

>steal a ATM receipt with a high balance
>(or make your own)
>talk to girl at bar, express interest in her
>say you have to leave but you're really into her, start patting your pockets, grab receipt and jot name and number on the back
>take off because you're a busy dude with shit to do
>she may be weirded out at this loser who just shoved a number at her
>laughing with her friend or considering posting about it on FB with her phone
>she turns paper over, sees the money
ENJOY YOUR SEX

>>740212464

Hey girl, did you wash your pants with Windex® because your pussy smells like ammonia.

>>740211370
"I'm violating the terms of my parole to contact you. What's up?"

>>740211370
I voted for Trump

Don't worry about pickup lines. She's probably heard them all. Start off with a neg to turn the tables a little bit and lower her status relative to you.

You gon get raped bitch

>>740213196
A neg?

>>740211370
Don't scream or I'll cut your fucking throat.

I wish you were my little toe so I could bang you on every piece of furniture in my house

>>740211370
Tell her she's fat. You will get a message back.

>>740211370
>if you and i were squirrels id store my nuts in your hole

Is your dad an astronaut? I really want one of those pens.

>>740213410
>>740213410
Negging is when you make a thinly veiled insult that is designed to make the woman a little bit self-conscious and invert the power relationship.

> Your hair is really nice. Are those extensions?

> Do you have any more recent pictures?

>>740213811
That doesn't make any sense. You're both squirrels in the scenario.

If that pic is accurate, ask to join her for a mani/pedi. Sure you'll be doing something girly, but she'll be so into being pampered that she will lower her guard and you can talk to her, find out what she likes and then you can tell her that you wanna show off her new nails at dinner. With the information you now know about her, plan a second date and see what her schedule is from that

>>740211370
>i know i cant have your virginity but can i have the box it came in?

>>740211370
yea

"If I called my dick Chester, would you choke it to death"

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Fuck it, just went with. >>740211841

>>740214385
kek, post results!

>>740214039
Schedule your following date to get brazillian waxes and butthole bleaches together. Sure you'll still be doing girly things but you'll lower her guard even further and then you'll really be primed for a third date at the restaurant of your choosing.

>>740214385
KEK

Are you a philosopher? Because I have a large bone for you to examine

>>740214485

Will if there's a reply before thread dies.

>>740214385
savage

Girl, You must be a cow because I want to milk those udders

She's never gonna reply to that shit. Better message quick and say your little brother stole your iPhone 7 Plus.

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Decided to try another.

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Kek, what should I reply?

>>740215338
Best reply (or dubs) decides.

>>740215338
shut up bitch you love it ;)

>>740215338
You bent your head and body in fear or in a servile manner? Because that's the dictionary definition of cringe, you dolt.

Did you fall from heaven because your face is pretty fucked up

>>740215338
"nice shoes wanna fuck"

>>740215499

Guess this is the winner. Shame, this girl was actually kinda hot.

>>740215646
i did this before. i ran many threads.. i got reported on tinder cause some of the things i wrote every very very bad lmao

>>740215338
You wont if i warm it up first

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Doubtful she'll reply, but we'll see.

>>740215338
ill bury my dick so deep only king arthur will be able to pull it out

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Dubs or best reply. Seems we got a lively one.

>>740215842
God her eyes look so tired. How old is she?

>>740215842
i cringed

>>740215969
kek it worked
seems like negging is real after all

>>740215969
Ok, but seriously, what's up? Pussy wet?

>>740215969
she likes you, you dolt

>>740215969
You'll cringe even more when I'm 8 inches deep in that ass

>>740215724
Already got a girl I'm sorta seeing, So I don't really care if I get reported or banned lol.

>>740215969
send nudes or admit your attitude is a problem right now. you can't even think of a unique line for me, you splutz.

>>740216227
reeeeeee

>>740216227

againz

Ouch, touché! Shall we continue with the verbal jousting, or just move ahead to burying our tongues in each other's nethers?

>>740216227
reee

C'mon /b/ros, you can do better than these.

>>740215969
"Good, cause you're ugly and I'm a pedophile."

>>740216299
Thus pick thus one

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>>740215969
"Lets have sex". then sex her this picture

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>>740216299
Lol fuck, this one will probably be the one to get me unmatched.

>>740216472
actually that might work
I dunno

>>740216472
Those are both my dubs. Thanks OP!

>>740216472
>>740216300
is next, which is really >>740216227

>>740216587

That one was too late unfortunately. If she replies, we'll start again.

How long's your forearm looks like the size of my dick

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Haha, she unmatched me after this.

>>740216942
kek

>>740216942
All in all, that ended well OP. She knows you are not to be fucked with. Like most OPs..

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Starting again. Dubs or best reply.

>>740214524
what are you fucking gay

>>740217160
"I'm a pedophile. How old are you?"

>>740217160
Whats up with your cheep? swollen?

Send nudes

>>740217160
you own many dogs, does that mean you like doggy style

>>740217315
cheek*

>>740217160
Those big beautiful eyes stand out, even in black and white. I got lost realizing my mere existence relies on your ability to make a grill cheese sandwhich. How would you rate your blowjob skills?

Tell her she can't suck dick with her mouth closed

>>740217364
we have a poet

Was matched few days ago, so might not get a reply.

Thought about getting a real job instead of just flaunting those funbags and hoping for a rich guy like me to pluck you out of squalor?

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>>740217400

Let's hope for a reply.

>>740217160
You're 5'9? I'm 6 foot, 3 inches.

Those are two measurements.

What's the difference between jelly and jam?

I can't jelly my dick up your ass!

Hi, my name's Anon, but tonight you'll be calling me Daddy.

>>740217624
12 year old detected. You're not allowed on these threads kiddo go back to roblox

>>740213921

that's the best negging you've got?

>>740217621
Good shit.

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Let's start with her. Matched an hour ago, so better chance of a reply.

>>740217806
Did you ever wonder if your mom gave dad a blowjob right before she kissed you goodnight? Now you have.

>>740218089
Your name sounds like something a pissed off cow would say.

>>740218089
Hey, just wondering if you've got any dumb friends you can set me up with. Thanks in advance.

>>740218299
kek

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This one just replied, so let's go with it.

I stick to the classics. "Nice shoes. Wana fuck?"

>>740218481
Do us all a favor then and swallow it again.

>>740218299
WINRAR

>>740218481
hey babygirl do you belive in love at first sight :)

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>>740218299
>>740218300

Doing both, too good not to.

>>740218481
I prefer girls who swallow.

>>740218481
Oh dont stop what your doing on my account

Still waiting for a reply for this one.

>>740218481

>>740218661
I kekkled.

>>740218678
+1

Still need a reply /b/ros.

>>740218678
Roll

>>740218481
I'm surprised you're wasting good bleach, don't you need it to clean the kitchen?

>>740218678
Decided to go with this.

Are you from Tennessee because I eat ass

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>>740219504

Dubs or best reply.

>>740219627
wanna hook up tonight, i wanna have some passionate sex tonight,

>>740219627
I'm a romantic at heart, so can we cut the chit chat and skip to the part where I eat your asshole in a subway station?

>>740219627
Changed my mind, I don't wanna shoot kids inside you anymore. I just wanna shoot you.

Charge your goddamn phone op.

>>740219977
Winrar

>>740218661

Got a reply. Dubs (or best reply) decides.

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>>740220292
Forgot pic

>>740219916
Kek

>>740220329
Don't need to like me to fuck me

>>740220393
Bump

>>740220444
Winrar!!!

>>740220329
shes so buttdevestated goddam

>>740220329
Think dumber, I'm talking the ones so dumb they'd just fuck me without even wondering why.

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>>740220444

Winner. Now we wait.

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Also this thing replies. Dubs or best reply decides.

>>740220616
Op you actually have a chance here. Don't throw it away lol

what is with Alissas hair?

>>740220616
Wanna tie my noose?

>>740220616
>>740220764
wanna load my gun?

>>740220616
After you've shot yourself can I take your body out to dinner and a movie?

PS do you fuck on the first date?

>>740220616
She got anymore pics?

>>740220616
Would you fuck me or would you rather peg me

>>740220616
Eat my ass?

>>740220616
i don't know whether which has more cancer, your shitty replies or that head of yours

>>740220616
Does the carpet match the drapes? Does your pussy have second degree burns as well?

>>740211370
Hi, I'm gay as hell. Do you have an erect cock under that dress or are we done here?

>>740220972
Bump

>>740220836
This

>>740220852

Just memes and shit, no real pics. Doubtful she's even a she really.

Say "I want to tongue-punch your fartbox right after you masturbate with a banana and I fuck you in the ass at the same time. After I bust a nut in your sweet shitter you can put the banana in it a few times before you eat it."

>>740220616
Do you like poop with sex?

>>740221111
Lul

Nice butt, ya wipe it?

>>740221111
Ruined

>>740220616
Can you come over? I don't want to be alone when the FBI finds my CP collection.

>>740220616
Let's meet up, see who has better aim.

>>740221111
3 course poultry dinner right here

>>740221009
Roll

>>740221222
ey

>>740221222
Thiiiiis.

People have sex without poop?

>>740221111
The quads

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>>740221111

Too retarded, sorry.

>>740221222

Winner.

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Jeemoooooo replied as well.

>>740221601

Di.....did he just ignore quads????

WHAT A FUCKING LEGEND

>>740221601
The crows have taken flight. This is a bad omen. The gods frown upon your dismissal of quads. We are doomed

>>740211370
Dude, vaginas are awesome. You could put so many things up inside em. If I had one I'd be puttin things up in there all the time. Oh. Oh, dude, you know what you should do? You should totally put dog cock up in there and send me a pic of that. That'd be craaazy

>>740221728
An hero

>>740221675
That's okay I actually prefer it that way.

>>740221803
This

>>740221803
Roll

>>740221781
I find girls usually do respond to being called dude.

>>740221728
faggot.

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>>740221728
Wtf is up with that..

>>740221803
win

>>740221728
>>740221770

I'm not some faggoty 12 year old who thinks poop is funny. If you suggest something absolutely retarded, it's gonna get ignored. Unless it's retardedly hilarious.

>>740221886
And being told to get fucked by dogs! Don't forget that!

>>740221973
I'm with OP on this one. Fuck off summerfags.

>>740221675
Look just because you're fugly ass isn't getting the attention, it doesn't mean you should try to ruin my sexy time

>>740221973
Lol send it

>>740221675
That way or a threeway?

>>740221973
Quads is quads motherfucker ... I'm so disappointed in OP. You were doing great until then...

>>740221973
I agree with OP

>>740222152
rr

>>740221973
"ForChUn iisz seRIaoUs BurSinEESsZz!!!!" You queers make me sick.

>>740222199
kek

>>740221675
I know where you live, don't make me come down there.

>>740221973
>I'm not some faggoty 12 year old who thinks
We'll, I mean, it's not that big of a stretch now is it...

abc you are a faggoty 12 year old who thinks it's funny getting btards to verbally shitpost at strangers looking for love and a little kindness in this miserable world.

I mean if you're going to get all high and mighty here, you might as well be honest with yourself.

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>>740222077

Well shit..

>>740221675
I'll let you watch and you can decide for yourself if they do

>>740222331
You fucking gay. You gave in to peer pressure like a sissy. I hope I cuckold you one day

>>740222290

Go suck Freud's dick with your bullshit psychoanalysis.

>>740222331
Time to abandon thread.

So, I heard that you like Mudkips. Do you like them?

>>740222428
Fuck off

List of shit I hate: Fags, Queers, Homos, Trans Fags, Trans anything, Libtards, Vagina, Babies, Puppies, Spics, Jews, Niggers, Niglets, Beaners, Coons, Hicks, Crackers, /b/, rednecks, hillbillies, terrorists, jihads, fags, niggers, fat fucks, fat honkeys, gooks, chinks, tweakers, right wing pedos, titties, cock and balls, drug addict fucks, crackhead niggers, toothless tweaker white trash, the gay ass military, the government, anons, /b/tards, nerds, femboys, lesbians, dinosaurs, jew fags, indian retards, sluts, hookers, straight people, all you pedo fucks, tentacle porn, dumbasses, women, rapists, Trump, Hilary, men, poor people, cats, the hood, fast food, nigger jew trans fags, gamers, skater fags, soccer fags, football fags, white priveleged dip fucks, Africa, all of the Americas, Asia, Europe faggots, fuck all you faggot bitches

>>740222561
Do it op

>>740222561
leave beaners alone

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Dubs or best reply.

>>740222683
>doesn't know it's a catfish

>>740222561

Dinosaurs? wtf

>>740222683
Not if I pull out, you dont

>>740215338
fuck you i'm going to knife you to death you cunt

>>740222741

learn2read kiddo

>>740221073

>>740222561
Send her this

>>740222683
So, you have a dick then?

>>740222877
Bump

>>740222877
ouch...

>>740222783

OP here. I will not reply anything threatening, unless it's clear that it's not intended to be taken serious. So don't even bother wasting my time.

My name is xxxxx, but you can call me anytime

>>740222845
Hey i might just go and learn how to read. Thanks fella

>>740211370
>"Are your parents retards? Because you look special."

>>740222683
Good. I want to die because this fucking Jeemoo chick is being mean to me.

>>740222455
THIS

>>740222683
you have the direct forehead advantage, more like

The doctor called and said you needed more meat in your diet. I have a tube steak for you.

>>740211370
Fuck me if im wrong but i know you want to Fuck.

>>740222877
I got dubs op

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>>740222877

Ding ding ding.

She replied fast. Once again, dubs or best reply.

>>740222989
if you add some smileys it waill be okay

>>740223151
At this point just propose

>>740223151
If that's a girl you need to cuff immediately

>>740211370
You're the kind of girl I could take home to meet my mother- which is good, because I still live with her.

At Subway they call their workers Sandwich Artists(HA what a fat joke!) so you better be Picasso

>>740223151
Tell her you're genuinely interested in meeting up. For dinner and fuckfest

>>740223303
This

>>740214046
I feel like this will confuse lots of chicks.

>>740223303
Bump

>>740223151
>740211370 (OP) #
You're the kind of girl I could take home to meet my mother- which is good, because I still live with her.

>>740223303
Do this

>>740223303
This

>>740223303
Interested

>>740223350
Probably

Hahahaha you put mine! Im dying OP hahahaha

>>740223303
Bet it's a samefag

>>740223151
Eat you from the inside out?

OP here. Might be doing this one later on, looks fun.

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Hello, this may sound like I am fucking with you but I'm not. I was recently diagnosed with a terminal disease called cyroaudiovascularmalexia (Google it if you want) Essentially I don't get enough blood flow through my ears and they are slowly freezing, and they will soon fall off and it will spread to my inner ear and eventually to my brain.

There is no cure but there is a treatment. I need to warm my ears constantly in order to save my life, and the only material soft enough is the inner thigh of a girl.
So I need you to sit on my face for medical reasons.

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>>740223693
Forgot pic, fuck.

My MOTD: Rip Some Lips and Break Some Hips. In reference to the size of my member.. It's huge 8===D---

>>740223731
>Ding ding ding.

>Mexican

Disgusting

>>740223731
>don't be weird please

Oh boy

>>740223731
>half Mexican
>couldn't look more Aryan if even if she tried

>>740223699
dam she's cringe as fuck

>>740223892
Yeah, I don't get people who get so triggered... I bet she was waiting for my reply to start a fight and upload it to twitter

>>740223699
Damn, that's a dumb bitch. She makes me angry.

>>740223888

Yeah, it messaged first. Think it's a fake profile.

>>740223699
Tell her to add something to her bio to warn future potential matches that she doesn't have any sense of humour.

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>>740223699

Winner winner chicken dinner.

You're not hot enough for me, but if you have a hot friend I'd consider a threesome

>>740224091
Impressively written

>>740219977
Do it, OP.

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It replied the Navy SEAL copypasta.

Dubs or best reply decides.

>>740224391

Were you born stupid or just dropped on your head as a child?

>>740224431
abandon this one, just some /b/ro

>>740224431
Mom's spaghetti

>>740224431
next

>>740224431
>inb4 is just some fedora fatass /b/tard messing with OP

Anal, Buttsex, Cunnilingus, Dick, Erection, Fuckfest, Gangbang, Heimen, Incest, Jack Off, Kinky, Lily Licker, May I?, Not In My Ass, Oops Too Late, Please Take It Out, Qoute My Favorite Actor, Really?, Seriously, There It Is, Ugh, Very Much So, Wow, Xactly What I Didn't Want, You Should Get That Cum Out Of Your Ass, ZingXD

ITT: the explaination why people stay wizards

>>740224431
End this

>>740224684

As I said before, profile is just memes and shit. So it probably is, but on the off chance it's not, might as well keep going.

You're like a fart.
When you're loud you're funny.
When you're quiet you're scary.
And you never know when there will be shit involved.

>>740224995
the/b/tard is probably in this thread, just find a new one

What's worse than a man having to eat his way out from under a thousand dead babies?

When he goes back for seconds.

>>740225272
A baby having to eat its way out from under a thousand dead men. That nigger aint got a chance in hell

Excuse me, do u have an inhaler?
Cuz you got that ass ma

Hahahahahaha Im dying!XD And so is that baby lmfao

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>>740225265

Very likely, but still the possibility that it's not the case and it's just some edgy landwhale trying to meme.

I will make a new thread with another one later, but for now I'll just keep this one going.

Lmfao OP used two of mine nowXD Winning

>>740225795
kill yourself please

Your future is as bright as your forehead

A wise man once told me, "Jerome, you're an idiot." And I said, "I know but I couldn't give two turtle shits." Then my mom yelled, "Jerome quit talking to yourself and hurry up cause I gotta take a shit."

Post the link to this thread

Big Breasted Babes Belonging to Big Butted Beauties Bearing Blowjobs and Barbaric Breakfasts

>>740226176
Roll

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>>740211841
Sides.

>>740213196
>>740213410

Negs are supposed to be done as a tease though...don't fuk it up

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>>740223699
Ask if she'd suck a log of shit out of Andy Sixx's ass

>>740222683
Hey, wait, I thought you meant you wanted to shoot me, but you mean shoot yourself? Please don't. Really. I was just dicking around, but if you're really hurting, I'd be happy to talk to you about what's up. Really. Just send me a reply or your mother will die in her sleep tonight.

>>740223731
Half Mexican, huh? Do you have any German in you? Want some?

I've got $40. Where do you want to go eat?

>>740229216
Fucking lol'd