Tell me your most fucked up jokes /b/

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.

My nama Jeff

Bazinga

>>736273849
My life.

>>736274119
on a tuesday

>>736273849
What's the worst part about being a pedo? Having to burp your GF after every blowjob.

>>736273849
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, they beat the room for being black

Our current state In Politics .

Why can't Mexicans play uno cause they stole all the green cards

>>736274611
they also arrest the bulb for being broke

>>736274602
>>736274611
Actually cringed these are so bad.

>>736274119
At least this guy responded with zero effort, far less pathetic than half-ass pedophilia jokes.

>>736273974
filthy

What's the difference between the Jewish and Santa Clause?
Santa goes down chimneys, Jews only go up them

Whats the difference between a jew and a cake, the cake wont scream inside the oven

what do females and vacuums have in common?
- when they stop sucking you get rid of them

A jew was playing with an ash tray so Hitler asked if he was looking for someone.

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Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes

Myy Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

What's the difference between a woman and a computer? You can punch information into a computer.

What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick down a baby's throat.

Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

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>>736273849
> Knock Knock
> Who's there?
> 9/11
> 9/11 who?
> You said you'd never forget.

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How long does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

you ever nut on your hand and be like hey son.

>>736273849
Op

How many Jews can fit in a Volkswagen Beetle? 4, you insensitive cunts.

>>736273974
Because seven was a registered six offender?

Whats 9 inches pink and makes my gf scream when i put it in her mouth
Her miscarriage

I remember my grandpa's last words

*flashback*

"Stop shaking the fucking ladder, you asshole!"

Women's rights

What's the difference between a feminist and a hockey player?

Hockey players shower after 3 periods.

>>736273849
Where did you get that picture op

What's the hardest part of eating bald pussy?

Taking the diaper off!

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can watch it's facial expressions!

What do you do when you see a nigger with half a head?

Stop laughing and reload!

Why don't women need watches?

There's a clock right there on the fuckin' stove!

>>736273974
too much even for /b/

Why do methheads bang doggy style?

So they can both look out the window!

What do you say to a chick with two black eyes?

Nothin', you already told her twice!

What's the quickest way to lose hair?

Cancer

What's the difference between menstrual fluid and sand? You can't gargle sand.

Why don't men like to have sex with old women? Have you ever pulled apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Whats the difference between Hitler and Lance armstrong? Lance Armstrong can finish a race.

A nigger and a spic are in a car, who's driving? The cop.

What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? You don't know how to take a joke.

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Zero.

What do you call a redneck orgy? A family reunion.

Life is like a box of chocolates: it doesn't last as long for fat people.

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Why don't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

Why did Princess Di cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one to have a dream got shot.

Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team? Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already in the United States!

My girlfriend told me I was a paedophile. I said, "that's a pretty big word for a seven-year-old."

What's white on top and black on the bottom? Society.

My girlfriend is a porn star. She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out.

How do you get a Jewish girl's number? You roll up her sleeve.

Dark humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.

What's the difference between a new Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a new Cadillac in my garage!

>>736277827
But a nightmare is a type of dream...

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin!

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What do Mexicans not like in their soda?
Ice!

Why are there so many blacks on welfare?

Because, as a race, they're literally incapable of conforming to western ideals!

>>736278280
Wha-?

What do you call a bunch niggers at the bottom of a lake.
A good start

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>>736273849
A Southern racist white man goes to New York and sees a flyer for a 50 Man Choir in town. He goes but the moment the curtain reveals the choir he flips out and goes to the manager for a refund.

The manager says, "Why do you want a refund? We promised a 50 Man Choir and you got it."

The southern man says, "50!? I only see 30 on that stage!"

People complain about the dead nigger in my frontyard.
I tell them the backs full

9/11 is such a sacrifice

for terrorists

>>736278843
I don't get it.

So this guy was wandering through the desert and found a lamp. He rubbed it, and out popped two blonde genies. They told him they'd grant any three wishes he could think of, so he thought for a while and decided what he wanted. Suddenly, he finds himself in an enormous mansion with stacks of money everywhere. He's ecstatic, running around exploring his luxurious new home. Every single room has at least one gorgeous, young, naked woman in it. Each woman who meets his eyes smiles like he's the love of her life. Just then, the doorbell rings. When he opens the door, there stand two members of the KKK. They grab him, loop a noose around his neck, and hang him from a nearby tree. He struggles before finally going still. Then the two KKK members take off their hoods, and it's the two blonde genies. One turns to the other and says "Okay, I get why he wanted to be super rich. And I get why he wanted all the beautiful women. But why did he want to be hung like a black guy?"

>>736279036
20 of them are black. He doesn't see them as being men/humans. At least, that's my best guess.

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>>736275856
But you would first have to set the timer so you would know

>>736279440
>>736279296
Look up the 3/5 compromise..

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Don't you hate it when you're driving along smoking a cigarette and then you flick your cigarette out the window, after a while you drive for a couple more miles you suddenly start to smell something funny, and when you look over into the back seat you see grandma fingerin herself again.

>>736279036
3/5ths compromise

>>736279894
Ohhhh, haha. I'm aware of it. I just haven't needed that information in quite a while so it didn't come to me while reading that joke. Thanks for the clarification.

Say what you want about pedophiles, at least they drive slow in school zones.

The means of production.

What Is A Terrorists Favorite Food

Aloha Snack Bar
Mauten dew
isis cream
drugs

>>736273849
What's 1, 2, 3?

I fucked your mom.

>>736274876
We'll aren't you something.

>>736280546
That's acktuallly kind of funny, bc in the second ur trying to figure out what in fuck "What's 1,2,3?" is even asking, you get hit in the face with that dry punchline.

>>736280532
>...drugs
lol

What breaks when you give it to an 8 year old? Her pelvis

What word begins with M and ends in arriage? That's right. Miscarriage.
The joke that never gets old. Just like the baby.

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>>736273849
When the gas gets shut off to fix the pipe

>>736279540
This, is the deepest analysis I have seen of a dead baby joke!

>>736279540
But he could have just been over cooking the baby this whole time.

One day two black men are walking down the street, one with a dollar and one with 99 cents. They see a sign out front of a shop that says "We can make you white for a dollar". They formulate a plan so that the one with the dollar will go in first and when he gets turned white he'll come back out and give the 1 cent left over to his friend so he can get the white treatment too. So the one with the dollar goes in and he comes out and he's white, he looks and sounds just like a white man! His friend now says "okay man give me the penny so I can become white too" the now white man replies "get a job, nigger".

>>736273849
What do you call a cop with epilepsy?

Search and seizure.

>>736277601

What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the Battered Woman's shelter?

The goddamn dishes, if she knows what's good for her.

I told my daughter that I'm into incest. She's taking it pretty hard...

What's the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school?

Don't ask me man, I just fly the drone.

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>>736273849

A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue.
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have just the remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his drunken stupor."
The woman is skeptical, but agrees to try it. Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much it helps to keep your damn mouth shut?"

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>>736273974

>>736276912
4chan.org