Confession thread (totally not NSA)

I once stole a paper clip at my previous office.

i jacked off in class looking at the teacher, hot as fuck the most beautiful milf in the world. also friend took lots of pictures of under her dress. Got away with it too just nutted all in my boxer shorts

I start:
>me 4 years ago
>found my sisters penis ring (dunno why she had one)
>tried it on myself
>"oh damn I love it"
>two weeks later
>left that thing on my desk
>it's gone
>"I'm so fucked"
> found it in my sisters room again
>we never talked about it, but it still gives me chills

>>736508746
You monster

>>736508746
Damn that's tough

>>736508909
ask why tf she have one

>>736508699
I once called Walmart posing as a pissed off father saying an employee sexually harassed my daughter. Dude was fired the next day. Still makes me laugh.

>>736508699
>>736508909
>>736508929
>>736508939
>>736508959
anymore 9's ?

>>736508989
Yup

>>736508746
Dude wtf. Mods

>>736508699
I tell everyone and anyone I can about /b/ and then they come here and half of them think it's fucked, the other half like it.

I contribute to the population growth.

I cheated on a history test in my sophomore year of high school

>>736508699
i use to masturbate sniffing my cousins thongs

>>736508972
sounds like bullshit to me, you would have had ti make a statement

>>736509378
Incestuous thoughts are actually common

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>>736509523
Keep telling yourself that freak.

>>736508746
MODS

>>736508746
You piece of fuckin shit kys

>>736508746
MODS

>>736509460
Thing is, I didn't m kwnkt wiuld get this guy fired. He was someone I knew. I just thought he would have been questioned about it. It's a small southern town and people are incredibly stupid here. I had a manager on the phone for 20 minutes in a hard southern accent. All I needed was his name, some story about how he called my daughter hot. Fake name for me and fake daughter and some shit like, "Now I don't want to get anyone in trouble but I think someone ought to talk to this guy!"

Gig got fired the next day and was out for blood. I've never seen him again and I don't plan on it lol. Believe it or not, it still makes me laugh even to this day.

>>736509378
Stole a pair of my cousins panties she had just sweated out during cheerleading practice. Wrapped them around my head in her family's driveway with the gooch over my nose. Blew fuckin loads. Still have the panties. That was 10 years ago.

>>736510114
Did you have a stroke while typing that?

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>>736508746

>>736508699
I rubbed my dick on my dog's pussy once

I stole some yu-gi-oh cards from a friend when I was 10

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About 30 to 45 minutes ago I beat the fuck out of my dick so God damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg. My left leg has went totally numb; AND my dick has also went totally numb to the point where it feels fucking weird when I go and take a piss.

>>736508699
My moms friend tried to fonger me in the back of my moms car.

Thank goodness you're not the FBI because I'm pretty sure fongering is a crime.

>>736510275
h....h-how di-did it feel?

My kindergarten classmate wouldn't give me a single Pokémon card to start off with out of the thousands he had. Later into the school year he died from a serious bicycle wreck. Should've given me a Pokémon card.

>>736510444
Would be a shame if I knew his name and where he lives

>>736510481
not so guilty as I expected
she liked it tho

>>736510180
Almost shit when I read this. Topkek

>>736508699
Everytime i count to 100 I skip a few

>>736508699
I once stole paper from a class mate and the teacher acted like it was a jewelry rob or something

>>736508909
>I start
Kek third

>>736510208
i cant find anything wrong with this image

>>736508699
i'm actually really fucking attracted to my cousin, she's 23 i think and has some epic fuckin tits on her

>>736508699
I have my previous 3 girlfriends nudes still on my computer (not sharing sorry). I still fap to them occasionally even though my current gf is the best lay I've ever had.

>>736511218
That's nothing special

>>736511114
Holy shit this made me laugh more than I expected

>>736511230
We wanna fap too come on

>>736510145
What the fuck is wrong with you?

My wifes friend married white girl, to a good white guy. Turns out she is a complete mudshark, BBC slut. I told him he was being cucked, all hell has broken loose. Wifey told me the day she had confirmation, I cant stand to see a good man be shit on, wifey agreed. Did I do the right thing?

>>736511340
Don't let your dreams be dreams dude

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>>736510275

>>736509378
>tong
like the thing moms use for cooking?

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>>736508699
Posted yesterday and the thread 404'd.

> reading at coffee shop in mall
> overhear teens chatting at next table
> one if them is upset she cannot afford summer dress on sale
> keep reading and eavesdrop
> her friends leave and she is about to as well
> "excuse me Miss"
> "I couldn't help overhearing you wanted a certain dress; I make it a point to do one good deed a week."
> "do you still want the dress?"
> she asks what I want
> I say nothing, just a kind gesture
> I ask how much
> $20 bucks
> hand her $40 and tell her to come back with the change
> keep reading
> 20min later she comes back
> receipt and change
> we chat briefly and she adds me in kik
> tell her I'm going for coffee again the next week
> she meets me and we shop together
> light flirting over a few meetings
> then she says she likes me
> from there it went from light touching..
> .. to hand jobs.

Haven't had more yet.
But it's only a matter of time.
Apparently she hasn't told her friends about me yet. I'll keep you posted.

>>736508989
checked

>>736510114

yeah no. not funny at all.

this one time at band camp i stuck a flute in my pussy

>>736511580
you liar. you stuck it in your butt

>>736511476

so you already paid and didnt get anything ?

I mean .. Even hookers is kinda embarrassing but ..

Ohello /B/, my name is Chips Handon. I always like to lork at 7cham and I also like mudflips too, as you do. DASU DASU LOL. I also like having sex with underage children (HOES DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY DICK), shop the wops, do a battle roll and i just lost the match. Due to the fact that i'm not a noobfag i know that /random/ is in possession of a great variety of "PC", at least those of you that aren't underage B%. in a nutshell, I need Anomalous to deliver to an Astrafaglian /re/tard some of his "PC" (you know what I mean LOL). ROW ROW ROW THE BOAT. PLEASE DONT MAGE THIS THRED IT IS NOT COPYPIZZA, BUT ORIGINAL COMMENT.

>>736511635
fuck you got me

>>736511635
That would be much cooler

>>736511659
dude holy shit is this the youtuber behindthememe

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All these weak ass posts got NOTHING on me.

>I once had sex with my spouse in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.

>>736511476
r/thathappened is over that way, you neckbeard cuck

I peed and cum in public pools a few times.
Once I fapped in front a 8 yo I was babysitting while she was sleeping just with panties on.

>>736512174
Did you cum on her?

I shot the sheriff.

>>736512417
Bullshit, I think you shot the deputy

>>736512417
i bet you let the dogs out too
fucking monster

>>736512303
No, too afraid of wake her up. Also, could you imagine parents discovering cum stains on her sheets?

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>>736512683
What a waste Anon.
Reminds me of a pasta I saved from here though.

> dating girl for a while
> meet her family etc.
> her mom lives in a basement suite
> moms bf is sketchy mofo
> few month's pass
> she's crying, angry, distraught
> mothers bf had been molesting her little sister
> had even begun raping her when opportunity presented itself
> her sister is 8
> mothers bf is m.i.a. with warrant out
> gf agrees to have little sister sleep over until he is caught and mom moves
> few weeks go by
> little sister sleeps like a brick because she's on melatonin in Nyquil
> can't sleep otherwise.
> gf asks if I can watch her alone over the weekend while she settles her mother in a town over
> "sure.. She's pretty self sufficient anyhow."
> terrible thoughts invade my mind Friday night
> I make noise, prod the girl, literally try to wake her up..
> won't wake up.. Best response is grunts and shifts
> Saturday night
> I made sure she had a bit extra of the sleep aides
> the rest.. I'm not saying.

I broke up with my gf shortly after.
Couldn't stand myself in her presence or seeing her family. May be the worst thing I've done.. But at least it's a secret thing.

I was one of many people on a /b/ thread which bullied a camwhore.

She was stupid enough to post an almost nude tease pic of her with her phone and it was geotagged. back then 4chan didnt strip EXIF data so we got her home address, it was in some shithole rural town in Texas.

Once we had her address we quickly found out her name and phone number too. We pranked call her and uploaded the recordings to the thread, and she was genuinely freaked out by this.

I always wondered what happened to her after that. did she leave 4chan? did she stay?

I miss old 4chan.

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When I was in kindergarten I called another kid a chicken nugget

>>736512982
god frowns on people like you

>>736511340
What was the pic anon?

>>736513397
saw it before it was taken down, just a cartoon of a loli girl getting fucked by a black dude, pretty tame. i think the text was what got it removed, saying it was his dream to do pedo shit

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>>736513686
B& for text? Mods are twitchy today.

I confess I would buy these kinds of dolls for fapping if I were single.

>>736512931
yea member when white knights were rare, now it is 95% of /b/

That webm of the chocolate milk being poured down the drain was me

>>736508746
MOOOODDDDDSSSSS

>>736511852
K and

>>736514430
My dick would break it. I don't think it would fit. Are you into the idea of fucking a fairy or being a giant? because not even young girls are that size.

>>736512929
You gave her the dick?

>>736508699
I wanna die
Also, checked, not gov't

>>736514550
It wasn't just the userbase the change, the management changed.

Why do you think they started stripping EXIF data? to stop shit like that from happening again. they're messing with our lolz.

>>736511852
You're a sick degenerate fuck

>>736514955
Could green text that part if you want..

>>736515788
Don't lie you said you saved the greentext

>>736515009
4chin is mainstream now because chinkmoot thinks there is money in it

>>736515898
I did. Here you go.

Guys.. I had so much adrenalin going.
My cock was dripping like a coffee machine too.

> she fell asleep in an oversized shirt
> just slid it up to her shoulders
> perfect.. like a miniature model
> slightly tanned skin due to ethnic mixing
> absolutely no hair anywhere
> I had asked her to bath before bed and added coconut oil
> she was extra smooth
> after a few minutes of feeling around
> I parted her legs..then I parted her lips
> still the most perfect pussy I've ever seen
> my tongue eventually cramped up
> she never stirred from sleep though
> that was both a relief and a disappointment
> I had already been using my fingers
> pinky first up to index
> by the time my tongue had cramped she was ready
> I had thought ahead with that bath
> coconut oil as lube
> entering was slow and shallow
> bottomed out before our hips contacted
> I gently turned her over and spread her cheeks while slowly fucking her pussy
> started with my pinky again; this time on her ass
> when that was ready I slowly entered there too
> eventually got all the way inside after shifting her around a bit
> just stayed there flexing my pelvic muscles
> just about came

>>736515991
Final.

> pull out after dribbling precum in her ass
> wiped my cock down and turned her back over
> time to nut
> got on top of her and folded her legs up
> this time I was pumping faster
> she finally started to squirm a bit as I was thrusting deeply
> that was it.. I came so hard I could feel it erupt from her onto the bedsheets
> a moment of panic washed over me
> was she awake? No; but I should clean up quick
> I got a towel from the laundry and placed it under her ass
> I pressed and squeezed her tummy but the cum just kept flowing out
> eventually decided some warm water douching was needed
> I then fingered some numbing Preparation H into her ass for good measure
> after a quick shower I came back to the room
> she looked like a little angel that hadn't been touched
> being super horny still I jerked my cock in her mouth for a quick nut
> after cleaning that up too I tried to sleep

Eventually she woke up around noon.
Seemed disoriented. Not sure if it was because of the drugs or the assault.
Either way.. I took her out for frozen yogurt and the park. Got praised and blown by the gf for taking such good care of her sister. Have to admit.. When my gf was swallowing; I was replaying the events of the weekend.