Which was the last crime you committed? CONFESSION THREAD

>>739950476
i downloaded a car

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>>739950525
I murdered a policeman, then stole his helmet, than shat in his helmet, then delivered the helmet to his grieving widow, then stole it again.

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>>739950476
Did some blow like 6 years ago

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>>739950655

>>739950476
Weed
Bc I'm a normalfag

>>739950476
Public intoxication and disturbing the peace.
I used to vandalize shit and sexually assault women while steal and binging smack...Ive calmed down.

Not exactly a crime, so you can already tell I'm a faggot. I spent a full year being a NEET, and because of this my brothers have less gibs money. I never told them.

speeding

I broke into my school, got arrested and then dropped out of school. Then I lost my girlfriend, and my job. Now I sit in my room all day and jerk off to hentai. Rip me right? kek

I crossed the US-Mexico border.

>>739950476
I haven't killed myself yet but now the days are ticking.

Stole a red bull on the way to work this morning because i was broke and tired

>>739950476
I stole a Rolex watch from the Men's restroom at a steak house my parents took me to for my graduation.
>It was in the soap dish - had been left there by some big scary looking black dude.
>I saw him go back in to the washroom soon after I left and then was talking to the manager.
>I kept it.
It has red and blue dial that sez GMT-Master

>>739950773
Never watched The Young Ones, huh? Iirc that's where it's from.

>>739950525
WOULD YOU?!

I'm from FBI and I ask people to confess a crime so I can track their IP and arrest them.


Oh, wait, thats you!!

ABANDON THREAD OP IS FBI

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Exposed.

>>739950476
i put pineapple on my pizza

>>739951302
Allah akbar

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>>739951439
HOW DARE YOU, YOU PIECE OF ROTTEN SAUSIJ

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>>739950476
I broke the law on his watch. Instant regret.

>>739950476
smoking weed

Concealed carry into places that don't allow it because they serve alcohol
Only do this if I know I'm not doing any heavy drinking.

Ransomwared my own company :)

Bestiality with a dog and my ex gf

>>739950476
I bought medium size lingery for my wife but put them in a large size box to get her fat ass to stop puting on so much fucking weight... Cut of the tags so she wont know.

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>>739950476
I carry my handgun when I go to the movie theater.

I ain't getting darknight'd, fuck that.


I download roms to games i never owned and I've also had sex in public. plz FBI no shoot.

>>739951901
nice one man

>>739950476

Constant posession of CP....

>>739950655
better call 0118999881999119725... 3

>>739952177

Got kik?

Fucking one of my mares last night.

I hacked the fbi website, it was a small job but a easy one as well for a hacker like me, when im not hacking the goverment im surfing the chans because im that type of guy. you can laugh with me and we can be friends but i can also make your life a living hell.

>>739951884
green text

>>739952628
go on

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>>739951088
At least you got the best doubles in the world. 88.
Pic related

>>739950476

Fucked a massage parlor girl.

>>739952628

Yum. it wasn't the first time, though, was it?

>>739952499
Use a condom?

>>739952957
heil hitler right? haha fuck those libtards lol hitler was the best lmao xd

Had a dream I went to taco bell and ordered a lot of food then found a dumb reason to get really upset at them so i could walk out without paying

>>739953428

No creampies, Anon. Pump it out on her tits or face.

>>739953428
Well give her money to buy it? Or buy it and make her stash it in her nightstand or smg?

Drove 220 km/h (140 MPH) on a B-road. Does that count?

>>739953536
how retardet are you you fucking amerifats still think you cant get pregnant if you pull out idiots idiots idiots

>>739950476
drive-by. not lying either.

>>739950525
i jaywalked and injected marijuanas

went through the walmart "20 items or less" express checkout with 21 items.

>be me, ubering downtown for drunk tourists
>drop passengers off at a club, a guy rams my car going like 15-20 MPH (i am perfectly fucking stationary when this happens)
>guy drives off like a fucker
> im shocked, never been in an accident before so i dont think to look for his plates. assume he would stop
>my passengers chase this car and get the license plate number for me
> go home and sleep, planning to report it the next day

>wake up next day
>dont file insurance report. instead have a friend run the plate for me. hoping on a home address.
>turns out he lives in a home, not an apartment
>sit outside for maybe 4-6 hours just watching from across the street (same car they hit me in , lmao, i am stupid just now thinking about it)

>at this point i have identified everyone living there, im sure. its a man, wife and two daughters. its still the weeknd so im not gonna break in yet
>go there the next day (its a monday) and watch them all leave/girls get picked up by bus.

>walk up to the house in broad daylight, brick in a towel and smash the glass. walk right the fuck in
>trash this guys house. (wearing gloves cuz in the system) grabbed a ps3, smashed it. pulled all the food out the fridge, stomped on it, flip every table, every chair.
>start the shower, point the showerhead directly onto the bathroom floor

>walk out

fuck that guy

>>739953666

Sorry, Satan.

Graffiti'd a lot of walls

>>739952631
be my friend

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>>739953666
nice trips, I also get triggered by "I just pull out so she can't"

>one of my friends always told this
>he and her new gf (1 week) had sex for the fist time
>when he was about to cum the gf clutched him >he came inside
>preggo
>now he tells us he always wanted to be a young dad
>they're still together some 15 months later
>always kek when I see him now
>mfw
>also precum

>>739952631
BE MY FRIEND >>739953877
shiit respect my friend

I use a fake army id, to ride the bus for free

>>739952631
How'd you hack it?

>>739950476
I threw a cherry into someone soup

>>739954181
i am amazed at how lucky i am/how impotent my precum is at this point

Doing graffiti, and smoking weed

Had sex with a 9 year old.

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>>739954439

>>739954589
green text

>>739950476
I clicked "Ive read the user license agreement" when installing software, even though I had not

>>739954086
>>739954269
you guys are my friends now, and i will honor this friendship as long as no one crosses my path.

>>739954410
i went to the darkweb and i traded some information there with some other hackers, then i just picked up my laptop and started hacking their website using programs that i made, you wouldn't understand because its not quite up your alley.

>>739950476
I DON'T BREAK THE LAW, I AM THE LAW!

>>739950476
Possession of schedule 1 substance right now.
Stole a couple boxes of condoms from sheetz last night

Stole some hash from a guy who's house I was cleaning. I feel bad cuz he's a nice guy but it was like a gram at most.

eh showed my penis to some passing granny
it's my fetish been doing this for a while but stopped not long ago

>>739954592
whoa holy fuck

>>739954772
fake and gay

>>739950476
stole icecream from the freezer.
it was niece's fav one (she's 5)
and it was the last remaining one.

HAR HAR HAR HO HO HO HAR HAR HAR !!!

>>739953765
Kill yourself immediately

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>>739955296
no you didn't.

>>739954357
hello fellow greek

drug related
never going to rat myself out
at least it wasn't a violent one
if my past caught up to me id be in federal prison
smart criminals don't get caught :^)

>>739950655

Tyrone, didn't you get lifetime prison?

>>739951161
do you feel relieved now?

afaik redbull does not have the effect of a good sleep time

>>739951184
>black dude.

ewww gross

>>739950694

One more year and you can't be charged, boo

Couldn't remember everything I've done or how many times ive been arrested if I tried. Too many times to count, I used to be retarded.

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>>739952177
v& is on its way.

also, MODS!!!

>>739952628
Pics or it never happened

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Didn't feel like paying for condoms so I just opened the box and stole em, badass I know

>>739952631
hey, fella hacka bro!! I use incognito mode as well!!

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>>739953653

drove a Volvo 244 at 110 km/h on the Torrevecchia in Rome

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>>739955888
nice trips

>>739955568
>smart criminals don't get caught
T H I S
Anyone who snitches on themself for something they've got away with is a 'tard. Nice b8 thread detective, too bad you'll never be able to coerce me into admitting to shit.

>>739956099
fug

>>739953877
pics or it never happened

>>739953109
Not even close.
I do it all the time.

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>>739954589
MODS

>>739956092
It's more fun to drive a slow car fast than a fast car slow

Public Urination

>>739953877
Nice. Did you wear a mask or gloves once you got in?
>justice = served
lmao

>>739956316

How did you start?

In my horny head, I'd love to try a mare, but I wonder if the smells would ruin the experience. Input?

I don't have access to any, however.

Speeding.
I was well over the century mark.
Was racing my wife home.

Not caught.
Won race.

>>739950476
I drove 33mph in a 30 limit zone.

I took 6 packets of mustard instead of two

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>>739956706

I hit 40 in a 30 limit zone.
On my mountainbike.

Detectives are like vultures who are constantly pressuring you and trying to read your body language. Anyone here ever had the pleasure of sitting in an interrogation room without a lawyer? Thank fuck I wasn't charged/convicted with anything

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I'm growing a cannabis/hemp plant, which is illegal under UK law. Funny thing is, I got the seed from a bag of this stuff which they sell on Amazon, so it's definitely a breed of cannabis that has no THC. But the police won't care and you still need a license to grow hemp, so I'm still breaking the law

>>739951901
KEK

>>739957066
Share it, just to us

>>739956555
I like the smell of horses.
I own horses and I find them attractive so why not.

drugs as i was reading the thread...

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>>739957053
This is my plant

>>739957066
How'd you bypass 2FA?

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Impersonated law enforcement to fraudulently obtain contact details and address from an ISP's customer.

>>739956120
what shit would that be?

I jaywalked a few days ago.

>>739957228
don't they get spooked or try to kick you or something? or do they actually like it?

>>739956316
>>739957228
>>739957505

Cumming freely in them must feel amazing

>>739957347
A lifetime in prison in combined sentences
Jk I've been an upstanding citizen all my life

>>739957505
I'm sure some random mare would not let you walk up and fuck her, but if you know and trust each other they like it.
Mares quite like having sex and once you develop that relationship with them they can get fairly aggressive about wanting you to fuck them.

I stole a hershey bar from a gas station, cuz im hardcore as shit

>>739957279
Some of them didn't have that option activated. That was one year ago, most of them have changed their passwords and others still let me access their accounts.

sometimes im surprised at how lucky i am. i don't get caught :^)

A few years ago friends asked me to guard their house a few times during the holidays. They told me the alarmcode and gave me a key that i never had to return.

I knew she always had a thing for sexy lingerie. One holiday, and they didn't asked me to guard their house, I got curious about the lingerie. It was a 5min drive. Unlocked the door and alarm (luckily they didn't changed the code), went for the lingerie drawer and had a good tank and nutted in a few panties and placed them back. Still friends, sometimes she has a little whale tail and it feels great when I see she's wearing a panty that i came on.

>>739957209
Dunno

>>739950476
I sold heroin to a 1 year old

Carried a knife in the streets.
I live in Sweden and it's highly illegal to carry any blade that's longer than like... 5cm i believe.

>>739950476
I've never committed a crime. Except downloading some films and books...

>>739958319
than the penis, actually.
this is why the 5cm rule

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I stole a pin from a convenience store.

>be me
>working in IT department
>told a Jewish coworker I was leaving my job to enter seminar to become a Roman Catholic priest
>he smiled at me

worst fuckin' error of my life.

I'm sure he has something to do with me being fired after a few years of seminar without any religious/moral reason

Speeding this morning on the way to work.

>age 22
>riding street bike at 127 mph
>lane splitting on 405 south
>weewooweewoo
>nope.jpg
>chopper faster than I am
>spent day in jail, bailed out next day, sped home anyways

>>739959745
you and just about everyone else. ever gone double the speed limit?

>>739959774
>weewooweewoo
lol'd
what'd you get charged with? ive always wanted to speed on a bike, must be a hell of a rush

>>739959961
186 was the max my bike went.

>>739960065
Misdemeanor evasion and Reckless driving. White privilege is a real thing. It was a fucking blast.

>>739950476
I went through about 10 stop signs a few days ago. Feels good.

I downloaded Dunkirk last night.

>>739960414
i got charged with "stunt racing" by passing a cop going 180 once. speeding on an empty highway is fun as hell but not worth the trouble of losing your license.
>>739960603
congrats you fcking retard. hopefully one day when you cause an accident you'll get fucked up and be the only casualty

i loved her

>>739960915
+ impound fees
>never again

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>>739960915
>hopefully one day when you cause an accident

There are stop signs pretty much at every intersection where I live. Relax, officer.

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>>739950476
none, I'm not a nigger

>>739960915
>i got charged with "stunt racing" by passing a cop going 180 once

Giving anon shit for driving 15 mph through suburban stop signs. kek

Suck a dick, Ghost Rider.

>>739958319
Same with me, but I carry a baton.

>>739961425
there's a difference between driving fast on an empty highway and running lights/stop signs. unless there are no other cars or pedestrians around you'll probably cause an accident and hurt someone else.
>gotta go fast wew
i was going sanic fast lmao

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>>739961468
I have an expandable steel baton in my car at all times. Definitely illegal where I live, but I don't care. I got jumped once. Cops can cram it.

>>739961666
>there are no other cars or pedestrians around

Good guess, Satan.

i blew like 6 stopsigns while speeding, the cop let me off with a warning

i got caught with weed and alcohol in a park, under 21, and the cop let me off with a warning.

got caught driving while high, with weed in my pocket, at 2 am and out of state with the junior licence. got let off with a warning.

guess what race i am lol

>>739961757
you can really tune someone up properly with one of those lmfao

>>739955968
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
>>739956368

Idiots: The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

>>739961757
knives are better if you're defending yourself against a group of people btw. someone will grab onto that and beat you into a coma with it. if you ever get jumped carry a knife with a ring on it and blindly stab at everything

>>739961757
are those expensive i really want one now

I bang hookers weekly

>>739962077
No doubt. It's like a solid pipe when it's locked out.

>>739962209
usually around $40 for a cheap one that'll eventually wear out. they're fun. i like the mini ones cause they're harder to grab onto and easy to hide. can use it as a multitool for b&e's too
>>739962309
i want one now

Speeding in excess of 100mph

>>739962205
I usually have a multi-tool on my belt, and I'd not hesitate to use the blade if I had to. I still feel better about having a baton for the reach factor and not ending up with my own knife up my ass.

>>739962209
No, 20/25 bucks.

>>739950476
Speed, and don't report the crime of everyone but me smoking weed when I DM Wednesday nights

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>>739950694
did that last wednesday, and was drunk as shit and drove
>le start sweating face.jpg

>>739962241
I just banged an Asian hooker last week. Sucky-fucky, $160. Feels good.

>>739950476
driving without valid insurance

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I produced and sold moonshine for about a year. quit last summer tho was done white universty.

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>>739962684
the driving part cancels out though because i dont have a license

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>>739962205
this one is perfect. just reverse grip and throw punches like normal and slash everything, go out like a fucking kamikaze no one will take you out alive

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I steal my neighbors wifi, have been for years. I also speed all the time. 8 minutes per hour was my best time.

>>739962792
before that, doing 112mph in a 35.

>>739962552
knives are way safer (for you) than any type of long blunt weapon. they're way easier to grab onto and you have to wind up in order to swing hard enough. with a small knife you can perform open street surgery on someone in seconds and be on your way

Did 30 in the car park at work this morning

5mph maximum my arse

They'll never take me alive

Speeding, 5 over in a residential. Never got caught because I'm a Mastermind criminal.

>>739963035
im just fucking around btw i only use knives as letter openers lmao

>>739962792
>>739962966
clearly you're Italian

>>739962905

not only I stole WEP-protected wifi from my neighbor, I also did maintenance to their wifi modem which would get stuck every 3-4 days. I just rebooted it.

>>739963263
nope, im from the northern part of scandinavia.

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>>739962905
>8 minutes per hour
nigga wut

>>739950655
Nigger be plagiarizing jokes from IT crowd

>>739950476
I STOLE A BALLOON!!!!

I stole a picnic table and left it on a friend's doorstep, and then later set a tree on fire

Someone call a fuckin ambulams

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>>739963427
best tool for speeding, such a sleeper.

i did doughnuts in my school parking lot, stole a roadsign and a traffic cone, bought weed, sold a bomb all on the same trip

>>739963584
vandalism is fun. i met someone who burnt down almost an entire building, arson is crazy shit

late at night I took a shit on uncle's shop lock.

he had to pump high pressure water to clean it.

I bet today he still smells that turd and still swears at the unknown offender.

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Shoplifting. Used to steal random shit from stores. Not so much because I wanted or needed any of it. More just liked stealing at the time. Luckily I never got caught.

Used to lift, mostly food n shit for the adrenaline rush.

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>>739963456

>>739964009
That's petty shit. I used to do that when I was 10, then I'd sell candy/chocolate bars at school for 2/3rd of the price lol. I remember some kid telling me I'm going to be a drug dealer when I grow up

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>>739951184
That was you? I'm gonna find you.

>>739950476

drunk driving. pretty much every day.

aggravated assault

>>739951224
No it's not.. It's from IT Crowd..

>>739964267
alcky detected
do you go to court ordered AA meetings too? lmaoOOOoO

>>739950476
Breaking and entering

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>>739964128
totally forgot this green text
reminds me of this one

Muh names Randal and imma alcohawlic

I hit a kid with my car and drove off. He wasn't hurt but I should have stopped. At the time my dl and tags were expired.

>>739963035
>you can perform open street surgery on someone in seconds and be on your way

I get it. I really do. I once got stabbed 6 times by a pissed off 15 year old. Didn't take much to give me a collapsed lung.

I've roofied my gf several times in the past and then took pics/vids while she was passed out. Also tried to fuck her but didn't get the dosage right so she still moved too much.
I'm now planning on doing it again next time I'm with her but with different pills and higher dosage. I'm also thinking about inviting a couple of guys to come fuck her while she's passed out and record it all.

>>739964611
luckily you're alive. i bet that hurt like hell

>>739951184

Do you have any pics of the watch? Just curious

>>739964611
Just curious, what'd you do to deserve that? If you did anything. I have a hard time seeing someone stabbing a random 6 times for the fuck of it

>>739964814
I didn't feel a thing because I was semi-conscious during the attack (his faggot cousin hit me in the back of the head with a rock). Then I came out of it and the bigger pain was the three broken ribs. I never walk the streets now without at least one weapon.

>>739957272
Pretty shitty plant faggot

>>739950476
I stole my woman heart.

>>739964972
They started shit with me (tried to trip me) and I wasn't in the mood to be fucked with. Straight punch to each of their noses and off we went. I'm pretty sure I broke the kid's nose. Funny thing is, the same kid went to jail, got out, and a little while later stabbed a guy to death. Mfw I see the fucked on the news charged with murder. Lucky.

>>739965024
That's fucked. Probably good judgement on your part though, no one ever fights "fair" anymore. It's just a competition of who can put the next guy on life support first. All it takes is 3+ cowards to jump someone, justified or not. My worst beating came from 10+ guys standing outside a store, never walked the street without backup since. Anyone who tries to rob or gang up on me can get it

>>739950476
Smoked a marijuana

>>739950476
glassed a bloke

>>739965353
Half of the white part of my left eye was solid bloodshot red for weeks after too, even after the swelling went down. I should've auditioned for the walking dead lmao it looked fucked. Must've been a bursted vessel, least I'm not blind or retarded though.

>>739965353

Yeah, there's NO honor or rules in a street fight. Next time, I keep going until they're not moving anymore.
If I lived in a sketchy neighborhood, I'd definitely carry a gun. I moved to the suburbs after that shit. Our PD is shit and I got to see just how shit, first hand.

sounds like a thunderstorm when you have punches raining down on your head

>>739950476
I'm smoking pot right now.
Also I fucked an """escort""" last week

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>>739950476
is that a nutsack bulge?

>>739950476
Over speed limit, never caught

>>739965614
I agree. When I was getting my ass handed to me people were literally walking past like nothing was happening. Fuck people. It wasn't even the hood either, suburbs/city streets can be bad too. A group of pussies can come from anywhere, plus they can easily outnumber someone. No honor at all just a bunch of scared little bitches who need strength in numbers

Enjoyed some fresh cheese pizza

>>739952631
Where did you learn, my friend?

>>739965987
I remember some Mom with a stroller walking past just looking over and starting to walk faster lmfao. Bystanders are useless as fuck.

>>739965711
In my country it is legal to fuck an escorts however not to proposition or solicit in public. However the other day I did proposition a woman who was begging in the street , and she accepted.

>>739965924
Had a few close calls but never been done for speeding. Yet.

File: 1257718156334.jpg (189KB, 457x457px) Image search: [Google]

189KB, 457x457px

>>739950476

Excessive speeding.

>>739965614
don't stop till their face is unrecognizable. ive had enough bs street fights too dude, next time someone tries to jump one of us they're going on life support lmao.

>>739966115

I would literally pull a gun if I saw someone getting ganged like that, I feel like if you live somewhere where people can just freely transit by then a concealed gun is kind of a necessity.

>>739966369
if they're lucky*

>>739965987
>people were literally walking past like nothing was happening

They chased me past 2 full bars on a Saturday night. I had the good sense to stay IN the street. It was a honking car horn that I heard as I came out of my semi-conscious state. Nobody said or did shit and I had to call 911. Never again. People need to understand there's a very good chance that not a single fuck will be given if you get jumped on the street.

>>739950476
Just purchased some Pot & smoked a fat doob

>>739966369
Weapons always.

>>739966446
Wish I was in the states with good Samaritans like you man. In. My city people are all cold and distant, they'll just turn a blind eye because it's not their problem.

>>739950655
I stole a paperclip from the floor on a police department.

>>739950476
Sped. Basically every day. I'm hardcore like that.

>>739966487
Exactly dude, everyone's scared of getting the shit beat out of them so they just look the other way. At least people who fight in mobs are usually pussies and are easy to beat up 1-1. Once you're fighting more than one guy it's just a matter of survival with as little injury as possible. I got an adrenaline rush just thinking about this shit. I was outside a gas station, and I got jumped over someone else's beef. Shits retarded

>>739964623
What did you use?

Also, pics!

>>739966765
Making friends = making enemies
I don't fuck with anyone now and i've been fine ever since. That gang mentality will either get you hurt or land you in jail. Guilt by association. Some group of dumbasses could hate your guts just because you're friends with a certain person. Stay to yourself and your good, that's what I learned, finally. What happened to you anyways, were you beefing with people or "innocent"?

downloaded and jerked off to CP because fuck it, I'm scum

>>739966568

I'm not from the States but from Honduras, but I get the sentiment, looking at this kind of shit first hand you learn that just as there are good people, there are also many guys just willing to to gang up on you over your cell phone. Carrying concealed here is not a problem (god bless) and god is it a necessity.

>>739967186
become an hero you fucking nonce. at least you stopped anyway, or recognize that you're human garbage

>>739967351
Only real way of coming back from that is suicide, at least in my opinion.

>>739967312
How bad is Honduras wth random violence? I never knew concealed carry was allowed there, but it must be nice knowing the police are so shit you can dispatch someone and get away with it kek. Cowards deserve to get riddled with bullets, give them a taste of their own medicine since they wanna feel tough so bad.
>survival of the fittest
Do you think most of the crime is related to poverty or drug traffickers?

>>739950476
blackmailed underage to do what i want

>>739967047
at that time I got some rohypnols on dark market. Either she has a high resistance or they probably weren't all that good which is what's more likely. That's why I wasn't able to do a lot that time since she kept moving.
This time I'm planning on using Midazolam. No risk even in high dosages and still causes temporary amnesia.

>>739967682
through omegle/kik/etc or irl?

>>739967610
Jumping someone over a cell phone is fucking des, those people were either starving to death or just trying to start shit. Either way they should've got gurked, sucks that had to happen to you dude. What do you carry?

>>739967817
irl

Didn't go to job today.
>The office is having more stuff added like AC and shit
>They moved us to a private school that is hella far away
>Guy that drives me there said at the last minute that he's leaving already (30 minutes earlier than usual). I was having breakfast
>only enough money for the homecoming bus for this week.
Still an intern, so fuck it

>>739967791
fuck off bill Cosby

drug trafficking

>>739967902
how did that not end badly for you?

I steal from my job every week. Hundreds of dollars worth every week. Have been for 2 1/5 years now. Probably stolen in the multiple thousands of dollars by now.