Help me get laid b

"I'm sure I've got some humerus puns that will tickle that funny bone"

After that mention the bone in your pants

I don't get it

>>737989854

Because you're fucking stupid, but I'll pity you:

>Jessicas
>Just because

Not as much as you'll love giving me your snap

>>737989610
Kek. Can't help bro dog filters are boner killer. They scream "mentality of a slutty teen" abort now or get trapped in shit show of drama

>>737989746

Yeah, don't say this. Ask why she swiped right you fucking pussy.

>>737990013
This good?

>>737989746

You think a woman on tinder is capable of understanding that?

>>737989854
>>737989971
I didn't get it either. It wasn't the most obvious play. Because "Jessica" would naturally come at that place in the sentence so it doesn't exactly stand out.

"I hope that was enough to land a date because I'll be honest Jess, I have literally no idea where else to go from here."

"So if you give me a time and place, maybe I'll have a better idea."

Any girl who tries to get a date using the fucking dog filter (or any Snapchat filter) as their pic should be shot. Like every fucking girl thinks she's unique or something because they have Snapchat filters.

>>737989971
>I'll pity you
My sides, when you ask dumb niggers to help you score. You seem like your doing fine /b/ro. But pro tip: woman like confidence, act like the anon you are on 4chan with out the racism bigotry and gore and you'll score endlessly. Don't forget to wrap it in later or shell take your paychecks

>>737990159
>"I hope that was enough to land a date because I'll be honest Jess, I have literally no idea where else to go from here."
>"So if you give me a time and place, maybe I'll have a better idea

I certainly don't claim to be an expert, but women really don't want to make decisions like this. Indecisiveness is a feminine trait.

>>737990326
Op here, I didn't say that, it was someone else

>>737990042
Seconded

Tell her you love her

You seem like a whore

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>>737990159
Reworked it a bit

>>737990256
My nigga

>>737990381
>Indecisiveness is a feminine trait
Your not wrong. Don't ever ask where they want to eat decide where from what food they enjoy most/what they have eaten in the past week

>>737990425
Oh, well the advice still applies, just be like that guy

Yeah cuz u seem like a whore

>>737990529
Probably not, but you're hot so im gonna try anyways

>>737990529
Damn son. I might figure something out

>>737990529
Tell her you'll go downtown

>>737990628
Rerolll

>>737990694
Roll

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>>737990326

Sorry, faggot, it was me that taught ol' dumbshit up there how to read a joke. Gotta disagree with the leaving bigotry, racism, blah blah out - it's a good start, but a good looking dude can say whatever he wants and still get laid, pal.

>>737990535
I second this, >>737990039
And also this

>>737990659
Op here, I like this one. Yeah?

>>737990529
Absolutely not but you're hot so I'll fucking figure it out

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>>737990529
just tell her you would like to make snaps with her and have fun with her you beta bitch

>>737989971
Sorry, dad jokes weren't on my radar when it came to Tinder game.

Yeah i want to send you a selfie of me with a dog filter so we can be twins

>>737990767
Don't say hot they don't like it. Think it's impersonal only applies to their body. Try jaw dropping or gorgeous. Bitches eat that shit up more then ben and Jerry's on shark week

>>737990831
It's cheesy pick up line not dad joke. You really are stupid

>>737990880
"Nope, but you're jaw dropping so I'll make something work" how about that?

>>737990880
Literally all you have to go on is their bodies, it's Tinder. Hot is fine.

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>>737990529

haha she fucking cornered you, imbecile. unmatch, move on, you blew it.

told you to ask why she swiped right. great work.

>>737990529
Say "well I know where I want to end up ;)"

>>737990880
Don't use any of these, and for the love of Goku, never say sexy

>>737990966
Maybe for dog filter bitches, actual mature woman become disinterested.
Your not completely wrong but your not right either

>>737990961
Yes do it

"yea, i'll go from the window, to the walls, till the sweat drops down my ballz, and then i'll skeet skeet skeet on your face"

>>737991148
rolling

>>737991047
Why don't use? Have worked fine for me women assume your in touch with your emotional side if you can make something complex and thought provoking

>>737990961
Alright, you got me. I probably won't. Why did you swipe right anyway?

>>737989971
must be op because that was a fucking stretch

>>737991208
Nigga, you done goofed

>>737991211
this

>>737991208
Game over man

>>737991306
SHIT HELP ME SAVE IT

>>737991246
It's also a really good way to get friendzoned. Not saying it won't work at all, but it could go either way.

>>737991293
Must have Iq higher then plankton to understand. She got it fine and she's a dumb dog filter bitch. What does that make you?

>>737991067
We'll, I'm a woman, so I think I'd know...

>>737991293

nope, just not a god tier idiot.

>>737991382
Nah, man you used your judgement and failed. Reflect on it. Soak up in your failure juices.

>>737991382
>>737991466
You're fine dude, but don't try and correct her with more compliments, just keep going with something else.

>>737991466
so hows about that snapchat? I can send you a pic of my dick if you promise not to laugh?

>>737991382
Told you /b/ro. Women are already disinterested because they assume tinder is used by men for sex(obviously true) you gotta make them think your different. If she doesn't auto reject come back to me . Other wise it's back to the drawing board

Yeah youre right i take that back...

>>737991466
Don't support the self deprecating play

>>737991417
True

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>>737991208
BROKEN ARROW

>>737991466

dude...if this girl is replying to that, she's just as desperate for attention as you are posting this shit asking for help.

carry on with your dog bitch, OP, lets see how this goes.

Just be honest and tell her you want to fuck.

>>737991635
THIS.. say this otherwise she will think youre creepy

>>737991455
Kek. Like I'd believe you
"Everyone on the internet is a man until proven otherwise" tits with timestamp or your just another fatty jerking it in the dark

>>737991685
What should I reply with

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>>737991580

kek

>>737991466
Let me show you how wrong you are

>>737991752
Okay, then don't believe me, like I give a fuck lmao.

Ugh I hate girls who think their ugly, like shut the fuck up

>>737991635
Reply with this

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>>737991758

"I was just being nice."

>>737991466
She gave you an out nigga. Say shes right she's actually gorgeous and get the fuck off that topic.

>>737991466
you fucked up bro, say "sure you're not hot you're gourgeous and then hit her with YOU snapchat and ask her to hit you dm. then start flexin on her bro you got this, c'mon now

>>737991875
Roll

>>737991466
"Then explain my erection babyyyyy gurrrl"

>>737991875
Agreed

>>737991758
"You can thank me by sending me your snap so I can disappoint you even more"

>>737991875
Rolling

>>737991897
this fuckboi

>>737991889
Rell

Op here, got her snap

>>737991948
roll

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>>737991897

>Say shes right she's actually gorgeous

This is why you don't come here for advice, OP.

>>737991814
This, right here. Works like a charm

>>737991875
roll

>>737991955
>>737991966
Winrawrs XD

>>737991992
You used my responses so you're welcome

>>737991635
Roll

>>737991814
underrated

>>737991758
this
>>737991580

>>737991992
Now what

>>737991828
Fine don't give a fuck trying to help him score with knowledge based on fact and trial and error

>>737992085
kys

>>737990937
It's a dad joke my dude

>>737991948
My sides, gold right here

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Send her this and say "show me ur tits bitch"

>>737992148
Well he took my (a woman's) advice and got her snap so I'd say I know how Tinder works

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>>737992085

>bragging for credit over a post on an anonymous chinese image board

>>737992253
is that a whale penis?

>>737992262
Fuck off

>>737991984
Must be good at sex to attempt to he fuckboi. I'm not that narcissistic just talk to alot of girls with low self esteem and can't accept a compliment

She hasn't added me back on snap yet

>>737992262
Women don't exist on Internet.
STFU you big fat assy bitch

>>737992386
Just be patient and don't message her back on Tinder, it'll make you seem clingy

>>737992386
Nevermind she just did

>>737991999
Kek fuck you M8 works on dog filter bitches like magic. It's not a guaranteed just a suggestion

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Send pic and say "I love the dog filter on you"

>>737992386
ask her if shes into modern art, then send her a dick pic as an example, but don't forget to put it in black and white first

>>737992262
You 1 me 0. Fair enough

Op here, what should I start the snap convo with?

>>737992645
this
>>737992547

>>737992645
Ask for likes and stuff

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>>737992492
send her a picture of dick grayson

>>737992645

Tell you're going to play truth or dare

Tell her youre in town for crystal meth rehab and leave in a week

>>737992232
Sorry never heard any dad jokes

>>737992645
Talk about ambitions and dreams. Gay shit like that

>>737992812
and then when she chooses dare, dare her to tell you to kys

>>737992849
You're such a rude boy...

>>737992827
You must be black

>>737992901
>Rude boy
The fuck? Calm down grams we're all men here

>>737992986
Did you just assume my gender?

>>737992901
maybe she'll laugh at it? i dunno a lot of these suggestions are misleading to her anyways, if he just wants to fuck, he should get his dick involved asap, cause trying to get all touchy feely isn't gonna work at all

OP here, ive got nudes

>>737992958
Sorry am not nigger tier just abandoned like one. Does that make me honorary nigger? If so I'll just kill myself now

>>737993041
whats a gender and what does it taste like?

>>737992645
"I never thought I'd make it this far...I'd like to thank my parents, my sister, Mr. Gilmore from 5th grade"

>>737992958
Kek, joke on point anon

>>737990682
this

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>>737993041
Oh shit, I sense an itchy triggered finger

>>737993063
Op here, not me

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Tell her you like her dog filter, because it makes you wanna do her doggy-style.

>>737993063
Post them bro, fuck these emotional suggestions go balls deep she's dtf

>>737993197
It's okay, we didn't think you'd have them that fast considering you're asking for our help in the first place lmao

>>737993264
That's not actually OP

>>737993197
Op seption. How do we know the real op here?

>>737993220
This is a great plan

Just make her laugh a little bit more then go for the kill. Be assertive but not vulgar (yet).

>>737991466
I would destroy dat ass like a Palestinian Village on the Gaza strip. Snap me a pick of your ta tas bby.

>>737993323
Soon realized this after posting
Sorry for your loss of almost quads

>>737993349
the fag who said he had nudes is not OP, im the real one

>>737993493
My sides oh my fuck yes say this OP

>>737991466
Give me your snap and in return I'll bang you like a screen door in a tornado.

>>737993220
rolling

Op here, she said on snap "work your magic my friend"

>>737993566
Nice dubs. They have decided for me you are the real op

>>737993493
Rolllll

>>737993460
This is gold tier advice

>>737993566
>>737993634
send her a dick pic, just do it, worst come to worst you at least got your foot int he door, if shes not interested in hooking up, you're wasting your time anyways

>>737993634
She thinks your funny? Could mean many things, bitches are fickle

OP here, im a bitchass nigga

>>737993493
Do it.

>>737993220
rolling this shit underrated

>>737993634
HELP

>>737993220
roll

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Op here, gonna send this

>>737994406
TAKE YOUR DAMN CLOTHES OFF

>>737994406
Just say the doggy style shit and move on

just start talking to her about stuff and then slowly start talking about more and more sexual stuff, then you'll be facetiming in no time. A frog jumps out of boiling water if you just throw it in.

>>737994555
trips demands it!

>>737991208

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>>737994557
See, you can fuck this up on your own. You don't need our help.

>>737995168
Exactly

I'm about to cum, I need your snap.

>>737994557
Don't do it faggot. Self deprecating humor shows lack of confidence/insecurity and will dry her shit up.

>>737995518
This.
You need to act like a stereotypical badass, it'll either be funny, hot, or both.

>>737996269
He's right you know

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rolling for this

You lose money chasing women but you never lose women chasing money

Op here, threw out some more corny pickup lines and got "we should hang out some time" I'm a virgin so I'm freaking the fuck out

>>737997191
What do b

>>737997191
How long you last when masturbating? You got phimosis?

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>>737997191

>>737997714
No, am a cutfag, and it varies, but not very long unless I stop for a bit

>>737997834
The thing with sex is that it's a lot slower than masturbation and you usually aim to please the hoe instead of yourself. Also, foreplay lats fucking 10 minutes at least, so make sure you're good at cunnilingus.

>>737997834
Jerking it does not improve how long you last in the sack. Since your a virgin when you bust quick pull that rubber off slap on a new one and keep going. She will thank you

>>737998034

Should I go for it? I don't know if I want to lose my virginity to some random hoe on tinder

>>737998277
It's up to you m8. Experience will help with future conquests but your reasons are valid

>>737998277
All these faggots talking about "I want my first time to be amazing under the moon on the beach!" Shut the fuck up and get your dick wet, because if you don't do it now, only God knows when your next chance is gonna be. Also, post your dick or face, or both fag.

>>737998437
I JUST turned 18, I don't have a job or a car, and only have like 60 bucks to my name. I don't even know how this would work

>>737998701
Oh dear lord. You best hop on it before your making a whiny I wanna kill myself for being fat 30 year old virgin thread

>>737998277
Yes, you absolutely should go for it. She could turn out to be more than just some random hoe to you.

>>737998701
The bitch sucked your dick you faggot. If any of those things wouldve stopped her, they would have already. NOW POST YOUR DICK

>>737998701
Bendito mussolini knows

>>737998832
She never sucked my dick? I just started talking to her tonight, and she doesn't know anything about other than what I look like

>>737999070
I still live with my parents so she can't come here, and I don't have a car so I can't go to her

>>737999070
Stick your dick in it already we helped you to this moment to puss out now

>>737999070
>>737999124
God dammit. Have you already sent your dick to her? Also, just meet her at a park or some shit.

>>737999124
You can fuck literally anywhere. I once fucked a chick at a park full of people and didn't get caught. On a church roof while it was full of Mormons. In a Walmart parking lot during the day. Just be smooth bitch it's not that difficult

>>737999125
>>737999215
No I haven't, and I don't have a car so how do I get there?

>>737999283
You best get to walking and showing her your dick. Post it here first for practice :^)

>>737999283
Walk your candy ass. Have her meet at your house and go out back and fuck her. Fuck her In your room with the door locked. Don't have a door lock? The bathroom does, trade doors. Be resourcefull you submissive little bitch.

>>737999360
I ain't posting my fuckin dick nigga