Sup b/ros I need to pass a drug test. What is the fasted way

bleach

>>737166278
How long do you have?

2 too 3 weeks

>>737166579
What drugs are in your system and how often do you use

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How many days do you have?
Drink as much Pedialyte as you can between now and then. You need to flush it out of your system but plain water dilutes your urine too much and will cause you to be flagged for a re-test. Sauce: I work in a medical / drug testing lab.

>>737166747
Just weed and smoke every other day

>>737166842
If you're pretty skinny cranberry juice and water alone for the next 3 weeks will flush you. Do a niacin overdose, drink a gallon of water and sleep it off and sweat it out in blankets overnight. Obviously continue to flush with water and cranberry juice, don't smoke. Work out 5 days a week all cardio

>>737166839
I have at most 3 weeks. And I need to be 100% certain I'm going to pass. Last day I smoked was Monday. I just want to serve its a huge dream of mine

>>737167114
Must not have been that important to you if you couldn't stay off dope

>>737167286 i had no idea I was going to be tested for it. I know a few people who smoke regularly in the military so I didn't think it was too big of a deal. So cut the sarcasm or just don't reply

>>737167610
>begs for help with something he is too stupid to avoid in the first place for supposed dream
>wahhhh don't be sarcastic I'm retarded
Our military doesn't need anymore useless scrubs like you, fulfill your true Destiny and become a janitor faggot

>>737167610
Stay clean, drink plenty of water, vitamin b and niacin supplement until a few days before your test. A few days before your test, go to any Walgreens, CVS, etc and buy a drug test there for like $20 and double check yourself before your shrek yourself.

>>737166278
fastest way is not to do drugs

>>737166278
suck a lot of cocks, when they realize you have aids they won't have any choice other than letting you in otherwise they would be discriminating

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get someone that doesnt do drugs to pee in your mouth about an hour before the drug test
>thank me later

I'm sure you live on the internet so anything you say to me ain't going to do much. I'm not the brightest but I'm no fucking retard. And at least I'm trying to do some changing with my life. I asked for help. I'm not begging.

>>737168146
This sounds right up your alley OP. You are already accustomed to sucking cocks as I can tell from your earlier replies so this will also be easiest

>>737166278

If you have a decent rapport with your recruiter then just talk to him and come clean. Let him know you smiked a little wees and you're worried you'll fail. He'll come up with a plan for you.

>>737168261
You're clearly a retard and I wouldn't call applying but then continuing to do drugs in an organization that is known for testing really "trying". Long story short you are guaranteed to fail with your clearly lacking mental capacity and poor impulse control. Repeat after me, "would you like fries with that sir?"

>>737168416
Now honestly that's a big help. Ill try that. I hadn't considered that.

>>737166278
dude, you are fucked, they are not gonna wait 2-3 weeks before drug testing you, likely youll show up at recruiters and they will have you test then and there. what branch is it?

>>737168544
>>737168416
Yes this, definitely just admit you've done drugs. This is a no consequence option, it's almost guaranteed they let you in on honesty alone. Good luck OP

>>737166278
Stop smoking and get a strip kit

>>737168522
I didn't apply until just this afternoon you fucking reprobate. Go have your mom make you some more hot pockets and play some more fucking Warcraft.

>>737168544
what the fuck? no dont do that, dont tell your recruiter shit unless there is a record of it somewhere

OP just let it work its way out of your system by drinking a lot of water. An army recruiter would be your best bet on working with you, but any other branch probably not

>>737168544

They don't care much about weed. He'll probably just postpone the test or take the first and throw it out then retest 2 weeks later.

How long since you smoked? Done any other drugs lately?

>>737167610
How the fuck didn't you know about getting tested for drugs if it was such a huge dream for you?

>>737168747
>dumbshit dope head too stupid to get clean before a government job app calling other people reprobate
You're truly destined to fail and I regret leaving you advice to help you poss clean

>>737168659
Its the army havent even signed paperwork yet. I'm still talking with the recruiter

>>737168793

Go back to your funions, fagget

>>737168919
That's all I'm the thread idiot. Read it

>>737168919
I have friends in the corps that smoke regularly. Thats why

>>737168919
Because he's literally retarded, failed at other attempts and settled for something he is now calling a dream

>>737166278
Run 16 miles a day, one of the guys I went to boot camp with smoked weed a week before he left but he ran 8 miles to play basketball then ran back every day before he left and he was fine. He also did good in boot camp cause he could run like a mother fucker

>>737168857
Smoked Monday. But nothing else at all

>>737169186
I didn't settle for shit. I work at a factory to buy a car and now that I've got one I can enlist.

Stay fully sober, exercise every day, and drink plenty of water. That's literally it. Any other advice is bullshit. Only time and healthy living will detoxify you.

>>737169281

Did you smoke more than once a week before that or were you smoking up a lot?

When is the test?

>>737169424
Once or twice a week. And in max 3 weeks

>>737169412
Oh right forgot independent transportation and cloudy piss were both prerequisites to enlisting

>>737169024
I know people kicked out of the core for getting caught

>>737166990
this is bad advice. weed is stored in fat cells. he needs to run lose fat.

best way works for me every time:
>exercise, eat healthy up until a week before test
>final week, eat a bunch of fatty food to replace fat cells
>drink lots of water day of test and take b12 to color piss, and take the sample mid stream

>>737169584
As I said, had no idea. I'm not denying that I'm a fucking idiot for smoking but shit. Just trying to pass this test and stay clean.

How has your mental deficiency affected you in other aspects of your life OOH? Do you often bite your tongue when eating or fail repeatedly at simple tasks?

>>737166278

If you plan on continuing to do drugs don't bother joining the military. They have a robust random drug testing program and the consequences are pretty fucking severe.

inb4 druggies say you won't get caught; you might not, but you probably will be and when it happens you are going to sincerely regret it.

>>737169675
Niacin has b12. I did suggest 5 days of serious cardio a week. Water and cranberry juice both flush. None of that was bad advice. I've been smoking for 10 years and never failed a test.

>>737169775
I'm not even going to argue. Because that was funny as hell to read. Not even mad

>>737169935
I plan on staying clean for sure.

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>>737166278

>>737170148
I'm dead lol

>>737169976
>drinking a gallon of water a day isn't going to help when the weed is stored in your fat cells.
>cranberry juice isn't going to do anything
>working out 5 days a week is going to fuck you more than help you, you just need moderate exercise
>not suggesting niacin/b12 for day of
ok

>>737170506
Its worked for 10 years i think thats a reasonable amount of evidence. Cardio cuts those fat cells quicker. They make shakes that will have you pissing clean in 24 hours dude fat cell storage or not you can beat the test with a flush

>>737167114
drink a gallon of water per day
exercise every day
you should have no problem passing the drug test

>>737170754
too much cardio is just going to going to fuck your muscles. based on my experience for 10 years is not an argument.

>>737170754
I mean i weigh 172 and I'm in great shape does that help?

>>737171102
you still have fat. weed is stored in the fat. you need to do exercise to lose the fat. then before the test you need to replace the fat with other fat by eating fatty food.

>>737171102
You're gonna be fine. Do cardio, flush with niacin. Don't smoke. It will be out of your system in the 3 weeks. Eat fatty foods the last week of you want to either way the flush will work

>>737167835
What's your true destiny anon?

Join the conversation on Hangouts: https://hangouts.google.com/group/oTs2QFaoLM39XiPw2 .........

don't join the military you retard.

don't tell your recruiter you did any drugs. from now on you don't smoke and you never have. like many people have mentioned you need to move some serious fluid through your body. making yourself sweat a shit load through cardio or just warm clothes will allow you drink more fluids than normal.

essentially your game is to reduce the concentration of the chemical they will be looking for (forget the exact name of it). different organizations care about different levels. getting a good lung full of pot smoke second hand will put you on the map for testing, but the concentration will be well below the cut off.

you have BARELY enough time to get your concentration down to a level that will not raise eyebrows. the more you smoke, the higher the concentration of the marker in your urine is, and longer it takes to reduce on its own.

of the top of my head, most places use 40 ng/mL, but it is totally arbitrary. if you live in denver or seattle and you go to clubs, you will probably hit 5 ng/mL if you got a lung full the day before testing. I've never heard of a company going below 20 ng/mL.

if you are pissing your pants worried, don't bother with the walgreens off the shelf tests because they won't tell you your concentration. also if you think you won't make it, just drink a metric fuck load of water the day of the test. they will make you retest on another day if you are lucky, (same day if not) and it will save you a few days.