any depressed fags here? hows your shitty fucking life goin

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got finals next week

cant bring myself to study

all I can do is blankly stare

shitty part is I know I can pass if I just manage to sit still and do my shit

but I'd much rather sit around doing nothing, unable to make myself worry until the very last minute

I just find it so hard to care about anything

Until something goes wrong and I know I'm fucked then I feel like shit

I know what all my deadlines are but I can't do anything

I care but, care too late

I can stare at my calander all I want, but I can't do anything till the day of

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I'm so apathetic towards everything.

I just sit in front of my computer all day long

Everyday

>go to school
>sit infront of computer
>lift
>computer
>sleep

every day

I've been suicidal for a lot of my life, if I'm honest I've been so much happier since I became a full-time NEET a few months ago. But disability doesn't last forever, that fucking depresses me. And not having enough NEETbux to buy all the weed I want

I don't even have fun

I don't even remember what I used to do for fun

everything I do is to waste time

netflix 4chan reddit league

I don't find any enjoyment in those things at all

but they make the day go by

I hate sleeping too because then I know I'm just gonna do the same shit the next day

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I know my parents are disappointed in me

my mother always asks me why I sit infront of the computer all day

why don't I go out and do something

"you used to be so mischievous and a trouble maker now all you do is sit there"

"you should smile"

I'm just going through the motions trying to achieve the bear minimum and even at that I usually fail

I know I could do better

but I can't bring myself to do so

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>>736581191
Unrequited love.
Shit job.
Shit hobbies.
Shit friends.
Shit addictions. Cocaine is one hell of a drug.
Everything is just grey. Literally fucking grey. If someone asked me to paint a portrait of my life, it'd just be a grey canvas with a black hollow skeleton crawling in an open field.
This sounded less cringey in my head.

I don't even cry

I don't remember when was the last time I cried

because I don't have any strong attachments with anything or anyone

I don't even know how I feel

I'm just rambling whatever comes to mind

you know what question I fucking hate

"teel me about yourself"

what the fuck do you want me to say

I don't have anything special to say

want me to say I sit around all day alone

"what are some qualities you have"

i don't fucking know

I'm a guy with some hair

I can make a pretty clean wave with my fingers

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I'd wanna kill myself but I'm too afraid to do that

don't really have thoughts of me killing myself

but I do think a lot about getting run over or dying in my sleep

I wish something out of mycontrol killed me

>>736581191
>Lost my job
>Had to drop out of college due to not being able to afford it
>Bank account has $7
>Had to move back with parents
>Fighting with who was been my gf by 4 years pretty much everyday, she literally thinks im a freeloader (she said it in one of our fights), i dont think this relationship will last long
>Im a 24yo failure


All of this within 2 months.

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I like this song

It's a piano piece
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=963Tt7CEt2s

nice to wallow in saddness with

fuck I had something on my mind and i fucking forgot it

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i need to go piss

this next one is for all you depressed fucks out there

enjoy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pz2nyOLVwg8

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I don't know if anyone else is here

so just gonna post till this thread is pruned

i should prob sleep. but don't feel like it

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itd be cool to have friend

I used to in high school

but even then I never really felt like I was wanted

still kinda hung out with them once in a while

but after highschool they either moved away or just stopped talking

being in the same school was the only reason we talked

kinda hard in college

I don't know how to make friends

highschool I played sports so that gave me an opening

college, not so much

just people I talk to in class about class stuff

and this is probably it

i lied about posting till its pruned

im pretty tired

with everything

well here's to not waking up tomorrow

cheers

wait

this is a nice song too https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CG6gpwYH1DM

well that album in general

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hurt by nine inch nails is a classic too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYN99SqIXdI

thought the quiet version wouldn't have the ear raping guitar strumming at the end

was very mistaken

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>First girl I fall for admittedly lead me on
>Failed my suicide attempt
>Addicted to coke, dependent on alcohol at this point too
>Work low-end shit job to pay for uni that's thrown me so far into debt I hope I can survive the next year.
>Can't sleep, even though that's the only time I can dream of a place where I am genuinely happy

this was very therapeutic

nice to just spill stuff out and have it be deleted soon

just gonna drop this and leave yall too it

i should really go to sleep now

“I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea.” - frogurt dostekekeyhcy

notes from the underground

amazing book, read it!

I'm here anon. I'm watching you post, with no reply. I'm much similar to you. I like reading your posts.

Please don't go quite yet. I'd like to have someone to talk to for a sec, and since the thread is dead I feel like it'd be easier to open up to one other person.

>>736584150
I got introduced to that book via a recent Vsauce video. Fucking excellent I tell ya.

>>736584252
im still chillin here

gonna grab a quick smoke and throw out the trash

My daily life cycle is boring and especially repetitive.

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Prob gonna jump ship in July my dudes.
Twas a nice run, catch ya on the flip side.

>>736584487
i kinda find comfort in my repetitive life

but its probably because i've become used to how I feel

or rather what I don't feel

I know I have it but its because such a big part of me that I find comfort it in


had to solve 5 fucking captchas for this shit

>>736584522
How so?

Pretty bad. Gonna probably go to a hotel this weekend and kill myself with a deadly substance.

>>736584522
i wish I had the balls to just end it

but there's a tiny part of me that goes what if

both ways

what if life got better

but i don't know if this is the right way to say it

but I don't wanna get better

>>736584325
I recently got back a report card. I was never bright, given that I'm old enough to post and just would have graduated proves I'm already "a bit" behind, but apparently I can't graduate because I didn't meet the credit requirements and have to do another year. Thinking of just dropping out and joining military.

I've attempted suicide in the past. It doesn't work, at least not on me for some odd reason. Probably too retarded to figure out how to do it correctly. Maybe too retarded to join military, I dunno.
Just feeling retarded man. All I have to say. I always felt like the one thing I had going for me while growing up was my intelligence, but now that it's been proven that I don't even have that, I don't know what I have.

>>736584769
id be so scared of fucking up and surviving

unless I had a gun I could shoot through my head

I don't think I'd try shit like that

>>736584880
I scored some apparent super deadly pesticide. Heard of some anon dying because he sprayed it on his roof, it rained and seeped through. He walked through it and died in his sleep. Figure I can soak it in my socks and get baked till I die.

I haven't left my flat for something that isn't work, shopping or going for a walk in over 8 years.All I do is work, drink, watch anime and go on 4chan.

In an attempt to do something about it I bought a season ticket for my local football team the other day, something I enjoyed doing in my teenage years.

>>736584832

This is supposed to be my last quarter of community collge (hopefully) before I transfer to a state college

all I have to do is pass these classes

just gotta focus for once this one week

I legit feel like depression made me stupider

people around me have such high expectations

i don't think ill meet any of them

>realized I only had friends because I was around them all the time at school
>don't talk to them anymore
>only friend in college is roommate
>summer now, no structure in life
>work in a pizza shop, only two days a week
>stressful
>got hurt, can't work this weekend
>sleep until 3-8pm every day
>browse internet or play vidya while awake

>>736585031
what's it called? idk I feel if you're gonna go down that route you gotta get it right the first time and go all the way

I'm a 42 year old janitor working 31 hrs a week at $8.60 hr. My chronic sinus inflammation combined with allergies that get worse with the passing of time make for shitty health. Divorced; bald, scrawny, bad teeth, I'm nothing good to look at.

Life is pretty much shit.

>>736585057
I wish you luck anon. You're farther than I have ever been and will be. Don't lose. Don't waste it yet.

>>736584699
How am I going to do it? I have a trusty shotgun. Can blast my brains and my problems away.

>>736581191
hey OP,

Shit's not great. I finally passed my college course after 2 years of trying, my drug and alcohol problem is flaring up again, ive had a super qt3.14 bf for like a week now so thats nice but i still mostly feel empty inside and think about killing myself almost everyday.
Hbu thread?

>>736585159
I couldn't tell ya. I'm really not too certain, just managed to keep a bottle stashed from when i ran acrossed it. Using it as my contingency plan since I knew I'd never really amount to anything. Just gonna probably do it and hope for the best.

its really late nice talking to yall but I gotta be up in 6 hours

don't worry ill be back tomorrow doing the same thing

>>736581867
i feel that, the only time i feel remotely at peace is when i travel on trains cause at least im going somewhere. Sadly when i reach my destination the feeling goes away

>>736581957
the only reason i want a job is to finance my drug habit\

I wrote this when I was depressed one day
>>Happiness the thing that has betrothed me. I know I've done a lot of wrong in my life but I try every day to do a lot of right too. I don't understand why I can't find you anymore. I don't understand why you hide from me furthermore. I put on a front for people to see so they think I'm happy and won't have to worry about me. Little do they know I'm so depressed all my emotions have jumbled into one big mess. I try to feel I try to care but all that comes forth is emptiness pretending with blank emotionless stares. I hate feeling this way but it's the only thing I can feel. I believe the inevitable is coming the moment where all my feelings are gone and there is nothing left, as if my humanity switch is turned off. So is it better to feel the tip of the iceberg of sadness from the bottom of the ocean or to feel nothing like a robot? It might be miserable feeling this way but at least it lets me know I am alive because without it for all I know I could be dead. I'm on the verge of breaking down mentally again which is scary because I never know if it will be the one time where my mind doesn't bounce back. The time when the dry rotted rubber band snaps and breaks from all the stress, tension, and sadness. I know my life could have been so much more but I have come to the conclusion the world works against me. Everything that could have been was taken from me, stolen at a moments notice. There are things in my life I could change to make things better but it doesn't fix things.... No one understands but how can they when I don't understand.

>>736585253
i finally kicked my alcholism

got tired of buying shitty cheap bottles and drinking it throughout the day

still think about it though

maybe after next week when finals are done

I can drink to celebrate or drink in sadness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPp7bkxY4KI

>>736585454
proud of you /b/ro alcoholism is a bitch

sadly people like us need things to help us cope
good luck with finals!

>>736585451
>written by a teenager/10

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zLfCnGVeL4

Thanks to all who remind me I'm not the only one:/

>>736581191
a girl supports me

>>736581473
I feel you bro

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>>736585253
cocaine addiction still at an all time high (pun semi-intended). Unrequited love, and newfound alcoholism, family friends forgetting my birthday this month.
It's no fun.
Hope shit turns around for you. I'm kicking the bucket if things don't turn around in a few weeks/months.

>>736585579
I'm 27 bro

>>736584880
Shoot your heart. You can survive head shots.

I'm a high school student.
A few years ago, I tried to kill myself and a girl I was friends with stopped me. A few months ago, she did the same and I actually wound up hospitalized.
After that she hasn't been talking to me as much. She was kind of my only friend - We used to talk every day, now it's once every few days or even weeks. Tonight I texted her. After a few back and forth texts, she said she was really tired. That was around 10pm. Then, around 11pm, she posted something on her finsta (that basically means an alternate private instagram account for anyone who doesn't know normalfag terminology). It was a selfie of her and the caption was a summary of her day. She posted it at something like 11pm, an hour after she said she was tired and was going to bed. At the end of the post she wrote "if anyone wants to talk hmu i'm bored" and I don't know why I care so much but I do.
So I guess tonight confirmed my suspicion that my only friend doesn't really consider me a friend anymore.
Then a few hours later I lost my Paper Mario 2 save data.
So yeah, doin' good.

>>736585779
Hey, I'm 27 too.


But I don't write bullshit like that

>>736586029
What's wrong with it? It was how I was feeling at the time and it was either write how I felt or take a whole bunch of pills to try and kill myself. I don't write for attention I write little notes every once and a while and hide them where most people won't look as a cry for help but not a blatant cry for help because of my pride.

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>>736581191
>be me
>pretty depressed
>body literally aches with how shitty I feel
>do nothing but lay in bed
>almost an out of body experience, where I'm aware that I'm being a piece of shit and need to get my shit together, but my body won't move
>barely even alive
>barely even conscious