Feels thread. How is /b/ feelin?

>>740069217
I won't be here in a few weeks. Today I've seen my siblings, but most importantly my mother for the last time. We are total stranger nowadays, long time ago we used to be close. I'm just sad now.

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>>740069217
Sad and depressed
But somehow I still have hope and I'm persistent

Parent passing away is probably one of the most, if not the most sad and depressing thing to happen in a man's life. Sometimes I fear that moment.

Cat died today and my relationship is getting worse and worse by the Day

>>740070086
If they die before I kill myself I'll be relieved because I won't be able to disappoint them anymore.

Im feeling pretty decent today

Im just feeling alone and abandoned by everyone again, no one's here really. I might look fine on the exterior, but I really know the kind of human wreckage that I am.

>>740070182
If my cat died tomorrow I'd lose my fucking mind and probably just start breaking shit. I feel for you, anon

>>740070233
fucking relatable holy shit

>>740069217
Being feeling lonely these past couple of months sometimes I get these random waves of pain, it's more like feeling an emptiness inside your chest. It doesnt really hurt I guess

>You're going to be a miserable asshole with nothing left to hide
>Stop this is pointless

My whole mind is plagued by thoughts engineered by other people and I'm lost scrambling for meager indulgences
I'm coming into money soon though, several thousand to help me get back on my feet, whatever that means, probably that my shackles will be less obvious
In most respects I'm damned by my own actions and I continue to make things worse as the only things I have to go on are cleverly concocted lies designed to trick me into selfish, pathetic activity
I also lost the only person that I ever loved whole-heartedly due to my piece of shit ego, and it's difficult to see life as worth living if I will always be mentally bound by thorns and regret
There's even less of a point in bitching, but not doing so offers no adequate resolve
I just can't wait until I have what's rightfully mine, I'm tired of being harvested, of being weak

>>740069217
Getting more and more frustrated with life. It never gets better, it just infuriates me more and more every single day. Just a constant succession of little things slowly fucking driving me insane.
Why can't i catch a fucking break now and then? Why does it always have to be fucking ME? Throw a fucking stick into a room of people and it'll always hit me. Every fucking choice i make it wrong, every action i take does more harm than good. It's a never ending stream of shit hitting me in the face and it...just...will...not...stop.

I'm so god damn tired of it all. Tired of always being wrong, tired of always doing the wrong thing, tired of being angry and frustrated and miserable.
Every single day is another fucking grain of sand in the hole slowly burying me, every day another fucking drop of water slowly drowning me and i can't escape.

I can't escape because i'm afraid of what will happen if i do and that fear is just every so slightly worse than the fucking hell i live each day.

I'm so tired of being afraid.

>>740069217
I just got a job at Tim Hortons and I sad I got hired. I want to be NEET. I don't want to work, I feel like I'll be that guy whos always worse at his job than most other employees. I just want to sit in my room on my computer and be sad. I don't want to be more depressed because I'll be working a shitty job.

I'm scared, ./b/.

paranoid as fuck, palms are sweaty but no spaghetti

>>740070699
Feel you bro. I'm so fucking sick of being alone.

Only got commons again from my loot crates, kms soon /bros

>>740070939
free ice coffee and donuts + money is a pretty good deal you ungrateful neet. just be glad you're not working at that sad grocery store tims near me that never has any customers, if i had to work there long enough id probably an hero on the job.

>>740069217
I just want to understand lifes greatest secrets, and to understand myself better, but I don't want to put the work into it, or anything else for that matter, because it never, NEVER feels like it's worth the trouble

>>740070787
Exactly! why can't one good thing fucking happen!

spaghetti on my vomit already mom is sweaty

>>740071254
The coffee, donuts and minimum wage job to help me pay off my debts doesn't feel good at all. It's like those things are non existent. I might just an hero on the job if I'm there long enough.

>>740071254
Forced gratiuity is a sign of a mediocre lie anon, seems more like you told him that for your sake instead of his

Got an uncomfortable feeling of impending D O O M
My hands are cold and my stomach feels off, I could use some spaghetti

>>740071480
>>740071354
>>740070956
Please stop spaghetti posting. We wanna stew in our anger and frustration.

>>740071407
make it entertaining then. put your face in the blender next time someone orders a fruit smoothie.

>>740071581
this

>>740071581
>stew
fuck you im about to lose myself in moms spaghetti and you better let it go

>>740070086
I know feel anon. My mom passed away 9 years ago. 2 days after my 17th birthday

And im drunk as a fucking skunk
Got laid off from my job of 5 years.
Broke as shit and bills coming in faster then i can pay em off.

Pretty low tbh. I feel so empty inside and sick of the constant repetitiveness of life. I hate my life, I hate my job, I hate myself.

I work in an office and I hate going in every day. Sure, I could change job but I won't be happy doing something I don't want to do and the only jobs I'm going to get with no qualifications are low paying salary or minimum wage jobs that I'll hate, too.

I wanna be a writer. But I have no motivation to write. I constantly doubt myself and tell myself that everyone will think my writing is shit and no one will like it, so It stop me from writing. And I have no motivation anyway...

I want to better myself so much. I want to become healthier, I want to join the gym, learn an instrument, learn another language but again, zero fucking motivation.

When It comes to women I have no fucking Idea what I want tbh. I'm a pretty good looking guy and don't have a trouble getting women, but the thing Is I don't want a relationship as I've never been happy in them and they make me more depressed, but when I meet girls on tinder or nights out and sleep with them, I feel so fucking empty inside... A new girl at work started talking to me and we've slept together a few times. She's now ignoring me and it's properly fucking me up and I don't even know why. I would never want to go out with her but I just can't stop thinking about her, especially when I have to see her everyday, so It's making work life so much worse.

I think I need to goto the doctor before I end up killing myself tbh.

>>740071739
i think that's how it goes anyways. MOMS SPAGHETTI, ONE SHOT TO VOMIT ALREADY, PALMS ARE HEAVY KNEES WEAK MOMS SPAGHETTI

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Got dropped from my circle of friends and have no idea why. Havent spoken to any of them in about 4 months.

vomit spaghetti on my palms already,

>>740071785
Keep your head up and fulfill your ambitions mate. What have you got to lose? Nothing. Nothing at all. Go for it.

>>740072073
knees are heavy palms weak mom is sweaty

Everyone in the town does not like me as a person and I'm too far out in the open to ever return to a proper position
No help is going to be supplied, only ridicule and proper dismissiveness
Shit has hit an all time low for me /b/, and I can't even confide in friends about it, in fact I'm sure they resent me
Waking'a also worse than sleep and sleep only induces nightmares
I can't even work for a respectable position without securing a cock lock, and fear of that caused me to lose a great job that would've paid for my comfortable death

>>740072113
he has his life to lose and it sounds like he's ready to give it up like the rest of us

>>740072113
>nothing to lose
That just means an hero-ing is less trouble

>>740072194
>like me
ftfy
sounds like you need a bowl of sweaty spaghetti

>>740072305
get the fuck out of here.

>>740072353
fuck you bitch make me. you're just mad that your moms spaghetti doesn't taste like vomit and sweaty

>>740072353
palms are sweaty just fucking an hero already

>>740072461
Grow up. Go do teenager things. Get off here before it consumes your life.

Not sure if any one cares but im in a bad spot right now..

Years ago i went to a private school where the students lived at the school. We where only allowed home in certain weekends and holidays

> Be me, about 5 years ago
> Every one is talking about what they are going to do in their holidays
> Im talking to a Scrawny kid that i talk to some times because no one really ever do so
> Scrawny kid, let's call him A, got some kind of disease, nothing life threading but it halted his groth
> So it's the same old, same old
> he looks weird, every keeps their distance
> Scrawny kid talks about how it's his birthday soon and every one is welcome to come
> We could throw a party and so, he says
> People being nice says it sounds cool
> Later that day i get a notification on Facebook
> A made a Facebook event
> Coverphoto made for it in Photoshop and shit
> Hereallyputeffortinthis.png
> He invited everyone from the year
(about 100 students)
> Click "going" and continue with my day
> The following week i see that almost every one joins in on the event
> Apparently his dad is this famous artist and his house is big af
> Last day before the holidaybreak begin
> Every one is happy because they are gonna see their families again
> But A... A have been smiling all fucking week
> I've never seen him like this
> usually he just sits in the corner of our computer room and plays minecraft
> He makes these amazing huge figures of dragons and shit
> Even when all the other boys are in there playing LoL, CS or wow, he just plays minecraft
> I asked him once if he wanted to play LoL with us and that i could teach him if he wanted
> "I dont want to be a burden for your team, Anon." was all he said
> And at this last day before christmasbreak this scrawny kid was the happiest i've ever seen him

>>740072461
>>740072528

Abandon thread, faggots have taken over.

Someone call Spider-Man to derail this fucking cancer thread

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>>740069217
>How is /b/ feelin?

Ups and downs, man, strikes and gutters...

>>740072547
eat a bullet and turn that brain into spaghetti

I’m writing this right now and I’m no native english speaker so I’m sorry for any gramma mistakes
> Fast forward to the day before his birthday
> Write on a group chat on facebook i had with my close friends if any of them wanted to meet up before A's birthday party
> "um no let's just meet there anon i've got things to do" was the kind of respond they came up with
> Stupid as i was i think nothing of it
> Next day i get ready, dress up, look fly af
> Had to take the train a bit early to make it
> Means i show up about 30 min early
> Knock on the door
> Not even 15 sec and A opens
> He still got that smile
> That fucking smile
> He was so fucking happy
> I brought him a sketch book
> He opens it and looks at me
> I can see he's a bit confused
> "I saw the cool things you made in minecraft and the drawings in your room" I said
> "Thought you'd like some thing to draw in!"
> He said nothing just looked at me
> Looked at me in silence
> "Thanks, anon"
> Never have i since heard those words with that amount of gratitude

i dont care if you dont want to hear about this but im gonna give you all of it now

My spidey senses are off the fucking wall, there's a shitstorm incoming

>>740072821
TLDR

https://youtu.be/Ajw-aEtrpJE

>>740072821
Keeping the thread open for you and then deleting it

>>740069217
Pretty bad.
My car got totaled, and then I had to DD my enormous military truck, and then the transmission failed last night; just a fucking week since my car got totaled.
I have no vehicles now, and no way to get to the university to work on my doctorate. I have abandon my parents because my father has been a wishy-washy jealous prick because I was going to go buy a nice car. My mother has been supportive, and encourages me to get it (because I really need a car now), but it just adds to the conflict. I love her so much..

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>>740072881
fuck you
Sigh, it's kinda late and i worked all day sorry anon i'm tearing up a bit as well i dont really know what to do right now...

> He brought it all for this party
> He got tons of snacks
> His dad brought him a whole lot of beer
> The 30 min is about up, no one else have shown up
> this is when i get the first text
> "im not gonna make it, Anon"
> "neither am i"
> these fuckers gotta be kidding me right now
> it's 10 min past the time he set the event for
> some girl i've never seen before shows up
> it's his childhood friend
> we talk and drink some beer, eat some snacks
> she is really cool
> 20 min goes by
> One boy i never really talked to from my school shows up
> he just sits there and drinks his beer
> i ask if they wanna play beer pong
> we are enough to make teams
> we play for about 20 min more
> i was on A's team and we did pretty well but we lost i think
> no one else have shown up
> 1 hour and 15 min after the event started 3 more show up
> A's smile was getting darker and darker
> This cheered him up a little
Cont.

>>740073073
fuck off
>>740073095
delete it now you little bitch special snowflake

>>740073101
Just get a scooter lmao, fuck your mother

>>740073152
TL
DR

>>740073152
>cont.
Please don't

>>740073152
fuck you guys read it as it comes no tldr

> We are six at his party now
> the event got about 70 as “going”
> we play some drinking games and try to have a good time
> every one got the same feeling
> I was sure of it, we where all feeling how A was realizing no one else was going to show
> 2 hours since the event started

> after 3 the guy who was the 2nd to show up left
> He didn’t say a word just left
> It ends up being me and the girl left
> it’s about 1
> The girl tells A that she gotta go now because she got work tomorrow
> A is quiet and gets up saying he need to take a piss
> The girl looks down at the floor
> I can see that she is crying
> when A is gone she hugs me
> “thank you, anon, you being here really means a lot to him”
> she turns around and hurry out the door
> Im standing here in this huge house alone for a moment
> the snacks is not even half gone
> There’s beer enough left to get a frat house drunk
> icanttakethisanymore.gif
> A comes back
> He tells me to leave because "he’s kinda tired now”
> I know its a lie
> bieng a stupid fuck at the time i just leave
> On the way out the main door his dad grabs my shoulder
> “Thank you for showing, Anon”
> “oh it was nothing, mr. A”
> “No you need to know that A haven’t always had it easy no one ever really talked or befriended him”
> Not sure what to reply i just tell him i was happy to be here and that he should have a good night.
Cont.

I'm going to bring this thread down, fuck all of you pansy ass bitches

>>740073370
When did /b/ become your personal fucking diary? Literally no one is reading all that bullshit. I'd rather eat cold spaghetti

>>740073181
Who hurt you?

>>740069217
Well, I got dropped two weeks away from achieving my life's goal.

this is fun to watch

I just want to die. I don't care.

>>740073370
>fuck you guys read it
make me, bitch. cut yourself and post time stamps then ill consider it. not about to waste 5 seconds of my time reading your shit sob story.

o shit

>>740073490
the anon who insulted moms spaghetti

>>740070939
Starting is the hardest part. Just muscle through the beginning and it gets easier.

Life is all about momentum.

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Why thots gotta fuck with my feels...

Went from potential dad to cuck in the matter of a month and the person is glad the guilt is eating me alive, even though the only reason I broke the promise in the first place was due to misinterpreting the voices in my head

>>740073755
cause they're shitty people

>>740070939

Anon I think I'm in the situation you "want" to be in.

Dead serious. Find a way to make money online through paypal or something. Move to a low cost of living area. It's entirely doable.

It sounds depressing as fuck but I have myself set up online so I don't ever have to leave short of walking to the store and paying rent.

The shut-in life isn't all it's cracked up to be, though.

>>740073755
stfu captain save a hoe, just bust in her mouth and let her go
>catching feels for a slut
cuck, i bet you like watching your mom get plowed in the ass by random niggers too

>>740073370
The lurkers are reading it.
Please continue.

>>740073824
>potential
good thing you didn't. just think of what kind of shitty offspring you would've raised. you should be sterilized

>>740069217
My 5.5 years gf ended our relationship 3 weeks ago, we still hang out a lot (just the two of us), but she only see me as her best friend now. I was saving for a ring, and I feel like shit now u_u I still have hopes, she says that "if something will happen between us again, it will just naturally happen", but doesn't want me to be "waiting" for her.

She ended the relationship because she is confused about what she feels about me, but she says she doesn't feel in "love" anymore u_u. We have been living in different cities for the last 2.5 years (not too far away, 4 hour drive), that was the problem. I'm at grad school, which I decided to attend to, in order to have a better fucking life with her in the future, so yeah, I feel like shit, and wish I never left.

>>740073472
it's so easy not being a dick yet you chose to be one...

This will be the last one guys im sorry if you’re disappointed but there’s no lochness monster or any $3.50 just feels, and i dont know what to do with them other than pouring them out here

> Fast forward to School again
> Talking to my buddies not really thinking about A’s party at this point
> Then every one goes silent
> i turn around and see A passing by
> There’s no smile now
> He’s not looking sad either
> just an emotion less face

> This happened the final year
> I didn’t see A smile once
> Once i graduated i never saw A once
> I felt guilty
> I had just left him that evening like every one else

> Today i got something in the mail
> I got a worn sketchbook
> A worn sketchbook that i haven’t seen in almost four and a half years
> together with the sketchbook was a note
> "Dear Anon, I’m sorry for not handing this over to you in person, but I’m not sure that i could have done that. I can’t even write a proper letter either because i don’t have any thing to say to you other than the facts. Today, Tuesday the
15th of November A took his own life. He left a note for me and this book for you. I hope it reaches you. Mr. A”
> The first page of the sketchbook is all blank
> in the top it is saying “Thank you, Anon”
> For some reason i can hear A saying those words
> “Thank you, Anon”
> Never have heard those words with such gratitude


Fuck /b/ what do i do
I can’t go past that fucking page
dont know what to do with this notebook

>>740070962
me too. not sure if fapping is helping or not but i probably don't have the willpower to stop anyways so I don't think about it.

>>740074032
nobody's reading that shit. id rather read a fucking instruction book on how to use a microwave 50 times over than expose myself to this level of autism.

>>740074052
Be less try hard to upset people, I'm actually baffled that this had as little of an effect on me as it did
I just know they would've been great regardless of sideline insight

>>740073233
I have to commute 15 miles one way on a 4-lane highway. A scooter would be useful for putzing around the univeristy, but certainly not for getting there.
I love my mother, don't talk bad about her.

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>>740069217
I don't know how I feel right now to be honest.

The girl I dated the entirety of highschool (I broke up with her a few months before graduation because I felt like she'd be better off without me) is now a feminist, white-male hating cunt.

I browse her Tumblr occasionally to see how she's doing. From what I can tell, she's absolutely miserable, blames all her problems on white people (she's half white half black) and completely fucking despises dudes now.

I realize this is 4chan so this could not possibly sound worse (what with her already being half black) but I think she also converted to being a Jew.

I'm living with the girl I'm going to marry right now. We've been together 2 years and some months now. But I still feel bad about highschool-girl.

I never wanted to hurt her. She despises me more than anything. Pretty sure she'd try to have me killed if I contacted her in any way.

I feel genuinely bad about what happened. I didn't mean to ruin her life. I wanted it to get better.

>>740073898
The position i want to be in, if I could chose, is all knowing wisdom so i don't think we're on the same page

>>740074198
did you just assume my gender? fucking scum. just be glad you're privileged enough that mommy bought you a computer to shitpost on and your tard wrangler cleans your piss jugs for you

>>740071888
good triples. why dont you call some of them?

>>740074198
i know it not november any more but i've been sitting with this story for some while i knew before i got the notebook that A had died i saw it on facebook. i just opened the letter today couldnt bring my self to do it but fuck i still feel so bad

>>740074241
im fapping to this thread

>>740072881
>>740073258
>>740073294
>>740073472
>>740073642
fuck YOU guys. did you honestly walk into a feels thread expecting jokes and shit you could repost to reddit??

>>740074519
are you saying that you are masturbating while reading these very words?

>>740069217

>Like most ,shit

Been off since a few months ago after major surgery then had been living with gf at the time
ended going down and breaking up with gf

Been with her over 2 years and it went down the shitter

since then healing after op and not being able to find a job.
depressed
stitches
and no energy or moral to live anymore

>>740074276
it didn't bother you because you're so brain dead nothing i said actually registered. just went in one ear and out the other because you're dipshit fucking retarded
>regardless
big words there kiddo

At least the blood doesn't appear whenever I chain smoke, not sure if that's progress or not

>>740074649
thanks anon i've been here for some while at this time so i don't make much of those guys

>>740074305
Fuck off and go play chicken with a semi

>>740074665
what do you think retard
im making big cums

>>740074718
Nah it registered completely but this is tertiary insight from an essential nobody, like I'm trying my best to take it seriously so you can blossom into an adequate troll like me back in the day but like I can only meet you 99% of the way

>>740074776
Why are you upset?
Can't we just be friends here?

>>740074736
i just smoke through the hole in my neck

>It's wrong to be nationalist
>It's wrong to want a great nation
>If it's wrong to want a great nation then what's the point in having a great region
>If there's no point in having a great region why be proud of your city/town
>If you can't be proud what your city/town is like why bother to live in a good street
>If your street is shit then who cares about your garden
>If your garden is shit it doesn't matter what the inside of your house is like
>If the inside of your house is a mess then what must you be like inside?

When there's no greater goal to work towards there's no motivation to get started. But the fight isn't over.
Nationalism is the only antidepressant you need. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a cuck or a Jew.

>>740074917
I envy you

I've never felt so bad with myself than right now. I have made a lot of fuckups and I'm now paying the price. hopefully I will get through this chapter but omg it sucks right now. When I am better I will never complain about anything and I will be planning to ask my gf to marry me. I want the cookie cutter home kids wife scenario so bad.

>>740069217
https://youtu.be/2EOJqzfWZvc

>>740071888
Make an effort to contact them. Do it now.

>>740073932
that was your last mistake...

*retarded squealing*

Eh, I'm alright, tired of being a scratching post for weaker males to sharpen their cat claws on but hey even the greats wanted to be a silent oak tree for every child to carve their name upon
Just can't be phased by cesspool mysticism when you're used to breathing in the belly of the beast

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>Pissed off about everything
>Scared of the future
>No idea of what it want to do for living
>Having suicidal and depressing toughts since 10 years old
>Starts to think about about death and the meaning of non-existing

"No Worries"

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post sad pepes

>>740074507
I read it all anon. I'd like to know what else was in the book.

>>740069217
Soon 2 months she left me and I'm suddenly depressed as fuck

>>740076833
im still here

dont know why but it's really hard turning those pages.... i've gotten through a few, it's mainly just his goofy cartoons or pun based drawings. it just really hurts to think about that there will be no more of them

>>740075049
omg really bro dude you sound like a flaming turbo-cuck your girls probably getting railed in the ass as we speak

I actually think I blew a fury fuse anon so don't worry, there's good to be found despite the mosquitoes hungrier for a fix, just make sure to be less starving than your predecessor and I promise the world will open up to you
Just try to remember that the totality of your life has been pretty badass

grow a pair and neck yourselves
your trivial "feels" are frivolous and petty
*tips fedora*
>404
fuck you

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>>740070787
Thoughts out to you, man. You're stronger than you perceive.
I can definitely empathize with you, shit sucks, life is tough.
may not mean much coming from some random person on 4chan, but I wish you the best, just know that people do love you and really care about you.
hang in there <3

>>740073622
I don´t know who are you, but don't do it
Instead, we can talk

>>740077671
dress me up like a bitch and call me
caitlyn

>>740077671
<333333333
:3
:3
:3
^OwO^
let's just spread the aids everywhere

>>740077862
Times up, sorry dude. See you on the other side lmao

>>740074198
Wow, I thought I'd scroll through /b/ while I shit.. now I've got to go back into the conference room with puffy eyes. You a good anon, I fuck wit you.

>>740069217
neutral so i better get out of here

Like fucking hell. Parents are holding me back from me becoming anything with myself.

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My dad asked my brother a couple of minutes ago if i had killed myself right outside my door

>>740078186
Concrete boots

Drugs and money OP, and lots of them
You may not be divinely ordained like I do unless people can send you to prison (get used to the prospect of grave digging, it's the only way you'll get out of this hellhole alive) people and events will come and go, just try your best not to be a whiney cuck

In 2 days I will know whether I've been admitted in med school or not. This is the last time I try.

>>740078261
He didn't even care enough to check? Maybe it just smelled like ass, take a fucking shower and throw out those piss jugs dude.

>>740078370
>incoherent autistic babbling

>>740078377
Well when you fail you can always become a pharmacist and dispense my aids medication. I'll try not to sneeze on you but I'm allergic to NORMIES LIKE YOU REEEEEE

>>740078572
I really wish sometimes

>>740069217
Feel like giving up... I've been betrayed in a way that hurts more than any other... My heart is in shambles, and I'm scared to continue on... And i cant stop, because I promised many people i wouldn't... And the worst part is whether it's by foolishness or sympathetic disbelief, I promised her a second chance...

Honestly, i want to die...

Love is a viscous game of Russian Roulette... Except rather than there being only 1 bullet and 5 empty chambers, there's 6 bullets, and the only way to win is to not play at all.

Alright, you can call me a faggot now. I'm done.

>>740079236
Dude grow up she doesn't want you and never really did and the quicker you own up to how senselessly sadistic life is the better off you'll be I promise

>>740069217
I just feel so fucking lonely the girl I cared about most went back to her ex and gave me the cold shoulder so I just up and left and I recently added her back on fb because 1/2 me misses her and other half says don't do it you dumbfuck I guess I just wanna test the water per say but I have to girls I talk to (talk can be used loosely its mainly blank snaps) and it's not the same and I fear I'll just single for the rest of HS (senior year), been single all my life, good at fucking up chances (me being a fucking autistic fuck ruins shit) I just don't know what to do /b/ it's just this void feeling inside no one can fill and I just kinda drag me feet around

>>740073898

how do you generate your income? been doing something similar lately. outside world is fucked here

It's difficult, for me, to look myself in the eyes. I always look so miserable.

How can you feel so broken empty at the same time?

I just got a bj from my girlfriend a few minutes ago. Feeling pretty good right now.

>>740069217
feeling alright man

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I feel bad OP

>Be me 21
>Enjoying life, best shape of my life
>Been in shitty retail job 6 months now but it's cool, just something to tide me over between finishing uni and something decent

>Be me, 2 years later

Nearly 24 and last 2 years of my life have been wiped out due to being catfished online and mental deterioration, massive weight gain, suicidal fixation and almost being sectioned.

Dream job as a pilot in the RAF - Applied twice, failed at first testing both times. Lucky if I'll get a third go at it. Anxiety meds on my record mean I'm bottom of the pile anyway.

>Still living at home
>Broke
>7 months unemployed after quitting shitty retail job
>Can't reapply to RAF for 10 months
>Need new social circle as old friends boring/unambitious
>Feels like I'm running out of time

Looking to start a business and pour all my energy into it (besides another crap day job I guess). Need to get out the fucking parents house.

Got to escape the shit-stained existence I've found myself in and get to a place where I actually want to exist.

>Still a virgin
>Gynecomastia anxiety crippled me during developing years
>Look around at people living off government benefits with qt3.14's and more content than I've ever been
>mfw when we only live once and I've wasted my golden years already

My only ambition at the minute is to be absolutely, dirtily shredded and lean. Might join the army I wouldn't mind getting shot.

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>>740079236
How viscous is the chamber, can it spin at all?

>>740079236
Let the gun decide, play first with just 1 in the chamber, then if you get more suicidal add another. You can play till you die or decide to fucking MAN UP

>>740078418
He was going to call me and my brother for dinner and i didn't hear when he knocked on my door

Like shit.

>>740074420
>>740075374

Im too discouraged for that. Whenever me and one of them would make plans they would always make sure to roll out the red carpet for the rest of the group to join in. Now i see all of them doing things together and not a single one of them feel like doing the same for me.

Besides, i got the hint they were done when i randomly got kicked from discord.

Honestly dont want to reconnect with them, its not the first time this sort of thing happened, im too old forbthis highschool level bullshit. I just want to know why, make new friends and move on

>>740080634
Does it really matter? It's fully loaded, and always has been...

>>740080666
First off, Hail Satan. Secondly, you get precisely what I'm trying to say, except the gun always decides... If you play, you never have the choice you think you do... And the only way to win, is to man up, and not play at all... That's my entire point.

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>>740069217
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-y31aycVeBE

>>740069217
FEELING LIKE SHIT

i'm feelin pretty disheartened, like none of my friends actually enjoy my company. I know my friends are free bc they regularly hang w each other but i've been invited once the whole summer and wasn't able to come. i've laid in bed for 6 hours today awake just bc i'm so unmotivated the only reason i've left bed was to check my computer and eat. i've been thinking of really killing myself finally but i know i don't have the balls to do it and disappoint my family, who ik loves me. and ik if i kill myself then my "friends" will all act like they loved me but ik they don't really give a shit.

>>740079236
babbys first breakup
back to tumblr with you, crybaby

>>740081116
Didn't break up... still with her... Am a normie, been in many relationships, sadly.

Girl I love is getting dicked down by a multitude of dude's due my own insecurities and now I'm forced to craft myself into a better man out of angry motivation:
Sadly she laughs at every attempt to better myself and regularly sends her hounds to taunt me, even though I was willing to sacrifice everything for her and was sadly caught in various malicious binds, but no matter, all I can do now is read, swim, and reconnect with familiars to re-establish myself in my hometown, though I have plenty of people who want to see my teeth knocked back in throat, just gotta bite the bullet on this one and reformulate the entire relationship as a necessary stepping stone towards masturbatory self-improvement

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Feelin pretty shitty..
I'm too much of a pussy dump a no good fuccboi like I need to because I've never been alone
Getting waves of feels for my ex who I would have married had we pulled our heads out of our asses and fought depression...instead I left him for dude who turned out to be above fuccboi

No amount of drugs combined helps me sleep anymore. I'm fucked

>>740080448
FUCK ME I JUST READ THIS BACK AND REALISE WHAT A WHINGING FAGGOT CRYBABY I'VE BEEN. FUCK ME SIDEWAYS

>>740081265
xanax, z-drugs and liquor still don't work. getting some opiates tomorrow though so those will probably help. i won't an hero though. all i want is R E S T

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Empty. I have everything in life I need, I'm satisfied with my job, wealth, and myself, but I'm alone. Nobody has ever been beside me along my journey. I'm 19 and I've achieved more than some adults but I'm such an odd person. What keeps me going is that one day I'll find someone. I hope.

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>>740081558
You've got your whole life ahead of you faggot

How much wealth have you got?

>>740069217
i think i'm bad for some things but then i remember that other people drink and drug themselves and i don't, so i keep feeling bad alone

I'm constantly in fear that a mistake i made when i was 16 will ruin my life

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>>740081848
What was the mistake?

Knock her up? Or was it something online?

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>>740074198
holy shit dude

>>740081644

Enough that I don't have any wants so I just stash it all in stocks, bank accounts, and IRAs.

I've considered "buying" someone but I'm not that autistic.

>>740082221
i made out with my 12 year old cousin and i worry that she'll tell her parents or someone else

>>740070233
I'm waiting for them to die so I can kms

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Pic unrelated.
My gf and I are deeply in love, but we currently live in different states. I'm really happy with her, but I'm depressed that I can't see her.
>I want to move
>can't rn tl;dr
>maybe someday soon anon

>>740082678
>>740082678
>>740082678
It's nothing lol dw

>>740082547
Must be nice anon what profession are you in?

Ex considers me a belligerent autist who she's embarrassed to have ever met and wasted a good chunk of her precious time struggling to mend.
Wracked with guilt about the whole endeavor, and allowed voices to pummel me into selfish, treacherous actions that I deeply deeply regret
I just want to see her face and her smile again, it's the only thing that made life actually worth living

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>>740070272
Yeah bro, I do hope you're only feeling that way. Because I HAVE been abandonded, for good. Got one buddy left... he's a good chap. Not enough to live for though.

>>740070233
>>740082917
I have considered this more than I'd like to admit. Tfw feeling "destined for greatness" keeps u going, but for how long..

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>no one will love you for yourself
>Even if you are loved, you are loved for a factor (money/beautiful) not for yourself
I am a "Chad" but it makes really depressed when i think about that no one would like me if i wasn't /fit/ or pretended to be hard and badass

>>740074198

Fucking A

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>be me, 19 year old autist
>meet a cute girl through forced socialization and d&d
>eventually fall for her
>date for a while
>she breaks up with me
>try to fix the relationship while she becomes an alcoholic and fucks random dudes
>meanwhile she won't even hug me anymore
>get super depressed
>ruin college GPA
>start smoking
>become a broken shell of a man
>mfw she's living in my house, taking my room, driving my car, all free
>eventually drop her
>start climbing back out
>get a job
>soulless_retail.exe
>whatever, making people smile as i help them find an item feels good
>better than wasting away and now i can afford cigars and whiskey on my own
>fast forward to today
>on break, looking at greentexts on plebbit and laughing at the kids that can't into 4chins
>come across pic related
>instantly fucks me up
>tfw flooded with every memory of ex gf crying because she had to leave me or holding me when i broke down in her arms

I've been silently sobbing in the empty training room for 30 minutes and my bosses are looking for me.

Sorry if this gets posted in a thread, I'm phoneposting on data so IDK what gets through.

not trying to be the next one. ready now though so im feeling good :^)

Thinking about taking a long vacation and not coming back but if I were to do it my coworkers would have to do more work so they would probably be angry with me even though I wouldn't be alive.
What do?

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I have lots of people around, and I still manage to feel lonely.

I don't like people, and I don't understand how someone could like me, everyday just feels retarded.

I can't find sense or purpose, and im just here, with /b/ros that can share my feeling, that is the only moment that I can feel that im not lonely.

Honestly I can connect better with anonymous than with real people, and that is very very sad for me.

Love you

>>740083880
Change job

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if ur thinking about ending it, don't do it! i feel like im in some kinda dark hole but i dont want to kms. too many animes and video games i wanna try out and shit. also, i have some very small amount of hope left that ill be able to turn it all around some day and show everyone around me that i saved my self. dont give in guys not matter how long youve been in your dark hole (from a couple months to years...) dont give up.

>>740083409
sounds like something my ex would fantasize about me saying LOL. if this isn't b8 you should just talk to other girls. exes should be swept under the rug and forgotten about, there's a reason you're not in each other's lives anymore. move on.

>>740083688
Openly admitting to using reddit.
>can't into 4chins

Is that you Eard?

Money power looks women personality popularity physique mean fucking nothing in comparison, and she gladly spits on me because of it
Fucking Hell she left a hole in my chest that only she can fill

>>740069217
Strange. I dont know what's happening to me.

>>740078067
haha fuck off anon, your not op

>>740069217
Sad as fuck, I jsut realised I'll never stop being poor no matter how hard I work, it's really depressing man =/

>>740069844
An hero or terminal patient?

>>740070233
I'm also waiting for them to die so I can kill myself, but man, even my grandparents are alive, and I'm fucking 30 years old already. I've been waiting for them to die since I was 15 =/

Half my fucking life...

>>740084400
Kek

>>740084400
>waiting half your life to end your life
Are you waiting for natural death?

>>740083992
I know that I can get other girls, sadly exploring them seemed more palpable while in a relationship
I'm a sick of shit eh?
It's like suicide, I suppose, appealing until you get to the brink then hope and memories flash forward and keep you from jumping
But she did something to me that I can't explain and she's the only one who can do it for me again, I can't even look at other girls the same way, I just feel nasty and empty inside whenever I do
No, she is the one, I just fucked it and now I'm damned to be a shallow sex hound to evade being called a cuck, even though she's likely shat all over my reputation, and deservedly so
I can't harbor any ill will toward her either, at least not genuinely, just to cope with the fact I'll never have her in my arms again

>>740083688
You realise that a dude typed that right

>>740084271
YOU'RE* not OP either newfriend :^)

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>>740069217

Okay, I guess

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Depression and anxiety will go away, trust me
I thought I would never get rid of it, I was so deep in the fucking hole that I thought that was just part of myself

but it wasn't, give it time, open to people, sometimes will go right, sometimes will go wrong but keep trying, stop being disconnected from society, it's necessary for a sane mind, we are gregarious animals

from time to time I come back to 4chan and specially these threads and all looks so much different, what used to be my reflection are now other people that I see suffering as I used to be and I wish I could hold them and show them that it will eventually go away that they just need to keep fighting, but all I can do is write posts in hope they help somebody at least through that day to not feel alone, as they helped me back in time, I will never redeem the help I got in this fucking website

I love you all so much

>>740070969
made me smile
thanks anon

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>>740069217

>>740084842
What a HI-LARIOUS title for a file name!!! XDXD LMAO mind if I save it so I can share on reddit and tumblr? I will give credit!

>>740069217
My wife is at the planned parenthood as we speak about to take the chemical abortion pill.

I can tell she really wanted to keep the baby. I sort of feel like a monster.

My moms at that time again where she's gotta take out all of her anger on me. She tells me I'm irresponsible (being home late by 11 minutes). She does this every few months, and I've been taking it for my whole life. I've considered killing myself when she's treated me like this in the past, but now I have a girlfriend who I love very much and she's helping me get through all of this. I haven't told my mom I'm with her yet, but I will eventually. I was gonna stay mad at my mom, but I took a shot of my parents whiskey and I'm feeling a little better. Also my gf gave me head for the first time today so I've been in a good mood

>>740069217
Confused about something. Can you guys help me figure it out?

>Hat on
>Total chad, looks from grills

>Hat off
>Ugly balding lumpy head ew

Can I wear a hat everywhere at all times rest of my life? Or kms cuz im fkin ugly sans hat. Deciguns, deciguns

>>740074198
Burn it, don't look at it and then forget everything about it. You did not do the right thing when you could. You never befriended this boy and now he is dead, you could've stopped it, but you didn't, he is dead now, hiw belongings mean nothing now.

Burn it and don't look at it, what is inside might end up destroying what is left of you.

>>740074309
I broke up with my first girlfrend because I was not sure about my feelings.

I ended up ruinning her life.

She never forgave me, and I never forgave me either, she is still friends with my family, but with me, she is cold as a brcik ... it is sad, I constantly feel guilty about it ....

Don't get back to that girl man, she probably hates you, blames you and if she can make you misserable, she will.

Stop stalking her, and delete all trace of her current life.

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>>740085136
Or post what's inside on here

F E E L S
I used to like 4chan, now it's just full of cancerous shit and weird comments.

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>>740070182
Holy fucking shit dude. If my puddins passed away i actually would kill myself. My fiancee left and all i got is the cat. I literally exist nowadays because i dont want to give up on him like my ex gave up on me. Hopefully this picture will make you laugh like it did me. Unrelated though.

>>740085106
Let's try, go, ask and I'll do my best to be sincere and as wise as depression will let me be.

>>740085469
Yes this is a new thing, the weird comments.
How has your first month been?

>>740084536
I'm waiting for my parents to die you fucking faggot?

Are you new to 4chan?

>>740084947
Now she's texting me, I guess trying to get out of the chemical one to reschedule for the vacuum one. She says it is less painful but I know she just wants to hold on to the baby growing inside her for another week or two...

>>740069844
I hope you have time to do everything you always wanted, /b/ro